Felt obligated or guilted into donating money?

[DailyGrindFree]

Below is my wife's take on being obligated or guilted into donating money in the checkout line. Why do they need to guilt-trip us into giving?

Were there times when you have felt obligated or guilted into donating money?

One of my biggest pet peeves is retailers asking me to donate or round my total up to whatever various charity they are sponsoring. I had been saying YES every single time for years. But, recently, it got me really thinking. I am a customer at their store spending my money on various items. What gives them the right to ask me for more? How do I even know what percentage of that money is really going to the charity?

I think my frustration with this practice stems from an encounter my son had at a soft pretzel shop in our local mall. He was there with a few of this friends. Since one of his most favorite things in the entire world is soft pretzels he stopped by to make a purchase. The cashier actually said “If you don’t donate to our kids with cancer cause kids will die” to him. Well, that is just horrifying to hear. Of course, he said yes as did his friends. When he came home and retold me the story I was outraged. How can anyone be okay with fear mongering children? I find it rather disgusting. We all care about children with cancer and want to help fight childhood cancer. But using scare tactics on kids can’t be the answer.

So, a few days ago during my holiday shopping, when I was asked again I replied “I already did before” even though I had not donated any $$$ in that store previously. Moments later, I realized what just happened. Since I couldn’t find the courage to directly say NO I have chosen to lie. So somehow in my mind lying to these complete strangers was easier than just saying NO. Why was I put in this situation?

This makes me wonder. They do this because they know that you are in a hurry and you will most likely to be embarrassed to say NO at the register with people behind you?

I appreciate the social work charities do and the need that they fill.  But I would like to be in the position to choose who I give money to without feeling intimidated or guilty.

I will continue to do my part by making donations to the charities of our choice. But I will not make forced donations anymore.

[KMMK]

I don't know how it works exactly but I always figured the big retailers were decreasing their tax burden using our money. If I'm going to donate I'll do it myself, to the charity or person of my choice, and get the tax receipt myself. I always say no to the donation requests at stores.

[DailyGrindFree]

I don't know how it works exactly but I always figured the big retailers were decreasing their tax burden using our money. If I'm going to donate I'll do it myself, to the charity or person of my choice, and get the tax receipt myself. I always say no to the donation requests at stores.

That is exactly my point also. It seems like the big retailers found another way to exploit us and take advantage of us. They could simply place a receptacle in front of us and hope that we do the right thing out of genuine belief in the cause. But, again, if they did that they wouldn't be able to raise more money from us. 

[Cwadda]

It's simple to find out. Just ask what percentage gets donated to the actual cause and how much % goes towards management fees, etc. If they can't answer, don't donate. If they answer 100% goes to the cause, then donate!

I've gotten responses back from telemarketers that only 20% of the donation is given. Disgusting.

I won't even contribute to a GoFundMe page because 8% of it comes off the top. No problem, just send a check.

[onecoolcat]

They are supposed to just ask if you would like to round up to the nearest dollar.  That's terrible what the register said to your son because the intention there is clearly to guilt him into it which is never ok.  However, I have no issue with the practice of asking if you want to round up your balance for charity.  Plenty of people say no and that's supposed to be the end of it.  I never felt pressured to donate at the register and think its a positive thing because it gives people the chance to donate just a couple cents here and there.  It adds up in the aggregate and for the vast majority of people, 99 cents at the most won't break the bank.  If you don't want to donate then don't.  You aren't supposed to feel regret after donating; just the opposite.

[FIRE me]

Below is my wife's take on being obligated or guilted into donating money in the checkout line. Why do they need to guilt-trip us into giving?

Were there times when you have felt obligated or guilted into donating money?

When solicited for a donation at the cash register, usually I just say “No, thanks” and then get on with my life.

Every so often, I'll get cranky, and loudly tell the cashier something like “Walgreen's (it happens a lot a Kroger too) has a LOT more money that me, if they care then let Walgreen's donate their own money and quit asking me.”

Also one time I had a Pizza Hut cashier put a dollar donation on my tab after I told her no.

Radio Shack used to be notorious for adding a Live Strong donation, after the victim declined. I say victim, because I witnessed an exchange where the cashier insisted that he could not refund the “donation” (theft, really) after the register drawer was closed.

[Tick-Tock]

I used to not mind, but then my grocery store had some campaign or other going every other month, it seemed like.  I just got tired of being hit up for contributions almost all the time, for different campaigns.  So most times now I just say no thanks.  I don't even feel guilty.

