Author Topic: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy  (Read 7022 times)

maisymouser

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Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« on: March 18, 2020, 01:22:52 PM »
Our situation is that DH and I are both WFH full-time. We pulled our 18-month old son out of daycare; we live with a 60+ year old and it felt like the right call to make for a lot of reasons. But... I AM GOING TO GO INSANE. We are on the side of minimizing screen time, which I will admit requires that we give a lot more attention to the boy. Right now we're each getting an hour or two of work done and switching off. I stay upstairs with the bedroom door closed while I work but it's still tough...

I'm determined to make this work. DH has been supportive but I have a hard time focusing while hearing the whining, crying, running, screaming. I wonder if he's missing out on playing with friends. I haven't been a SAHM since maternity leave and this is tough.

Suggestions/tips? Activities we should try out that comply with social distancing?

Freedomin5

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2020, 02:43:19 PM »
Can he go out into the backyard with an adult supervising? Scooter on the sidewalk?

 If it’s cold where you live, bundle him up well.

IsThisAGoodUsername

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2020, 04:18:12 PM »
Are there any nearby parks? You can still enjoy being outside in nature and taking walks (or stroller-ing) if the weather is nice enough.

nereo

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2020, 04:21:31 PM »
In a similar boat as you.  Wishing you luck. We’ve spent a lot of time going for walks and short hikes, plus indoor activities when the weather isn’t nice. Today was playing with bowls filled with ice and water in the bathroom (because it can get wet).
No idea what the next rainy day will bring. One day at a time.

maisymouser

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #4 on: March 18, 2020, 05:54:53 PM »
Fantastic idea, the bowls with rice. We have a bunch of white rice we never wanted to eat and this is the perfect way to use it!

GuitarStv

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #5 on: March 18, 2020, 06:19:09 PM »
It's hard.  Our kid is 6, and he can definitely be a handful.

We're doing a system where we switch control.  He's mine in the morning, my wife's in the afternoon.  That way at least we get half a day's worth of uninterrupted work.

We came up with a schedule of stuff for him to do broken up by the hour . . . school work from some books that we bought for him when this all started, quiet reading, play time, and two half hour periods of screen time each day.  We also do 'recesses' with walks outdoors for 15 minutes - once in the morning, once in the evening . . . then go for a 45 minute walk/bike ride with him after work.  Yes, we do social distancing while out, and we are careful about shoes/hand washing when we come back in.

So far this keeps him busy enough and getting enough exercise that he's not constantly in our hair . . . but he's still in our hair pretty regularly.  It is much more stressful trying to look after a kid while working from home than working at the office.  We kinda expected that going in.  Ugh.  Not going to end any time soon either.

tawyer

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #6 on: March 18, 2020, 08:31:03 PM »
Dang @maisymouser my heart goes out to you: I cannot imagine trying to do this when DS was 18 months!

We're following similar structure of switching off parental responsibility every 2-3 hours. Although he no longer naps he can at least do "quiet time" for two hours by himself in his room in the afternoon. Basically switching activity every 45 minutes keeps things from getting old for us and tends to tire him out more.

I think the only solution to the crying/running is to get outside. In our city exercise outside is fine. Parks are a bit problematic so I ride him somewhere off the beaten path during quiet times of day.

We also had a videoconference with one of his friends, which went well enough that I'm thinking of including it in our daily schedule.

Aelias

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #7 on: March 19, 2020, 03:48:33 AM »
Yup.  Right there with you.

My husband and I are home with our 7yo, 4yo, and 5 month old and trying to work from home.  It's early days, and we're managing, but it's rough.

We're doing a lot of the stuff that other folks here are doing -- trying to stick to a daily schedule, encouraging educational activities, trying to get some outside time when we can.  In some ways, I think 18 mos is a really hard age for a quarantine, because they're old enough to be mobile (unlike our baby who will just sweetly sleep on a shoulder while you work) but not old enough to be independent.

