Author Topic: A vent about how bad this year has been  (Read 8980 times)

AlexK

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A vent about how bad this year has been
« on: February 13, 2015, 09:40:24 PM »
MMM is an optimistic bunch and I don't want to spoil that vibe, this is just a vent. One thing this unfortunate series of events has taught me is IT CAN ALWAYS GET WORSE! Trying to be stoic here.

So far this year:
Healthy Grandma went from bowling >200 games to dead in 3 weeks.

Coworker who I loaned $800 to (and always paid me back before) is showing no signs of paying it back and still buying crap on ebay.

Wife and I got the H1N1 flu and were devastated for 2 weeks, still coughing.

Property manager called and the city determined my 4 plex gas pipes are too small. They shut off the gas and the plumbing quote is $4200 which includes drywall demo but not replacement. All tenants no hot water, furnaces, or ranges until it's fixed.

Property manager called, tenants vacating other house on Jan 31.

Tripped on a tree stump at home and fractured my patella into 3 pieces. Got surgery last week and spent the past 14 days in bed very uncomfortably lying in one position and strung out on oxycodone.

While bed bound my wife told me last night the freezer stopped working.

Our 13 year old chihuahua has developed liver disease and is barely eating. He's on 7 pills a day and it's near impossible to shove them down his throat without tooth marks. $1400 and counting in vet bills.

Mother in Law is unemployed and in debt because she spent $40k on credit cards to attend Armando Montelongo's real estate training (she paid for an acquaintance to do it too, who has since said she won't pay her back and she is judgement proof). Now she is moving in with us, there is no other option except under a bridge for her. To top it all off she is very hard to get along with and if you insinuate anything that happened to her could possibly be her fault she gets upset and holds a grudge. And she's way too proud to get welfare, section 8, food stamps, etc. We live in a 1250 square foot mobile home. She's 61, bad back, no skills. Worked as a vet tech but was fired due to personality issues.


You can tell which one I'm most upset about I think. I am FI and want to quit but there is no way that's happening if MIL lives here, I just couldn't be around her that long. Last week she was over here and her ex (wife's dad) called on Skype. She immediately went outside so she wouldn't have to hear him. Now I just need to rig a 24h Skype connection!

Things I'm thankful for:
Not having to worry about money!
Best wife anyone could ask for

Can anyone here beat my year?


Cheddar Stacker

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2015, 09:53:30 PM »
Wow. I had a bad couple days, but nothing serious. You win (or lose I guess) 2015 so far. At least now it can only get better.

shadowmoss

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2015, 01:46:39 AM »
I just read your post to my co-worker.  It puts our bad night at work in perspective.  So, thank you for posting.  Perspective is everything.

marty998

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2015, 05:02:57 AM »
Coworker who I loaned $800 to (and always paid me back before) is showing no signs of paying it back and still buying crap on ebay.

In the future, you should always get a prospective borrower to execute a demand promissory note in which they promise to repay not only the loan (plus interest) but also costs and attorney's fees of any legal action necessary to collect on the note.

The good news is that, even though you didn't get the borrower to execute a note, the loan contract is still enforceable in court. You can prove the existence of the contract through your testimony and I doubt your coworker would deny the existence of it because perjuring oneself is a different level of shadiness from declining to pay back a loan.

Once you get a judgment, you can proceed to take various steps to collect on it, and the best part is that in most jurisdictions, you'll also be entitled to post-judgment interest even if the original loan contract did not prescribe interest (which I'm guessing yours didn't).

Judge Judy will sort it out. Come on mate, get your mug on TV and let her rip him to shreds.

Gray Matter

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2015, 06:50:43 AM »
Yes, you definitely win the Pain Olympics!  Wowzers--thanks for taking so much shit so there's less for the rest of us.  :-)

I'm with you on the MIL issue being the worst and a very persistent one, as well.  Losing grandma is painful and permanent, but not as disruptive to your overall life and wellbeing.

I had a really bad year last year:  Mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, DH's job was eliminated and then he was sent to live in Australia for 9 months (that makes it sound like it's still a penal colony--it was for a job), son was diagnosed with unspecified neurodevelopmental disorder, daughter with learning disabilities, door locks jammed, furnaces quit, cars broke down, windows broke, dogs got sick.  Just a hellacious year, full of gremlins and worse.