[iris lily]

Part of being  a grown up is the ability to graciously say "no, thank you" and move on without rancor.

Our local grocery cery store allows us to Round up for the Police fund. Unfortunately, the cashiers never ask any more, they just prmoted it when they first opened. But since I know it is an option and I wish to do it, I tell them I want to Round Up before they hit the buttom that makes it impossible. I know the store owner, he was on the Police Commision.

But I always say "No" to kids with cancer or muscular dysteophy, homeless families, pets without homes, (since I am still involved heavily in my own rescue groups) and I feel not one twinge about it.

While I think the ask by retail operations is off-putting to many of their customers, I also think it is a good teaching moment for the OP and his son.It is a great opportunity to talk anout planned giving and the importance of identifying YOUR causes to support, and not letting random dudes control which good causes get your resources. I say "no"  e ause I have no guilt, I support the organizations I value.

[kudy]

I always, without guilt or embarrassment say a simple "no thanks" - I've never been pressured after that. I've never seen a clerk charge a donation after I say no, but believe me I would be talking to a manager if that ever happened to me.

[Jakejake]

I normally respond with "not today."  It feels less confrontational than "no" and leaves open the possibility that maybe I've already donated to that cause, or maybe I will.

[Pigeon]

I say no thanks in that situation without any guilt at all. We make our charitable giving a family decision and do it in a planned way. I also want a receipt.

What really pisses me off is being strong armed into doing the United Way at work.

[misshathaway]

Why "no thank you"? Thank you implies that they are offering you something positive. No works fine.

The practice is obnoxiously manipulative. I don't need financial advice from my supermarket.

[ender]

This approach makes a lot more sense if you are paying with cash.

Credit/debit cards make it so that the inconvenience of having an odd total is nearly entirely eliminated.

[Jakejake]

Why "no thank you"? Thank you implies that they are offering you something positive. No works fine.

The practice is obnoxiously manipulative. I don't need financial advice from my supermarket.

I'd go with something polite because the complaint, while justified, is against management. The person working the register probably feels just as uncomfortable asking for donations from strangers 8 hours nonstop, but they're being ordered to do so. Taking out our frustration on a low wage employee seems unnecessary, especially when you consider they may have heard the same from hundreds of other customers that day/week. It's the sort of thing that makes their life miserable while not really making ours better.

[EverCurious]

Trust me, as someone who worked retail, I hated asking people to donate to charity and got griped at by customer and bosses alike. Bosses pressured us to make so many donations (those cards by the checkout lines that are labeled $2, $5, etc. Yeah notice where they physically go after donation). Honestly, I chose not to ask anymore. Thankfully as a sales associate I could get away with that (get sent to cashier then go back to department.) I feel bad for the cashiers who have to keep asking.

By all means don't feel bad for saying no, especially since supermarkets seem to pressure employee and customer alike into something that is none of their business. Just please don't take it out on the cashier. Jakejake is correct. They are ordered to do so. It sucked.

[Metta]

While I think the ask by retail operations is off-putting to many of their customers, I also think it is a good teaching moment for the OP and his son.It is a great opportunity to talk anout planned giving and the importance of identifying YOUR causes to support, and not letting random dudes control which good causes get your resources. I say "no"  e ause I have no guilt, I support the organizations I value.

I think this is absolutely right! My father was a very generous man and donated to charity but he never did so at the point of sale or at those bell-ringers that position themselves in front of stores. He told me that it was important to think about who you are donating to and then carry it out. My husband points out to me that you cannot donate to everything and that choosing to say 'no' to the less worthy causes means more money for the worthy ones.

The charities want an impulsive response (and sometimes I impulsively donate to flood victims or natural disasters) but almost always my impulse is wrong when compared to the larger issues I care about.

I normally respond with "not today."  It feels less confrontational than "no" and leaves open the possibility that maybe I've already donated to that cause, or maybe I will.

This is also what I say. It allows things to move forward without too much friction.

BTW, until I learned to say "Not today" and until I started creating a yearly Giving Plan, I felt tremendous pressure and guilt at supermarkets. Once I got a bit of practice saying no and realized that I was doing my part (just not there), it all became easier.

