Pre-planning baby : 1 year out

[alwayslearning]

First off, thank you to all who answered my "When did you start a family?" post. That was very helpful! My husband and I have decided to start trying for a baby in one year!!! We are very excited, but also very nervous about what this next year means for us.

What should we do (financially and physically) the year before starting a family? Is there anything you wish you would have done the year before having kids?

All advice is welcome!

[jvs]

Hi! Congrats, what an exciting time for you and your husband.

I would go and try to be as fit as possible. Eat healthy, workout... Your pregnancy will be easier, as well as the delivery, recovery and then the years of fun running around with your child(ren). This experience is much more enjoyable when you are in good shape and you also feel better in your own skin if you can bounce back (which is faster if you're fit to begin with).

Financially, well, for us we opened a savings account in which we put money each week for education savings. When our child was born, we opened the proper account and are able to invest the funds and get it to grow. I don't know where you are located... But here in Canada, the government will match your contributions to education savings up to a certain amount per year. Free money! If our children choose not to pursue higher education, those grants go back in the government's pockets. BUT the interest we made on it and earnings from the investments are all ours. Also, our capital, interest, etc. is still ours. So it's worth to take a look at this. Free money! Our children are 3 and 1 and we already have more saved for their education than what mine cost me altogether (some years ago in a province where it's cheap, but still.. Very encouraging). That's only with 25$ per week per child since the moment we learned we were expecting, plus some money the government is sending us each month for each child from 0-6 for daycare which we don't use.

Also, think right away about how you want to care for your child - are you going back to work or not? If you are, you'll need to start looking for daycare pretty soon. Where I am it's hard to find and very expensive. You have to be on waitlists before you decide to conceive. In our case, we knew I'd be staying home until they're both in school. So we saved accordingly.

I just found this site and I realize that we were very much Mustachians before I knew it existed. We lived frugally and saved because it's in our nature and also because our goal was to live comfortably while I was home. And we are. We are now on only 1 salary and still able to put about 35% of our take-home pay in our savings, plus another small amount in our children's savings.

So figure out how you want to manage this and be super frugal. Kids don't cost much. You can buy stuff used and resell it for a similar price so basically you're just borrowing stuff for the time you need it, or buying at a ridiculously low price. 

Good luck!

[TexasStash]

Few thoughts (beyond the good advice from other poster):

1. Agree about the getting physically fit beforehand but be careful about the types of physical activity you do once you start trying. My wife did some physical activity that was strenuous (without stretching) right around the time we found out she was pregnant, and she hurt herself... which is taking forever to heal because the added weight of the baby kept it from healing during the pregnancy.
2. Financially, figure out what is the right amount for you to have saved in liquid accounts just in case there are any pregnancy complications. We also have redone our budget to accommodate the additional costs and reduced income expected. One of the best things we did (I think) is get motivated to save and invest aggressively during the pregnancy knowing that this was our prime opportunity to save money with our incomes high and expenses low.

[brycedoula]

You could start doing this now, or at least 3 months before trying to conceive:

(Depending on where you live) Take a vitamin D3 supplement(400 IU to 1000 IU per day, usually). Here in the Great White North I get about ZERO exposure to sunlight for at least 4 months. Have read that mothers who have higher levels of vitamin D in their blood MAY have babies who are at lower risk of conditions like MS, celiac disease, other auto-immune-related things.

Take a folic acid supplement(400 mcg per day, possibly more if family history dictates). If you eat a well-balanced diet (specifically dark green & leafy vegetables) then this may not be a concern, but folate/folic acid reduces the risk of congenital spinal cord abnormalities due to a deficiency.

**no I can't quote the specific articles/studies I've read re: these 2 things. Google it if you're so inclined**

Neither of these supplements are expensive. Maybe $5-ish for a bottle of 100 pills, IIRC. If you get a prescription from your doctor maybe your health insurance will even cover it.

[CheapskateWife]

I wish I had known that some "enhancing" lubricants actually damage/kill sperm (not enough to be reliable BC, but enough to hamper pregnancy efforts).  We tried and tried and tried (fun!) but no joy.  A girlfriend with fertility issues told me about the issue with that and suggested a product called "Preseed".  Sounds kind of gross, I know but worked like a charm.  We were pregnant that same month.

Cut out the crap in your diet now.  White sugar, white flour, anything that makes your body run at less than optimal capacity.  Start exploring butter, avocados, nuts.  Eat fat, but good fats.

