So my kid thinks he's getting the Lego Death Star for Christmas. :/

[chilliepepper]

A few weekends ago, my kids went to a birthday party. Santa showed up, and walked around asking kids what they wanted for Christmas. My 5yo now thinks he's getting the Lego Death Star, because he "asked Santa for it." 7yo is hoping for a Lego remote control train.

Thanks a lot, Santa.

I feel like so far, we've exercised a reasonable amount of restraint with our gift giving at birthdays and holidays. We've always tried to keep it under $50 per kid. (I know that's probably still a lot from a Mustachian POV, and over the coming years I'd like to rework our whole family's mentality about gifts and what holidays are really about.) However, we've apparently managed to impress them enough each time that they have come to expect some sort of "wow" gift for each occasion. Unfortunately (but not surprisingly), as they get older it will take more to wow them, and the expectation is obviously unsustainable.

The silly thing is, we've really not been "in" to Santa as a family. We haven't built it up for our kids at all, and have even told them multiple times that Santa is a LEGEND---based on what we believe to be a real person, but a legend nonetheless. Not that we want to be party poopers, but it's important to us to try to keep legend and reality separate for our kids.

But when the dude keeps SHOWING UP at various events, it's hard for their little minds to believe that he's pretend. They really want to believe that he's real.

Anyway...needless to say there will be no Lego Death Star or Remote Control Train under the tree this Christmas. As much as I would absolutely love to delight them in that way, I just can't shell out hundreds of dollars for one gift. I've tried to gently let them know not to expect it, but I know they are probably holding out some glimmer of hope. I don't want Christmas morning to be a dismal disappointment. Any thoughts on how to prepare them for the fact that Santa isn't going to pull through?

[kt]

my parents told me that santa bought/made/got all the presents but the mums and dads had to send him the money for this. worked well in our house when we were living off a part-time income whilst at college.
you could still run into 'send him more money' or other problems. it might have helped that, although young, we were aware that there wasn't a lot of money around at all (for example, visitors brought us food not flowers).
unfortunately kids have to learn that they can't have everything they want, even at christmas.

[ruthiegirl]

My kids cling to the Santa myth with their teeth.   My son is 9 and still wants to believe.  He is clueing in, but it is taking some time.   And no, we don't push Santa at all!  He is just out there, lurking at every school and community function with his big promises and high expectations. 


What we say is this -- there are 2 billion kids in the world and everyone needs a little something in their life.  So, if my kid gets a $400 Death Star, that means a bunch of kids would get nothing.  There has to be enough to go around. 

And we also add a few tag lines about Christmas not being about getting every wish fulfilled, but being with family and enjoying time together. 

[Scottma]

Would it be possible to make a Death Star model that's not marked up name brand? On a quick google I found this website outlining one dude's process in making his own model:

http://www.starwarz.com/modelshop/make/deathstar.htm

I'm sure his process could be simplified, and it could be a fun project to work on together. And for the model train, would a motorized Knex kit be a good substitute?

http://www.amazon.com/Engino-18-Model-Set-Motor/dp/B008VO7GQI/ref=pd_sim_sbs_t_4

[igthebold]

We tell our kids Santa is a game people play. I have trouble with the idea of trying to enforce the idea that Santa is real when he's not. Trying to train my kids to avoid situations like the following is entertaining:

Cashier: <congenial> Are you ready for Santa to come this year?
Daughter: <glaring> He's not real.

Friend: I asked Santa for legos this Christmas.
Son: What are you talking about? Santa's not real.

This has saved us a lot of pain over the years.. our kids don't expect to even be allowed to make requests. As a result, we can encourage others to get them books, legos, magazine subscriptions, etc. AND they enjoy themselves nonetheless. Food, family, and extra time with dad when he's off work are enough for them, it seems.

[Daley]

Any thoughts on how to prepare them for the fact that Santa isn't going to pull through?

Tell them the unabashed truth. Not, "Santa is based on a legend of a guy," but, "Santa is not real, full stop. There's no guy at the North Pole, there's no flying reindeer, no elves or workshop. The people you saw were regular guys like your dad dressed up as Santa, and they did so because they think in their well-intentioned but flawed ideals that it's a good idea to lie to children and get their hopes up making them think they'll get whatever they wish for. Reality doesn't work like that, and it creates unhealthy expectations in children who grow up to be demanding adults with equally unhealthy expectations. Your parents won't be getting the Lego Death Star for you, and quite honestly, we realized that spoiling you the way we have in the past with gifts might not have been the wisest idea as it's fed into those false expectations. Your gifts this year will mostly be clothes you need anyway and a couple really cheap but fun toys and time together with your family. I'm sorry if you're disappointed by this, but life is full of disappointment, and learning to deal with and manage disappointment will allow you to succeed and prosper in life where others will fail. We're telling you this because we are real, we love you, and we think lying to our children is bad. There's also no Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Big Bird is a regular guy in a giant bird costume, and Elmo is a puppet with a dude's arm in it."