A couple things to consider:
-Hours shift:  This may be something unique to our family, but I'm a morning person and my husband's a night person.  So, I've been getting some quiet time in in the early morning (4-7) and he gets it at night (9-12). 
-Daily check in: My husband and I check in in the mornings and evenings to see when we have calls, and I put blocks on my calendar when he has a call, and he does likewise for me.  This is to try to make sure there's at least one responsive adult available at all times. Have to say, this doesn't always work.  Sometimes someone schedules an urgent call over one of our blocks which leads me to . .
-Screen time:  Yeah, we're leaning on screen time with the boys more than we otherwise would.  But we're trying to split it between "fun" screen time (cartoons) and "learning" screen time.  Khan Academy Kids has a good app for 2-7 that's free.  I stupidly decided to pay for a subscription to ABC Mouse--it was stupid because their site is totally overwhelmed and crashy during normal hours.  So, ABC Mouse for off-hours only.  We're also enjoying Story Time Online, where actors read picture books.  Today, we're going to try out Lunch Doodles with Mo Willems -- a livestreamed drawing lesson at 1PM.  I want to learn to draw Piggy!
-Music:  Having different kinds of music playing in the background has been helpful for setting the tone of whatever we're trying to do.  Free time can have more active music.  Non-screen learning time is generally instrumental classical or jazz.
-Indoor Active Time:  Getting outdoors is very good for all involved when it's possible.  But we've had some crummy weather days lately, so when we do, we have indoor active time.  Dance Parties.  Simon Says.  Yoga. Timed races up and down the stairs.
-Clean Up Time: Set aside at least 30 mins a day to keep your space neat and tidy, and involve your kiddo to the extent you can. You're going to be spending a lot of time there, so the toy situation needs to be under control.
-Virtual Playdate:  Honestly, at the toddler stage, it's mostly an excuse to talk to other parents over skype.  But you can let your kiddo wave at the camera! Our kids are old enough to interact with the other kids which is fun.  It does tend to make them kinda crazy (something about seeing themselves in the camera makes them extra loud and active)

And most importantly!
-Be Kind to Yourself and Each Other: Honestly, this makes me feel really grateful for the good baseline relationships I have with my husband and my kids.  All the little things that would sometimes bug me--I don't care about right now.  It's clear we're all doing the best we can in a really difficult situation, and we all need each other's help and understanding.  I also really emphasize being articulate about feelings and apologizing when you screw up--and you will screw up!--even with small kids, "Sweetie, I'm sorry I yelled.  I felt frustrated because was trying to concentrate on work, and that's hard when you're playing with that noisy toy.  But that doesn't make it ok for me to yell.  You forgive me?"

In the immortal words of Red Green*,"Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together."

*"The Red Green Show" was a very silly Canadian comedy where Red Green, a handyman who lives in the woods and spends a lot of time in his Lodge with his geeky nephew, Harold, teaches you how to fix stuff (lots of duct tape!).  Think parody "This Old House."  If you need some good, senseless giggles, there is a TON of Red Green on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUXPuYZ4DEQ&list=PLYA1dURVg2KxVhXX-y0viKQi4HoiDSqCs

bthewalls

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #8 on: March 22, 2020, 03:17:03 PM »
suggest increasing screen time to 8 hours a day.....you can work and mind kids...needs must and detox them after it passes

YttriumNitrate

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #9 on: March 23, 2020, 07:11:33 AM »
Ear plugs. Get some good ear plugs. I have a 1 and 4 year old in the house, and have been working from home for the last 6-months or so. Kids are loud and distracting, there's no getting around that. I use Pelator's H7.

strongmag

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #10 on: March 23, 2020, 09:05:37 AM »
Agree with earplugs or over-ear headphones (not earbuds) with some classical music playing to drown out the noise while you're taking your "work shift"

bthewalls

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #11 on: March 23, 2020, 11:36:33 AM »
fuck it guys....stop working and play wit the kids....?

Linea_Norway

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #12 on: March 23, 2020, 11:51:58 AM »
Our situation is that DH and I are both WFH full-time. We pulled our 18-month old son out of daycare; we live with a 60+ year old and it felt like the right call to make for a lot of reasons. But... I AM GOING TO GO INSANE. We are on the side of minimizing screen time, which I will admit requires that we give a lot more attention to the boy. Right now we're each getting an hour or two of work done and switching off. I stay upstairs with the bedroom door closed while I work but it's still tough...

I'm determined to make this work. DH has been supportive but I have a hard time focusing while hearing the whining, crying, running, screaming. I wonder if he's missing out on playing with friends. I haven't been a SAHM since maternity leave and this is tough.

Suggestions/tips? Activities we should try out that comply with social distancing?

Can the 60+ year old look after the kid some hours, like outside in a park

moneysense

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #13 on: March 24, 2020, 08:06:23 PM »
Almost exact same situation as you, OP. Our son is 19 months old and high energy. We've relaxed our screen time rules and even then, he only sits quietly and watches for maaaaaybe a solid 20 minutes before he declares he's done watching anything, so that hasn't been much help.

I'm not working my standard 8 hours in row, but it's cobbled together throughout the day and seems to be working for now.

I've been able to read/reply to emails before he wakes up (which is usually between 6:00-7:00am), schedule conference calls/Zoom meetings during nap time (usually 12:00-2:00pm), and crank out the hard stuff after bedtime (which is between 7:00-7:15pm). During the times he's awake, I let him play/color near me in the office or my husband is able to take him outside to play both in the morning and evening, but yes, can still hear the running, crying, whining, etc.

