Any other Childfree by choice people like me?

[Kris]

I have a fair number of facebook friends I needed to add for "political" reasons.  And it is staggering to me how much bitching SOOOO many of the moms do.  They are exhausted.  They do everything.  They can't pee alone.  They have lost their sense of self and purpose.  They don't have time or energy to maintain their friendship.  They have no money for anything.  Posts, articles, shares--some of these women don't seem to have anything on their page except complaints about motherhood (or their marriage relationship within parenthood).

By and large, they sound pretty fucking miserable.  NO. THANK YOU.

Not long ago, articles flurried about social media discussing an a study that found that having children was one of the worst things for mental health, even worse than having your spouse die.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart.

I personally consider parenting a calling, which is why those who feel that calling have a hard time understanding those who don't.

Parenting doesn't provide net happiness or wellness, but it does provide enormous life satisfaction, according to research, because that's what they felt driven to do.

If a CF person does not feel the internal drive to have kids, then it's irrational for them to take on the personal suffering to have them.

I also don't think that CF people need to give any reasons for not wanting children, because the reasons TO have children aren't rational, so why on earth give rational reasons not to have them. It's nonsensical, and yet I see it all the time, and it often vaguely implies that our mechanisms are damaged or broken somehow, which isn't fair or valid.

For every rational reason not to have kids, there's countless people out there with the exact same circumstances who still choose to have kids anyway.

"I don't like kids"
"Neither did I until I had my own!"

"I had a rough childhood"
"So did I and it's made me a better parent!"

"I have health issues"
"I'm a quadriplegic with cancer and my children give me a will to live"

"I can't have kids"
"ADOPT!"

The logical reasons not to have children sound like nonsense to the people who want children because the reasons to want children aren't rational and they would almost all choose to have them anyway, regardless of the reasons not to.

I say: "I don't find the benefits of parenting very compelling. I understand them very well and understand why others would sacrifice anything for kids, it just doesn't appeal to me."

No matter what argument is made from the pro-kid folks, I just shrug and repeat "it just doesn't appeal to me". No justification given because no justification is needed.

Agreed.

My gut reaction to the idea of having kids has always been, “Bleah. Sounds awful.”

But of course, one doesn’t want to say that to aperson who has kids, because it sounds rude. Even when they are rudely pressing you and trying to convince you to change your mind about becoming a parent.

So, “It just doesn’t appeal to me” is a much better, socially adept version of “Bleah.”  :)

[mountain mustache]

I have a fair number of facebook friends I needed to add for "political" reasons.  And it is staggering to me how much bitching SOOOO many of the moms do.  They are exhausted.  They do everything.  They can't pee alone.  They have lost their sense of self and purpose.  They don't have time or energy to maintain their friendship.  They have no money for anything.  Posts, articles, shares--some of these women don't seem to have anything on their page except complaints about motherhood (or their marriage relationship within parenthood).

By and large, they sound pretty fucking miserable.  NO. THANK YOU.

Not long ago, articles flurried about social media discussing an a study that found that having children was one of the worst things for mental health, even worse than having your spouse die.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart.

I personally consider parenting a calling, which is why those who feel that calling have a hard time understanding those who don't.

Parenting doesn't provide net happiness or wellness, but it does provide enormous life satisfaction, according to research, because that's what they felt driven to do.

If a CF person does not feel the internal drive to have kids, then it's irrational for them to take on the personal suffering to have them.

I also don't think that CF people need to give any reasons for not wanting children, because the reasons TO have children aren't rational, so why on earth give rational reasons not to have them. It's nonsensical, and yet I see it all the time, and it often vaguely implies that our mechanisms are damaged or broken somehow, which isn't fair or valid.

For every rational reason not to have kids, there's countless people out there with the exact same circumstances who still choose to have kids anyway.

"I don't like kids"
"Neither did I until I had my own!"

"I had a rough childhood"
"So did I and it's made me a better parent!"

"I have health issues"
"I'm a quadriplegic with cancer and my children give me a will to live"

"I can't have kids"
"ADOPT!"

The logical reasons not to have children sound like nonsense to the people who want children because the reasons to want children aren't rational and they would almost all choose to have them anyway, regardless of the reasons not to.

I say: "I don't find the benefits of parenting very compelling. I understand them very well and understand why others would sacrifice anything for kids, it just doesn't appeal to me."

No matter what argument is made from the pro-kid folks, I just shrug and repeat "it just doesn't appeal to me". No justification given because no justification is needed.

This post is everything. Everything I feel about not having kids summed up perfectly. I particularly like your answer of "it just doesn't appeal to me." I will be using that one in the future.

[Metalcat]

I have a fair number of facebook friends I needed to add for "political" reasons.  And it is staggering to me how much bitching SOOOO many of the moms do.  They are exhausted.  They do everything.  They can't pee alone.  They have lost their sense of self and purpose.  They don't have time or energy to maintain their friendship.  They have no money for anything.  Posts, articles, shares--some of these women don't seem to have anything on their page except complaints about motherhood (or their marriage relationship within parenthood).

