An open letter to the person who stole my bread

[Nancy]

Dear bread thief,

I see you've upped your game from slipping out a surreptitious slice to brazenly snatching entire loaves out of the employee fridge. Congratulations on sticking to your New Year's resolution of committing to bread thievery. You're really doing it! I hope you enjoy my seven grain Ezekiel bread and pause to think of me licking hummus off my fingers today at lunch. Don't worry, I'll replenish the stores soon enough. Who can get by for a single day in this place without toasty, grainy bread? Am I right? I know you know what I'm talking about, bread thief. Perhaps next time I'll get a slice before you take the loaf, or perhaps not. I hope you enjoy it.

Yours truly,
Breadless

[Cheddar Stacker]

I hope you actually posted this on the employee fridge. Well done.

[Mississippi Mudstache]

It's probably some crusty old employee who hasn't saved up enough for retirement. Maybe you could get some grainy footage from a surveillance camera? If I caught someone doing this, they'd be toast.

[Homey The Clown]

I posted this on our fridge:

http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2007-03-18/

[Dr. Doom]

Next time, leave a loaf with x-lax baked into it.

Or maybe some of the funny stuff that's legal in CO.

Consider it a teachable moment.

[jda1984]

It's probably some crusty old employee who hasn't saved up enough for retirement. Maybe you could get some grainy footage from a surveillance camera? If I caught someone doing this, they'd be toast.

Nice puns Mississippi!

[LadyStash]

I feel your pain, Breadless (aka Nancy)! Just last week I was the victim of work fridge thievery (fourth time!).  I brought fudge in Xmas gift bags (gift bags!) in a plastic bag for two co-workers who did me a solid before the holidays and put them in the fridge.

When I opened up the fridge to get the bags, I could see that they had been disturbed. They both had ample chunks of peanut butter fudge and chocolate fudge. Apparently the chocolate fudge was especially delicious since the thief ate all of the chocolate out of one bag and only some of the peanut butter. GRRRRR...

I'm adamant about brown bagging healthy stuff (for me anyway!), so I'm going to start looking around for a mini--fridge for my office. I live in a university town, so hopefully I can get one dirt cheap in April/May!

[LadyStache]

Perhaps you should leave some decoy food in the fridge to teach the thief a lesson. Moldy bread, expired yogurt, etc.

[CheapskateWife]

Maybe a GPS tracker in the next loaf so when it grows legs you can follow it to the offender.  Is it possible that it isn't a co-worker but someone who can take without the risk of being caught...is there evening custodial that might be the culprit?

Wow, Nancy, I can't imagine how angry you must be at this situation.  I regularly lose food here, but its usually due to overzealous refrigerator cleanings.

[MDM]

I feel your pain...

Did you mean "I feel your pain au chocolat?  Your Freudian slip hath unmasked you, oh thieving one! ;)

[UnleashHell]

For sale: one loaf of seven grain bread... open to offers.... (note - still cold from the fridge).

[Cheddar Stacker]

For sale: one loaf of seven grain bread... open to offers.... (note - still cold from the fridge).

I believe someone was mentioning they were looking for bread...Nancy maybe. Check with her.

[Simple Abundant Living]

WHY are you refrigerating bread?!?

http://www.realsimple.com/home-organizing/organizing/organizing-kitchen/not-refrigerate/bread

The horror!

[Eric]

Ugh.  That sucks.  I lost a nice tupperware full of Brussels sprouts a couple of years back.  Damn that pissed me off.  Mostly the tupperware part, but I was also very confused because, who steals day old Brussels?

[geekette]

WHY are you refrigerating bread?!?

http://www.realsimple.com/home-organizing/organizing/organizing-kitchen/not-refrigerate/bread

The horror!

She's probably keeping it in the fridge because that's what the manufacturer of that particular bread recommends.

[ShortInSeattle]

It's probably some crusty old employee who hasn't saved up enough for retirement. Maybe you could get some grainy footage from a surveillance camera? If I caught someone doing this, they'd be toast.

Laughs. Wipes Eyes.

