Anyone have any life success with "The Secret"?

[clarkfan1979]

The book came out in 2006. I have one family member that I see about 2-3 times/year and every time we visit, the book gets mentioned. The basic idea is that if you visualize your goals, you will accomplish your goals. To be fair, I don't really think they push the book on anyone else. They just give current updates on what they are currently visualizing and what they are expecting for the next 1-2 years. The "goals" are mostly fancy cars and houses. However, none of the goals include any actionable steps. As a result, they have accomplished zero of the things they have shared with us. After 18 years of visualization with no results, why would someone continue with this sort of thing?

I think the concept of visualization could be helpful, if paired with action. Has anyone paired "The Secret" of visualization with action? Any positive results to share?

I have been on this forum for 10 years and reading the success stories have been quite impressive. This seems to be a forum of people that are not afraid to take action and it's been amazing to read about the positive results from others, based on MMM principles. 

[Morning Glory]

"Bright Sided" by Barbara Ehrenreich is a pretty good tear down of "The Secret " and other prosperity-gospel-adjacent nonsense.
The historical context is really interesting. The book came out in 2009 and she mentioned "Secret" specifically because it was so popular at the time.

https://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/10/books/10ehrenreich.html

[PKFFW]

Visualisation of goals, and more importantly, the process to achieve those goals, is used by many and "seems" to have positive benefits. For example, top athletes visualise their routines/plays/winning/etc before going out to perform. I know some studies have been done but I don't know how good those are or how they would control for other elements.

Having said all that, I agree with you that visualisation alone isn't going to do jack all. All those successful athletes train their asses off and actually go out there and perform in the moment. The gold medal isn't given to the person who visualises the best.

[Log]

Visualization and optimism can be powerful tools. The Secret seems to be a woo-woo version of The Practical Benefits of Outrageous Optimism marketed for women of a certain generation.

[Freedomin5]

The Secret seems to be couched in somewhat mystical language but it touches on principles that have some psychological validity. It seems similar to the field of neurolinguistic programming, for which there seems to be some scientific evidence. As another example, the concept of the self-fulfilling prophecy and priming similar.

I think there is some validity in the claim that your thoughts govern your behaviors and create behavioral patterns that make certain outcomes more likely. Cognitive therapy, which is an empirically validated treatment, focuses on changing thoughts, behaviors, and as a result, emotions/distress. The main point of cognitive therapy or CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is to help clients change maladaptive thoughts that are connected to maladaptive behaviors or distressing emotions.

That being said, there are also natural limits, which I don’t know if The Secret goes into. For example, if I visualized and filled my mind with thoughts of wanting to become an elephant, I may become more elephant-like and attract other people who also want to be elephants, but I don’t think I could grow a trunk and actually turn myself into a real elephant.

[Metalcat]

Why would they continue? Because it's low effort. Why do people buy lottery tickets for decades despite never winning?

That said, positive visualization is useful for some people, especially for catastrophizers who struggle to anticipate positive outcomes.

I've written a few times on the forums how a failure to anticipate good outcomes can sometimes leave people as unprepared as failing to anticipate bad outcomes. Even though many people feel safer only anticipating bad outcomes.

Still, positive visualizations are sometimes helpful, but not for the nonsense reasons claimed by The Secret. Positive visualization can be a powerful cognitive technique, but the "law of attraction" is pure, unmitigated drivel.

A lot of pseudo-scientific metaphysical crap is very compelling for a very large audience. That's the basis of a lot of cults.as well. This shit just resonates with people for some reason.

[cupcakery]

Overall I like the book, but think it can be misleading.  They make it seem like visualization is all you need.  I have visualized a few things with no action, then received them as gifts.  That is rare.  Visualization along with action works very well.  I keep a vision board and it is amazing how many goals I've achieved and how many tangible items I've obtained.  There are a few things that have been on there for years and I'm still waiting on and a few things I've removed because my goals have changed or because I no longer see a path.  I also try to keep my goals realistic.  No amount of visualization is going to make a check for $1m arrive in my mailbox.  I have received some things that kind of freaked me out.  I once had an unexpected bill that was stressing me out so I visualized getting/earning extra money so that I didn't have to hit my savings account.  Shortly after that, I received a check in the mail for almost the exact amount from an account that said after a review of my account, they had found an error in my favor.  That was very woo-woo.