Some activities we've been trying:
--washing toys in the sink, he likes to play with the bubbles
--practicing scooping with measuring cups and cotton balls out of a muffin pan
--bought some colored popsicle sticks and some plastic Easter eggs; he likes to put them in a container and then dump them out and then repeat
--helping with chores: laundry, emptying dishwasher, putting away groceries, picking things up (he's at the stage where he loves to be helpful and I hope it never ends!)

I also recently googled "toddler activities" and "toddler curriculum" and found some good ideas.

Good luck!

nereo

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #14 on: March 25, 2020, 05:52:06 AM »
We started baking with our 19 month old. 
It went... surprisingly well.  Made yogurt cake, which is about a simple as they come and hard to screw up, and fun to eat afterward.

The key seems to be prepping and knowing that some of the ingredients will get spilled.  Cleared off our center island and had her ‘measure’ out a scoop of each of the ingredients and then helped her ‘stir’.  She loved it. 
Couldn’t turn our back during this process but we all had fun.

Also:  I have rolls of that brown paper you cover floors with when painting (we’re doing a live-in remodel) and I taped it to the floor of our play room with painters tape.  That gave us a HUGE surface we could draw on with crayons and pencils.  Kept her occupied for a good hour, though towards the end she was more interested in peeling at the tape holding the paper down than anything else.


Cpa Cat

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #15 on: March 25, 2020, 06:43:11 AM »
In theory, one of you can claim Paid FMLA for childcare starting April 2, as long as your employer isn't exempt. I wouldn't inform them of your plan just yet though, or even hint to your employer that you're having difficulty, because there is a high likelihood that you'd get laid off so they can avoid paying you for 12 weeks of paid leave.

FrenchToast

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #16 on: March 25, 2020, 12:25:50 PM »
Am I missing something, my understanding has always been that FMLA is UNpaid leave? Essentially 12 weeks for which your job is protected but you are not paid & not working.

Sibley

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #17 on: March 25, 2020, 01:10:07 PM »
Am I missing something, my understanding has always been that FMLA is UNpaid leave? Essentially 12 weeks for which your job is protected but you are not paid & not working.

New law JUST passed. Families First Coronavirus Response Act (FFCRA)

LostGirl

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #18 on: March 25, 2020, 01:18:12 PM »
Am I missing something, my understanding has always been that FMLA is UNpaid leave? Essentially 12 weeks for which your job is protected but you are not paid & not working.

New law JUST passed. Families First Coronavirus Response Act (FFCRA)

OMG OMG. Please, yes! I'm about to take a leave of absence because it's just too much working full time from home plus having two younger children.
To the person who said just hang out with your kids, my work has gotten so much more type a and competitive since people are working from home and we know that there's only so much work to go around. This normally wouldn't bother me, and I'm also a big fan of delegation but with all the other stresses, this is really making me feel crappy.

FrenchToast

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #19 on: March 25, 2020, 01:30:45 PM »
Am I missing something, my understanding has always been that FMLA is UNpaid leave? Essentially 12 weeks for which your job is protected but you are not paid & not working.

New law JUST passed. Families First Coronavirus Response Act (FFCRA)
Thanks! I guess I was missing something :)

tawyer

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #20 on: March 25, 2020, 02:12:17 PM »
So we just need to not get laid off before April 2 to qualify for EFMLA. Hang in there everyone!

Cpa Cat

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #21 on: March 25, 2020, 02:28:29 PM »
So we just need to not get laid off before April 2 to qualify for EFMLA. Hang in there everyone!

It only reliably covers employers with between 50-500 employees.

Employers with over 500 employees aren't covered. Under the assumption that they already offer paid leave - which seems like an odd assumption, but that's the way the government went.

Employers with under 50 employees have the option to apply for an exemption, which most would qualify for. Many may be ignorant of this possibility though and will neglect to apply (especially since we have no formal process with which to apply for an exemption). So it's still worth trying. The exemption only exists for the childcare interruption pay. There is no exemption if an employee is actually sick with COVID-19 or has a family member sick with COVID-19 - they have to be offered paid leave.

Does not come into effect until April 2. Schools have closed in my state. The day after EFMLA passed was probably the #1 layoff date to date, as employers feared their entire workforces would claim EFMLA. You really don't want to let your employer know you plan to claim this.

RFAAOATB

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #22 on: March 25, 2020, 08:29:07 PM »
We got thrust into almost the same situation.  2 work from home parents, a live in grandpa, and a high energy toddler.  Grandpa takes the kid outside or to the store for a few hours in the morning and then it’s nap time after lunch.  Our work shifts are offset by 90 minutes so we can trade off the beginning and end of the day.  If she can watch her tablet quietly we let her stay in the room with us, otherwise one of the three adults has to occupy her in another room.

