Hi, there,
We have three little ones. I think you've gotten some good tips. here are a few others.
Who says dates have to be in the evening? If we're paying someone, then we want our money's worth. Sitting on the couch for 2 hours after the baby's asleep is not worth that much money to me, and I still have to get up early the next day - so not so excited to stay out and up late!
So sometimes we'll hire someone for a few hours in the morning, then do a crossfit class + brunch together.
This past week we had 3 families over. At 4:30pm. I made a bunch of from scratch pizza. Kids played, had a blast. Adults, too. Everyone was gone by 8pm.
We've gotten the trade-babysitting thing to work a few times, but mostly just when we had one kid. We would take him with his PJs so he could have a bath with the hosting family's kid. Again, go to dinner early. Like 5pm, so, you're picking up your bathed/PJ'ed kid as he's falling asleep. Then hope for an easy transfer from car to crib.
Sometimes we do "day dates' during the work week. We both work so kids are in daycare. We can take a half day and get a few hours together, at no additional cost in terms of child care.
It's tough finding time with spouse with little ones. Frankly, we just budget it in. We try to have at least one date a month. Money well spent, IMHO.