[Metalcat]

Overall I like the book, but think it can be misleading.  They make it seem like visualization is all you need.  I have visualized a few things with no action, then received them as gifts.  That is rare.  Visualization along with action works very well.  I keep a vision board and it is amazing how many goals I've achieved and how many tangible items I've obtained.  There are a few things that have been on there for years and I'm still waiting on and a few things I've removed because my goals have changed or because I no longer see a path.  I also try to keep my goals realistic.  No amount of visualization is going to make a check for $1m arrive in my mailbox.  I have received some things that kind of freaked me out.  I once had an unexpected bill that was stressing me out so I visualized getting/earning extra money so that I didn't have to hit my savings account.  Shortly after that, I received a check in the mail for almost the exact amount from an account that said after a review of my account, they had found an error in my favor.  That was very woo-woo.

Even if we interpret your story of the bill and cheque as pure chance, positive visualization can help people be in a place of gratitude for those favourable coincidences that really do happen all the time.

Most people have a bias to notice negative things more, so a positive visualization practice can make you so much more aware of the good instances of fortune that come along.

Either way, it can be an extremely beneficial practice for folks who are biased towards the negative and fearful rumination. Which is unfortunately a hell of a lot of folks.

If folks want to believe in a metaphysical underpinning, then cool, have at it. If it produces an overall benefit, why not??

Folks in my journal are always marveling at the insanity of beneficial coincidences that happen in my life. I tend to have truly remarkable fortune, both horrifically bad and freakishly well-timed good. It's honestly so freaky that anyone close to me eventually posits some kind of metaphysical force because it's truly uncanny.

However, I'm also a relentlessly positive person in general, despite being constantly braced for the next fucking disaster I'll have to deal with.

As a result, I'm exquisitely aware of just about every ounce of good fortune I have. Which is awesome, I like feeling perpetually grateful for my good fortune. I don't practice gratitude, I just *am* grateful.

And positive visualization makes it a hell of a lot easier to handle disasters when they come. I'm able to easily visualize excellent outcomes for just about any scenario.

I was faced with a very real possibility of above -the-knee leg amputation last year, and my very realistic assessment of that was "well that would be shit," but it was also very easy to visualize a future where I do the work in therapy to process the loss and build the resilience I would need to thrive, and convert that insight into work with other amputees to give the experience meaning and benefit.

I pictured my DH and I being flown around the world to cool places to do lectures and events, connecting with the community and developing supports especially for couples, sharing our experience of how to make a marriage strong and fun post-amputation.

DH and I were joking around planning what kind of custom paint job I would get on my wheelchair. Don't get me wrong, there was tons of sobbing and anger and fear, but I also had total faith that I would process that and we would get to a point where we grew from it, like everything else we've been through.

I visualized that we would be able to help people and that we would meet incredibly inspiring people along the way who would inspire us.

It would be both a horrible, horrific outcome that would be an incredibly hard challenge to handle AND an unbelievable opportunity for insight, growth and human connection on a level that's hard to get without that shared experience.

People who are perpetually stuck in the negative rumination of challenges tend to miss so many of the opportunities that get presented to them on a regular basis.

A fixation on "I don't want this outcome to happen, so I'm going to spend all of my energy worrying about it" robs the human experience of the creative and dynamic ways in which every challenge creates opportunity.

A practice of positive visualization makes you more open to and aware of the opportunities that are constantly, relentlessly arriving in our lives that we often don't even notice thanks to tunnel vision on a desired outcome.

[Log]

^I haven’t actually read it, but I really admire the title of this book I’ve seen recommended online: “Everything Happens for a Reason, and Other Lies I’ve Loved.”

I’m not sure how genuinely I believe in that “everything happens for a reason,” kind of thinking. But pulling that line out of my back pocket every so often really helps me feel good about disappointments, setbacks, or the consequences of hard decisions and tradeoffs.

