Author Topic: Family Asking For Money  (Read 4996 times)

LeslieMustache

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Family Asking For Money
« on: September 08, 2016, 10:47:30 PM »
Hi All,

I'm not a very good writer, so please bear with me.

I came to America 23 years ago, started with nothing. During that time, I worked very hard to make a good life for myself here. Went to school, received  an electrical engineering degree, paid all my debt and all the students loans. I went through a very hard time, still do sometimes handling corporate life.  While I was trying to pay all of the debt, I lived in very poor conditions. Today, after 23 years of pretty much keeping away from all of my family; one of my family members found me through social media (I believe it was with the help of my mom). He called me to tell me he had an accident and needed money. He has a stay at home wife and 5 children, one of them 17 and an 18  year old that could be working but none of them work. I said that I could help him figure out a way to generate money rather than me just sending money. For starters, I mentioned his wife could work and her two oldest children (none of them are his). He said "thank you, thank you.bye" I thought it was the end of it. I said bye. This person now has decided to start making threats, he mentioned that he has tracked me through social media, knows everything about me, my location, my husband and small child. He also mentioned that he will let his wife (a Lady from Haiti) do some voodoo to have me in a similar situation to his and realize that when people need help, just provide it, and not tell them they should figure it out on their own. He said, he will damn me every morning when he wakes up and will have his wife pray for me to gain understanding of needy situations and support others. I have some religious believes and I do believe that I did suffer from some bad energy sent my way for about 5 years (EVERYTHING, that could go wrong, went wrong). I went to church, prayed a lot and requested a lot of prayers. Not sure if this makes sense, but now,  I'm kind of feeling bad I didn't send them money. I do believe in bad energy and bad thoughts that create bad situations. Right now, I'm just fighting the thoughts of starting to feel this negativity that has taken over me and the thought that if anything goes bad at work or anywhere else it will be because of this wishes towards me.  Hopefully others can relate! Should or would you send money? they are very poor but have never lived any differently since I known them. Nothing has changed in 23 years.
« Last Edit: September 08, 2016, 10:52:10 PM by LeslieMustache »

mrcheese

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2016, 11:11:44 PM »
there is a verse in proverbs that might be handy for you to remember and repeat to yourself when you start getting anxious about this:
Proverbs 26:2 "Like a fluttering sparrow or a darting swallow, an undeserved curse does not come to rest."
You don't deserve to be 'cursed' just because you won't be a slave so that others can take it easy.
Remember that people do reap what they sow and you have sown good seed.  Also, don't feel bad about reaping what you have sown for yourself.

Goldielocks

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #2 on: September 09, 2016, 12:20:01 AM »
Trust me, the bad energy from them today is nothing like the bad energy you will have after 12 months of giving them money (from your bad thoughts about them and your wife's dismay)..

I recommend going to your religious leader and discussing.  They should have a way to help settle your mind or even throw off the negative energy through prayer, group prayer, blessings, or just discussion.   I know my pastor would likely recommend that I volunteer locally to help offset any negative energy from afar..

....................
This is stalking behaviour.. If you had not mentioned it, other than to say you received some disgruntled pleas for help, I would just give you the following.  Because of the stalking behaviour you may need to fully truncate the messages, possibly with police or other support.

Here is what I would have recommended  (and yes, my family has been helping another family since December when the help was supposed to end within 2 months...)

e.g., Here is what I would have recommended to ME last November / December...

I would set up a plan ahead of time naming X dollars a month, ending in Y month.
I would make it a "matching" contribution to household income, or dependent on their proving some other sort of action that you think a reasonable person would take...   

e.g., "I will pay you 30 cents for every dollar than your wife and her kids earn a month, for 3 months, to a maximum of $400 per month, and I will give you $200 now to buy food, but you must show proof of income to get the next money"

You could ask for access to their bank account to see the income deposited, for example, or paystubs.  I am not sure this would work in Haiti, but maybe you have another idea, or someone locally you trust to verify.