Luz

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #23 on: March 26, 2020, 01:31:13 PM »
It's all about optimizing. What is your toddler's sleep schedule? And how many hours per week do you put in? Between night and nap, mine is asleep 12.5 hours. I sleep 7.5, so that gives me 5 hours right there.
Add in tag teaming with your partner (say one of you takes before nap and the other after nap) and you both get another 5-6 hours to get in the rest of work + a chore and a little personal care time. If you work 40 hours, but spread it over 7 days, you increase your chore and "me" time..
I find that if I give my toddler my undivided attention in the morning, ( read books, roam around outside, etc) she's much more independent the rest of the day.
Most toddlers also thrive on structure because they like the sense of control. We do the same rhythm everyday. It prevents most tantrums and a good amount of whining (though both are par for the course at this age).
Independent playtime is one of my favorite parenting hacks (buys you another hour, once established) as is refraining from entertaining them so they learn to entertain themselves. Also not letting the crying or whining influence my follow through. Crying and whining increase quite a bit if they know it sways your response.

maisymouser

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #24 on: March 27, 2020, 07:23:37 PM »
Interesting note about EFMLA. We won't qualify for a number of reasons but I hope it points someone on the forum in the right direction if they need it.

I made 'rainbow rice' today with white rice that we were going to throw out since we only eat brown & basmati. So glad we hung onto it- what a cheap and fun activity. I brought in the kiddo for the prep work. I also cut a slit in the top of an empty oatmeal canister to slide poker chips and cards into. Funny enough, he gets really agitated about things getting 'stuck' in it temporarily and it turned out to be a dud of a toy for us. But it's an easy one that I bet would be a hit for most toddlers.

Re: sleep, I like to sleep nearly as much as my kid since COVID (9+ hours, something must be wrong with me). And I don't want to sacrifice that since it's been the biggest 'good thing' that has happened since I started WFH. That said, I haven't tried doing undivided attention in the morning and seeing how that affects his interest in being independent. Sounds like an experiment for this weekend!

When our 60-something-year-old housemate returns (she is self-quarantining at our unrented-for-this-month second property just in case) she will be helping a couple hours during each weekday in return for some of the FSA money we aren't able to spend on daycare. I am feeling very lucky that she's a great housemate, person, and is great with kids.

This whole thing has really emphasized how I feel about a lack of community in US society. We are not designed to raise kid(s) with just 1-2 people full-time, regardless of working situation.

Luz

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #25 on: March 28, 2020, 01:38:20 PM »
Interesting note about EFMLA. We won't qualify for a number of reasons but I hope it points someone on the forum in the right direction if they need it.

I made 'rainbow rice' today with white rice that we were going to throw out since we only eat brown & basmati. So glad we hung onto it- what a cheap and fun activity. I brought in the kiddo for the prep work. I also cut a slit in the top of an empty oatmeal canister to slide poker chips and cards into. Funny enough, he gets really agitated about things getting 'stuck' in it temporarily and it turned out to be a dud of a toy for us. But it's an easy one that I bet would be a hit for most toddlers.

Re: sleep, I like to sleep nearly as much as my kid since COVID (9+ hours, something must be wrong with me). And I don't want to sacrifice that since it's been the biggest 'good thing' that has happened since I started WFH. That said, I haven't tried doing undivided attention in the morning and seeing how that affects his interest in being independent. Sounds like an experiment for this weekend!

When our 60-something-year-old housemate returns (she is self-quarantining at our unrented-for-this-month second property just in case) she will be helping a couple hours during each weekday in return for some of the FSA money we aren't able to spend on daycare. I am feeling very lucky that she's a great housemate, person, and is great with kids.

This whole thing has really emphasized how I feel about a lack of community in US society. We are not designed to raise kid(s) with just 1-2 people full-time, regardless of working situation.

I recently read that getting enough sleep is the most important thing you can do for your parenting. Nothing wrong with 9+ hours!

lhamo

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #26 on: March 28, 2020, 02:37:43 PM »
I haven't done this yet, as it has been mostly rainy this week, but when the weather clears I plan to volunteer to weed neighbors yards through my Buy Nothing group.  If you focus on one or two types of weed -- here the shotgun is going crazy -- it should be pretty easy to recognize even for a little kid.  An hour or two of weed brigade duty around the neighborhood might be a good way to consume some extra energy.

If you have a bit of outdoor space, it is a good time in many parts of the country to be starting vegetable seedlings -- another task that even little kids can help with.  If you don't have much room to grow your own garden you can always share with neighbors who do, or people who have allotment plots.