+1 to making sure you are fit.  And keep moving after you get pregnant, even if its just a walk every day.

[greenleaf]

Now: I agree with earlier posters, get really, really healthy, both exercise and diet as other mentioned, but don't neglect sleep habits.  Everything gets harder when you have a helpless person to take care of, if you can go in with good habits it will help.  This year is a great time to try to fix any habit that doesn't seem like a big deal when you are childless, but that you might not want your child to see (e.g. speeding while driving, cursing, not sitting down for meals, etc.). 

Now: do a few things that will be more difficult with children, especially if it's something you've wanted to do but haven't yet (always wanted to try rockclimbing? week long kayak trip?).  You can still do those things after or course, but it will help if you already know what you're doing.

3 months before you start trying: Figure out what care provider you want to use and where you would ideally want to deliver. You may want the check your insurance to see what is covered (and actually since you're planning so far ahead, check the options at your next open enrollment to make sure you have the best one for pregnancy/birth, you can always switch back to the cheaper option the next year)  I saw Certified Nurse Midwives and delivered both of mine at home (I am lucky to live in a state with this option, most states don't allow CNMs with the training and privileges to deliver in hospitals to also deliver at home), but had to convince my husband that it was safe and a good idea.  I'm happy with my choice, but it's not for everyone, and I wouldn't fault anyone for deciding that their birth plan is to immediately accept any and all drugs offered. :)  Just decide what you want, but don't obsess and accept that it might not happen they way you imagine.

3 months before you start trying: Someone already mentioned this, but start prenatal vitamins (folic acid).  I think you can stop after the first trimester if you want, I'm not aware of a study proving usefulness beyond that for otherwise healthy people (but I could be wrong,  investigate for yourself).

Once you're pregnant: Find a few good books on pregnancy, birth, breast feeding and infants (yes read those now because you won't have time or brain capacity later)  I like The Birth Partner (recommend skipping What to Expect).  Personally I liked the one by Ina May, but it's probably not for everyone.

Around the end of the 2nd trimester (but not earlier than half way):  Make a list of what you want/need (it shouldn't be a long list) and start looking at children's consignment stores for things you can get used and sales for things you can't.  The reason for waiting is that those last couple months, and especially the last couple weeks seem incredibly long and it's nice to have something like this left to do.

Things I never did and don't regret:
Make/decorate any sort of nursery.  Seems like such a waste of time and resources.  The baby will not notice.

Set up separate savings accounts. I know some people disagree, but I've never been a fan of separate accounts for separate goals. If you're already a saving a lot, it just seems like one more thing to keep track of.  (Unless there are incentives like those mentioned by a previous poster, then of course take advantage)

Preplan for childcare.  This is a really bad idea in some parts of the country with waiting lists, but it was fine for us.  We figured it out when the baby was about 2 months old ( I went back to work at 12 weeks) and were very happy with what we found.

[vulgar_girl]

My advice would be to relax.  Sometimes you are lucky and get pregnant right away.  For me, it didn't happen that way.  We were planning, prepping, researching... I think i was stressing myself out.  A few months after we stopped "trying" to get pregnant, it happened.  Don't stress yourself out.  Let nature take it's course.

[KCM5]

One thing to think about (not obsess over!) is your pesticide and heavy metal exposure. So a couple of months before start thinking about any pesticide application you do or have done around your property (I'm thinking of how we had bedbugs while I was trying to get pregnant). Also consider mercury and pcbs from fish you eat. And lead, depending on the age of your home.

[Meggslynn]

If there is anything you have been planning on doing around the home/house do it before you get pregnant/once baby comes. Its very hard to do any sort of project once baby comes as your so freaking tired all the time ;)

[lifejoy]

OP, thanks for starting is thread as I am in the same boat! So many useful things to think about. I think the hardest part for me will be stepping up my exercise levels. Good motivation, though.

[Gin1984]

Our chosen daycare had a year waiting list, so if you play to go back to work, start looking now.

[RelaxedGal]

In line with the fitness advice, bring it up at your next routine physical.  My doctor appreciated the warning and made sure I was up to date on all my vaccinations, gave me the same advice as the others on this thread re: vitamins, and gave general advice about smoking, drinking, etc.  Prescription prenatal vitamins might be cheaper depending on your insurance (I really like my Flintstones so I don't have numbers for you).