But this year is looking to be much better.  Probably because the curse has been transferred to you.  Thanks for taking it on!

G-dog

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2015, 06:54:40 AM »
aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
You probably want to run out of the house screaming (or is this how you tripped over that tree stump).

I hope this gets better soon.  I'd say it can't get worse, but the data doesn't support that conclusion :p


Setters-r-Better

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #6 on: February 14, 2015, 07:02:38 AM »
Man, that sucks! I shouldn't be so irritated about having to pay the 2k home insurance deductible to get basement repaired from pipe breaking.

Jon_Snow

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #7 on: February 14, 2015, 11:12:46 AM »
I'm gettin' the heck out of this thread in case this s*** is contagious. ;)

Things can only get better AlexK.

Milizard

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #8 on: February 14, 2015, 11:55:19 AM »
Get your MIL into senior housing.  Seriously, her pride is her own problem.  (I went through something similar with my own MIL. She stayed with us for 2 very long months). The only people I can stand to live with are my DH and my kids.

arebelspy

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #9 on: February 14, 2015, 12:30:56 PM »
Holy shit Alex.  I'm so sorry.  I hope things turn around for you and L- soon.
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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #10 on: February 14, 2015, 09:30:13 PM »
I have no words. I am hoping that 2015 is better for you!

Not that this will change things, but if you need a diversion / mental escape, I found "The Intouchables" a funny and inspiring film. Stars a quadrapalegic man and an ex-con, and is based upon a true story. (it's on Netflix)

kathrynd

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #11 on: February 14, 2015, 09:44:21 PM »
You have had a bad year.

You really should insist MIL apply for all the benefits..it is for the sake of your sanity.

Maybe ask FIL to visit for a month :)

gaja

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #12 on: February 15, 2015, 06:06:08 AM »
You poor soul. I totally get which is the largest problem, you need to get her out of there ASAP! How much will it cost to get MIL into an extremely cheap appartment?

Zamboni

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #13 on: February 15, 2015, 06:47:58 AM »
Wow, you have my sympathy!

Quote
Maybe ask FIL to visit for a month :)

:-) seriously, though, does your wife know how much having MIL there is bothering you?  Does MIL living there also bother your wife?  You need to have a series of serious talks about this with your wife to find a solution.

In most areas there is low income housing, and it's not her choice whether or not to apply if the only alternatives are burdening you for decades or under a bridge.  It's your choice whether or not you allow someone to live with you, and you and your wife need to have a serious talk about that before it starts to damage what sounds like an otherwise fantastic relationship.  She is only 61 and needs to remain independent; egad she could live another 40 years!

Annamal

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #14 on: February 15, 2015, 12:16:40 PM »
I am so sorry, that is indeed a fricking awful year.

I really really hope you find some way around the mil situation, it does not sound like her living with you would be good for anybody.

Be as kind to yourself (and your wife) as you can.

MoneyCat

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #15 on: February 15, 2015, 04:11:08 PM »
On the plus side, I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance.

mnsaver

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #16 on: February 18, 2015, 06:33:07 PM »
In January Grandpa died, Grandma died in April. Two weeks after my brother's wedding my Dad found out he was no longer in remission. He went back in the hospital and was told in late May he was terminal. Dad died in Sept.

Mom goes back and forth between being okay and wanting to die. She calls me almost every night and I have to listen to her crying. My brother is completely useless and can't be bothered to help. The house needs to be clean up/out and put on the market. He can't be bothered to come home so it is up to me. And mom wants to move up near me (literally she want to be in the same neighborhood.)

One the upside, last Jan I was on unpaid medical leave for PTSD and depression. I lived in a mice infested sh*t hole. I hated my job and it was sucking the life out of me.

I went back to work, have stayed in therapy, decided I needed to find a better place to life. Found my dream condo, was able to close and move in in time for Dad to see it. Found a much better job which I adore and my co-workers/boses adore me. So very up and down.

AlexK

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #17 on: February 21, 2015, 07:13:50 PM »
So MIL moved in today. I'm still not working and in bed 99% of the time trying to heal the fractured knee.