Noise cancelling headphones are probably worth investing in for those trying to work in spaces they are sharing with others.

calimom

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #27 on: March 28, 2020, 06:50:59 PM »
Interesting note about EFMLA. We won't qualify for a number of reasons but I hope it points someone on the forum in the right direction if they need it.

I made 'rainbow rice' today with white rice that we were going to throw out since we only eat brown & basmati. So glad we hung onto it- what a cheap and fun activity. I brought in the kiddo for the prep work. I also cut a slit in the top of an empty oatmeal canister to slide poker chips and cards into. Funny enough, he gets really agitated about things getting 'stuck' in it temporarily and it turned out to be a dud of a toy for us. But it's an easy one that I bet would be a hit for most toddlers.

Re: sleep, I like to sleep nearly as much as my kid since COVID (9+ hours, something must be wrong with me). And I don't want to sacrifice that since it's been the biggest 'good thing' that has happened since I started WFH. That said, I haven't tried doing undivided attention in the morning and seeing how that affects his interest in being independent. Sounds like an experiment for this weekend!

When our 60-something-year-old housemate returns (she is self-quarantining at our unrented-for-this-month second property just in case) she will be helping a couple hours during each weekday in return for some of the FSA money we aren't able to spend on daycare. I am feeling very lucky that she's a great housemate, person, and is great with kids.

This whole thing has really emphasized how I feel about a lack of community in US society. We are not designed to raise kid(s) with just 1-2 people full-time, regardless of working situation.

I'm grateful for the village I've had while raising my kids. Relatives,  neighbors, children's friends'  families, etc. Not always perfect but helpful.

My 13 year old is helping out a neighbor family while school is closed.  The mom is  WFH and the dad is a first responder. My DD  goes over on days  it's not raining to occupy the two little boys. It's all outdoors, they run off steam and DD sets up obstacle courses and  easy things we  looked  up  on the Jack Capon website for motor play. Hardest part is maintaining social distancing; the youngest loves her and wants hugs, etc. So  far it's working. She had a similar gig with them last summer.  2 hours and the mom gets a fair amount of uninterrupted work time. DD gets $20 a day Venmo'd. It's good for her, good for the mom and good for me (lol).

Kmp2

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #28 on: April 16, 2020, 09:31:45 AM »
We have a 23 month old, a new 4 year old and a new 7 year old.... Working from home is impossible with a toddler. Even the screen time only entertains him for 20 minutes before he's back to scaling furniture.... he fell part way down the stairs and was caught with the scissors his sister left out (she can get into any childlock now, but is not wise enough to put everything back) - the first day we tried working from home without childcare.  We had 3 choices: I take leave, we both drop to part time and split the day, or we hire a nanny.

At the same time my friend was worried about her sudden lack of income, and being alone through all this - it was easy, hire her - she moved in that night :)

Other than she has a dog that is not getting along well with the youngest it's working really well. She even does the lunch dishes!

The six year old would be ok with loads of extra screen time, the 4 year old would manage with lots of running/outdoor time combined with screen time... but the toddler needs eyes on him almost all the time.  He was our deal breaker to working from home with no childcare.


maisymouser

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #29 on: August 08, 2020, 11:29:21 AM »
Whelp, I pulled the plug and we are sending Mr. Dude to a small family daycare Tuesdays/Thursdays starting next week. I cannot tell y'all how excited I am. I am completely and utterly exhausted today. I've noticed that I am losing patience all too quickly with him and overreact to accidents, yell a little too much, and zone out when I should be spending quality 1:1 time with him. Here's hoping that these periodic breaks help me be a better parent soon!
« Last Edit: August 08, 2020, 11:31:52 AM by maisymouser »

Cassie

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #30 on: August 08, 2020, 01:57:29 PM »
WFH with a toddler would be so difficult. Hope the new daycare works out.

maisymouser

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #31 on: August 09, 2020, 07:33:35 AM »
WFH with a toddler would be so difficult. Hope the new daycare works out.

It is, and it's opened my eyes to how people not as lucky or privileged as me have to operate day to day. What if I had TWO toddlers? What if my husband wasn't WFH to pass the kiddo off to for parts of the day? What if I watched children FOR A LIVING? Any of the above might push me over the edge... I crave quiet solitary adult time. The pandemic has given me a *lot* more recognition of who I actually am, haha.

MrsSpendyPants

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #32 on: August 22, 2020, 09:58:28 PM »
Similar situation - both WFH right now with a 22 month old and it's close to impossible.  I have clients calling from 6am to 9pm and I always have a toddler begging for my attention in the background.  We're bad parenting and now sending him to day care Tue-Thurs and not restricting television Monday and Friday.

