Group Confessional

[rosaz]

Reminds me of this epic collection of Amazon reviews:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000EVQWKC/

Almost peed myself laughing reading one of these. Which felt very fitting :)

[partgypsy]

I was out on a really fancy date in the big city (rural raised girl here) and the guy took me to a place where I hardly even recognized the food.

I saw steak tartar on the menu and thought, "oh good, I'll get steak!" and then...I ordered it medium rare. He laughed but thought it was really cute, the waiter looked confused like I was playing a joke, and I was mortified but also had no idea what was happening or why my normal steak order had gotten such a reaction.

Haha! he was really nice about it and explained it to me, and we dated for a few months (nice guy just didn't work out) but MAN, when I think of that moment I just CRINGE.

Oh god, so this reminded me of a funny story. Funny now. At the time I was mortified.

I went to France after high school graduation with a group of other grads that I wasn't super close with, and one native French adult. On the second day in Paris, we went to a cute bistro for coffee. I didn't drink coffee. Or speak French. That didn't stop me. I wanted to be FANCY and ADULT and FRENCH, so I asked if they had a specialty coffee drink, using the fancy French name.

Why yes, the waiter disdained, as everyone in my party tittered. We have coffee with milk.

I had asked a waiter in a French coffee shop if they had cafe au lait.

I want to say thank you for this thread and everyone confessing. Because I was just thinking to myself lately about all the foot in mouth moments I do and how I was ready to hide from society. Now I will just keep barreling along with it for now.

In fifth grade the teacher was presenting our work and I was sitting on a table off the side by the window. Not facing the class like everyone else. So I became fixated on a spider along the window and started talking out loud about it. Not a care in the world. Realized everyone was quiet and starring at me. Doh!

This is adorable.

Last week I came into my office to discover two incredibly tall and handsome men in my office....I was dumfounded and tripped over my own tongue introducing myself.  We talked about the purpose for their visit and it was all I could do to keep from ogling them both...then it dawned on me...2LT's.  I'm old enough to be their mother.

Shit.

Oh, and I'm happily married.

As an aside, this is my new favorite thread!

Confession in the confessions thread. At the risk of embarrassing myself, what are 2LTs?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_lieutenant

I have a café au lait story too. I'm not much of a coffee drinker. I was in France, with my boyfriend at the time and his cousins. I also do not know French. I also try to be sophisticated and order a "café au lait". I'm drinking it and his cousins giggle and say something. My boyfriend explains they said 'that's what the children order".  I have many many faux pas, but I think I have done a pretty good job burying them by now. I was definitely known in college for saying something I think is perfectly innocent, and sticking my foot in my mouth.

[partgypsy]

Not a huge gaffe, but embarrassing nonetheless.

A Facebook acquaintance of mine recently adopted a baby boy. I am adopted, so I'm pretty interested in the topic. I asked her (via Facebook) if she's planning to tell him right away or wait until he's older.

"I mean, if I don't tell him right away, he'll probably figure it out on his own."

That's when I belatedly recalled that she was white woman who had adopted a black child.

That's totally the kind of thing I would do. Doh! I've also done the whole thing of "wow I think your son really takes after your husband". And the person quietly explains they adopted.

[Poundwise]

When I was 19, a kindly older lady invited me to stay at her country home for winter break, through a mentoring program.  I was all ready and excited to go, when she called to tell me she had to cancel because her mother had died. I don't remember what I said, but I probably I sounded more disappointed at not getting to go, than sorry that her mother had passed.  Even worse, I did not send a condolence letter.  What a self-centered and unmannered jerk I was.

[merula]

That's totally the kind of thing I would do. Doh! I've also done the whole thing of "wow I think your son really takes after your husband". And the person quietly explains they adopted.

I think this generally comes across as more cute than embarrassing. For example, at my high school graduate party, a church friend of my parents' told my grandma that I had her eyes. Reasonable small talk right? Problem is, my grandma isn't a blood relative, she's my grandpa's second wife. My "real" grandma died before I was born and my grandpa remarried when I was 1.

My grandma loves that story, because she thinks it's really sweet. She didn't tell the person at the time, and I bet if anyone said anything they'd be mortified. But that's a completely reasonable thing to say when someone introduced themselves as someone relative.

