Birth Control & Libido

[digito]

I am curious, for those couples who have opted to use hormonal birth control, does it have an effect on your sex life? Any related stories would be appreciated!

[Bracken_Joy]

The poll options limit me- How about, "Used it for several years, killed sex drive, stopped using it" All this was before dating DH, thankfully.

[digito]

The poll options limit me- How about, "Used it for several years, killed sex drive, stopped using it" All this was before dating DH, thankfully.

Fair enough, I added past-tense options.

[Parizade]

I didn't see any option for "tried hormonal birth control, blood pressure went through the roof so I quit"

[Elliot]

Different ones affected to varying degrees.

[justajane]

Yeah, hormonal birth control really did its job for me. I never wanted to have sex! That is, between the debilitating migraines it gave me.

We opted to just use condoms after the first year of our relationship. We never got pregnant, except for when we wanted to. But it also wouldn't have been the end of the world if I had gotten pregnant. Now after three kids when it would be catastrophic to have a fourth, my husband got a vasectomy.

I am a big fan of the pill in the sense that it allows women to take control of their own fertility. But personally I was not a big fan of how it made me feel.

[KMMK]

Depo provera reduced sex drive significantly. The pill a little bit. Now with a tubal ligation it's awesome - nothing messing with my hormones.

[Rural]

Low dose progesterone only pill seemed to have no real side effects for me. Downside is having to take it at the same time every day, without fail. But it's also safer for older women.

[pbkmaine]

The Pill completely eliminated PMS for me. No negative effects at all.

[SilveradoBojangles]

I have an IUD that releases a small amount of progesterone. I have had almost no side effects, and have not noticed a change in libido. Note that I never noticed any difference in libido with various bc pills during the almost 10 years that I used them. I did have other side effects from the pill, though, and wish I had gotten an IUD when I was 20, because it is basically the best thing ever.

[Inaya]

Been taking combination pill for almost 10 years. Sex drive is nearly nothing now, but it took a while to get that way. I don't mind, but I do feel awful for my husband. I've considered switching, but I like being totally in control of it, and it's had some very good side effects that I'd be sad to lose. Plan to have a chat about options when my prescription expires next month.

[mustangsally]

I'm thinking of using Fertility Awareness, does anyone have any experience with it?

[Bracken_Joy]

I'm thinking of using Fertility Awareness, does anyone have any experience with it?

We use this in combination with condoms at the relevant times. I will say though, I use it as a "eh, if we DO get pregnant, oh well, that just moves the timeline up a little" sort of way. So I'm not all that invested in it working perfectly. That being said, we've been doing this for nearly a year now and no baby yet. (Although I suppose since neither DH or I have had children yet, you can't completely dismiss infertility as a confounding factor, but neither of us have any hormonal problems that would indicate this as being a concern- no PCOS or anything).

To be fair, I'm a nurse, so taking my temperature and charting every morning is not a difficult concept for me =) I'm also very comfortable with my body, lol. Oh, and I could probably set an alarm to my period it's so regular, so that certainly makes it all easier!

If nothing else, I recommend spending once month monitoring your trends- ideally in everything, but if nothing else, your cervical fluid. You will learn SO MUCH about yourself. At least, I did, and I thought I was pretty in tune already!

[Rural]

I'm thinking of using Fertility Awareness, does anyone have any experience with it?

I met a number of the results when I worked in a preschool.

[justajane]

I apologize if this is too TMI, but during the time when I was likely ovulating, we used condoms in addition to the withdrawal method. Now, I would never recommend this combined birth control technique if you really didn't want to get pregnant or if you weren't with a long term life partner. But if you prefer not to but it wouldn't be the end of the world if you did? It's not a terrible method.

[Cathy]

I never wanted to have sex!

Is this a bad thing? If so, why?

[Bracken_Joy]

I never wanted to have sex!

Is this a bad thing? If so, why?

....are you joking here? Sex feels good, has immense health benefits, improves pair bonding, and there's also that whole "biological imperative" thing. For many people, not wanting to have sex is indeed a bad thing.

[Cathy]

I never wanted to have sex!

Is this a bad thing? If so, why?

....are you joking here? Sex feels good, has immense health benefits, improves pair bonding, and there's also that whole "biological imperative" thing.