By and large, they sound pretty fucking miserable.  NO. THANK YOU.

Not long ago, articles flurried about social media discussing an a study that found that having children was one of the worst things for mental health, even worse than having your spouse die.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart.

I personally consider parenting a calling, which is why those who feel that calling have a hard time understanding those who don't.

Parenting doesn't provide net happiness or wellness, but it does provide enormous life satisfaction, according to research, because that's what they felt driven to do.

If a CF person does not feel the internal drive to have kids, then it's irrational for them to take on the personal suffering to have them.

I also don't think that CF people need to give any reasons for not wanting children, because the reasons TO have children aren't rational, so why on earth give rational reasons not to have them. It's nonsensical, and yet I see it all the time, and it often vaguely implies that our mechanisms are damaged or broken somehow, which isn't fair or valid.

For every rational reason not to have kids, there's countless people out there with the exact same circumstances who still choose to have kids anyway.

"I don't like kids"
"Neither did I until I had my own!"

"I had a rough childhood"
"So did I and it's made me a better parent!"

"I have health issues"
"I'm a quadriplegic with cancer and my children give me a will to live"

"I can't have kids"
"ADOPT!"

The logical reasons not to have children sound like nonsense to the people who want children because the reasons to want children aren't rational and they would almost all choose to have them anyway, regardless of the reasons not to.

I say: "I don't find the benefits of parenting very compelling. I understand them very well and understand why others would sacrifice anything for kids, it just doesn't appeal to me."

No matter what argument is made from the pro-kid folks, I just shrug and repeat "it just doesn't appeal to me". No justification given because no justification is needed.

This post is everything. Everything I feel about not having kids summed up perfectly. I particularly like your answer of "it just doesn't appeal to me." I will be using that one in the future.

It works tremendously well.

The more reasons you give to unnecessarily explain the rationality of your personal preference, the more you actually justify that person arguing with you about your preferences.

It's pure nonsense.

I usually get a reply like
"How can you know until you try?"
And I say "trying just doesn't appeal to me"

They cannot debate with that. It's a dead end and the conversation is over, which is great, because it's not an interesting conversation.

[Kris]

I have a fair number of facebook friends I needed to add for "political" reasons.  And it is staggering to me how much bitching SOOOO many of the moms do.  They are exhausted.  They do everything.  They can't pee alone.  They have lost their sense of self and purpose.  They don't have time or energy to maintain their friendship.  They have no money for anything.  Posts, articles, shares--some of these women don't seem to have anything on their page except complaints about motherhood (or their marriage relationship within parenthood).

By and large, they sound pretty fucking miserable.  NO. THANK YOU.

Not long ago, articles flurried about social media discussing an a study that found that having children was one of the worst things for mental health, even worse than having your spouse die.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart.

I personally consider parenting a calling, which is why those who feel that calling have a hard time understanding those who don't.

Parenting doesn't provide net happiness or wellness, but it does provide enormous life satisfaction, according to research, because that's what they felt driven to do.

If a CF person does not feel the internal drive to have kids, then it's irrational for them to take on the personal suffering to have them.

I also don't think that CF people need to give any reasons for not wanting children, because the reasons TO have children aren't rational, so why on earth give rational reasons not to have them. It's nonsensical, and yet I see it all the time, and it often vaguely implies that our mechanisms are damaged or broken somehow, which isn't fair or valid.

For every rational reason not to have kids, there's countless people out there with the exact same circumstances who still choose to have kids anyway.

"I don't like kids"
"Neither did I until I had my own!"

"I had a rough childhood"
"So did I and it's made me a better parent!"

"I have health issues"
"I'm a quadriplegic with cancer and my children give me a will to live"

"I can't have kids"
"ADOPT!"

The logical reasons not to have children sound like nonsense to the people who want children because the reasons to want children aren't rational and they would almost all choose to have them anyway, regardless of the reasons not to.

I say: "I don't find the benefits of parenting very compelling. I understand them very well and understand why others would sacrifice anything for kids, it just doesn't appeal to me."

No matter what argument is made from the pro-kid folks, I just shrug and repeat "it just doesn't appeal to me". No justification given because no justification is needed.

This post is everything. Everything I feel about not having kids summed up perfectly. I particularly like your answer of "it just doesn't appeal to me." I will be using that one in the future.

It works tremendously well.

The more reasons you give to unnecessarily explain the rationality of your personal preference, the more you actually justify that person arguing with you about your preferences.

It's pure nonsense.

I usually get a reply like
"How can you know until you try?"
And I say "trying just doesn't appeal to me"

They cannot debate with that. It's a dead end and the conversation is over, which is great, because it's not an interesting conversation.

