The Money Mustache Community
Other => Off Topic => Topic started by: Chranstronaut on July 12, 2016, 12:55:24 PM
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Three months ago, my male boss hired a young woman as an intern to our group. She interviewed for a job she wasn't qualified for. My boss said he liked her enthusiasm and motivation. She is well educated in our field and really wanted a foot in the door of our "elite" industry, so he said he wanted to teach and mentor her. We are not looking to hire someone for the job she is training, so that seemed a little weird. Because we pay her a salary, we did not hire someone into the position she originally applied but was unqualified for, so my coworkers and I are covering the slack.
Two months ago, several coworkers saw my boss and the intern holding hands outside work at an industry function. The news spread that they had a relationship, and a few people had already suspected it based on general behavior.
Two weeks ago my coworker told HR what he knew of their relationship and that he was being passed over for extra opportunities in favor of the intern. HR let him know that they disclosed their relationship two months ago and there is no official company policy about work relations. They acknowledged my coworker’s concern, but admitted they weren't sure how to proceed as it had never come up before.
Five days ago, my boss, the intern and half a dozen others were on a business trip. During the business trip, he announced that he and the intern were getting married. He sent a message to those of us that weren’t on the business trip to let us know. The people on the business trip had cake.
Yesterday was the day they were getting married and they are out of town until tomorrow. This vacation time was scheduled a few weeks ago, so it wasn't quite spur of the moment... probably.
Yesterday, my boss's boss (allegedly, I was out of town and was not there) came in to tell the group that things are fine, our projects are on track and we should be happy for the couple.
Any HR reps out there want to share some perspective on this? I already spoke to one of our company HR reps, but am looking to talk with them again next week. I'm not sure I'm looking for a resolution, but I am pretty uncomfortable and unhappy.
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While this doesn't sound ethical by most standards it really depends on your organization.
Just be happy that he's getting his d!<k wet, might be easier to work for if he's chipper :)
For what it's worth in my company you cannot have a relationship with anyone in your direct line of reporting. From your journal it sounds like the intern reporting to a manager underneath "boss" is still a big no no.
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Wow. Um, wow. HR has seriously dropped the ball on this. Intern should not be reporting to him, bare minimum. People are being adversely affected by the relationship. None of this is good.
Askamanager.org may be of help to you actually. She had a post earlier this week or last week about this sort of thing. Good luck.
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That really sucks.
standard advice - keep it professional. ask for a change in policy.
Unfortunately, I would expect blowback.
Documenting the events may prove useful.
But this is so seriously wrong that it hardly matters what your boss's boss thinks.
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To clarify:
It is true that there is nothing in the employee handbook about this. Zilch. HR is looking to add something, but has no rules they have to follow currently.
HR is planning require her to answer to our middle manager instead of the big boss she married (half my group reports to " big boss", half my group reports to "middle manager"). Middle manager is a puppet. I made it very clear that the new husband will still be in charge of her in any real capacity. This was a problem in our group before the intern came.
Our work and skills set is very specific, so transferring to another group within the company is not likely a solution. HR mentioned firing her was still a possibility. HR did not mention removing the boss/husband as an option and I find it highly unlikely given the specific nature of what he do. He essentially IS our group.
Her internship is one year, ending next March. She is not a citizen of our country, which keeps things interesting.
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She is not a citizen of our country, which keeps things interesting.
Wouldn't marriage altar that potentially?
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She is not a citizen of our country, which keeps things interesting.
Wouldn't marriage altar that potentially?
I don't know if it's relevant, but I find it interesting. Their marriage would allow her to apply for a green card. She has a work visa through our company currently. We have many foreign nationals at the company, so that's not actually all that unusual.
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She can stay past her work visa since they are married. That might have added to the rush to gt married. Still unethical.
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Is being transferred a possibility for you? Could you ask to be transferred because the situation makes you uncomfortable? Or would this torpedo your career?
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Before you say or do anything, wait a couple weeks and let HR do its thing first. There is no way they are going to let this stand.
The fact that she's foreign, or whatever reason led them to marry, is irrelevant.