It's not a joke, and I don't think your response answers the question. Those might be reasons why you like sex now. But if medication is making you not interested in sex, then you're no longer interested in sex, so the reasons listed above no longer apply -- so again, is that a bad thing, and if so, why is that a bad thing?

[justajane]

I never wanted to have sex!

Is this a bad thing? If so, why?

....are you joking here? Sex feels good, has immense health benefits, improves pair bonding, and there's also that whole "biological imperative" thing. For many people, not wanting to have sex is indeed a bad thing.

If I wasn't in a marriage to someone I was attracted to and wanted to have sex with, I guess it wouldn't have to be a bad thing. But, yes, in our case and in the case of most relationships, it's not a good thing for one side of the partnership to not ever want to have sex while the other side does. I had a similar problem after each time I gave birth and was breastfeeding. There was something hormonally that changed and made me very asexual. It was equally hard on our relationship.

I do believe that some people are asexual, but for a relationship to work, they would need to find someone else that was either asexual as well or someone who was willing to leave that aspect of a romantic relationship off the table completely.

[Bracken_Joy]

I never wanted to have sex!

Is this a bad thing? If so, why?

....are you joking here? Sex feels good, has immense health benefits, improves pair bonding, and there's also that whole "biological imperative" thing.

It's not a joke, and I don't think your response answers the question. Those might be reasons why you like sex now. But if medication is making you not interested in sex, then you're no longer interested in sex, so the reasons listed above no longer apply -- so again, is that a bad thing, and if so, why is that a bad thing?

Just because I do not have a craving to eat broccoli does not mean that broccoli will not still be beneficial to my health.

[justajane]

@Cathy, I would say it is a bad thing because the expectation of sex as an expression of intimacy in your relationship has presumably already been established. And then, when you go on a medicine that takes your libido away, a significant part of your relationship is upended. If you never had that expectation in the first place, then I don't think it would be as big of a deal.

This was a similar reason why I have been hesitant to take certain types of SSRIs. They also dropped my libido in ways that I didn't like. Of course anyone can go on any medication, but I would hope they would do a general risk/reward analysis for their life. It might be that being on the pill or an SSRI for depression outweighs the side effects. But for many of us, the sexual bond is important enough to seek other options that don't hinder that side of our relationship.

[Cathy]

It's not a joke, and I don't think your response answers the question. Those might be reasons why you like sex now. But if medication is making you not interested in sex, then you're no longer interested in sex, so the reasons listed above no longer apply -- so again, is that a bad thing, and if so, why is that a bad thing?

Just because I do not have a craving to eat broccoli does not mean that broccoli will not still be beneficial to my health.

Do you believe that the alleged health benefits of sex are independent of wanting to have sex? In other words, if somebody has sex when they aren't interested in it, do they derive the same alleged health benefits? Some of the alleged health benefits of sex are commonly stated to be things like reduced stress and enhanced happiness. I highly doubt that those would apply if one of the participants does not want to be having sex.

[Bracken_Joy]

It's not a joke, and I don't think your response answers the question. Those might be reasons why you like sex now. But if medication is making you not interested in sex, then you're no longer interested in sex, so the reasons listed above no longer apply -- so again, is that a bad thing, and if so, why is that a bad thing?

Just because I do not have a craving to eat broccoli does not mean that broccoli will not still be beneficial to my health.

Do you believe that the alleged health benefits of sex are independent of wanting to have sex? In other words, if somebody has sex when they aren't interested in it, do they derive the same alleged health benefits? Some of the alleged health benefits of sex are commonly stated to be things like reduced stress and enhanced happiness. I highly doubt that those would apply if one of the participants does not want to be having sex.

Well, I see how my comment came across that way, but I more meant "why would you make this source of health inaccessible to yourself if you have another option". Ie, if you can avoid depressing your libido with a fungible option, why would you pass over those health benefits?

I have not thought about the "do it even if you don't want to" perspective, but my knee-jerk reaction would be No, it would not be as beneficial, since you won't have the same oxytocin release, particularly if you are unable to achieve orgasm.

[pbkmaine]

I never wanted to have sex!

Is this a bad thing? If so, why?

Hi Cathy,
I think you ask a good question. Not everyone enjoys sex. If you don't enjoy it, you should not have it.

