Author Topic: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?  (Read 54837 times)

Parisian

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Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« on: December 27, 2014, 12:42:42 PM »
 
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« Last Edit: January 10, 2015, 03:59:44 AM by Parisian »

iris lily

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #1 on: December 27, 2014, 12:44:26 PM »
I am not sure it's the right forum where to post this question, but I am eager to find out if there are other childfree by choice people of MMM ? Especially women? It's a highly unusual choice where I live, so I am always happy to exchange views with like-minded folks.
Yep. I'm 60 years old and have the number of children I wanted: 0.

No regrets.

looking for FI

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #2 on: December 27, 2014, 12:54:05 PM »
Yep. Growing up with siblings much younger than me gave me the opportunity to see how difficult a job parenting really is. Also if I did have children I would feel guilty droping them off at daycare; the other option would be to stay at home. I love my job and I do not think I would be happy being a homemaker. I love my life just the way it is and I was lucky enough to meet a like minded man.

getgoing

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #3 on: December 27, 2014, 01:40:02 PM »
Both of us are genetic-offspring-free, however, we are both interested in fostering older children/teens, ever since we heard some statistic about the number of children in our community who are thrown out of their homes because they are gay/lesbian/trans, or pregnant. That though will need to wait until we are finically comfortable.

Elliot

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #4 on: December 27, 2014, 01:47:33 PM »
We are likely CBC. We love children, but mostly love that they belong to someone else. We're millenials but raised in an area where you marry straight out of highschool and pop out a kid or three immediately, so we get a lot of "you'll change your mind." The worst is when people assume because we don't hate all children that we must secretly want to breed/adopt a whole house full of our own.

pbkmaine

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #5 on: December 27, 2014, 02:02:04 PM »
58, no kids, no regrets. I knew when I was 14 that I did not want kids. I have 3 stepdaughters, 3 nephews, a niece, and 2 goddaughters as well as their numerous offspring. No lack of kids in my life. I love them all. I am always happy to see them and am equally happy when they go home, leaving me and DH alone with the cats. My stepdaughters joke about my complete lack of maternal instincts. So true. I am the crazy aunt to all of them, a role I was born to play.

ShortInSeattle

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #6 on: December 27, 2014, 02:24:49 PM »
*waves hello*


madgeylou

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #7 on: December 27, 2014, 02:30:41 PM »
58, no kids, no regrets. I knew when I was 14 that I did not want kids. I have 3 stepdaughters, 3 nephews, a niece, and 2 goddaughters as well as their numerous offspring. No lack of kids in my life. I love them all. I am always happy to see them and am equally happy when they go home, leaving me and DH alone with the cats. My stepdaughters joke about my complete lack of maternal instincts. So true. I am the crazy aunt to all of them, a role I was born to play.

Haha, we may be related! I also have no maternal instinct, and knew in my early teens that I didn't ever want kids -- my dad and stepmom had a baby when I was 13, and another when I was 15, and the crib was in my bedroom. Nope nope nope. Not for me.

Adventine

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #8 on: December 27, 2014, 02:33:30 PM »
No kids for me. I just want to be the eccentric rich aunt :D

Metta

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #9 on: December 27, 2014, 02:39:05 PM »
We are child-free by choice. I'm also known variously as "the fun aunt" and "the crazy aunt". My husband, on the other hand, has been serious since childhood and is not known as the crazy uncle. I suppose that's good. :)

KMMK

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #10 on: December 27, 2014, 03:05:42 PM »
Similar to others I decided at 14 I didn't want kids. I'm the oldest of five and when my parents had the last one when I was 14 I was done with that nonsense.

As I got older I became more interesting in parenting, but have maintained my severe aversion to biological reproduction (I'm female) so had my tubes tied  one month after my wedding when I was 31. I'm possibly interested in fostering/adoption, but my husband would have to be totally onboard with that as well, and his current job situation would make kids difficult, so likely I'll just be an aunt forever. I'll find other ways to help out younger people.

Cpa Cat

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #11 on: December 27, 2014, 03:25:32 PM »
I am! My husband and I have been married 12 years and we've never second guessed the choice. Other people finally started accepting it at about year 10 of marriage.

I'm trying to convince him to get a vasectomy - but so far he just scrunches up his face and makes frightened noises at the mere mention. What a pussy.