[James]

Tell them the unabashed truth. Not, "Santa is based on a legend of a guy," but, "Santa is not real, full stop. There's no guy at the North Pole, there's no flying reindeer, no elves or workshop. The people you saw were regular guys like your dad dressed up as Santa, and they did so because they think in their well-intentioned but flawed ideals that it's a good idea to lie to children and get their hopes up making them think they'll get whatever they wish for. Reality doesn't work like that, and it creates unhealthy expectations in children who grow up to be demanding adults with equally unhealthy expectations. Your parents won't be getting the Lego Death Star for you, and quite honestly, we realized that spoiling you the way we have in the past with gifts might not have been the wisest idea as it's fed into those false expectations. Your gifts this year will mostly be clothes you need anyway and a couple really cheap but fun toys and time together with your family. I'm sorry if you're disappointed by this, but life is full of disappointment, and learning to deal with and manage disappointment will allow you to succeed and prosper in life where others will fail. We're telling you this because we are real, we love you, and we think lying to our children is bad. There's also no Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Big Bird is a regular guy in a giant bird costume, and Elmo is a puppet with a dude's arm in it."

I agree with this.

However, I do banter with the kids after they know this.  We joke about Santa only bringing them coal, or Santa trying to fit through the little pipe from our pellet stove.  The tooth fairy comes at the middle of the night while they sleep, but they have always knows that the tooth fairy is really us.  I don't think there needs to be any animosity toward these cultural legends, just truth.  I love to joke with my kids and will use anything for that purpose, including these legends, but I don't try to confuse them or encourage them to think of them as real, they are simply stories we incorporate into our lives as we see fit.

Regarding Christmas, they don't visit Santa or sit on his lap simply because they think it's stupid.  I realize I'm lucky that way, I could easily have a kid like the OP who really gets into the idea despite me telling them Santa is just a guy in a suit.  So take all of our advice and realize none of us have your kids or your specific circumstance, only you know your full situation, but it's good to get outside thoughts from a place like this.  I enjoy seeing what others do about things like this and appreciate all the good info I get here.

[Use it up, wear it out...]

Recent Slate article about kids, Santa Claus, and lying.

[chicagomeg]

I think it's good for kids to be disappointed sometimes. He'll be fine, don't overthink this one.

[DoubleDown]

Wow, I'm surprised there's such a backlash against the whole Santa Claus legend! Whatever works for everyone, I personally see no harm in children believing in Santa Claus until they figure things out. Makes Christmas fun and magical for them.

Personally, I would ask my kids (already knowing their answer), "What did you tell Santa you wanted this year?" When they answer the Lego Death Star or whatever, I'd say enthusiastically, "Wow, that's exciting! Who knows, maybe you'll get it, or maybe you won't. You know, Santa Claus brings you what he thinks is best for you, sometimes it's not always the thing you ask for, but it's usually a great gift."

[Erica/NWEdible]

Santa Schmanta - I have no dog in that particular fight. But it is very hard for us to say no to gifts of legos in this family. My 8 yo daughter wants one thing - The big Queen Anne's Revenge Pirates of the Caribbean lego ship. It's actually selling for OVER retail (about $180) right now because it's out of stock and a 2011 model. But it's the only thing she wants, and she's consistently wanted it since her birthday early in the year and it's totally in keeping with our gift values, AND she doesn't ask for (or get) much. Like, this would be it. And we can afford it. And, and, and... ::sigh:: So I guess put me in the category of people who will splurge on Legos. Bring on the face punches. If it were a $180 Bratz Doll collection or $180 pair of jeans she'd be SOL though.

[chilliepepper]

Splurge on Lego, maybe...but the Death Star is Four Hundred Freaking Dollars! Oh, 'scuse me. Amazon has it marked down to $360. I'll take two.

I like just about everything that's been said here. Thanks.

[tooqk4u22]

Wow, I'm surprised there's such a backlash against the whole Santa Claus legend! Whatever works for everyone, I personally see no harm in children believing in Santa Claus until they figure things out. Makes Christmas fun and magical for them.

Personally, I would ask my kids (already knowing their answer), "What did you tell Santa you wanted this year?" When they answer the Lego Death Star or whatever, I'd say enthusiastically, "Wow, that's exciting! Who knows, maybe you'll get it, or maybe you won't. You know, Santa Claus brings you what he thinks is best for you, sometimes it's not always the thing you ask for, but it's usually a great gift."