But I like sex for lots of reasons. First, an orgasm makes me feel great, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. I experience a sense of wellness and satisfaction unlike anything in the rest of my life. And whether I have an orgasm or not, I like the physical closeness with my husband.  The kisses and cuddles.  The scent of him. His touch. Sex makes me happy, and I like that it makes him happy, too.

[Inaya]

It's not a joke, and I don't think your response answers the question. Those might be reasons why you like sex now. But if medication is making you not interested in sex, then you're no longer interested in sex, so the reasons listed above no longer apply -- so again, is that a bad thing, and if so, why is that a bad thing?

Just because I do not have a craving to eat broccoli does not mean that broccoli will not still be beneficial to my health.

Do you believe that the alleged health benefits of sex are independent of wanting to have sex? In other words, if somebody has sex when they aren't interested in it, do they derive the same alleged health benefits? Some of the alleged health benefits of sex are commonly stated to be things like reduced stress and enhanced happiness. I highly doubt that those would apply if one of the participants does not want to be having sex.

In my case (I don't want to speak for anyone, but I would be surprised if it wasn't similar for others), it's not an aversion to sex, just a lack of physical interest. There are times when mentally I'm super interested, but my body just doesn't want to play ball--it can be frustrating for everyone involved. When I can get my body on board, good times are had by all, and my body remembers what all the fuss is about. Then promptly forgets again while my mind totally remembers. Wild speculation here, but maybe it's similar for guys with ED?

I said above that it didn't bother me, but that was totally my body talking. Describing it here, I've changed my mind. It does bother me.

[teen persuasion]

I'm thinking of using Fertility Awareness, does anyone have any experience with it?

We use this in combination with condoms at the relevant times. I will say though, I use it as a "eh, if we DO get pregnant, oh well, that just moves the timeline up a little" sort of way. So I'm not all that invested in it working perfectly. That being said, we've been doing this for nearly a year now and no baby yet. (Although I suppose since neither DH or I have had children yet, you can't completely dismiss infertility as a confounding factor, but neither of us have any hormonal problems that would indicate this as being a concern- no PCOS or anything).

To be fair, I'm a nurse, so taking my temperature and charting every morning is not a difficult concept for me =) I'm also very comfortable with my body, lol. Oh, and I could probably set an alarm to my period it's so regular, so that certainly makes it all easier!

If nothing else, I recommend spending once month monitoring your trends- ideally in everything, but if nothing else, your cervical fluid. You will learn SO MUCH about yourself. At least, I did, and I thought I was pretty in tune already!

I've been charting my temp for decades now.  My periods were always very irregular, so this gives me a way to know where I am in my cycle.  We weren't worried about becoming pregnant, more just trying to space out the kids, and learning about how/when my body shifted back into a normal cycle while breastfeeding.  I definitely knew when I conceived DS4 - I neglected to check my chart one night, and the next morning my temp spiked.  Yep.

 If you are using this and abstinence during fertile times to try to prevent pregnancy, I found that my irregular cycles got even more irregular with lots of abstinence.  Now that we've decided our family is complete, and DH made it permanent, my cycles are much closer to regular.

Full disclosure: we have 5 kids, and I've had 7 pregnancies.  Again, not really trying to prevent pregnancy, just testing it out.

[SisterX]

Can confirm, the pill was not kind to me.  We used condoms for a bit, then decided to actually go for a kid.  After baby's birth, I got a copper IUD and it's awesome.  I've heard from several women (w/o kids) who said that the insertion was the most miserably painful thing they'd ever been through, but as I was only at 6 wks postpartum I didn't even feel it.  And I've never had cause to regret it.

[Larabeth]

I didn't see any option for "tried hormonal birth control, blood pressure went through the roof so I quit"

+1

[zephyr911]

I am curious, for those couples who have opted to use hormonal birth control, does it have an effect on your sex life? Any related stories would be appreciated!

Can I vote twice?

My first wife went on ortho tricyclen when we got married, gained substantial weight and was never interested in sex.

However DW, is on something very similar with no apparent problems. Body chemistry, etc. can lead to very different outcomes for different people.

[naners]

Here's a plug for the copper IUD. Good for 10 years, no hormones, no condoms, 100% effective. I loved mine and only had it taken out when trying to concieve. Was uncomfortable on the way in and out but nothing I couldn't handle. Modern view is that they are at least as safe as hormonal methods - we tend to forget that those have a slight risk of stroke, heart attack etc.