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Sounds like your HR sucks. Although, I've seen more upsetting things at just about every job I've ever had. Honestly, while the situation is stupid, I would just keep my head down, not let it get to me, and keep doing my job. When you let yourself get bothered by things it makes you feel worse, may hinder your career a bit (if you voice your concerns with coworkers, boss, etc), and is a big distraction. If things get bad enough, vote with your feet.
Wouldn't marriage altar that potentially?
I see what you did there.
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Wow, that is terrible. I don't have any good advice but I do hope HR will do something. Sounds like there may not be many options if big boss is uniquely skilled as you say.
Any chance of big boss being close to retirement age?
I know it is not really a satisfying solution, but as it sounds like big boss is going nowhere, I would keep my head down, let HR do its thing (or not) for now, and start looking for a new job as you are being taken advantage of as things currently stand (by picking up extra work that the new hire should have taken on). Cross your fingers that karma will take care of them somehow.
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I'm so sorry you're caught up in this.
Is this the first situation in which you feel your company has a lack of boundaries or ethics, or is this par for the course?
Do you otherwise like your job and the company?
What are your employment prospects outside the company?
I agree with others of waiting a bit to see how things will settle out, but if this is just one more in a long list of major issues, then you'll have to decide whether it's a place you want to be long-term.
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Well, if they just got married yesterday it's a little early to know what action the company or HR might take. These issues are not necessarily speedy in their resolution, especially if multiple people need to weigh in.
That said, you have gotten some free insight into your boss and organization, in a situation with relatively little impact on you other than aggravation. Your boss has no sense (I'm not judging his marital choices, but any adult in a managerial position should know better than to date within his reporting hierarchy) and your company wasn't very quick in forcing a resolution. This is valuable information to have in deciding your future with your employer.
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I think you should quit. Immediately,
But try to string out actually leaving for as long as possible, for additional drama.
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Sounds like your HR sucks. Although, I've seen more upsetting things at just about every job I've ever had. Honestly, while the situation is stupid, I would just keep my head down, not let it get to me, and keep doing my job. When you let yourself get bothered by things it makes you feel worse, may hinder your career a bit (if you voice your concerns with coworkers, boss, etc), and is a big distraction. If things get bad enough, vote with your feet.
Wouldn't marriage altar that potentially?
I see what you did there.
Glad I am not the only one who saw that...
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If things get bad enough, vote with your feet.
I laced up my job sneakers yesterday.
I think you should quit. Immediately,
But try to string out actually leaving for as long as possible, for additional drama.
hehehe
They are out of town, returning tomorrow, so we will see. I have so many other reasons to leave, this is just the most unexpected of final straws.
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You could choose to just do your job and ignore the drama.
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You could choose to just do your job and ignore the drama.
What am I gonna do with all this Fuck You money if I just let someone walk all over me? My job has been negatively affected in two measurable, documented ways and I've discussed those with HR already.
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The couple is back today. No one has said anything about it and everyone is currently pretending nothing is different. We have a meeting notice for tomorrow titled "Group Update." Boss's boss is invited. There is no meeting description. No one has asked what it is about and the boss has not mentioned it in person.
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The couple is back today. No one has said anything about it and everyone is currently pretending nothing is different. We have a meeting notice for tomorrow titled "Group Update." Boss's boss is invited. There is no meeting description. No one has asked what it is about and the boss has not mentioned it in person.
Waiting with bated breath for tomorrow's update--maybe they're having twins!
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HR is around to protect the company, not to help the employees out. Nothing was against company policy, nothing was explicitly illegal, and it doesn't sound like there are any harassment issues. You just have a shitty boss. He plays favorites, which a lot of shitty bosses do. Deal with it as such.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Yesterday was the day they were getting married and they are out of town until tomorrow. This vacation time was scheduled a few weeks ago, so it wasn't quite spur of the moment... probably.
They sound happy. Why not just let them enjoy their lives?
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Meh. Personally I'd be looking to improve the situation by showing support for the couple and asking for help with some tasks if needed, or leave if I was unhappy. Seems like a lot of drama over "two documented ways your job has been impacted". Great you've identified an inefficiency if that is what it is, now come up with a solution that works in the situation. No work situation is perfect and this seems relatively minor and time limited to me given she is on a one-year internship. If your boss is the company I doubt anything will be done, be silly to impact your key employee for what amounts to no breach of company policy and a very happy life event for him.