I don't know what else to do.  If anyone finds the answer, let me know.

maisymouser

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #33 on: September 24, 2020, 12:42:13 PM »
Update on my daycare situation: my one-woman provider texted me Monday to tell me "so I drove my mom from the airport yesterday, and she's had a headache a while and was coughing a bunch in the car but it's cool we were wearing masks, I hung out with her for a half hour after that. oh yeah and she then developed a fever last night. I feel totally fine but just wanted to let you know in case you don't want to bring your son tomorrow". (paraphrased)

My first reaction (kept to myself): WTF ?@#8($#&%?@#(@@$&
Second reaction (also to myself):  Well thank god she told me, I guess that's nice of her?

But omg. seriously?? After the long thread of texts we had before sending him there about covid safety and being under the impression she takes COVID seriously??

The long and short of it is that her mom got tested for COVID but I haven't heard of any results. We obviously didn't send kiddo to daycare. I am kind of losing it at home because I suck at being a full-time stay-at-home-and-work-simultaneously mom.

I don't even know how to handle the situation should the test be negative. DH is worried about sending him regardless, since tests can give false negatives and we wouldn't know what kind of respiratory illness our provider exposed herself to. I'm more in the "it's probably OK to send him" camp but my trust in this lady has kind of been obliterated between that and her not wearing a mask during dropoff/pickup for any parents.

I know what we do for the next week or two, but beyond that I feel utterly helpless. On the one hand, gotta keep myself and my family safe and COVID-free. On the other hand, I absolutely cannot work full-time from home with him here. I'll lose it. This week I haven't been half the parent OR employee OR human I want to be.

<end vent session to total strangers on the internet>
« Last Edit: September 24, 2020, 12:44:41 PM by maisymouser »

maisymouser

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #34 on: September 24, 2020, 12:47:46 PM »
I also wanted to say, my toddler is the picture-perfect kid and one of the best kid listeners I know. He almost always follows directions, entertains himself relatively well, and is funny and smart. He is EASY. Which makes me feel even worse for all the people out there with tough toddlers.

How are any parents making it through this alive? How is it possible that after one kid, people decide "aww I'll have another three"? I think the population crisis may resolve as a direct result of the pandemic. I used to want 12 kids and now I'm not even sure about 2.

rockstache

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #35 on: September 24, 2020, 04:51:58 PM »
I’m a clumsy writer so I hope this doesn’t come off rude or hurtful. I promise I mean well. Since becoming a parent myself, (not quite two years ago) one of my massive pet peeves is when people call their kids easy (which don’t get me wrong, I have also done but I am trying to stop!). Literally every parent I know says it, and sometimes when I listen to their stories I think, “shit no, that kid sounds impossible.”

IMHO God or Mother Nature or fate or the FSM has somehow seen to give us all kids that we view as easy, or else parenthood has conditioned us to take what we get and appreciate it thankyouverymuch. Which is probably a very good thing, but can be very hard on the internal monologue when we are thinking, “this child is so easy so what’s wrong with ME??” A forum friend once said that an easy infant is like a ‘not that bad broken arm.’ I mean sure, it was a nice clean break, it’s going to heal nicely and you probably won’t have any long term effects. But in the meantime, you still have a fucking broken arm, and even the best broken arm is pretty darn awful.

So anyway, I say all that to say...you’re working full time from home with a toddler. Unless that kid is miraculously whipping up dinner while you work, you have a very difficult situation. And as charming and self sufficient as he might be, he’s still a freaking toddler. Which means he’s a lot of work and needs a lot of time attention and energy. You’re doing a great job and you shouldn’t feel guilty about anything, least of all your feelings about being home with him 24/7 while also working.

mm1970

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #36 on: September 24, 2020, 05:09:39 PM »
I also wanted to say, my toddler is the picture-perfect kid and one of the best kid listeners I know. He almost always follows directions, entertains himself relatively well, and is funny and smart. He is EASY. Which makes me feel even worse for all the people out there with tough toddlers.

How are any parents making it through this alive? How is it possible that after one kid, people decide "aww I'll have another three"? I think the population crisis may resolve as a direct result of the pandemic. I used to want 12 kids and now I'm not even sure about 2.
I had my second kid when my first one (the easy one, ha) was 6.  I'd forgotten how hard the toddler years were by then...

maisymouser

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #37 on: September 25, 2020, 07:12:52 AM »
I’m a clumsy writer so I hope this doesn’t come off rude or hurtful. I promise I mean well. Since becoming a parent myself, (not quite two years ago) one of my massive pet peeves is when people call their kids easy (which don’t get me wrong, I have also done but I am trying to stop!). Literally every parent I know says it, and sometimes when I listen to their stories I think, “shit no, that kid sounds impossible.”