Otherwise, you can arrange for specific goods or foods to be delivered, but not give cash, or payment to landlord, etc.

gooki

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2016, 12:25:21 AM »
Do not give them money as it justifies their horrible behaviour. And they will not just treat you like crap but others as well.

Start by blocking their family on social media and make your details private. Block their phone numbers. Direct any email into the trash.

If he is threatening to harm you/your family get the police involved.

And for every attempt to damn you know there are people out their blessings you. 

cawiau

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #4 on: September 09, 2016, 04:52:48 AM »
Just ignore the asshole!

I am from Haiti and both my dad and grandmother practice voodoo. Let me just say: sleep soundly, you got nothing to worry about!

Live your life and let them figure out theirs.


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Roland of Gilead

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #5 on: September 09, 2016, 06:46:46 AM »
If voodoo were that simple, then why does he not just make a voodoo doll that allows him to win at the lottery or blackjack?  Reason?  Voodoo is just as bullshit as everything else.

Pigeon

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #6 on: September 09, 2016, 07:00:40 AM »
Don't give him a penny.  It will only be the start of things and allow him to get his hooks into you and it will never end.

As long as he's just taking voodoo, it's just superstitious nonsense and can be safely ignored.  Block him on social media and do not respond to him.

Keep documentation of all his attempts to blackmail you, in case he tries to do anything more than send empty threats.  If he does, go to the police immediately.

Kris

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #7 on: September 09, 2016, 07:57:53 AM »
If voodoo were that simple, then why does he not just make a voodoo doll that allows him to win at the lottery or blackjack?  Reason?  Voodoo is just as bullshit as everything else.

This.

Ignore them. Call the authorities if you have to. Block him on social media.

lthenderson

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #8 on: September 09, 2016, 08:16:16 AM »
Being married to someone from another country and culture, I understand that some cultures see helping family members with money as obligatory. I get hit up for money from extended family from my spouse's home country fairly often. My solution has been to designate my mother-in-law who still lives in that country part time as the point of contact. She knows who the people are and if their situation merits money or not, more so than I can half a world away.  It also has the advantage of her being a native of that culture and it is easier for a native living in that country to say no than a non-native or a native living in America (in the case of my spouse) which many other cultures still consider the land of milk and honey. I just fund an account for my mother-in-law for those situations per what I can afford to give, no more, no less. Once she runs out of money for the year, that is it until I fund it the following year. Since she keeps any unused funds, there is incentive for her to be frugal with how she gives it out.  I have found this system works well and doesn't cause the hard feelings.

Sibley

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #9 on: September 09, 2016, 08:35:27 AM »
No, you should not give this relative money. Regardless of any social, cultural, or familial obligations you may feel, those were cancelled out completely, forever, by their behavior.

I don't know what your beliefs are, but mine tell me that if someone is doing bad things (breaking the law, threats, blackmail, etc), then eventually that's going to catch up to them, and it's not my fault that someone I know is behaving badly. Or making poor decisions. Or whatever. Yeah, I may have to deal with crap as result because it's affected me, but IT IS NOT MY FAULT, and it will never be my fault no matter what anyone else says.

If your relative wants or needs money, but no one is willing to get a job to earn it, then that is not your fault. It is not your responsibility. You are free and clear. It is THEIR problem.

If you are worried or nervous, then please find someone you trust to talk with, maybe a religious or community leader. Make sure that you and your family are safe. If you need to go to the police, then do so. Block this person on social media, email, phones, etc.

PS - they don't live in the US, and they don't have any money. Besides threatening you with voodoo spells (I'm not a believer, but you are, so it's going to make you nervous), what can they actually do? Can they drive to your house and attack you? No. Can they hire someone to do that? Sure, but that requires money and contacts. You know they don't have money, and really, how could they have contacts? They don't live here! The only thing they can do is stalk you on social media, call you, etc. You can block them on that. Regarding the voodoo spells - I'm guessing there's some sort of protective charm you can wear or have in your house. If that'll make you more comfortable, do so.