[Rezdent]

Oh, Nancy, I am sorry.
Was this in it's original packaging? That makes it a better target for thieves - they are reasonably sure it's safe to eat.  Perhaps slip the next bread into a zip lock so they aren't so confident they know what it is?  You could even label it erroneously - Liver Bread, anyone?

A while back,  my cube mate had her lunch stolen.  It consisted of leftovers from the night before...a pickle, potatoes, peas and a half piece of  chicken that she had already partially eaten.  The thief opened the bag and the container, took the chicken and the pickle and put the rest back!  Aargh!

She had neglected to put her name on the tupperware. They couldn't know for sure whose it was.  And they are all very wary of my wholesome diet.
So I posted this on the fridge:

To whomever stole my lunch: that wasn't chicken.

I haven't heard of any more thievery since.

Dr. DOOM:  Just FWIW. ..spaghetti sauce can disguise an enormous amount of ExLax - much more than bread. Not that I would ever recommend that.   Just saying.

[surfhb]

Years ago we noticed someone was stealing ice cream sandwiches from the freezer.    We bought a special bottle of Dave's insanity hot sauce and used a syringe to inject a half bottle into the last one.   Next night it was gone and we had a good laugh.   Never found the perp.

[jamaicaspanish]

I'll just leave this here:

http://www.amazon.com/Fake-Mold-Imprinted-Plastic-Sandwich/dp/B00KM85N8Y

[Goldielocks]

Years ago we noticed someone was stealing ice cream sandwiches from the freezer.    We bought a special bottle of Dave's insanity hot sauce and used a syringe to inject a half bottle into the last one.   Next night it was gone and we had a good laugh.   Never found the perp.

LOL!  I am guilty of raiding the work freezer at 11pm one night of one of someone's  bag of home made muffins  (1 out of 24)...   I was so hungry and no restaurants / delivery possible.   So the next day I brought in a box of ice cream sandwiches and "replaced" the missing muffin with that and an anonymous note of thanks.

[GuitarStv]

In university we had a shared washroom between 12 people.  Everyone used to leave their toilettries on the really large counter-top in the washroom.  I realized before too long that someone was using my mouthwash, so at the next meeting we had as a group I announced:

"To whoever has been using my mouthwash, I peed in it two weeks ago."

This seemed to solve the problem.

[Fodder]

I use an insulated lunch bag with an ice pack and keep my lunch at my desk.  :)  We don't have an office thievery problem, but I like to snack throughout the day, so it is handy to have all my food right next to me.

It sucks that someone stole your bread though.  Can you keep it in the freezer in an opaque shopping bag?  When I buy Ezekiel bread (the cinnamon raisin is SO GOOD with peanut butter), I usually just hack off a slice or two and toast it.  That stuff is EXPENSIVE, so it really sucks that someone took it.  :(

[BlueMR2]

Leaving food in a shared employee refrigerator is like leaving unattended jewelry on the street.  Yeah, most people won't steal it, but you're tempting people and eventually someone will come along that WILL steal it.  Don't do it.  Bring stuff you can keep at your desk or leave in a locked cooler somewhere.

[netskyblue]

A few years ago I had bought one of those very expensive bottles of juice (you know, the ones that say they have 47 spinach leaves, 1 orange, 32 raspberries, etc in each bottle).  I so rarely buy these, and was enjoying the treat.  I drank half on my lunch and then initialed & dated the cap (we're expected to initial & date everything we put in the work fridge).  A few hours later, I went down to the breakroom to enjoy the second half of my juice.  It was gone.


I left a very nasty note on the whiteboard to the person who stole my juice.  Who drinks a HALF-DRUNK bottle of juice, anyway?

[Nancy]

Thanks for all the excellent replies! You're all fantastic and hilarious. Thanks for understanding and making me laugh!

[dorothyc]

It's probably some crusty old employee who hasn't saved up enough dough for retirement. Maybe you could get some grainy footage from a surveillance camera? If I caught someone doing this, they'd be toast.

Added one for you

[Mississippi Mudstache]

It's probably some crusty old employee who hasn't saved up enough dough for retirement. Maybe you could get some grainy footage from a surveillance camera? If I caught someone doing this, they'd be toast.

Added one for you

Good one! Can't believe I missed that :)

[Pigeon]

Or maybe some of the funny stuff that's legal in CO.