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Yesterday was the day they were getting married and they are out of town until tomorrow. This vacation time was scheduled a few weeks ago, so it wasn't quite spur of the moment... probably.
They sound happy. Why not just let them enjoy their lives?
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OP mentioned that the rest of the group is picking up slack, because the new intern/bride can't do the job that is needed. This directly impacts the job and the company.
I have been in a similar situation, which spiralled way out of control. I advise that OP get out of there.
ETA: this is probably no longer a 1 year internship.
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Any sign that they might have known each other prior to the interview? If she is a foreign national that would explain the accelerated timeline...
Ooh, my thoughts exactly.
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Yesterday was the day they were getting married and they are out of town until tomorrow. This vacation time was scheduled a few weeks ago, so it wasn't quite spur of the moment... probably.
They sound happy. Why not just let them enjoy their lives?
In my experience, it's very difficult for relationships that potentially cross ethical boundaries to exist without impacting other employees negatively. Letting them "just enjoy their lives" invariably means "letting yourself be treated unfairly or unethically" in some way. In this case, the OP is having to pick up extra work b/c her boss essentially created an unnecessary job for his now wife, instead of hiring a new necessary employee with relevant skills.
Is it worthwhile for the OP to kick up a huge stink with HR? Probably not. It sounds like there is no clear policy and the boss has enough leverage that he is unlikely to even get a slap on the wrist for his stupid behavior. But that doesn't mean she needs to "be happy for them"--she needs to find herself a better job!
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>the OP is having to pick up extra work
The work day is the work day. Being expected to work more if you reasonably can within your day seems okay to me. That is what work is, you put your time and effort into the tasks before you. If this situation means additional hours of work because the tasks can no longer be accomplished in the work day, that should be discussed with HR. Workload is a reasonable concern and one an employer needs to respond to when raised. Obsessing about this situation creating a problem instead of finding a solution or leaving is not, imo, a reasonable approach. If you are just needing a place to vent fine, but the attitude and approach to the situation is not productive or positive.
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Other than the open position not being filled and you and your co-workers picking up the slack, is there any other problem that you can spell out? In your meeting, just ask when the open position will be filled.
I've been on the other side of this....I dated the boss - for a long time. Small company, so there was no way I was going to report to anybody other than the boss. We never spoke about it, but I knew others knew or suspected and they resented it. Why? I was in a completely different field than any of the others and nothing about my job could ever threaten theirs. My opinion was, however, valued more highly than some other people's opinions, but that's what drove the relationship...not the other way around.
Often times, people view work as their family and any change in the family dynamic is upsetting.
My advice is to be 100% professional and even be supportive of their relationship. Remember the saying about people always remembering how you made them FEEL? whether this relationship lasts for the long-term or not, your boss will appreciate that you were kind, polite, and supportive when others weren't.
And if the relationship ends, as is most likely, boss won't feel like an ass around you but he will want to avoid every other person who could potentially say "I told you so".
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But that doesn't mean she needs to "be happy for them"--she needs to find herself a better job!
YUP
Other than the open position not being filled and you and your co-workers picking up the slack, is there any other problem that you can spell out?
Yes, but I'm not going to post that much detail as long as I still work here. I fantasize about a Cheddar Stacker style thread about ridiculous coworker behavior, but it's not funny yet and I'd like to leave the company before dishing it out. We aren't the kind of place where you get your assignments, have a couple meetings and then go home at the end of the day.
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Any sign that they might have known each other prior to the interview? If she is a foreign national that would explain the accelerated timeline...
Ooh, my thoughts exactly.
Just what position was she interviewing for?
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Boss quit! Boss quit! Moving to another country!
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Boss quit! Boss quit! Moving to another country!
Whoa!!!
HR did not mention removing the boss/husband as an option and I find it highly unlikely given the specific nature of what he do. He essentially IS our group.
So, now what's gonna happen with your group? I hope you find something new soon!
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Boss quit! Boss quit! Moving to another country!
What! are you saying that because you want it to happen or it just did happen?
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Do you think that boss was "nudged"? This seems like HR and the company couldn't fire the boss, due to no policy being on the books, but the inappropriate nature of the hire/relationship still had to be confronted.