[Dollar Slice]

I have actually had a straight woman tell me all about the first time she was served donkey meat, but she thankfully didn't refer to it as "eating ass." I would have died laughing... :-)

[Apple_Tango]

I have a really strong  ability to focus on one task at a time, especially when I'm just thinking to myself. For example, I recall reading a book on the bus to middle school. Normally we stopped at the high school first, and the middle schoolers just waited for the older kids to get off and then we went on our way. Well I was reading a book (I actually can't believe I remember exactly what I was reading that day, but it was Ender's Game) and I just 100% tuned out everything else. So when we stopped at the high school and people filed off the bus I just kept on reading. Well I feel a tap on my shoulder about 5 minutes after the stop, and it was someone telling me to evacuate the bus because it was a fire drill. Turns out there were flashing lights, with a loud siren for the past 5 min and everyone had gotten off except me because I had NO clue what was going on.

This superpower of intense concentration has led to many embarrassing social  situations. I remember one guy in high school perpetually thought I was ignoring him because he would say hi to me, but I wouldn't register it until about 5 minutes later, and then it's kind of too late to track someone down and apologize. Pretty sure he thought I was a mega bitch who was ignoring him for years...considering that I lived on the same street and was just too in my own head to even realize that someone was talking to me. I actually really liked him! Just never noticed him trying to talk to me haha

Happened again with a different guy in college- one day I saw him while I was walking to class and I waved hello.  He literally stopped me and said "No! You don't get to do that! I say hello to you every day and you never say anything. Then the one day I don't say hello, you wave to me??!!!" So I had to explain that on my walk between class I literally never noticed him. Which is a horrible thing to have to explain to someone!

Pretty sure I can never be a detective...

[Apple_Tango]

I can also join the fart club here. I used to work at a nursing home, around the same time that I was transitioning to a plant based diet. My digestion was going crazy. So I was holding in some rumbles while I was in a patient's room but as soon as I got into the hallway I let it out. SBD.

2 CNAs walk by at that exact moment. They stop, look at each other, and go "Ew...is that room 102?? I am not looking forward to that later, I'm going to throw up".

So yes...I just pretended to type on my computer, and did not say a word. totally blamed my wind on a bed-bound 98 year old woman. It was so bad. But good news- plant based for 3 years now and no more farts!

[Tasse]

But good news- plant based for 3 years now and no more farts!

So this stops eventually? Thank God.

[Inaya]

That's totally the kind of thing I would do. Doh! I've also done the whole thing of "wow I think your son really takes after your husband". And the person quietly explains they adopted.

I think this generally comes across as more cute than embarrassing. For example, at my high school graduate party, a church friend of my parents' told my grandma that I had her eyes. Reasonable small talk right? Problem is, my grandma isn't a blood relative, she's my grandpa's second wife. My "real" grandma died before I was born and my grandpa remarried when I was 1.

My grandma loves that story, because she thinks it's really sweet. She didn't tell the person at the time, and I bet if anyone said anything they'd be mortified. But that's a completely reasonable thing to say when someone introduced themselves as someone relative.

People always think I look like my (not biological) family. I actually look so much like my (not biological) mom that people think I'm outright lying when I say I'm adopted.

[Goldielocks]

Really struggling not to laugh out loud on this very quiet bus at the prune juice story...

I tried to read it out loud to DD, and laughing so hard it could barely finish.  Tears streaming down my face.

DS, at age 10 liked to snack by the computer while playing minecraft.   One day I noted that there was a 1kg bag of prunes, open, next to the computer, with only 1/3 remaining.   He loved them!  But.  was not feeling so great after an hour or two...

[Dicey]

That's totally the kind of thing I would do. Doh! I've also done the whole thing of "wow I think your son really takes after your husband". And the person quietly explains they adopted.

I think this generally comes across as more cute than embarrassing. For example, at my high school graduate party, a church friend of my parents' told my grandma that I had her eyes. Reasonable small talk right? Problem is, my grandma isn't a blood relative, she's my grandpa's second wife. My "real" grandma died before I was born and my grandpa remarried when I was 1.

My grandma loves that story, because she thinks it's really sweet. She didn't tell the person at the time, and I bet if anyone said anything they'd be mortified. But that's a completely reasonable thing to say when someone introduced themselves as someone relative.

People always think I look like my (not biological) family. I actually look so much like my (not biological) mom that people think I'm outright lying when I say I'm adopted.

I have one of these stories too. My friend looked amazingly like her mother. We were at summer camp when I told her it was uncanny how much she looked like her mom and she said she was adopted. Needless to say, we didn't believe her. Thought it was just teenage angst. Turns out it was true. She and her sister were taken from an abusive home and eventually adopted. They were old enough to remember the not-so-nice details. Later, her adoptive mom, who was a friend of my mom's, confirmed that they were adopted. It was still hard to believe because the likeness was startling.

[Goldielocks]

DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas.  It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.

But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.

[Astatine]

DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas.  It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.

But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.

*giggle*

[Sailor Sam]

DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas.  It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.

But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.

*giggle*

+1. That must have been both hilarious, and very cringey.