That would only encourage more theft.

[Cpa Cat]

I wouldn't get too attached to anything left in a common refrigerator.  If your stuff is there when you return, consider it a gift.  If it's gone, somebody needed it more than you did.  Bring more next time.

SnackDog always needs your snacks more than you do.

[Luke Warm]

obviously a character with weak moral FIBER.

[dragoncar]

Oh, Nancy, I am sorry.
Was this in it's original packaging? That makes it a better target for thieves - they are reasonably sure it's safe to eat.  Perhaps slip the next bread into a zip lock so they aren't so confident they know what it is?  You could even label it erroneously - Liver Bread, anyone?

A while back,  my cube mate had her lunch stolen.  It consisted of leftovers from the night before...a pickle, potatoes, peas and a half piece of  chicken that she had already partially eaten.  The thief opened the bag and the container, took the chicken and the pickle and put the rest back!  Aargh!

She had neglected to put her name on the tupperware. They couldn't know for sure whose it was.  And they are all very wary of my wholesome diet.
So I posted this on the fridge:

To whomever stole my lunch: that wasn't chicken.

I haven't heard of any more thievery since.

Dr. DOOM:  Just FWIW. ..spaghetti sauce can disguise an enormous amount of ExLax - much more than bread. Not that I would ever recommend that.   Just saying.

I really don't understand fridge thieves.  They might as well dig food out of the trash at a nearby eatery.

[Beric01]

WHY are you refrigerating bread?!?

http://www.realsimple.com/home-organizing/organizing/organizing-kitchen/not-refrigerate/bread

The horror!

I have a mini-fridge and no space in the freezer section, so I refrigerate my bread. Better than letting it go bad.

Back on topic, we had issues with this for months at our workplace. Someone was taking people's food from the fridge overnight. I used to bring lunches in for the whole week. Nowadays I bring in my lunch each day. I don't think getting half your lunches stolen is particularly Mustachian...

[fidgiegirl]

Last year at work someone at a piece of chocolate cake I had leftover from a restaurant in a carry out container.  A piece of cake that I'd taken several bites from.

The person continued to steal food.  Favorites were yogurts and Subway sandwiches.  Personal fridges were prohibited due to energy savings programs, so unless people brought coolers (some did) we had to use those fridges for our food.  Eventually I actually think someone got fired over it!

[Simple Abundant Living]

This is on our workplace fridge. But it's a joke, no one (except the night cleaning crew) steals food in our office. Probably because the drug reps bring lunch in most everyday, so there's no need to pack unless you have dietary restrictions. 

http://postris.com/popular-pin/74204/funny-workplace-ecard-strange/

But seriously, a former coworker brought in a whole pan of homemade cinnamon rolls and we looked forward to snacking on them for a couple days. Overnight, they got "cleaned" up. Now we hide treats we want to be there for the next day.

[AllChoptUp]

I haven't refrigerated my lunch in years.  Don't use an insulated bag either.  Never gotten ill and it tastes great.

[PEIslander]

Pee into a apple juice bottle and leave it in the fridge. The thief will learn his or her lesson!

[G-dog]

Was once caught in the crossfire of two warring co-workers. My sandwich was being thieved on a regular basis. I was really pissed off because I was a student at the time and needed my lunch to fuel my bike ride back and forth to work. I complained to a co-worker who said that it used to happen to him but for some reason it had stopped. More conversation ensued and I figured that my lunch started going missing right around the same time his stopped. After looking carefully at the fridge one afternoon I saw that his lunch bag that was similar to mine and figured out what was going on. The lunch thief guy who didn't like him had been stealing his lunch to piss him off.

So I had some time on my hands that afternoon to scheme away. That night I put my lunch into a plain plastic bag then filled my lunch bag with tampons and pads, zipped it up, took it to work the next morning and put it into the fridge. I'd arranged to work in the area closest to the lunch room where I did my usual work and waited. The lunch thief went into the break room and came out a few minutes later with a red face, only to find me with my arms crossed waiting for him. That was the end of the missing sandwiches. I was pissed off and told him in no uncertain terms that he owed me a few weeks of lunches. Jerk.

Fran, you are AWESOME!