I’ve had a lot of lucky and serendipitous things lead me to San Francisco and help me afford to stay here. So when I consider life paths that would involve leaving, I can think, “well, life wouldn’t have given me all these amazing opportunities here if I weren’t meant to be here.”

It might be woo woo magical thinking, but it genuinely makes me feel more resilient to hardship and more grateful for the things I have.

[The Beebsta]

I haven’t read the book. I think I tried to listen to the audiobook once but got bored or something.

Anyway, I take it the concept is to visualise what you want and you manifest into being.

I have found writing down my goals to be incredibly useful, and it’s surprising what you can achieve.

I think the first time I did this properly, I had 1 year, 3 year and 5 year goals. I achieved all of them within a couple of years of their intended dates (ok, apart from weight related goals, those seem to evade me). I maybe didn’t achieve exactly what I wanted first time, but I got there in the end. For example, I wrote that I wanted a detached 4 bedroom house. I was living in London when I wrote that down. Clearly, that goal in London was unrealistic. We moved to Melbourne. The first home we bought was a 3 bedroom townhouse (attached). We sold that within 3 years and bought a 4 bedroom detached house.

During COVID, I wrote down that I wanted to earn AUD250k/year from my work/business/investments within 5 years. I had recently been made redundant from a $70k/year job and had started a consulting business. At the time, I was on track to earn less than $100k for the year. It was certainly a stretch goal!  Within 3 years of writing it down, I was earning that amount, 2 years ahead of schedule.

I’ve done vision boards too with good results.

So although I haven’t read the book, and am not woo woo, I 100% believe in the power of writing down your goals, or having a vision board or doing whatever works for you.

I mean, if you can’t articulate what you want, how can you achieve it? And how can you even know if you’ve achieved it?

[Morning Glory]

There is nothing wrong with writing down what you want and making smart goals, but the whole wishing/praying things into existence just rubs me the wrong way, like hearing "thoughts and prayers" after every mass shooting when nobody does anything to prevent the next one. On a societal level I think the danger is  that this ideology encourages followers to ignore systemic problems and instead blame individuals for their own failure to "manifest" or whatever tf that particular strain calls it, like a spiritual version of winner-take-all meritocracy.

[clarkfan1979]

Why would they continue? Because it's low effort. Why do people buy lottery tickets for decades despite never winning?

That said, positive visualization is useful for some people, especially for catastrophizers who struggle to anticipate positive outcomes.

I've written a few times on the forums how a failure to anticipate good outcomes can sometimes leave people as unprepared as failing to anticipate bad outcomes. Even though many people feel safer only anticipating bad outcomes.

Still, positive visualizations are sometimes helpful, but not for the nonsense reasons claimed by The Secret. Positive visualization can be a powerful cognitive technique, but the "law of attraction" is pure, unmitigated drivel.

A lot of pseudo-scientific metaphysical crap is very compelling for a very large audience. That's the basis of a lot of cults.as well. This shit just resonates with people for some reason.

Good point. Yes, it's very low effort to do just visualization alone so that makes sense. I also like your point about trying avoid negative thinking. I had a roommate when I was 20 years old and he was 24 years old. His grandfather sold some farm land and set up a trust fund for all the grandchildren to pay for any type of education. If he wanted to do any college or any trade school, it was 100% paid for from the trust fund. However, he never took advantage of it and constantly complained that other people get all the brakes and he was waiting for his big break. However, he never did anything. He just smoked weed in our apartment. His negative thinking prevented him from realizing that free college from his grandfathers trust was a huge opportunity. He never saw it as an advantage. 

He was able to access part of the trust fund in his early 30's by faking an elbow injury when he had a painting job. Another thing that trust paid for was if you were hurt and unable to work. He got Tommy John surgery, which is typically a 12 month rehab. He managed to stretch it to 24 months. It's mostly for professional pitchers. He might be the first painter in the country to get it.

I didn't read the book, but based on what others have said, visualization is not enough. You still need action. The book seems to promote the idea that all you need is visualization and that seems to be misleading to me. However, visualization with action would be a great recommendation.

[GilesMM]

Im not sure I know what visualization entails but having goals and a concrete series of steps to achieve them is usually helpful. As Dave Ramsey points out, most people don’t just wake up one day and realize they are millionaires.