I'm not even in the "fun aunt" category. I really generally dislike children. I try to fake it and be kind to them though - it's not their fault that they're kids. My husband is much better with kids than I am, but only really warms to them as fellow humans after they reach the age of 15 or so.

forestbound

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #12 on: December 27, 2014, 03:25:49 PM »
I'm in this club. I too am the "fun-crazy aunt" and step-mom by choice! I have dogs to "mother". I can't screw them up too badly.

MsAligned

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #13 on: December 27, 2014, 03:40:33 PM »
56 and childless by choice. My sister is nine years younger than me and I raised her and then had to take care of various family members. I was 17 when I decided to get a degree in Engineering as I wanted a career that paid well and would be interesting. I also knew I didn't have the stamina to work full time and take care of kids and a house. I have had the opportunity to travel all over the world and live in EU. I haven't missed having kids. I have a lot of younger friends who have kids and when I am old and senile I'll get them to run me around places. When I talk about retiring in 4 yrs at work my peers (who would also like to retire) just shake their heads as they are in the middle of paying college costs for their kids and their retirement funds are woefully underfunded even though they make six figure salaries and in most cases have a spouse who works full time as well.

AustinKat

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #14 on: December 27, 2014, 03:51:57 PM »
Yup, me too. I'm 45, never wanted kids, never had any. Married at 40, to a man with one adult child and no interest in any more (yay!). We have a good life.

BlueMR2

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #15 on: December 27, 2014, 03:53:56 PM »
Yep.  Another childfree couple here, by choice.

Whatever the genetic thing is that makes people like/want to have babies/children, we're missing it.

DragonSlayer

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #16 on: December 27, 2014, 04:21:49 PM »
Childfree by choice here, too. I knew early on I didn't want kids. People would give me baby dolls for gifts and I was like "What do I do with this?" I never changed that opinion. Friends and relatives insist on handing me their babies to coo over and I'm still going, "What do I do with this?"

Nope. I have no biological clock and I don't really even like kids. I put up with my nieces and nephews, but I just don't "get" kids at all.

kib

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #17 on: December 27, 2014, 04:24:48 PM »
I am! My husband and I have been married 12 years and we've never second guessed the choice. Other people finally started accepting it at about year 10 of marriage.

I'm trying to convince him to get a vasectomy - but so far he just scrunches up his face and makes frightened noises at the mere mention. What a pussy.

I'm not even in the "fun aunt" category. I really generally dislike children. I try to fake it and be kind to them though - it's not their fault that they're kids. My husband is much better with kids than I am, but only really warms to them as fellow humans after they reach the age of 15 or so.
This.

Cressida

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #18 on: December 27, 2014, 05:40:52 PM »
Married, no children. I made that decision when I was in high school and have never changed my mind. I'm so introverted that a child would leave me just mentally exhausted all the time.

Zikoris

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #19 on: December 27, 2014, 05:48:02 PM »
Yep, another childfree couple! Sterilization is the best birth control!

vern

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #20 on: December 27, 2014, 06:06:33 PM »
When people ask if we have kids, I always answer..."No, we've been very careful."

FuckRx

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #21 on: December 27, 2014, 07:54:44 PM »
I am! My husband and I have been married 12 years and we've never second guessed the choice. Other people finally started accepting it at about year 10 of marriage.

I'm trying to convince him to get a vasectomy - but so far he just scrunches up his face and makes frightened noises at the mere mention. What a pussy.

I'm not even in the "fun aunt" category. I really generally dislike children. I try to fake it and be kind to them though - it's not their fault that they're kids. My husband is much better with kids than I am, but only really warms to them as fellow humans after they reach the age of 15 or so.

Hilarious! love this post :)

cthoops

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #22 on: December 27, 2014, 08:23:02 PM »
We're also child free by choice. I'm 45, Mr. cthoops is 55, no kids for either of us and zero regrets.

expatartist

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #23 on: December 28, 2014, 12:32:31 AM »
When people ask if we have kids, I always answer..."No, we've been very careful."

Will have to use that line sometime ;)

stripey

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #24 on: December 28, 2014, 03:18:34 AM »
30 and Childfree by choice. Not very uncommon where I am from. Partner is older than I am and I can use him as an excuse :)
I am in an office with five other women, another one of them (31 or 32?) has a similar attitude.

former player

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #25 on: December 28, 2014, 04:07:23 AM »
Child-free by choice here: never had the urge and never regretted it.

DutchGirl

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #26 on: December 28, 2014, 05:02:12 AM »
Yup, me too. I have some adorable nieces and nephews, I hope to be their loving aunt for a long time. But that's it.