IMHO God or Mother Nature or fate or the FSM has somehow seen to give us all kids that we view as easy, or else parenthood has conditioned us to take what we get and appreciate it thankyouverymuch. Which is probably a very good thing, but can be very hard on the internal monologue when we are thinking, “this child is so easy so what’s wrong with ME??” A forum friend once said that an easy infant is like a ‘not that bad broken arm.’ I mean sure, it was a nice clean break, it’s going to heal nicely and you probably won’t have any long term effects. But in the meantime, you still have a fucking broken arm, and even the best broken arm is pretty darn awful.

So anyway, I say all that to say...you’re working full time from home with a toddler. Unless that kid is miraculously whipping up dinner while you work, you have a very difficult situation. And as charming and self sufficient as he might be, he’s still a freaking toddler. Which means he’s a lot of work and needs a lot of time attention and energy. You’re doing a great job and you shouldn’t feel guilty about anything, least of all your feelings about being home with him 24/7 while also working.

That didn't come off rude or hurtful at all. I hadn't ever considered it a possible pet peeve so I'm glad you told me so I can avoid saying that in the future!! I have never heard the infant/broken arm analogy before but I love it. Hopefully it's more like not only does my arm heal but I end up with two extra ones to do my bidding...?? Right now we've got him feeding the cats at morning/night. I am hoping he will build us an additional shed and maintain a flock of chickens by the time he becomes an adult. A girl can dream, right?

Kmp2

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #38 on: October 20, 2020, 11:21:56 AM »
I will never ever ever take reliable childcare for granted again... in fact I'm probably on my way to being an affordable childcare advocate for all! It's amazing how important it is for working parents, and single parents especially!

We actually chose virtual schooling for  my oldest so our childcare would be more predictable - less risk of colds/covid exposure - therefore fewer breaks in childcare.

I wouldn't have imagined a world where you couldn't pay for daycare, couldn't have family come over and look after a sick kid etc... well here we are! And phew - it sure showed me how precarious my career is!


maisymouser

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #39 on: December 13, 2020, 05:31:40 PM »
Update: We no longer have any daycare, now or thru the spring as far as I can tell. After a string of serious illnesses that were not COVID but which left our daycare provider unable to care for DS, we have made the decision to sort of somehow juggle working and caring for him instead of sending him to the local preschool or finding a stranger to care for him during the week. I am grateful that we have jobs that will allow us to do this, but I am struggling mentally at this point. While there's a light at the end of the tunnel (vaccinations!) it seems we have an awfully long way to go.

I was talking to my mom over the phone today and said, "Yeah we are taking our usual walk route again" and she told me "I don't mean this to sound judgmental but you are doing the same activities over and over again". She's right, we have run out of ideas totally that are acceptable to me from a COVID perspective. I feel claustrophobic and unable to focus at work, and time has slowed to a crawl. Probably because I am stuck in a state of Groundhog Day.

I haven't posted since September about this, and there have certainly been plenty of really wonderful times since now and then. It's easy NOT posting about all the fun things- developmental milestones, closeness with my child and family, and taking things at a leisurely place. But I'm yet again finding myself in a state of despair though, and am going through the phases of grief about not having childcare (or playdates, or any of the other 'normal' stuff) to look forward to indefinitely.

skuzuker28

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #40 on: December 14, 2020, 02:36:13 PM »
I feel some of your pain.  Hopefully our childcare will start back up in January, our kids are 5, 4, and 2 and with both of us working full time from home it is definitely a struggle.  On top of it, I'm about totally burned out from working at home.  I need more social interaction.

BuffaloStache

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #41 on: December 17, 2020, 10:04:32 PM »
Just found this thread but I relate to a lot of it. In the beginning of the pandemic we went through a ~3 month stint where we had an energetic toddler and an infant at home with us while we tried to piece together some semblance of work (fortunately, I had a lot of sick/vacation time saved up and so I was basically able to work part time for the first ~month). I consider myself extremely lucky that my kids daycare is still open now, and they have a lot of very strict policies and so we take that chance and still send our kids in. DS absolutely loves the fact that he can still socialize with his friends (albeit behind a mask- shocking what a 3 year old can do if he sees all of his friends doing it too), and it would be extremely hard for my wife and I to maintain our careers without it. We view it as "our most risky activity" COVID-wise, however, and so we are extremely cloistered and cautious in other aspects of life when compared to a lot of others we know.

All of this to say that you rock, @maisymouser , and don't let yourself fall into the trap of thinking otherwise. This literally is a dystopian world we're living in right now (not as bad as the end of humanity, but definitely an odd time), and you are doing more than most to try to enrich your child's life while holding down a job.