Absolutely this....why is it so bad that kids beleive in Santa or other fairy tales.  The joy in being a kid is living in the land of make believe, whether it be Santa or prtending you are pirates fighting on the open sea and searching for treasure. 

But nowhere does it say that Santa guarantees you get everything you want so a little disappointment is fine.  Who knows it may even get them to ask you for ways to work for/earn it later.

BTW - who doesn't want a death star.

[Erica/NWEdible]

Splurge on Lego, maybe...but the Death Star is Four Hundred Freaking Dollars! Oh, 'scuse me. Amazon has it marked down to $360. I'll take two.

I like just about everything that's been said here. Thanks.

Oh. $400? Wow. Yeah, I hear ya knocking now. That would be no-go, even in our pro-lego house. :/

[happy]

Fantasy didn't live long in our house due to no1 son concrete thinker, somewhere around age 4:

"Mummy do you buy all the presents and give them to give to Santa to give out?"  "UMMM why son?" " well everyone keeps asking if you've done the Xmas shopping, and what else would you be buying except presents?"

I forgot to put the tooth fairy money out to be faced with a very disappointed son. Quick as a flash I improvised "well its the weekend, maybe the tooth fairy doesn't work weekends".  Several weeks later I heard him advising his friends not to put their teeth out on the weekend, since the Tooth Fairy didn't come on weekends. Not long after he faced me with:" The Tooth Fairy isn't real." "Why not son?" "Well she leaves 50c at our house and $1 at Johnny's house...if she were real, she'd leave the same at every house".

I think learning Santa doesn't bring everything you want is just another part of learning life's lesson that you can't have every thing you want.  As a parent I try to remind myself of this,  but its not always easy. Whilst I think I'm doing pretty well at no longer wanting stuff, the thing that will trip me up every time, is wanting my kids to have what other kids have.

[ShavenLlama]

When I saw that Death Star advertised in November, I assured my family and friends that anyone who made such a purchase would get a very literal punch in the face, even if I have to drive cross-country to deliver it. It doesn't even look that big!

I have a big beef with Legos of late, that being the peices are getting to be so specific that it takes the creativity out of the toy! My neice had a 100+ peice dog grooming set or something, and a large percentage of that count was the flowers, which are composed of 2 tiny bits that could not possibly ever be used to do anything else. And even this set was over $20!

Anyhow, Chillie, your initial comment about the kids wanting that toy reminded me of this:

http://consumerist.com/2012/12/03/lego-finds-spare-discontinued-set-so-boy-who-saved-up-for-2-years-wouldnt-be-disappointed/

Maybe there is a Santa? :)

[Self-employed-swami]

What about a Kre-o set?

http://www.hasbro.com/kre-o/en_CA/

[gooki]

I have a big beef with Legos of late, that being the peices are getting to be so specific that it takes the creativity out of the toy!

I second this. My little girl (2) can easily transform a 4x2 block of duplo into a ladybird, or an ice cream cone.

And you should hear my wife's rant about 'girl specific' Lego sets.

[c]

My colleague has been complaining about these Lego sets for weeks now. They are very frugal and make an effort not to buy "stuff" for their kids or foster a sense of entitlement (to be honest I think it's a bit extreme at times).

Last year was the first year her son started to actually ask for "things" for his birthday and in general, previously he was happy with the posters she made for him. It was also the year he started Kindergarden. It's amazing how kids are influenced by others. Her family doesn't have a TV, and for Halloween her son wanted to be a "superhero", he couldn't even name one, he just heard the other kids talking about them.

They are first generation immigrants and lived somewhere where they went without a lot, they are Jewish, so don't celebrate Christmas. Their son is obsessed with Santa Claus and is writing him letters every night, she said he even included an Amazon code in the letter so Santa would find the correct Lego sets.

She said that she's worried for a couple of reasons, one that he went on and on about a Lego set so she got him one for his birthday, but all it seemed to do was encourage him to ask for more and two, her in-laws bought him a bag of regular Lego and he's not interested he just wants the kits, which apparently you build once then put aside.

It's a complicated issue as she's seeing her personal and cultural values eroded by consumerism and a different culture but at the same time wants her son to fit in. It worries her that he's so young and wants to much. He's writing letters to Santa, expects something for Hanukkah and New Year (New Year is when she and her family traditionally give gifts).

I told her about the "want, need, read" thing I'd read about other parents doing and she's going to discuss it with her husband. I think it would work out great for them as it covers all his expected gift giving periods and sets expectations.

(last year my husband wanted to buy a Star Wars Lego kit for our nephew, who is 5, it may have been the Death Star. It was $250. I frightened small children with my reaction).

[N]

consider explaining that just because you tell santa your wishlist, that it is not an automatic thing.