Caoineag

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #27 on: December 28, 2014, 10:38:25 AM »
Another childfree, 33, hubby is 31 and got the vasectomy ( I think he was 28 at the time) when I started showing him the surgery options for women. I did consider the Essure but was worried at the time as it was a new procedure and the women procedures are less effective than the vasectomy for men. However, it was my first choice if I was the one to get sterilized.

I like kids ages 2 and up in person but I have no interest in hearing about them despite having some mother friends whose lives revolve around their kids. I grin and bear it. I also helped my mom take care of other people's kids from a young age and then on my own as a teenager so I have done my time.

Hubby had no urge to breed, I figured I would have either a kid or a husband so when I got the husband, I was comfortable not having any more people in my immediate household. Strong introvert here hence one other person is fine, two is a bit much. We both have bad genetics so figured if we changed our minds later, adoption is still a better choice.

brooklynmoney

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #28 on: December 28, 2014, 11:28:41 AM »
I have never wanted kids. I had a serious relationship with a dude from South America several years ago  (I think it's mandatory there to have kids haha) and I caved and said I'd have one, but then we broke up and now I'm single and able to honor my true desire to be childfree by choice forever. It's not unusual in my circles. I do also see the opposite now as well -- single women my age/income choosing to have children on their own. Any choice is valid, I just don't feel it's for me.

MoneyCat

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #29 on: December 28, 2014, 03:30:47 PM »
We are also a childfree couple by choice.  Children are too expensive and we would no longer be able to live life as we see fit if we had them.  Our lives would become taking care of them 24/7.  We would much rather enjoy taking trips and having quiet time for ourselves.

LokiMom

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #30 on: December 28, 2014, 04:30:40 PM »
Add me as another member of the club.  I too knew from an early age that I didn't want kids.  I was born in a rural, somewhat backward area and the career path for girls was: go to high school (graduation optional), marry a guy ASAP. He'd get a job in the local factory, you'd buy a double-wide trailer and then you'd start producing kids.  It was a generational trap that I had no intention of staying around for.  At 18, diploma in hand, I broke my boyfriend's heart and left town to get some further education. I couldn't afford to graduate, as I could see that student loans were yet another trap. But I got enough of an education that I was employable. Not high-income employable but a darn sight better than a local factory job.  When I went back home 5 years later my old classmates wouldn't talk to me. One of them said "You're so sure you're better than we are!"  I looked at her back as she walked away and said to myself.  "You're damn right about that."   
It's coming up on my 35 year high school reunion and I have no intention of ever going back.
My husband, for his own reasons is also CFBC. It's worked out fine.

AvisJinx

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #31 on: December 29, 2014, 09:45:26 AM »
Hello! One more CF by choice right here. I never had the desire to have children of my own; I'm almost 50 now and have absolutely no regrets. When people ask me why I don't have kids I tell them I have 23 nieces and nephews, 14 of whom are great-nieces an nephews. Having all of those children in my life is quite enough thank you. 

Cookie78

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #32 on: December 29, 2014, 01:10:30 PM »
No kids for me. I just want to be the eccentric rich aunt :D

Exactly!
:D

When I was in high school I thought I'd want kids eventually. I think it was because that was what I was supposed to want according to culture. But it never happened and the older I get the less I want to have them. Since I was 18 I always said maybe I'd want to have kids in another 5 years... but not yet. By the time I hit 30 I started to rethink the idea completely since I had no real desire for kids. Then I used to worry I'd eventually regret not having kids when I was older. Now that's no longer a concern. :)


Eric

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #33 on: December 29, 2014, 02:55:50 PM »
When people ask if we have kids, I always answer..."No, we've been very careful."

Not bad.  I usually go with "I'm too young to have kids.  In a few years, I'll be too old.  I think it's going to work out great."

Philociraptor

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #34 on: December 29, 2014, 03:02:42 PM »
Wife of 7 months (together 8.5 years) and I do not want children, so we're childfree as well. At 25, we're still not quite ready to make me sterile, as we still make the occasional "if we have kids..." statement. There were a lot of those made while we were dating, but she's an aunt to 13, 2 of which she spent the first couple months with (temporarily lived with her sister), making her hesitant to have kids of her own, and babies scare me with their seemingly random screaming and endless poop streams. Some part of me still feels like I won't be complete / live a full life if we don't have kids, but perhaps that will change; it's the romantic idea of having children, while my rational side keeps telling me it's a bad idea.

Cpa Cat

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #35 on: December 29, 2014, 03:59:21 PM »
"But you can still adopt!!!"... ;)

I like to finish that sentence with "... From the pound."