[Dave1442397]

DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas.  It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.

But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.

The masochist's exercise routine - "Punch us Pilates".

[Bicycle_B]

Fourth grade.  Addressed Ms. Teacher as "Mom."

[LifeHappens]

DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas.  It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.

But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.

The masochist's exercise routine - "Punch us Pilates".

*snort* Side gig?

[solon]

DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas.  It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.

But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.

You were reading the story of Jesus before Pontius Pilate at Christmas?

[GuitarStv]

DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas.  It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.

But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.

You were reading the story of Jesus before Pontius Pilate at Christmas?

Yeah dude.  'Silent Night' is a chilling tune about the gradual silence of the screams of the crucified over time.  What did you think Christmas was about?  :P

[Goldielocks]

DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas.  It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.

But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.

You were reading the story of Jesus before Pontius Pilate at Christmas?

Yep, to approximately 150 people who knew the story....   16 years olds can get quite dramatically resistive if mom suggests that they rehearse before reading a lesson to 150 people, BTW.

[solon]

DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas.  It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.

But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.

You were reading the story of Jesus before Pontius Pilate at Christmas?

Yep, to approximately 150 people who knew the story....   16 years olds can get quite dramatically resistive if mom suggests that they rehearse before reading a lesson to 150 people, BTW.

It's just that Pontius Pilate is part of the Easter story - not the Christmas story. I can see why it would be embarrassing!

[Goldielocks]

DD was asked to read the lesson in church service last year, just before Christmas.  It was the familiar christmas story, where Jesus is put to trial before Pontius Pilate.

But of course my lovely 16 year old pronounced it "Pilates" over, and over, and over again.

You were reading the story of Jesus before Pontius Pilate at Christmas?

Yep, to approximately 150 people who knew the story....   16 years olds can get quite dramatically resistive if mom suggests that they rehearse before reading a lesson to 150 people, BTW.

It's just that Pontius Pilate is part of the Easter story - not the Christmas story. I can see why it would be embarrassing!

HAHA you are right!   She was asked to read at both Christmas and Easter and I got the two seasons mixed up. Easter.  Definitely Easter. Embarrassing indeed.

[Spiffy]

Not a huge gaffe, but embarrassing nonetheless.

A Facebook acquaintance of mine recently adopted a baby boy. I am adopted, so I'm pretty interested in the topic. I asked her (via Facebook) if she's planning to tell him right away or wait until he's older.

"I mean, if I don't tell him right away, he'll probably figure it out on his own."

That's when I belatedly recalled that she was white woman who had adopted a black child.

I have one worse than that! While living in a tiny midwestern town and pregnant with my first baby, I took a pre natal exercise class. After all our babies were born we continued with the class. We did the exercises while the babies slept in their car seats all lined up in a row. One day I noticed that my baby was so much lighter than one of the others. Then I went on and on about how white my baby was and how dark hers was. All of us were white. In fact the whole town was white. Almost. After I stopped talking she said, My husband is *insert name of only black person in town*. Oops. I felt like such a jerk.

[Sibley]

You know the advice to not ask women if they're pregnant? People if they're getting married? Eating *that*? etc...

Guilty. Of all of it.

[LibrarIan]

Once when I was interning at a public library in its YA section, this woman came in looking for dystopian books (think Hunger Games), but they didn't want any that were particularly gory or graphic. I had recently read a book about a volcanic eruption that throws the world into disarray and recommended it to her.

Or... not. What I actually recommended to her was Ashes by Ilsa Bick, which is a very graphic YA book with intense scenes of death and violence that are pretty horrific. What I had meant to recommend was the book I actually read, called Ashfall by Mike Mullin. That lady never returned to the library as far as I know. I still feel really bad about this.

[merula]

On the topic of giving really bad advice to strangers, I was recently at a bar when a trivia game started. As I was leaving, I overheard a question asking who was the architect of the Guggenheim in New York.

I've never been to the Guggenheim in NY, but I have been to the one in Bilbao, which is designed by Frank Gehry. There is also a museum in Minneapolis designed by Gehry, where a few friends worked in college.

I was so sure the answer was Gehry that I told some folks who were struggling with the question on my way out. With absolute confidence. I even spelled it for them.

Only I was totally wrong. The Guggenheim in New York was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.

[CheapskateWife]

I played all sorts of brass instruments in my jr. high, high school and college years, starting with the trumpet, moving to baritone, then trombone (for a bit) and then finally to the tuba.  I played the tuba (bass) my Junior and Senior year of high school, was offered a scholarship to CU Boulder based on my playing, and then played for 4 years in a very famous college marching band.

I still can't read bass clef sheet music.