Affordable resources for assertiveness training?

[bluecat]

I've been stressed out at work lately over a bunch of minor things. I think the underlying problem might be a lack of assertiveness on my part. Lack of assertiveness has always been part of my personality, but it hasn't bugged me (consciously) very much until now. I might choose to seek professional advice at some point, but for now, I'd really like to know about any more affordable resources I could use. Does anyone know of any free online courses or (not cheesy) self help style books? I'm looking for a source of smart, practical advice and exercises I can practice to become more assertive. Thanks for any tips!

[Gone Fishing]

Not sure about free resources on training, but I can certainly see where lack of assertiveness could be a problem.    One of my biggest complaints about my corporate job is how much time I spend "defending" my both my work and my time.  I am pretty good at it, but those who are not routinely get overwhelmed.  Do you not trust your own intuition?  Or do you accept every request/demand of your resources?  As you endeavor to become more assertive, be careful, as your coworkers and manager are accustomed to your current "willingness" to accept less than optimal conditions.  When you start to push back, it will surprise them at first and they may even retaliate.  Be very polite and tactful.  Just as a start, instead of killing yourself to help with something outside of your normal duties, say you will be happy to help, but it will be 1-2-3 days or whatever before you can fit it into your workflow. This relays the importance of your time and what you are currently working on. 

[Beric01]

I'm actually very similar to the OP. I'm very polite and try not to offend. It's definitely meant I don't stand up for myself at work by doing upaid overtime, getting good performance reviews, and yet not negotiating salary upwards (so far my raises have only been inflation and the company is doing well). For me I think it's a lack of assertiveness and doubts in myself. I'm 24, have a full-time job I'm doing well at, and am on my way to Financial Freedom through Badassity! Why shouldn't I stand up for myself?

I don't know about the OP, but I find myself much better through email than in person. In person/on the phone I shirk and give in, while through email I stand up for myself better. But I think the other part of it is that I see my failures better than I see my successes, and I tend to dwell on them mentally, undermining my confidence.

It's definitely something I want to work on. Looking forward to responses from others.

[bluecat]

Do you not trust your own intuition?  Or do you accept every request/demand of your resources?

Thank you for the advice. I think it's mostly the former, as I have actually been pretty good about setting boundaries with my time. I work mostly with people who are much older than me and have many more years of experience. That makes it easy to question my own intuition when they disagree with me. In many cases they are right, so it makes it difficult to recognize when they're wrong until it's too late, and then I'm disappointed that I didn't stand up for myself. I think I rely too much on being told what to do, sometimes to the detriment of our projects.

I am the only person with my particular skill set at the office, so I am better at sticking up for myself when it comes to the details of my work. But it still really stresses me out to deal with criticism when I believe I'm right (anticipation of this stress may be why I avoid asserting myself in situations where I should). I want to get better at setting aside defensiveness and fear of offending.

I don't know about the OP, but I find myself much better through email than in person. In person/on the phone I shirk and give in, while through email I stand up for myself better. But I think the other part of it is that I see my failures better than I see my successes, and I tend to dwell on them mentally, undermining my confidence.

So much this. I am much more assertive through email, and that tends to be how I communicate with coworkers when I do stand up for myself in response to disagreement. I just wish I could figure out a way to dwell on these less. It can take me an anxious hour to write a very short email when I disagree with someone because I agonize over making sure it's polite and tactful. I'd like to be able to work through my feelings more quickly so I can calm down and get back to work sooner.

So I guess I have two goals: 1) Getting better at trusting my own intuition, and 2) getting a better handle on my emotions when I assert myself in response to criticism.

[Beric01]

It can take me an anxious hour to write a very short email when I disagree with someone because I agonize over making sure it's polite and tactful.

Wow - we're so similar! I do that too! :)

[FreeWheel]

It's not free, but I found this online course very helpful, enjoyable, and well worth the cost:

http://www.ed2go.com/online-courses/get-assertive?tab=detail

The first lesson is free, which will give you an idea of what you'll learn. There is a "classroom" (similar to a forum) where students can interact with each other and the instructor.

[Elderwood17]

I can relate to the OP and others, but found over time my confidence and ability to increase the assertiveness while staying true to myself increased greatly.  Time brings experience and with that confidence.  I know I read a lot of books on self awareness, temperment types, etc.  None of them as individuals stick out, but collectively and with time I grew a lot in this area.

Hang in there, keep pursuing growth, and don't get discouraged in the short term.  Good luck.

[Druid]

I need a recommendation for the opposite. I have been to assertive and it has negatively affected multiple jobs. I have way to much pride and voice my opinion way to much.