[marion10]

When my daughter worked at Border's she was required to ask for donations and hated it when people went on and on about why they couldn't give- just say no.  I'm like the other posters- I am always suspicious that the store is reporting these donations as their own and I would prefer the tax donation myself.
One of craziest things I have seen is bags of food for you to buy and the grocery store and donate to the food pantry. You are paying full retail to donate. At least the grocery chain could give you a discount on the food!  The food pantry would much rather have the money so they can buy food at wholesale.

[Johnez]

Simple no, and get on with life.

I think the issue stems from too much empathy, and not enough self confidence. I don't give a shit. The people I care about get my attention, not strangers or money grubbing corporations.

[FINate]

I respond with a simple "no." This was a little awkward at first, but amazing how quickly I learn not to be bothered by it. As a bonus, this also makes it easier to say no to other solicitations. On the rare occasion where a telemarketer gets through my filters I cut them off immediately with "I'm not interested" and promptly hang up on them. Same for door to door solicitors (those brave enough to knock even though we have a No Soliciting sign). Learning to reply with an assertive and unequivocal "no" is wonderfully freeing.

[misshathaway]

Why "no thank you"? Thank you implies that they are offering you something positive. No works fine.

The practice is obnoxiously manipulative. I don't need financial advice from my supermarket.

I'd go with something polite because the complaint, while justified, is against management. The person working the register probably feels just as uncomfortable asking for donations from strangers 8 hours nonstop, but they're being ordered to do so. Taking out our frustration on a low wage employee seems unnecessary, especially when you consider they may have heard the same from hundreds of other customers that day/week. It's the sort of thing that makes their life miserable while not really making ours better.

The no doesn't have to be hostile. It's just an answer to a question. There has never been any further discussion on it after I say no. Also sometimes it inspires the people behind you to be braver and also decline.

[Metric Mouse]

I don't always donate, but often do the NRA Round up at one of my favorite retailers. I hate when I have to fill out a star or something to hang on a board in the store - just take my donation and say "Thank You" like a normal person.

[Drifterrider]

I follow Nancy Regan's mantra and "just say no".

Works every time.

[gj83]

I say no thanks in that situation without any guilt at all. We make our charitable giving a family decision and do it in a planned way. I also want a receipt.

What really pisses me off is being strong armed into doing the United Way at work.

I agree.  Don't stores give the money to the charity as the big check every year.  So the store is getting the credit for the donation.  I'd rather do it myself and choose the causes and charities I support, not the ones with flashy check presentations.

And I also hate the full court press on United Way.  I choose to not support United Way, but United Way has companies convinced that they need 90+% participation in companies.  I've heard that some companies will just automatically add the donation to the salary of key employees so they can say 100% of executives support United Way.  That isn't charity IMO.

Here is a funny clip from South Park.  Note it is NSFW since one of the first sentences includes profanity.
https://youtu.be/1F34XOE-KTA


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ooeei]

Why "no thank you"? Thank you implies that they are offering you something positive. No works fine.

The practice is obnoxiously manipulative. I don't need financial advice from my supermarket.

Because I prefer to be polite when talking with strangers, especially ones who are doing a service for me and often have to deal with rude people.  The fact that they're asking for a collection for charity also plays a role.  Sure, it's not required, but it's very little extra effort and might leave them in a bit better mood.  I also smile when talking to cashiers and usually ask how they're doing.  Sure I don't have to, and it doesn't exactly make their day, but having a positive experience with someone friendly will rarely make someone's day worse.  If I wanted to I could just glare at them for daring to ask if I want some of the candy at the checkout, but every interaction of my life doesn't have to be a principled stance.

And say what you will about it being manipulative, but I know plenty of people who never donate to charity except for things like this.  If even 10% of it goes to the charity, I think that's better than 0%.  Overall I suspect "round up for charity" events are a net positive for charitable donations.

As for the OP, I generally just say "No thanks" and smile and move on.  I've never had anyone push the issue. 

I don't always donate, but often do the NRA Round up at one of my favorite retailers. I hate when I have to fill out a star or something to hang on a board in the store - just take my donation and say "Thank You" like a normal person.

If there's something where they ring a bell or shout out to the store and I want to donate, I usually respond to their request with "only if you promise not to ring that stupid bell" or whatever it is.  The cashier is usually relieved they don't have to do whatever the thing is and happy to meet my request.

[sokoloff]

Here is a funny clip from South Park.  Note it is NSFW since one of the first sentences includes profanity.
https://youtu.be/1F34XOE-KTA

That is fantastic!