Dicey

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #10 on: September 09, 2016, 07:11:21 PM »
How much did they help you when you were struggling?

LeslieMustache

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #11 on: September 10, 2016, 06:37:43 AM »
Thank you all for the replies.

Going forward, I blocked his number and all my social media is private. My mom says I'm privileged to be here (if he was here, he would be doing as well as I am, and the roles would be reversed). As mentioned in one of the posts (sorry replying from my phone and can see all user names) I'm considering depositing money for my mom and she can give to relatives as she sees fit - still trying to decide on this one. .

@Diane they never helped me with anything. I haven't talked to them until now.

BTDretire

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #12 on: September 10, 2016, 07:39:46 AM »
Thank you all for the replies.

Going forward, I blocked his number and all my social media is private. My mom says I'm privileged to be here (if he was here, he would be doing as well as I am, and the roles would be reversed). As mentioned in one of the posts (sorry replying from my phone and can see all user names) I'm considering depositing money for my mom and she can give to relatives as she sees fit - still trying to decide on this one. .

I would not do that, you would be rewarding their bad behavior, and will get more of it pointed at you.
Good for blocking the media.
 I hope it blows over in short time.

Pigeon

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #13 on: September 10, 2016, 10:43:08 AM »
I wouldn't deposit money either.

Blueskies123

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #14 on: September 10, 2016, 10:55:12 AM »
My wife is from Brazil and every few years the relatives in both Brazil and America have asked me and other family members for money.  Over the years they have tried every possible story to bring my wife to tears.  Once other family members gave some money they just kept going after them all the time.  One even moved to America to ask for money in person.
I made it very clear to wife that we will never "loan" money to any of these dead beats.  In retrospect if we had every given them money they would have just wasted the money and kept up a non-stop barrage of requests. 
The answer in NO NO NO NO and No.

If any of them had a proven track record of hard work and success and they need to money to complete school I might have considered the request but the money was always for things like the rent, food, and medical procedures.

Spork

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #15 on: September 10, 2016, 11:25:25 AM »
If voodoo were that simple, then why does he not just make a voodoo doll that allows him to win at the lottery or blackjack?  Reason?  Voodoo is just as bullshit as everything else.

This.

Ignore them. Call the authorities if you have to. Block him on social media.

Voodoo is as real as you think it is.  If you *think* his curses are going to cause you ill will, you're likely to just make it happen to yourself.  Don't let him scam you.

In short: If he's threatening you for money -- using either real or imaginary tools -- then he does not deserve it.

jim555

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #16 on: September 10, 2016, 11:31:04 AM »
Nice family, threaten you with voodoo.  Tell them you do dooodooo which is more powerful, and don't give them a penny!

aceyou

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #17 on: September 10, 2016, 01:17:02 PM »
I'm glad you blocked him, don't give him a penny or another moment of thought.  Contact law enforcement if more threats are made to get their opinion/help. 

Let's just assume for a moment that your mother is right about the fact that if he was here in the US he'd be doing better and that if you were there that you'd be struggling (an assumption I don't agree with).  Even in that case, I guarantee you that YOU would not be making verbal threats to people to get money, because you are a good person and he is an asshole. 




LeRainDrop

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #18 on: September 10, 2016, 02:05:47 PM »
My mom says I'm privileged to be here (if he was here, he would be doing as well as I am, and the roles would be reversed).

I disagree with your mom on this point.  For one, you sound like a very hard-working person -- someone who takes what opportunity is available and uses that to better himself.  The relatives who have contacted you for money and then threatened you with curses do not sound to be of that sort.  Second, do you really think that if the situation were reversed -- you were living in Haiti not trying to work and had relatives living in the US who worked very hard to support themselves, but you had ignored those relatives for 23 years -- that you would contact them out of the blue, demand money from them, and then put curses on them if they were to say "no"?  Because I doubt that animosity is in you.  I think you are better than that.  I'm with the other commenters who recommend you cut those people out of your life entirely and do not send them any money whatsoever.