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What a crazy turn of events.
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wow! $h!t's get real!
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Wow, what a twist! *popcorn*
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Seriously?! The boss just up and left?
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Oooh, so now with him and new intern bride leaving, are you still willing to quit?
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We need details!
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Yes, it's true that this is disruptive and the favoritism is unpleasant. If this is the worst thing you encounter in your career, be grateful.
It sounds to me that your boss is having an old-fashioned mid life crisis. Maybe he is actually quite frugal and has saved up enough money to FIRE and will live his dream with the young wife in another country.
In the end, it does not matter, and this is a tempest in the proverbial teapot. The problem is resolving itself. In your shoes, I would get over it and move on.
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Boss quit! Boss quit! Moving to another country!
That is hilarious! Problem solved and an unforeseen plot twist!? What a glorious Friday!
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Wow! Good stuff like that never happened at any of my jobs.
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It's not a drill, this is happening. He has a more prestigious job offer which prompted the move. I don't have many details, but based on timing mentioned in the meeting, I can safely figure that as soon as my boss accepted the new job offer last week, they got married (assuming so she can go with him).
Stay tuned friends...
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Which country is she from? Which country are they going to?
This is the weirdest mix of a super romantic, adventurous fairy tale style love story and awful office politics favoritism etc. ever. We all definitely need more details.
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Which country is she from? Which country are they going to?
This is the weirdest mix of a super romantic, adventurous fairy tale style love story and awful office politics favoritism etc. ever. We all definitely need more details.
I'm failing to see the super romantic, adventurous fairy tale love story. Frankly I was kind of creeped out as it is more likely the disgusting middle aged man chasing the barely legal intern. We had a President like that.
Chras, just wondering (and I get you might not want to disclose) but given your location and other items you would not by chance work at the Glenn NASA facility in Cleveland?
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That escalated quickly.
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This is a fun drama. Hope him quitting is a positive thing.
Good luck!
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Well, here is just one more anecdote confirming my "wait them out" theory of mostly ignoring what my boss is doing as a mechanism for keeping my job.
Glad things appear to be working out in this instance. It would be a shame to end up leaving a job over a "boss can't keep his dick in his pants" issue.
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Looks like it's resolving itself. I have to say though, who cares what he does? It wouldn't even be on my radar if my boss did that.
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Looks like it's resolving itself. I have to say though, who cares what he does? It wouldn't even be on my radar if my boss did that.
Depends on if I had thought the intern and myself might be compatible. Then I could see being a bit resentful.
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Looks like it's resolving itself. I have to say though, who cares what he does? It wouldn't even be on my radar if my boss did that.
Did you read the thread? It was materially affecting the OP and coworkers.
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Following- people are fascinating!
And congrats on the FU money!
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Looks like it's resolving itself. I have to say though, who cares what he does? It wouldn't even be on my radar if my boss did that.
Did you read the thread? It was materially affecting the OP and coworkers.
You are correct, I missed the line where she said it's affecting her in documented ways.
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The issues we (coworker and I) have been having with this situation have not been addressed. Everyone in the company seems to be playing a waiting game. Most people have just been pretending it isn't happening, which is awkward.
We (the entire group/boss's boss) are trying to get a more rigid group organizational chart on record, and if that is done well it would alleviate some of the issues wrt responsibility and favoritism before a new boss is hired. Unfortunately, the boss's boss is so far removed from what we do that he isn't very helpful. The boss intentionally isolated the group from the rest of the company to maintain tight control over us; it's been a point of negative feedback on his reviews every year. I think only once boss leaves will we be able to do more to shape the group / address systemic issues.
Wife-tern no longer seems to be contributing to the group, which is a shame as we are very busy. Boss is making large efforts to contribute and likely will until his last day, which I appreciate. This is also a function of his omnipotent control, which I don't.
Overall, work life is the same/slightly less busy than before my boss announced he was quitting because most of my project got cancelled. What convenient timing for my boss...
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I'm going to offer up this observation, from an outside third party who doesn't know you or yours. Reading through the OP's posts:
Claim the first: There are issues at my job because my boss is playing favorites with respect to responsibilities, we were suspicious this was the case but then he married the "favorited" individual proving there were shenanigans.