[clarkfan1979]

There is nothing wrong with writing down what you want and making smart goals, but the whole wishing/praying things into existence just rubs me the wrong way, like hearing "thoughts and prayers" after every mass shooting when nobody does anything to prevent the next one. On a societal level I think the danger is  that this ideology encourages followers to ignore systemic problems and instead blame individuals for their own failure to "manifest" or whatever tf that particular strain calls it, like a spiritual version of winner-take-all meritocracy.

I agree that writing down growth goals for a consulting business and creating a vision board for organization purposes are both great ideas that make sense. However, my family members are trying to visualize winning the lottery to achieve their goals. They do buy lottery tickets, so there is some action. However, it just doesn't seem realistic. After 2 decades of no results, I am just puzzled.   

[the_hobbitish]

The podcast "If Books Could Kill" has an episode on it. I haven't listened to it yet as it's one of their older episodes, but their coverage of Rich Dad Poor Dad and a couple other popular books has been great.

[rosarugosa]

I read The Secret many years ago, and it was good for laughs.  I agree with what other posters have said about the value of writing and clearly visualizing your goals, and having a positive, can-do attitude, but the book was a bunch of bullshit about "manifesting to the universe" or some such nonsense.

I also strongly dislike the platitude "everything happens for a reason."  I mean on some level, duh, of course, lots of things happen for lots of different reasons.  But the idea that there is some kind of overarching grand plan that justifies  Alzheimer's Disease or someone's kid's cancer is just more bullshit.

[Metalcat]

I read The Secret many years ago, and it was good for laughs.  I agree with what other posters have said about the value of writing and clearly visualizing your goals, and having a positive, can-do attitude, but the book was a bunch of bullshit about "manifesting to the universe" or some such nonsense.

I also strongly dislike the platitude "everything happens for a reason."  I mean on some level, duh, of course, lots of things happen for lots of different reasons.  But the idea that there is some kind of overarching grand plan that justifies  Alzheimer's Disease or someone's kid's cancer is just more bullshit.

Tangent, but the kind of therapy I do really deeply explores this kind of thing, and one of the key philosophical lenses I use is that suffering, even extreme suffering, is actually a necessary element of a rich and full life.

All hope exists with an equal and opposite fear. So if life was devoid of suffering to fear, it would also be devoid of hope.

I myself will only hire a therapist who has been through a lot of horrors in their life, because I find they're the only people who have achieved the kind of peace and wisdom I seek help with. A life of horror isn't the only path to that kind of peace and wisdom, but it sure helps.

The difference between horrors ruining someone's life and horrors expanding their capacity for love, joy, and peace, is in how much of the right kind of supports they got along the way.

Alzheimer's runs in my family and it absolutely terrifies me. Brain bleeds also run in my family and my mom lost a fifth of her brain at 65. Losing my cognitive capacity chills me to my bones, because I've already lost so much physical function.

And yet, that loss and that fear drive me to live my life so much richer in the present.

Only unmet needs are motivating. And fear, legitimate, chilling fear, is a powerful motivator, because the need to manage it never goes away.

The existence of immense, largely unavoidable suffering is the single most powerful motivator to prioritize love and joy.

[LaineyAZ]

I read The Secret many years ago, and it was good for laughs.  I agree with what other posters have said about the value of writing and clearly visualizing your goals, and having a positive, can-do attitude, but the book was a bunch of bullshit about "manifesting to the universe" or some such nonsense.

I also strongly dislike the platitude "everything happens for a reason."  I mean on some level, duh, of course, lots of things happen for lots of different reasons.  But the idea that there is some kind of overarching grand plan that justifies  Alzheimer's Disease or someone's kid's cancer is just more bullshit.

Same here.  A snarky take on this same quote:  "Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes the reason is you're a dumbass."

[theninthwall]

Something overlooked with visualization/The Secret is that people who have a particular goal will often speak about it to others, and speaking your goals is a powerful tool to make them happen in my opinion.
Maybe the goal is biking through Europe. Say it enough times to enough people and you’ll run into someone who perhaps has a similar goal or knows people who can help. It’s a very effective networking tool.