Letj

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #19 on: September 10, 2016, 07:18:18 PM »
Hi All,

I'm not a very good writer, so please bear with me.

I came to America 23 years ago, started with nothing. During that time, I worked very hard to make a good life for myself here. Went to school, received  an electrical engineering degree, paid all my debt and all the students loans. I went through a very hard time, still do sometimes handling corporate life.  While I was trying to pay all of the debt, I lived in very poor conditions. Today, after 23 years of pretty much keeping away from all of my family; one of my family members found me through social media (I believe it was with the help of my mom). He called me to tell me he had an accident and needed money. He has a stay at home wife and 5 children, one of them 17 and an 18  year old that could be working but none of them work. I said that I could help him figure out a way to generate money rather than me just sending money. For starters, I mentioned his wife could work and her two oldest children (none of them are his). He said "thank you, thank you.bye" I thought it was the end of it. I said bye. This person now has decided to start making threats, he mentioned that he has tracked me through social media, knows everything about me, my location, my husband and small child. He also mentioned that he will let his wife (a Lady from Haiti) do some voodoo to have me in a similar situation to his and realize that when people need help, just provide it, and not tell them they should figure it out on their own. He said, he will damn me every morning when he wakes up and will have his wife pray for me to gain understanding of needy situations and support others. I have some religious believes and I do believe that I did suffer from some bad energy sent my way for about 5 years (EVERYTHING, that could go wrong, went wrong). I went to church, prayed a lot and requested a lot of prayers. Not sure if this makes sense, but now,  I'm kind of feeling bad I didn't send them money. I do believe in bad energy and bad thoughts that create bad situations. Right now, I'm just fighting the thoughts of starting to feel this negativity that has taken over me and the thought that if anything goes bad at work or anywhere else it will be because of this wishes towards me.  Hopefully others can relate! Should or would you send money? they are very poor but have never lived any differently since I known them. Nothing has changed in 23 years.

Please do shake that believe system!! What he says and does have no power over you. However, if you believe that you can be cursed ( which of course cannot happen), you will interpret every inevitable up and down in your life as a sign that you have been cursed. You may have been raised to believe in this superstition but you can shake that. Rest assured that if anyone is evil in this situation, it is your relative. Cut off all ties with that relative and do not allow yourself to listen to what he has to say. You owe him nothing.

Letj

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #20 on: September 10, 2016, 07:22:58 PM »
If voodoo were that simple, then why does he not just make a voodoo doll that allows him to win at the lottery or blackjack?  Reason?  Voodoo is just as bullshit as everything else.
+1000  Exactly.  if it was so effective he would not be in this predicament since he can just do voodoo to bring his family blessings and riches. 

Lyssa

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #21 on: September 11, 2016, 07:38:25 AM »
First of all: congrats for all you have achieved! Sounds like you did have almost no support and beat very unfavorable odds.

Re your voodoo uncle: do not give him anything. Not directly, not through your mother.

Most importantly, you really need to let go of any traditional superstitions that can easily turn into self-fulfilling prophesies and put you in harms way or allow you to be blackmailed.

Few Westerners realize how common those beliefs and threats are in certain parts of the world and the big role they play in hindering any meaningful progress. In Europe a lot of African women are forced into prostitution by threats of witchcraft. Some who escape suffer hallucinations because they believe to be cursed and hunted by ghosts or demons.

Such magical thinking is incredibly hurtful and dangerous.

Read sceptical writings as an antidote. Use a lot of sarcasm, especially when thoughts like 'what if he really cursed me???' creep up. Why doesn't your voodoo uncle win the lottery with the help of some demon? Why doesn't he curse Warren Buffet and get a few hundred million instead of a little piece of your wealth? Why can't his voodoo simply get him a high-paying leisurely job? Because it is complete bullshit. He can only manipulate those in his social circle, raised in the same culture.