I saw MIL's resume and it was awful, just awful. No way she could get hired with that. So with my help she now has a nice resume and cove letter template. 7 months passing that crap resume around! That is likely the reason she lost her house.

MIL is a habitual pot smoker. I don't like the fact that I will be at work paying for the roof over her head while she is there relaxing and smoking it up. Of course most jobs these days require a drug test and she could never pass. Also I feel like that is a luxury reserved for adults who can pay their own bills. If she can afford pot why not rent?

My plan is to say nothing about it for a month or two and see if she finds a job. After that I'm going to demand she stops smoking at home. That will make me the bad guy and life with her in the house will be harder. I'm trying to stay positive to keep strain off of my marriage but a man can only stand so much.

What would you do?

I am OK with MIL moving in when she's 80 (I'm not heartless) but 61 is just too soon!

arebelspy

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #18 on: February 21, 2015, 08:39:33 PM »
Where's she getting the money for marijuana?

What would you do?

Actually the wife and I discussed your scenario when you first posted this thread.

We both agreed that this:
And she's way too proud to get welfare, section 8, food stamps, etc.

Would not be acceptable.  You can take our money, but not the government's?  Nope, not happening.

So our first thing would be: you're applying for any aid you can get.  Don't want charity?  Too bad.  Work on getting yourself to a position where you don't need it (i.e. employed).  Right now you need it.

Second thing: We'd subsidize her, but she wouldn't live with us.

In other words, if she got a section 8 apartment, we'd pay her portion of the rent that the government didn't.  If she had food stamps, we'd supplement that with some extra money.

So we'd help support her, but only extra needed above the aid she was getting.  Refusing to do that and move in with us and rely on us for 100% of it (housing, food, etc.) is not our method.

I'm sure that won't help you, but you asked.  ;)

I hope it all works out, somehow.  Maybe her spiffy new resume will help her land a stable job that doesn't require drug testing.
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Adventine

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #19 on: February 21, 2015, 08:47:52 PM »
This is an awful situation. Sorry you have to deal with all this.

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #20 on: February 21, 2015, 08:58:51 PM »
Sorry about your bad luck, man.  I hope the year gets better for you!

What would you do?

I tend to think people become resourceful when they're about to live under bridges. If she ended up under a bridge, maybe I'd do something.  I'm not into bailing people out before they're forced to solve their own problems.

With her there, I think you need some good boundaries and rules. You shouldn't have to worry about her holding a grudge and making your life hell in your own house. Also, work on setting expectations for when she'll be out.  It can't be indeterminate!

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #21 on: February 21, 2015, 09:10:55 PM »
I'm with arebelspy.  I'd walk down to the county Human Services department with her and help her fill out whatever stacks of forms they require to get food stamps, sec. 8, job assistance, etc. 

And I'd probably find some way to make sure the roof over her head wasn't my roof.  Life's too short to have to suffer every day dealing with a difficult person. 

Maybe your wife needs to be able to stand up to her mother and discuss the terms of your arrangement with her.  That's difficult even for grown children to do (to interact with their parents as adults on equal footing and not as the parent still having authority over the child). 

Anyway, best of luck.  You have enough woes to write a good country music song if you're looking for an encore career.  I'd stick with the day job, too though since life at home sounds more stressful than most jobs I've had.

Big Boots Buddha

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #22 on: February 22, 2015, 12:13:42 AM »
My parents are divorced and my father lost his job, got very sick, spent all his money, was broke and sick and would not sign up for any government assistance. I sent him a lot of money which was wasted before I flipped out on him. I've been there, its hell, I'm sorry you have to suffer that.

In the end I sat down at a table with him and my mother and went from calmly explaining to mildly angry to screaming as loud as I could banging on he table. Eventually I signed him up for disability, food stamps, etc. But it was one of the most painful experiences I've had. I lost all respect for him and talk to once a year now.

I would sit down with her and explain the situation with as much screaming as needed. After that, cut off ties if need be.

gaja

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #23 on: February 22, 2015, 02:35:27 AM »
I think boundaries need to be set right away. Like smoking. It will be much easier to say now, before any habits are formed, that in my house there is no smoking of any kind.