Claim the second: As this will be an ongoing issue, sorting it out through HR was pursued. HR seemed to indicate this was the new status quo. Leaving the job is now the only option.
Claim the third: Offending boss is leaving, taking the "favorited" individual with him. Nothing has improved.
A reasonable theory would be to suggest that you were already unhappy with the status quo before this whole relationship was even a thing.
You don't like that job.
I'd put out a corollary to that theory, that your issue with two other people finding happiness in a situation in which you were not happy caused you to lash out and seek to make miserable those people. Maybe that isn't what is going on, but you should really look inside yourself and determine if anything having to do with their relationship materially affected you. At this point, you sound like all of the whining busybodies at every workplace who spend so much time making sure they're being treated fairly they forget to be awesome, easy, employees.
Being a pain in the ass, and being treated like a pain in the ass, is entirely your fault.
But maybe that isn't what is going on. Maybe this is a lecherous old man preying on a young impressionable woman, as many people reading have assumed and I would surmise your lack of detail intended to create that impression. It might not be a mid 30's boss meeting a mid 20's young professional and developing a relationship. Or a mid 40's with a mid 30's. Maybe this relationship violates the "creepy" rule (half your age plus seven; over 60 anything you can get).
From reading what you wrote, and from my perspective of always wanting to see the other side of the story, I'm betting the boss is rolling his eyes. In truth, no part of his decisions regarding this person considered you. None. And while you might think that's a problem, he was under absolutely no obligation to consider you.
You probably think that all good assignment should go to the best person for the job. You've probably never been a boss and realized that when you give new people only shit, you lose lots of new people. You probably think that seniority and superior skills should dominate every decision. You've probably never been a boss who had a senior person with superior skills up and quit (like you were planning to do) over some perceived office drama.
You were probably going to leave anyway, your boss left before you could ragequit over the drama. Don't change your plans, but look inside yourself and really make peace that other people's business is none of yours. You being miserable does not make the happiness of others wrong. You being happy does not make the misery of others wrong. You are objectively living your own life, and nobody but you is responsible for your happiness. Other people arranging their life in awesome ways does not materially affect you. Working with a girlfriend/spouse sounds like hell to me. I'd be concerned about the well being of my boss, not worried he'd treat me like crap. I can always find another job.
You can communicate the effect others' decisions have on you, and hope they make different decisions. But you shouldn't have the feeling of entitlement that the world will adjust to what would be best for you.
I'm happy for your boss and the intern. I hope they have lots of sex and babies.
I hope you find it in yourself to forgive them and forgive yourself.
If two people are attracted to each other and pursue those feelings, nobody they work with is entitled to anything. Workplace policies exist not to stop the relationships from happening, but to give companies the legal cover they need to fire employees if it causes an actual problem.
So for that to be the case here, there needed to be actual qualified candidates who applied for the open position and then were not hired.
There needed to be an actual deficiency in the ability of the intern to perform the actual job tasks assigned.
There needed to be an actual change in the existing distribution of work to favor the intern. I.E., if you were overworked before and are still overworked, you are placing blame in the wrong spot. It turns out your expectation that a new hire would reduce your workload was the problem, not your boss' peni.
The fact that your boss is leaving is proof that the relationship was not just about power, about him taking advantage. The "wife-tern" going with him is proof that she wasn't just climbing the cylindrical corporate ladder. To me, your boss leaving tears the veil off your presentation of yourself as the victim, revealing you to be a small, insecure individual. Only you can fix that.
What I don't see is that you and your coworkers embraced the new hire, gave appropriate tasks and helped them complete, trained them to do the work you needed done, and promptly brought to the attention of superiors when things weren't working exactly right.
What I do see is a lot of bullshit and innuendo. Entitlement, selfishness, and ego.
But again, I don't know you and yours. This might be a case of you work for a scumbag. It is possible. I've just met hundreds of people with the story as put forth by the OP, but it's never been what was actually going on.
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Looking at the situation from another point of view
I hope OP comes back to discuss some of the points you've made, TheOldestYoungMan. Not because I care about the situation, but because, like you said, we're only seeing one side of the story. And no offense to OP... but the way internet forum threads seem to work...I doubt OP will have a moment of self-realization and change their tune once they read your long post (assuming you're correct about it all).