Once you have killed any fear of witchcraft left in your brain and still want to set up an annual fund with a fixed limit, go ahead.

But never, ever give anything from a place of fear. The damage cannot be measured in dollars...

lthenderson

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #22 on: September 12, 2016, 11:08:18 AM »
Thank you all for the replies.

Going forward, I blocked his number and all my social media is private. My mom says I'm privileged to be here (if he was here, he would be doing as well as I am, and the roles would be reversed). As mentioned in one of the posts (sorry replying from my phone and can see all user names) I'm considering depositing money for my mom and she can give to relatives as she sees fit - still trying to decide on this one. .

I would not do that, you would be rewarding their bad behavior, and will get more of it pointed at you.
Good for blocking the media.
 I hope it blows over in short time.

You have to understand that there is culture differences here that is at play. Many cultures EXPECT that overseas relations send money back home on a regular basis. Also, other cultures don't place the same value on money and especially saving money in case emergencies arise. So saying this idea of giving a set amount of money to a trusted relative back home to dole out as needed is "rewarding bad behavior" may be true if we were talking about people living here in the U.S. but completely inaccurate for people living overseas. It is not something I understood until I married someone from a foreign culture that expects money sent over and doesn't know the concepts of saving or retirement.

sakura

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #23 on: September 12, 2016, 11:15:55 AM »
If you send them money once, they will keep asking for more and the bad vibes will continue. Just ignore it completely. They will not spend time, effort and money trying to reach you if they know you won't help. You could give charity $ to a formal association or a hardworking person like yourself who is not threatening anyone, that will bring you good karma :)

Spork

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #24 on: September 12, 2016, 12:24:17 PM »
If you send them money once, they will keep asking for more and the bad vibes will continue. Just ignore it completely. They will not spend time, effort and money trying to reach you if they know you won't help. You could give charity $ to a formal association or a hardworking person like yourself who is not threatening anyone, that will bring you good karma :)

I'd go one step further.  I'd make a voodoo doll with it's head removed and mail both pieces to him in a box.

AlanStache

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #25 on: September 12, 2016, 01:20:52 PM »
...
You have to understand that there is culture differences here that is at play. Many cultures EXPECT that overseas relations send money back home on a regular basis. Also, other cultures don't place the same value on money and especially saving money in case emergencies arise. So saying this idea of giving a set amount of money to a trusted relative back home to dole out as needed is "rewarding bad behavior" may be true if we were talking about people living here in the U.S. but completely inaccurate for people living overseas. It is not something I understood until I married someone from a foreign culture that expects money sent over and doesn't know the concepts of saving or retirement.

Yep different cultures see things differently. 

I hear the basic 'no' arguments but what are the dollar magnitudes here and how will it affect your finance?  If you sent your mother 500$/year to help those back home would that keep the peace while not really affecting your balance sheet?  Could this punk make life harder for your mother?  Not sure i would send anything and hope the punk burns himself out and moves onto someones else, but is an interesting problem. 


libertarian4321

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Re: Family Asking For Money
« Reply #26 on: September 12, 2016, 05:05:52 PM »
If voodoo were that simple, then why does he not just make a voodoo doll that allows him to win at the lottery or blackjack?  Reason?  Voodoo is just as bullshit as everything else.

This.

Ignore them. Call the authorities if you have to. Block him on social media.

Voodoo is as real as you think it is.  If you *think* his curses are going to cause you ill will, you're likely to just make it happen to yourself.  Don't let him scam you.

Yup.  If someone threatened me with "voodoo" or any other ridiculous religious/pseudo religious nonsense (including curses, evil eyes, bad karma, damnation, etc), I'd laugh my ass off.

One of the advantages of being a man of reason (atheist) rather than a "man of faith."

Besides, if he "voodoos" you, and he believes this nonsense, can't you send some voodoo nonsense his way in retaliation?

Peace through mutually assured voodoo destruction, or something?

 

Wow, a phone plan for fifteen bucks!