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #24 on: February 22, 2015, 05:21:36 AM »
I'd definitely start with no smoking in the house: it's a health hazard and a fire hazard, and with you incapacitated with a broken knee you need to be safe in your own home.

I also think that if you wait "a month or two" to start setting boundaries with your MIL it will be too late for any of them to stick.

You say she is "too proud" to apply for State or Government assistance?  Apparently she's not too proud to mooch off you and your wife.  My boundaries would be to give her a time limit now for moving out: I'd set it at the time it would take for her government assistance to come through if she applied for it now.  You can then tell her that she needs to apply for assistance today, and if she gets a job before it comes through she will be able to keep her pride intact.


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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #25 on: February 22, 2015, 05:26:41 AM »
Point out to her that in Nevada, the house could be seized through civil forfeiture and you and your wife  could get 1-6 for knowingly maintaining a structure used for drug offenses. Then tell her the first time she lights up is when she moves out.


I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Annamal

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #26 on: February 22, 2015, 12:22:59 PM »
Point out to her that in Nevada, the house could be seized through civil forfeiture and you and your wife  could get 1-6 for knowingly maintaining a structure used for drug offenses. Then tell her the first time she lights up is when she moves out.


I'm so sorry you're going through this.

+1

Civil forfeiture stories from the USA are freaking scary, if you all become homeless it will not help your MIL.

kathrynd

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #27 on: February 22, 2015, 04:55:24 PM »
Where's she getting the money for marijuana?

What would you do?

Actually the wife and I discussed your scenario when you first posted this thread.

We both agreed that this:
And she's way too proud to get welfare, section 8, food stamps, etc.

Would not be acceptable.  You can take our money, but not the government's?  Nope, not happening.

So our first thing would be: you're applying for any aid you can get.  Don't want charity?  Too bad.  Work on getting yourself to a position where you don't need it (i.e. employed).  Right now you need it.

Second thing: We'd subsidize her, but she wouldn't live with us.

In other words, if she got a section 8 apartment, we'd pay her portion of the rent that the government didn't.  If she had food stamps, we'd supplement that with some extra money.

So we'd help support her, but only extra needed above the aid she was getting.  Refusing to do that and move in with us and rely on us for 100% of it (housing, food, etc.) is not our method.

I'm sure that won't help you, but you asked.  ;)

I hope it all works out, somehow.  Maybe her spiffy new resume will help her land a stable job that doesn't require drug testing.

agree with this post

dope heads....they are paranoid too

get rid of her asap.

Little Nell

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #28 on: February 22, 2015, 08:58:06 PM »
You've had a rough time of it. I write the following in order to help.

Whenever I had a string like this, I would repeat to myself "don't keep score. don't keep score." As long as I focused on ONE problem at a time (okay, now I'm on bed rest for pregnancy; okay, now I've got preclampsia--what is this thing called HELLP?; okay, now I'm having an emergency c-section; okay, now I have a preemie; okay, now preemie has large birthmark....and so on)--as long as I directed my attention to one problem at a time, focused on the moment, and did not take stock, did not count the problems up (at least until a few years later) I was okay.

I hope this helps as a psychological trick. Focus on one thing at a time.

AlexK

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #29 on: February 22, 2015, 09:58:55 PM »
Thanks for all the great advice. MIL does have $30k in the bank from house sale and cashing out 401k, and more than that in cc debt. The problem with finding an apartment with no job is they want 12 months of rent up front. She didn't like that.

Her vet tech license is good for the state of NV only. She said she might try to find a vet tech job in Las Vegas. Good thing I know somebody in Vegas she could stay with, right ARS?;)

If she is diligently looking for a job I'm going to let everything else slide. I could be a jerk and start making rules but I will have this woman in my life for the next 30 years.

arebelspy

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Re: A vent about how bad this year has been
« Reply #30 on: February 23, 2015, 01:15:15 AM »
Her vet tech license is good for the state of NV only. She said she might try to find a vet tech job in Las Vegas. Good thing I know somebody in Vegas she could stay with, right ARS?;)

12 24 36 months rent, up front!

;)
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