OK, to start from the beginning... What percentage of women ever ask a man for a date? The male is still generally supposed to 'pursue' the female, these days risking the consequences of sexual harassment if he misjudges his pursuit. He's expected to spend lavishly on meals, gifts, and so on, even though the female may nowadays make as much or more than he does.
This sounds like sociology as taught by 90s sitcoms and lazy standup comedians. Generally, rhetorical questions like "what percentage of women..." mean you don't have a clue what the real answer is, but you're hoping everyone else will make the same prejudiced guess that you did. For reference, pretty much anything you learned about gender by watching TV is misogynist garbage.
yeah, I was going to say... I'm sure this varies between particular subcultures but this has NOT been my experience at all. I guess me/my friends/my current and former love interests are more progressive than some, but in 2014 I really don't think you can make this generalization.
anecdotally, my boyfriend did ask me out to lunch for what was our first date, BUT this was prefaced a few days earlier by ME initiating us hooking up... and then a few days after our date, I actually booty called him :) currently (having dated for 3+ years), as I mentioned in another thread, we tend to spend evenly on things like gifts and dinners out, but I pay all of our large bills (rent/utilities) because I make a lot more money. it was interesting to me to realize as I typed out this paragraph that I actually WAS worried about being judged, that people would think I sounded slutty or trashy or that my boyfriend sounded not good enough or something since he wasn't providing for me. so yeah, even in reasonably "unconventional" relationships, those societal pressures are there.
I have so many more thoughts on this, but one common thread I realized as I pondered them all is that it's really important to keep in mind that
sexism hurts everyone, men AND women. I'm a feminist but I'm NOT a man-hater. I just want to start taking gender out of all these decisions (who asks who out? who pays for dinner? who's going to be the stay-at-home-parent? etc.) that it shouldn't really have anything to do with. it doesn't need to be an argument about who sexism hurts more... it hurts both of us!
You perhaps noticed that there were two factors there, 'white' and 'middle class'? Try being white and poor for a while, and you might gain some perspective on which is the really important one.
I think all three (adding gender to the mix) are important, and which one is MOST important depends on context. and you're right, I would rather be white and middle-class (probably even rather be a racial minority and middle-class) than be white and poor... but I would sure as hell rather be white and poor than a minority and poor.
As for why there's a disparity, it's pretty simple. Call it 'mommy track', if you like. Any person can only do so much, and it's just a fact of life that many women will choose to sacrifice career for children, while many men sacrifice children for career. (Not that either gender necessarily regards the choice as a sacrifice.) That choice, I think, accounts for a lot of the supposed disparity in earnings &c in almost every field.
I agree that this is what happens... but building on my comments earlier, what I'm trying to say is, how much is really a CHOICE and how much is societal pressure? on the one hand, it's a chicken and egg problem... if a husband and wife have generally similar careers, but they feel that the husband will eventually have greater earning potential (due to institutionalized sexism which may, as you point out, be based on totally accurate assumptions about which gender is more likely to drop off their career ladder), the wife is going to focus on kids while the husband is going to focus on his career... and the cycle continues. or even if they don't feel this way, who do you think is going to face more pushback from society if they stay home with the kids? if the husband stays home, unless you're in a big city there probably aren't "daddy groups" for him to connect up with the same way there are a gajillion mommy groups. he might get shit from in-laws, coworkers (if he works part-time) and others about not living up to society's views of masculinity (obviously they wouldn't use those exact words :)). many couples might find it's just easier to "go with the flow" and have mom stay home, even if she is more passionate about her career and/or has higher earning potential.
part of what I loved about "Lean In" was I felt like it acknowledged this reality (women can seriously only do so much) and really talked about the importance of a good partner and egalitarian parenting. in my dream world, both parents would work either part time or be self-employed with a flexible schedule (or retired early of course :)) so egalitarian parenting would be easy. unfortunately, our system isn't really set up for good, stable, part-time work in most fields.