Yep. That is awesome. Better than the way I have traditionally dealt with very persistent people who don't realize how flawed their trying to convince me to want children is.

"How do you know until you try?"
"Why are you trying to talk me out of my preferences?"
"I just... (stumble) I just think you might be missing out on something so great!"
"So, you think it's worth bringing a child into the world on the off chance that I might like it? What if i don't? You really think an innocent child deserves to have to suffer through life with a parent who doesn't even want it?"

That usually ends the conversation. Albeit a bit aggressively. But usually by that time I've stopped caring about being nice.

[former player]

Anything anyone has ever said to encourage someone to have kids has an answer provided by the Voluntary Human Extinction site -

http://www.vhemt.org/

I found it some years ago and it was like coming home.

And it is staggering to me how much bitching SOOOO many of the moms do.  They are exhausted.  They do everything.  They can't pee alone.  They have lost their sense of self and purpose.  They don't have time or energy to maintain their friendship.  They have no money for anything.  Posts, articles, shares--some of these women don't seem to have anything on their page except complaints about motherhood (or their marriage relationship within parenthood).

By and large, they sound pretty fucking miserable.  NO. THANK YOU.

Given that this is a thread for the childless, these questions are rhetorical and I'm not expecting explanations.  But I do want to say: what on earth are these moms doing to their kids that their kids don't let them pee alone?  Up to what age do they tolerate this extraordinary behaviour?  I'm not surprised they are miserable if they have been so incapable of training their kids from the very start in basic manners and life skills - they've set up some very bad expectations if they allow this.  I suppose their inability to bring their kids up decently quite possibly also explains why so many kids are allowed to have and get away with temper tantrums in public. 

[Metalcat]

Anything anyone has ever said to encourage someone to have kids has an answer provided by the Voluntary Human Extinction site -

http://www.vhemt.org/

I found it some years ago and it was like coming home.

And it is staggering to me how much bitching SOOOO many of the moms do.  They are exhausted.  They do everything.  They can't pee alone.  They have lost their sense of self and purpose.  They don't have time or energy to maintain their friendship.  They have no money for anything.  Posts, articles, shares--some of these women don't seem to have anything on their page except complaints about motherhood (or their marriage relationship within parenthood).

By and large, they sound pretty fucking miserable.  NO. THANK YOU.

Given that this is a thread for the childless, these questions are rhetorical and I'm not expecting explanations.  But I do want to say: what on earth are these moms doing to their kids that their kids don't let them pee alone?  Up to what age do they tolerate this extraordinary behaviour?  I'm not surprised they are miserable if they have been so incapable of training their kids from the very start in basic manners and life skills - they've set up some very bad expectations if they allow this.  I suppose their inability to bring their kids up decently quite possibly also explains why so many kids are allowed to have and get away with temper tantrums in public.

I find this unfair to parents.

[ixtap]

Anything anyone has ever said to encourage someone to have kids has an answer provided by the Voluntary Human Extinction site -

http://www.vhemt.org/

I found it some years ago and it was like coming home.

And it is staggering to me how much bitching SOOOO many of the moms do.  They are exhausted.  They do everything.  They can't pee alone.  They have lost their sense of self and purpose.  They don't have time or energy to maintain their friendship.  They have no money for anything.  Posts, articles, shares--some of these women don't seem to have anything on their page except complaints about motherhood (or their marriage relationship within parenthood).

By and large, they sound pretty fucking miserable.  NO. THANK YOU.

Given that this is a thread for the childless, these questions are rhetorical and I'm not expecting explanations.  But I do want to say: what on earth are these moms doing to their kids that their kids don't let them pee alone?  Up to what age do they tolerate this extraordinary behaviour?  I'm not surprised they are miserable if they have been so incapable of training their kids from the very start in basic manners and life skills - they've set up some very bad expectations if they allow this.  I suppose their inability to bring their kids up decently quite possibly also explains why so many kids are allowed to have and get away with temper tantrums in public.

You do realize that is unsafe to leave a mobile infant or toddler alone even for the amount if time it takes to pee? It is a bit of a transition from taking them into the bathroom with you to convincing them they should pretend like you don't exist while you are there.

[Cassie]

Exactly it is done for safety and they get used to it. By age 3 the kids understand some things moms like to do alone:))

[Linea_Norway]

Anything anyone has ever said to encourage someone to have kids has an answer provided by the Voluntary Human Extinction site -

http://www.vhemt.org/

I found it some years ago and it was like coming home.

Thanks for that link.

There has been a time (when I was in my early thirties), when I felt the urge to get a child. DH and I decided not to have one. If I think back about at my arguments for getting a child back then, I realize most of them were indeed selfish. Like what I found on the website: shouldn't we spread our "intelligent" genes to a next generation. With the current state of the planet (pollution, climate changes and over population), I don't see a good reason to put a new human on this planet. I currently feel a bit sorry about young people who are born now. There are enough mouths to feed already.