I had a friend who used fertility awareness along with condoms/no sex while most fertile....until she got pregnant after about 4 years. She was an ideal use case for the method too (extremely consciensious, PhD student in physics etc). Sadly her then boyfriend became a deadbeat and she chose not to abort....she has a lovely daughter now but it has been a rough road as a single mom. This method is probably best for people who wouldn't mind if they were to get pregnant.   

[TheOldestYoungMan]

I'm thinking of using Fertility Awareness, does anyone have any experience with it?

I met a number of the results when I worked in a preschool.

I have a niece that is a product of this.

Of course, my oldest nephew is the result of a vasectomy that healed (that first year checkup is not a formality!).

[Inaya]

Here's a plug for the copper IUD. Good for 10 years, no hormones, no condoms, 100% effective. I loved mine and only had it taken out when trying to concieve. Was uncomfortable on the way in and out but nothing I couldn't handle. Modern view is that they are at least as safe as hormonal methods - we tend to forget that those have a slight risk of stroke, heart attack etc.

I've looked into IUDs, but my understanding is that they make troublesome cycles (heavy, painful, angry, unpredictable, etc.) even more troublesome, with the additional joy of breakthrough bleeding. Mine were most troublesome, and I've gotten so much relief from the pill--I don't want to imagine them being even worse than they already were.

[Ducky]

I have refused any form of hormonal birth control for many years. I tried many and all gave me migraines and took away the ability to have the big O. The last 10 years before Dh had a vasectomy I had a copper IUD. Best money spent. The only side effect was slightly heavier bleeding. If dh hadnt taken care of birth control i would have got another 10 year IUD in a heartbeat. They were hormone free and the time and effective.

[Cookie78]

I never wanted to have sex!

Is this a bad thing? If so, why?

It is bad for me because I used to enjoy sex and now I don't have the drive that I used to. (I think it's partly birth control related, but at the moment largely grief/depression related). But I still wish that I had a higher sex drive and wish I could enjoy it as much as I used to.

If I had never enjoyed it, I wouldn't know what I was missing. But I did, and I do.

[justajane]

I'm thinking of using Fertility Awareness, does anyone have any experience with it?

I met a number of the results when I worked in a preschool.

I have a niece that is a product of this.

Of course, my oldest nephew is the result of a vasectomy that healed (that first year checkup is not a formality!).

Wait, what do you mean first year? This is not an academic question, since my husband had a vasectomy earlier this year. Two tests a month or so after came back negative. The urologist made it sound like further tests wouldn't be necessary. TBH, we haven't gotten up the courage to stop using condoms yet and plan to test yearly. But maybe based on what you say, maybe we should do it bi-annually instead. You know, just in case.

[Neustache]

Killed my libido, and then found out I should not take it anyways as I have migraines with aura and I was at risk for strokes on the pill. 

[Lis]

To be fair, I started on birth control before I became sexually active (yay period related migraines!) and have been on birth control since, so I don't think I really know what my sex drive is like without it.

By the way, sharing my love for IUDs. If it's nothing something that'll mess you up I highly recommend it. Hurt like hell going in (I'm a wimp) but the past few months have made it so worth it.

[Elliot]

Here's a plug for the copper IUD. Good for 10 years, no hormones, no condoms, 100% effective. I loved mine and only had it taken out when trying to concieve. Was uncomfortable on the way in and out but nothing I couldn't handle. Modern view is that they are at least as safe as hormonal methods - we tend to forget that those have a slight risk of stroke, heart attack etc.

I've looked into IUDs, but my understanding is that they make troublesome cycles (heavy, painful, angry, unpredictable, etc.) even more troublesome, with the additional joy of breakthrough bleeding. Mine were most troublesome, and I've gotten so much relief from the pill--I don't want to imagine them being even worse than they already were.

The heavier bleeding is typically only associated with the copper IUD. The ones with hormones like Mirena, are generally associate with no change or decrease in bleeding.

[Sailor Sam]

Well, this thread has been a revelation. I was totally unaware that hormonal birth control could lower libido. Makes sense though, given half a second of critical thinking. Hormones control everything.