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Ahh, I didn't realize OP was a woman.
Doesn't change my central point.
The relationships between coworkers do not turn a great job into a shitty job or vice versa. OP already didn't like the job/coworkers? What does the "wife-tern" have to do with it? OP is the one involving the relationship, using that relationship as defacto evidence of wrongdoing. And it isn't.
Put it another way. If how a man "feels" about working with women shouldn't factor into his decision to hire/promote women, then how women "feel" about his relationship with a coworker shouldn't factor into their evaluation of his job performance. Now actual demonstrable problems are another matter. But "documenting" your concern with HR doesn't mean there was a problem. It just means someone at HR wrote down your whinging.
I didn't make the rules.
Again, I only bring it up because the title/origin of the post was about a relationship between a boss and subordinate that have now left and yet the OP still thinks he/she/it has a problem. Ergo it seems the problem might have had nothing to do with the relationship between boss and subordinate. And so it is worth looking at why the OP presented it that way.
Not to us, I don't actually care. I'm sure the OP has lots of actual information hidden behind each of those "not going to be specific" "can't give details" etc. statements, but there comes a point where you've been awfully specific about certain things (although we do need to know what type of cake!) and so lack of details about the favoritism might actually be "there just was! OK!"
"Honey, I just saw on the news that there's a maniac driving the wrong way down the highway, are you OK?"
"There's hundreds of them!"
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To close out the thread, in case anyone is wondering how this has all turned out:
Since they got married, everyone had been ignoring the relationship and not talking about it. Other than leaving together at the end of the day, the boss and wife-tern barely interacted with each other or the rest of us in the office. It was very awkward, but easily managed compared to the stressful group dynamic before they revealed their relationship.
A couple weeks ago, the wife-tern stopped showing up to work. No email or announcement, she just suddenly wasn't here one morning. Most people pretended like she never worked here, including her husband. Most people followed his lead to not mention it.
We had a going away dinner for the boss the night before his last day. She wasn't in attendance, but we got them a card and and went in together for a nice wedding present in their new country. On his last day of work, the boss worked hard sending out last minute emails, but didn't come by our office. He said goodbye to middle manager in the afternoon (the rest of us plebeians are directly across the hall in another office and can see/hear), and then left without speaking to anyone else. We watched him drive away because his parking space is right outside our office window. I went down to see the man he's shared an office with the last 4 years, and he asked me, "Oh is Boss gone already? I didn't even get a chance to shake his hand."
An apt ending for a strange era.
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To close out the thread, in case anyone is wondering how this has all turned out:
Since they got married, everyone had been ignoring the relationship and not talking about it. Other than leaving together at the end of the day, the boss and wife-tern barely interacted with each other or the rest of us in the office. It was very awkward, but easily managed compared to the stressful group dynamic before they revealed their relationship.
A couple weeks ago, the wife-tern stopped showing up to work. No email or announcement, she just suddenly wasn't here one morning. Most people pretended like she never worked here, including her husband. Most people followed his lead to not mention it.
We had a going away dinner for the boss the night before his last day. She wasn't in attendance, but we got them a card and and went in together for a nice wedding present in their new country. On his last day of work, the boss worked hard sending out last minute emails, but didn't come by our office. He said goodbye to middle manager in the afternoon (the rest of us plebeians are directly across the hall in another office and can see/hear), and then left without speaking to anyone else. We watched him drive away because his parking space is right outside our office window. I went down to see the man he's shared an office with the last 4 years, and he asked me, "Oh is Boss gone already? I didn't even get a chance to shake his hand."
An apt ending for a strange era.
Well, you guys "won". And now he's happily married and has a better job in a different country. I hope that's punishment enough. ;-P
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Thank you for providing the conclusion to this bizarre saga!
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Well, you guys "won". And now he's happily married and has a better job in a different country. I hope that's punishment enough. ;-P
I giggle far too hard at this. :D
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Thanks for the update!