EarlyStart

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #36 on: December 30, 2014, 12:43:06 AM »
I'm only 22, but my significant other and I are on the same page with regard to being child-free.


I've volunteered with underprivileged and disabled children and found it very rewarding. Hopefully when we settle down somewhere we can find a Boys and Girls Club or something to give back one way or another, but we're pretty convinced that we don't want kids of our own.

Villanelle

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #37 on: December 30, 2014, 01:25:49 AM »
Another CFBCer here!  Nearing 40 and not a moment of regret or wavering.

Spork

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #38 on: December 30, 2014, 10:43:29 AM »
Not a woman... but wife and I are in the club.  We've been married 20 years now.  No regrets.

I'm trying to convince him to get a vasectomy - but so far he just scrunches up his face and makes frightened noises at the mere mention. What a pussy.

Tell him I said it is no big deal.  5 minutes from "Hello Dr.  How are you?" to "If there is any discomfort, use ice and ibuprofen."

I did it at about 23 years old. 

Spork

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #39 on: December 30, 2014, 11:18:42 AM »
Not a woman... but wife and I are in the club.  We've been married 20 years now.  No regrets.

I'm trying to convince him to get a vasectomy - but so far he just scrunches up his face and makes frightened noises at the mere mention. What a pussy.

Tell him I said it is no big deal.  5 minutes from "Hello Dr.  How are you?" to "If there is any discomfort, use ice and ibuprofen."

I did it at about 23 years old.
I've known of a lot of guys that had it done young, but my SIL could not find a doctor that would tie her tubes at 24 because she "might change her mind". She already had one kid and he was bad enough. Heck of a double standard there
On an unrelated note, my nephew is the best form of birth control ever

It isn't necessarily a double standard.  This can be true for vasectomies, too. 

When I had mine (almost 30 years ago) I had to shop around.  I then had to sign a long paper that explained in great detail that this should not be considered reversible and that I understood AND THEN my wife had to go in and sign a very similar form.  Under no circumstances would he have done the procedure if I was single or if my wife wasn't in on it.

ShortInSeattle

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #40 on: December 30, 2014, 11:31:48 AM »
Not a woman... but wife and I are in the club.  We've been married 20 years now.  No regrets.

I'm trying to convince him to get a vasectomy - but so far he just scrunches up his face and makes frightened noises at the mere mention. What a pussy.

Tell him I said it is no big deal.  5 minutes from "Hello Dr.  How are you?" to "If there is any discomfort, use ice and ibuprofen."

I did it at about 23 years old.
I've known of a lot of guys that had it done young, but my SIL could not find a doctor that would tie her tubes at 24 because she "might change her mind". She already had one kid and he was bad enough. Heck of a double standard there
On an unrelated note, my nephew is the best form of birth control ever

I got my tubal at age 27, but I think it helped that I had a regular primary care doc for several years and warmed her up to the idea.  I started telling her at 24 that I didn't want kids, and when we ruled out an IUD at age 27 I told her I was ready for the snip. She called the surgeon personally and told him that I was a good candidate. When I met him, he said "Age has nothing to do with it. Some people know what they want at 20. Others are doing it for the wrong reasons at 40."

10 years later, no regrets. Adoption is our theoretical escape-hatch if we change our mind, but as the years go by we feel even more secure in our decision, not less secure.

SIS

DH was nervous about vasectomy, so I volunteered to do the tubal. I know people say it's a bigger deal for women, and it is, but I found it pretty painless. One day off work, sore for a couple days but no worse than cramps.

NoraLenderbee

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #41 on: December 30, 2014, 12:20:42 PM »
I never made a conscious decision not to have kids. I don't mind kids and I enjoy babies. However, there was never a time in my life when having a kid seemed like a good idea. Most of the time it would have been a disaster. So I never got around to having them. Now I'm too old. Oh, well! My life is good!

rockstache

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #42 on: December 30, 2014, 02:06:13 PM »
I never made a conscious decision not to have kids. I don't mind kids and I enjoy babies. However, there was never a time in my life when having a kid seemed like a good idea. Most of the time it would have been a disaster. So I never got around to having them. Now I'm too old. Oh, well! My life is good!

This is me exactly, except I am not quite to the point where it is too late. So far, the time just has not been right, and I don't know if it ever will be.

Zikoris

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #43 on: December 30, 2014, 02:18:52 PM »
Not a woman... but wife and I are in the club.  We've been married 20 years now.  No regrets.