I took an SSRI once that pretty much killed orgasms for that me. All that delicious build up, then....nothing. I got rid of the pills. I'd chuck any pill that lessened my libido, or interfered with happy endings.

[GuitarStv]

I'm thinking of using Fertility Awareness, does anyone have any experience with it?

I met a number of the results when I worked in a preschool.

I have a niece that is a product of this.

I was married in a Catholic church because my wife's family is from the Phillipines, and that's how most people get married there apparently.  As part of the pre-wedding stuff we had to do counselling sessions . . . overall, I'd say they were beneficial except the part about sex.  We were advised that pull n'pray / fertility awareness had the same effectiveness as using condoms . . . which was a bit of misinformation that really soured the whole counselling thing for me.

[Jakejake]

Decades ago I tried the pill. It worked by making me gain so much weight that I didn't want to take my clothes off in front of anyone. It was extremely effective as birth control. My blood pressure also sky rocketed.

When I went off it, the weight just dropped back off as quick as it went on, and my blood pressure normalized.

[Anatidae V]

I went on hormonal birth control to manage very painful periods. I was on it for two years. That thing about it changing who you like the scent of? Yeah, I believe it. It was also the first two years of living with my then-long-term boyfriend. There's other stuff involved (the painful periods, overactive pelvic muscles), but I'm finally really enjoying sex and we're almost having it on a regular basis!

I never wanted to have sex!

Is this a bad thing? If so, why?

....are you joking here? Sex feels good, has immense health benefits, improves pair bonding, and there's also that whole "biological imperative" thing.

It's not a joke, and I don't think your response answers the question. Those might be reasons why you like sex now. But if medication is making you not interested in sex, then you're no longer interested in sex, so the reasons listed above no longer apply -- so again, is that a bad thing, and if so, why is that a bad thing?

Any side effect of a product that the user of that product does not want, is a "bad thing". So given that birth control is primarily provided in order for women to have sex without getting pregnant, if they stop wanting to have sex, the product isn't doing what it said on the box :) If you're using it for some other reason and continuing to be interested in sex isn't a requirement for you? Then it's perfectly fine and fits your needs.

[golden1]

I think it has a minor effect on my sex drive but I don't really know tbh because I have pretty much been on hormonal BC since becoming sexually active.  I went on the pill before losing my virginity, stayed on the pill for almost 10 years.  I went off BC to get pregnant, got pregnant within a month or two, went on minipill between pregnancies and then after my second child I got a hormonal IUD which I LOVE.  I am on my third one - no periods, no head aches and I only have to think about it every 5 years.  My sex drive is low but not non existent,and I would be happy with once a week.  DH would like more but is okay with where we are at.  I sometimes wonder what it would be like with no birth control on my end, but he doesn't want to get a vasectomy so this is the best option until menopause. 

[TheOldestYoungMan]

I'm thinking of using Fertility Awareness, does anyone have any experience with it?

I met a number of the results when I worked in a preschool.

I have a niece that is a product of this.

Of course, my oldest nephew is the result of a vasectomy that healed (that first year checkup is not a formality!).

Wait, what do you mean first year? This is not an academic question, since my husband had a vasectomy earlier this year. Two tests a month or so after came back negative. The urologist made it sound like further tests wouldn't be necessary. TBH, we haven't gotten up the courage to stop using condoms yet and plan to test yearly. But maybe based on what you say, maybe we should do it bi-annually instead. You know, just in case.

The way my sister tells the story, her husband was supposed to go to a check-up at about the 1 year mark, which he said he did, only really he didn't think it was necessary and didn't, and so: nephew.

When she looked into it further she discovered that there's all sorts of miraculous healing that can take place with respect to reproductive systems, so better safe than sorry (or you know...blessed).

[Gone Fishing]

I'm thinking of using Fertility Awareness, does anyone have any experience with it?

I met a number of the results when I worked in a preschool.

I have a niece that is a product of this.

Of course, my oldest nephew is the result of a vasectomy that healed (that first year checkup is not a formality!).

Wait, what do you mean first year? This is not an academic question, since my husband had a vasectomy earlier this year. Two tests a month or so after came back negative. The urologist made it sound like further tests wouldn't be necessary. TBH, we haven't gotten up the courage to stop using condoms yet and plan to test yearly. But maybe based on what you say, maybe we should do it bi-annually instead. You know, just in case.