Here's hoping the new boss isn't the same as the old boss. ;)
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I had a psychopath boss once. Nearly destroyed myself jumping through all that bozo's bullshit and at the end of the day he would steal my results and claim them as his own. In the psychopath's mind you are pawn or patron. Some pawns work the situation to their own advantage by supporting he psychopath. Others fight back and usually pay in some way. I went 5 years with the lowest possible raises my psychopath boss could give me without alerting his patrons that he was manipulating the narrative of my performance. My direct reports were the top performers in my department and I worked to assure that they got decent annual raises. In the last year under my psychopath boss, I was making marginally less than some of my direct reports. Finally the psychopath got foisted off on another department and out of the State.
I told my wife that if the old psychopath ever dies before me, I will travel to his grave and dance on it. She was of course horrified, but that is how it feels to work for such a being. Anyway, best wishes Chranstronaut in dealing with your next Boss. -Ap
Here is a little fun reading https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathy_in_the_workplace (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathy_in_the_workplace)
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I had a psychopath boss once. . . . I told my wife that if the old psychopath ever dies before me, I will travel to his grave and dance on it. She was of course horrified, but that is how it feels to work for such a being.
One of the partners in my group was a total bully, manipulative mean-girl who made me (and many others) miserable, as I continued to try to please her over the approximate 2-year period (and she tried to get many fired). But she was the golden child of the group's chair and thus was protected when many employees sounded the horn on her, until it sounded loud and long enough that the firm had to cut her loose. It was too bad the chair had such loyalty to the bully because we all liked him but for that one major blindness of his. Anyhow, during this period, the chair was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and he passed away last month. We all had to see the bully lady crying up a storm at the memorial service as if she were the center of the universe.
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Just figured out that our coworker that bad mouths one of the bosses behind his back is actually good friends with him outside of work. They might actually be at an early stage of romance. Careful what you say to your coworkers. They might be a double-agent.
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Just figured out that our coworker that bad mouths one of the bosses behind his back is actually good friends with him outside of work. They might actually be at an early stage of romance. Careful what you say to your coworkers. They might be a double-agent.
This goes on all the time where I work. One of your coworkers will bait you into talking about someone, by bashing that person themselves, getting you to feel comfortable about joining in. Then they go run tell the person what all you said.
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Just figured out that our coworker that bad mouths one of the bosses behind his back is actually good friends with him outside of work. They might actually be at an early stage of romance. Careful what you say to your coworkers. They might be a double-agent.
This goes on all the time where I work. One of your coworkers will bait you into talking about someone, by bashing that person themselves, getting you to feel comfortable about joining in. Then they go run tell the person what all you said.
Good Allah work must suck with people like this. I guess I've never felt comfortable bashing people behind their back, but still....
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Its okay, I've been inoculated against these types of people and their strategies. Years ago when I was in the military I had a particular duty station where this was RAMPANT.
My solution was to mind my own business and spend my free time with the locals (overseas). My supervisor who was in many ways at the center of this kind of behavior (encouraged it IMHO) then noted that I was "not a team player"...
Its okay. Karma eventually took care of the appropriate people. Careers were wrecked.
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As Mel Brooks would say, "it's good to be the king."
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She is not a citizen of our country, which keeps things interesting.
Wouldn't marriage altar that potentially?
I don't know if it's relevant, but I find it interesting. Their marriage would allow her to apply for a green card. She has a work visa through our company currently. We have many foreign nationals at the company, so that's not actually all that unusual.
He is being used too.
This might resolve itself, as you will go to bigger fish, once the green card is secure.
So sorry for all this.
Keep all happy (be duplicitous) and still do your job.
Feel sorry for them, and make it work to your advantage.
I know the above is hard to do, but since she is not doing her "work" job, she will mutilate anyone that stands in her way.
Good luck and hope this resolves soon for you.
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*snip*
Good luck and hope this resolves soon for you.
I think you missed some posts:
Boss quit! Boss quit! Moving to another country!
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Are we sure this isn't the plot of a 90s romantic comedy? Is the intern clumsy and fall down a lot so she doesn't seem too perfect to be relatable to a modern female audience?
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It sounds to me like she had all the right skills to move up the corporate ladder, lol.
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*SNIP
Keep all happy (be duplicitous) and still do your job.
Feel sorry for them, and make it work to your advantage.
THis is my favorite advice in this thread. Machiavelli would be proud. -Aperture