I'm trying to convince him to get a vasectomy - but so far he just scrunches up his face and makes frightened noises at the mere mention. What a pussy.

Tell him I said it is no big deal.  5 minutes from "Hello Dr.  How are you?" to "If there is any discomfort, use ice and ibuprofen."

I did it at about 23 years old.
I've known of a lot of guys that had it done young, but my SIL could not find a doctor that would tie her tubes at 24 because she "might change her mind". She already had one kid and he was bad enough. Heck of a double standard there
On an unrelated note, my nephew is the best form of birth control ever

I had a tubal at 21, but you have to be INCREDIBLY stubborn and persistent to make that happen - I'm closer to a donkey than anyone I know for stubbornness, and it still took 4 years to find someone to do it. I understand why they do it, but geez...

totoro

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #44 on: December 31, 2014, 09:05:59 PM »
I never wanted children until later in my 20s.  Now my only real regret in life is that I did not have more.   

I do support strongly personal choice.  I myself was never so adamant about "no kids" that I would have sought sterilization - after all birth control is readily available. 

For those that have deeply held beliefs it probably should be an option earlier provided there are some standardized checks and balances and there should be equal access for men and women imo. 

The Borgs

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #45 on: December 31, 2014, 10:18:24 PM »
Add me to the list (and my husband!). I'm 36 and got sterilized late 2014. Took a long time to find a surgeon that would even talk to me about it. When I did get to see him he was great and completely understood me (he was a bit taken aback though when I said I knew since I was about 11 that I wasn't going to have kids). Had a bilateral salpingectomy, for two reasons - zero failure rate (1 in 400 tubal ligations fail) and reduced risk of ovarian cancer (new research published last year).

I could no longer take hormonal birth control and my husband was unable to have a vasectomy (he has an issue that makes it a complicated surgery), so we needed something fail-safe. Previously we'd used more than one birth control method.... failure was never an option for me (it also surprised my surgeon that at my age I'd never had a pregnancy scare).

I dislike babies vehemently, don't find them remotely cute. Children of an age where they have a decent personality and bowel control are a different matter. I even borrow my friends kids for fun days out and get along with them really well. Actually, since I've been sterilized, I feel more free to express this and interact with kids, since people are less likely to tell me how wonderful I am with children, how I really should have them and how I'll change my mind.


fartface

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #46 on: January 01, 2015, 01:29:19 AM »
Don't have children b/c "everyone else in our area has them"

However, I wonder why you're asking this question on a forum?

You'll NEVER EVER regret having a child. You may regret remaining childless?

This quote was taken from my nephew's father's FB page. He didn't become a Dad until well into his 40's when MY sister 'mistakenly' became pregnant with his child. After the birth he wrote:

"A child fills a hole in your heart you never knew existed."

I was truly touched.

P.S. My beautiful, spunky, lively, ADORABLE, nephew is now 7. :)

former player

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #47 on: January 01, 2015, 02:16:30 AM »
You'll NEVER EVER regret having a child. You may regret remaining childless?
Hmmm.  Why post that in this thread?

Far too damaging psychologically to a child to say "I wish I'd never had you", so quite a few people have the decency not to admit that their child was unwanted. (Also, probably quite a few are not willing to admit to the world that they've been suckered.)  Some reluctant parents will even step up to the plate and do a decent job of parenting.  But the proportion of men (and some women) who have children and then walk away from the child, from their parenting role, and from their financial responsibilities is enormous.  You think there's no regrets from the parents who left?  You think there's no regrets from some of the parents who stayed?  I call bullshit.

Also, getting "mistakenly" pregnant, or being got "mistakenly" pregnant, no matter the outcome, is a shitty way to bring a new person into the world, no matter how awesome that person is.

superkookyburra

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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #48 on: January 01, 2015, 06:04:44 AM »
CFBC here.  I'm a teacher, and while I enjoy kids, I can't imagine going home to more of them after work. 

How many of you made the decision before your current relationship vs. after?  I've never wanted kids, and when I met my boyfriend (of 6 years) he'd already had 2 (yes, two) vasectomies, so it was never an issue we had to navigate.

Elliot

  • Bristles
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Re: Any other Childfree by choice people like me?
« Reply #49 on: January 01, 2015, 07:10:06 AM »


You'll NEVER EVER regret having a child. You may regret remaining childless?


Maybe no one's trusted you enough to tell you that they regret their children. I know at least three people who regret having children (which is a different thing from not loving your children). It's not the kind of thing you say to your child, or to a stranger, or to a sanctimonious asshat.