I got tested once at around 2-3 months.  Doctor was satisfied and said no further follow-up was needed. He said he had never had a regrowth failure in what is probably around 20 years of practice (I'm guessing there have been a few that jumped the gun!). He removes about an inch of tube then stitches the tube ends back on themselves.  18 months or so in and no surprises yet!   

[Bakari]

My ex went on depo, caused a significant drop in sex drive


(which isn't an option in the survey, it was less than "eliminate" but much more than "slight suppression")


It happened gradually though, so neither of us noticed it (or assumed it was due to age and/or a no longer brand new and exciting relationship), until she switched to Seasonal and all of a sudden it was like when we were first dating again.


Chances are others who use it and haven't ever stopped might be having it affect them and just not noticed because the change was gradual too.


Since then I've had several partners (inluding my fiancee) who used the copper IUD, none of whom had any of the side-effects that are sometimes reported.
I'm always surprised that it isn't much more popular here (I've heard its much more common in Europe)




BTW - sex has a host of physical benefits, not just psychological ones, and there's no reason they wouldn't exist independent of libido
http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sex-and-health

also, libido is a separate question from whether you end up enjoying sex (which brings the psychological benefits), sort of how hunger and appetite are both distinct from each other and separate from whether you actually enjoy a treat.
I am not ever "in the mood" to exercise, but it's still just as good for me - not just my body, but I end up feeling better afterwards too.
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/kickstart-your-libido
http://www.healthguidehq.com/sex-and-marriage-benefits-of-doing-it-even-if-youre-not-in-the-mood.html



Many of these benefits (both physical and psychological) exist independent of a loving committed relationship, and even without orgasm
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/masturbation-the-health-benefits-10252487.html
http://www.webmd.com/women/features/female-masturbation-5-things-know

[Elliot]

having sex without both parties experiencing sexual desire is problematic long term. I don't want to have sex with a partner whose heart isn't in it, even if their back is. Sex is for enthusiastic participants only, and to have less than enthusiastic response from either party means that there is insufficient consent.

[Psychstache]

I'm thinking of using Fertility Awareness, does anyone have any experience with it?

I met a number of the results when I worked in a preschool.

I have a niece that is a product of this.

Of course, my oldest nephew is the result of a vasectomy that healed (that first year checkup is not a formality!).

Wait, what do you mean first year? This is not an academic question, since my husband had a vasectomy earlier this year. Two tests a month or so after came back negative. The urologist made it sound like further tests wouldn't be necessary. TBH, we haven't gotten up the courage to stop using condoms yet and plan to test yearly. But maybe based on what you say, maybe we should do it bi-annually instead. You know, just in case.

I got tested once at around 2-3 months.  Doctor was satisfied and said no further follow-up was needed. He said he had never had a regrowth failure in what is probably around 20 years of practice (I'm guessing there have been a few that jumped the gun!). He removes about an inch of tube then stitches the tube ends back on themselves.  18 months or so in and no surprises yet!

My understanding is that spontaneous reversal occurs in just under 1% of cases. Maybe check to make sure you are still in the seedless grapes club every annual physical or so?

[justajane]

In light of this discussion, I think until I reach about 45 (so seven years), we will do annual checks. It's worth the minimal cost! Although he has found it awfully strange bringing a sample of his sperm into the office every time. Since the sample is in the tell-tale brown paper bag, the secretaries at the urologist always know what it is :).

[Bakari]

having sex without both parties experiencing sexual desire is problematic long term. I don't want to have sex with a partner whose heart isn't in it, even if their back is. Sex is for enthusiastic participants only, and to have less than enthusiastic response from either party means that there is insufficient consent.

People can enthusiastically enjoy something without having had desire.  Take my exercise analogy again - I have never in my life had even the slightest craving to run or bike.  But because of past experience I know, intellectually, that once I get into it I will begin to enjoy it, and so I make myself get started.
Or one might have zero hunger, and be offered ice cream, and it will still taste good.  They didn't have a pre-existing desire for calories, but were still able to enjoy them.


Certainly its a problem if one partner isn't enjoying sex, (and presumably just doing it for the other person) but libido is not interchangeable with the ability to enjoy it.  I have definitely not "been in the mood" when my partner was - tired, distracted, whatever - and allowed them to seduce me anyway, and I've never ended up regretting it.