I know I'm in a different situation, but I've found a couple things that help to 'spice' up life in a COVID-friendly way:
  • Try coming up with 2-3 different walking routes, so that you can mix it up when you go outside.
  • Sounds like you are doing this already, but try to get outside almost every day. It's a great way that you and your husband can trade off and give the other person some very-important work time. Bundling up in cold weather can be tough, but IMHO it's good for your kid to learn that you can still have fun outside in nonperfect weather.
  • If you can afford it/are comfortable with it, try to get takeout at least once a week. It's been fun for us to find unique places that can do contactless delivery or curbside pick-up, and we have a rule that we can't get food from the same place twice in the same month. Also, literally taking any house tasks (cooking/dinner) off of your plate can give you more time to be with family or work. At the very least do one night/week with an 'easy' dinner (frozen food, etc.).
  • We've become oddly attached to holidays in 2020... Moreso than other years. And usually this doesn't even cost extra money- we have our kids color/make decorations and hang them up around the house.

Hopefully some of these can help in this *fingers crossed* homestretch before the Vaccine! And if not right away, there's still MLK Jr. Day, Valentine's Day, Presidents Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, etc. to look forward to...
« Last Edit: December 17, 2020, 10:16:02 PM by BuffaloStache »

maisymouser

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #42 on: December 18, 2020, 10:03:10 AM »
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement @BuffaloStache!

Funny you mention that your 3yo is fine wearing a mask. Our 2yo has no problem with wearing one when necessary for about an hour or two at a time. It took about a week of 'playing' with the mask (putting it on baby dolls, challenging him to keep it on w/o touching it for as long as possible, etc) but afterward he had no issue with it, especially because when he wears it we all wear one- it's just a part of what we have to do sometimes, he realizes! On the other hand it has made me maybe a bit more judgemental about older kids in grocery stores (esp. 5 year olds and up) who aren't wearing one but should be perfectly capable of it. And it has made me downright angry that actual adults feel that it's too much of a hassle to wear one for even a few minutes at a time.

We are in hardcore, threat-level-midnight, no-risky-activities-whatsoever lockdown mode in preparation for a trip to see DH's parents for Christmas (skipping my family this year). I am very much hoping that this change of pace helps us get through the next month.

A friend pointed out that any visit at all is against the recommended guidance at this point, to which I wanted to respond, "We have sacrificed enough. We have earned this. We have worked so hard, and been SO EFFING RESPONSIBLE in contrast to those who won't consider simple COVID precautions. We will have had no contact with any human for two weeks prior to our visit, and wear N95s in all situations prior to that where we have been near people. We have been anti-drivers of the pandemic. WE ARE DOING THIS ONE THING as safely as humanly possible!!!!"

What I actually said (and meant) was "Yeah, you are absolutely right. This is not ideal. It is absolutely reasonable that we should consider not going."

This year, man....

rockstache

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #43 on: December 21, 2020, 11:59:18 AM »
On the other hand it has made me maybe a bit more judgemental about older kids in grocery stores (esp. 5 year olds and up) who aren't wearing one but should be perfectly capable of it. And it has made me downright angry that actual adults feel that it's too much of a hassle to wear one for even a few minutes at a time.


THIS! If my 2 year old can do it, so can you MF. UGH!

BuffaloStache

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #44 on: December 21, 2020, 03:38:08 PM »
Totally agree. My 3 yr old can wear his mask for ~2+ hours with no issue whatsoever. I've even seen him run around and play in the snow with a mask on.

Cassie

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #45 on: December 21, 2020, 04:40:24 PM »
I am amazed that you guys are getting 2-3 year old kids to wear masks. You guys really rock!! 

maisymouser

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #46 on: December 22, 2020, 01:14:08 PM »
I am amazed that you guys are getting 2-3 year old kids to wear masks. You guys really rock!!

Thank you!! It wasn't the easiest of things but we have built the habit and I'm proud to say, DS even knows that touching the mask is a no-no.

Anyone have any other interesting activities we can try out? I'm running out of ideas here... :P Today we went to a different playground that was deserted, and I set up a 'scene' of ALL his wheeled toys for him to discover in the morning as per one parenting website suggestion. It worked pretty well; this morning he played with trucks for about an hour straight independently. Oh, and we watched as a neighbor had contractors out to fell a dead tree, which was SUPER EXCITING free entertainment for him.

BuffaloStache

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Re: Working from home during COVID- toddler may drive me crazy
« Reply #47 on: January 13, 2021, 06:47:22 AM »
hey guys, just posting here to wish you all a happy new years and see if there has been any updates. The holidays were odd for us this year and isolated, but we made do. Best of luck in 2021!