I try really hard not to shame my kids about what they want, even if its not something *I* like, or would like for them. I encourage my kids to make wishlists, we often take pictures of things in stores that they want (but dont buy them),  and they can circle stuff in catalogs, make collages, lists, or draw pictures of their dream stuff. I agree that certain things are awesome, that they might be fun to have... we have used allowances, saved monetary gifts and then let them pick out stuff.

My daughter wanted one of those barbie heads with long hair that you can style. They were 35$. I was convinced it would get ruined in a matter of weeks and be a bad toy, and I said no for  quite a while. Eventually she saved enough to buy it, and guess what, she has played with it for a couple of years now. she is almost 9 and has taken great care of it.

I can also remember the near hysterical desperation I had, at age 8, for a barbie dreamhouse. I remember crying myself to sleep many nights because my parents told me there was no way I was going to get it. Surprisingly, I did get it on xmas morning, from santa. I was shocked...but I remember feeling sort of duped, because my parents knew how upset I was about not getting it, and I knew they were Santa...so I felt some bitterness over the whole thing. My enjoyment of was  spoiled by the santa manipulation. (oh, and they were really into the whole "Santa is watching you, behave", "if you arent nicer to your brother, Santa wont bring you anything") yuck.

Im not sure what the moral of my story is.

I try to support my kids in their desires- and that doesnt mean buying everything, it just means being kind about it, being honest, trying to find a way to make it happen, wether its saving up, asking for gift cards to a certain store so they can buy one big thing,  and helping them deal with emotions and desires and dissappointment. Kindly.

N

[chicagomeg]

I have a big beef with Legos of late, that being the peices are getting to be so specific that it takes the creativity out of the toy!

I second this. My little girl (2) can easily transform a 4x2 block of duplo into a ladybird, or an ice cream cone.

And you should hear my wife's rant about 'girl specific' Lego sets.

I have one too. My poor fiance gets an earful every time we go to Target. They're SO dumb.

[mm1970]

I would just go with "Santa brings what he thinks you need".  Or "Santa has a lot of children to get gifts for and if you get such a big one other kids go without."  I don't think there is anything wrong with them believing in Santa for awhile.  Though my 6 yo is starting to have doubts.

I mean, the Death Star is expensive (my 6 yo really wants the Millenium falcon, which is *only* about $125).  He gets so many legos that we don't buy him any.  (I did make him a Darth Vader blanket and a Millenium falcon pillowcase though).

Yes, the new sets are very specific.  My kid will sit down and take apart and put together the same set over and over.  Then they get tossed into a box, and when we go to make it again, most of the time is spent looking for pieces. Now, we also have my  husband's legos from when he was a kid (he's 44).  So we have a lot.  And now he's getting better at substituting if we can't find a piece.

AND we will often use all these crazy specific pieces to make our own spaceships/submarines/airplanes/aircraft carriers/oil rigs, etc.

[Kriegsspiel]

Put the fear of the Krampus in them.

[kt]

aaa krampus! balances out father christmas so nicely. though i was quite afraid of what krampus night might actually be like when i was in austria!

[Kriegsspiel]

Hah, I was hoping someone would be familiar with the Krampus!

[happy]

It won't work with the very young kids but a recent interaction with the Death Star reminded me of this strategy I've employed successfully before.

Doing our "all in get it all done on sat arvo" Xmas shop (have I mentioned before I HATE shopping?), we were looking for lego for the nephew. I remembered this thread and told my 17 year old about the Death Star.  His eyes light up and sure enough he finds it.... but here down under its $700Aus ( which is about $720-30 US currently). Well blow me down, but he starts going on and on about how much he'd love this,  not quite pulling a tantie, but obviously it was love at first sight.

So I just said if he really wanted it he could get a job in the holidays and save up for it, or I would give him extra chores to earn the money. As quickly as it came the desire evaporated in front of my eyes "ah , well, no, its probably not worth it, doesn't matter"...mutter...mutter

Its won't work for the 5 year olds,nor with Santa, but once they are a few years older, this is very effective...so often they're happy to spend your money if they can weedle it out of you, but not interested if it requires effort on their part.

Ps I have the same problem with the lego sets too.

[jpo]

I have a big beef with Legos of late, that being the peices are getting to be so specific that it takes the creativity out of the toy! My neice had a 100+ peice dog grooming set or something, and a large percentage of that count was the flowers, which are composed of 2 tiny bits that could not possibly ever be used to do anything else. And even this set was over $20!

Very much this, after a quick check at Amazon, $400 will buy you over 8000 regular lego bricks instead of 1 specialized Death Star.

[Melissa]

My daughter loves Krampus!  She learned about him in German class and how her teacher got 'whipped' by Krampus during a German parade because he caught her booing him!

[Kriegsspiel]

Hah, that's awesome.

[arebelspy]

So what was the outcome of this chilliepepper?