[greenshade]

I am currently pregnant and expecting my first child in about 8 weeks.  I second the advice to work on your fitness and diet.  My husband and I both lost weight, added more fruits & veg to our diet, and limited carbs before I became pregnant.  However, after I became pregnant we had to make a few concessions on our diet because I was constantly craving carbs (mmm, rice). I am also incapable of walking more than a few blocks without pain/fatigue.  So, be prepared to go easy on yourself when you are pregnant.

Don't stress yourself out worrying/planning for pregnancy and parenthood.  At some point you just have to go for it, you will never be fully prepared. 

If I had to do the pre-planning over again I would have worked harder on removing the fluff from our budget and eliminating our student loans beforehand.  As it stands, we are *mostly* debt-free, but it would be nice to have the SL gone and have more $$$ in retirement.  Also, I know many people in their late 20's or early 30's who are frantically going on one huge trip after another in preparation for hopefully conceiving children in the future. If you want to travel, I would plan on maybe doing some travelling, but my observation is that alot of people go way overboard trying to have as much fun as they can before having kids.  We are actually really excited about travelling with our future child and I don't feel the need to circle the globe before having him (too late anyway!).

[LiveLean]

Cut the crap in your diet not just for the reasons listed above but because that will become your kids' diet. Not just because of what they "consume" in the womb but when they arrive.

Once they can consume real food, give them real food -- meaning fruits and veggies, lean protein sources, hopefully the same stuff you'll be eating. If you give them a diet of fish sticks, chicken nuggets, hot dogs and other crap, that's what they'll eat later.

Sadly, we speak from experience.

[frogger]

If you'll want it and don't have it yet, get life insurance for yourself before you get pregnant. It'll be easier/cheaper than while pregnant, and pregnancy and childbirth aren't risk free.

[Genevieve]

Take a look at your disability insurance policies and other benefits from your employer.

If you have a short term disability policy, you might have to enroll some months before becoming pregnant (often 9+). Pregnancy isn't considered a pre-existing condition for health insurance, but it is for disability insurance. There are also independent disability insurance policies, but you might just use your own savings for that.

Take a look at your health insurance -- how expensive will the birth be? What about pre-natal and neo-natal care? You can switch policies when a child is born as it is a qualifying event, but since you're planning early, you can plan to switch during regular enrollment times if you want.

My gynecologist says that all women of childbearing age should take folic acid. It impacts development greatly very early on in pregnancy, so if you get pregnant accidentally, you'll miss out on an important developmental period. Ask your doctor for a prescription if they'll give it -- it will be at the right dose, might be covered by health insurance, and you can trust the manufacturer.

[Neustache]

I always say this, I and doubt anyone listens, but be financially ready to only live on one income.

I can give you three anecdotes of pregnancy issues where the women couldn't work at all during some point in the pregnancy.  One is my story, one's my sister, and a good friend who has spent her entire pregnancy on bed rest. 

You want to be prepared for that, financially. 

[lifejoy]

Such good advice in this thread! Keep it coming! None of my closest friends are married or thinking of starting a family just yet... I don't have that bff to ask all these questions to :)

[starbuck]

I'm two months pregnant, but it took us 14 months to get to this point, so here's what I focused on over the last year before finally creating a lima-bean sized person.
-Find a copy of "Taking Charge of your Fertility" and start tracking your periods and ovulation cycles. There's a free app called Kindara that I use. Really good stuff in that book for all women, whether trying to conceive or not.
-Prioritize my relationship with my spouse. Strong foundation and all that good stuff. Going for walks, putting away the iPhone when together, starting a board game night tradition.
-Automate everything. bill payment, investments, pet food orders, all of it. Also optimized recurring expenses like cell phones (switched to Ting!), internet, car insurance, electric bill, groceries, etc.
-Straighten out your investment strategy so it's easy to execute (and then automate it!)
-Work the kinks out of living off of one income. We were doing this for other reasons (going back to school and a career change) but this has worked out nicely since the timing of the baby will coincide with a new job for my spouse (and probably the loss of mine) and a cross country move. Although I'm sure for most mustachians, this is already par for the course.
-Taking LOTS of non-baby friendly vacations, like backpacking in the mountains, multiday kayaking trips, sleeping in bunk rooms at hostels, and lots of skiing.
-Cleaning out the closets and getting rid of all the crap we've accumulated. This also dovetailed nicely with our upcoming move in another year.
-Eating sushi and not worrying about my caffeine intake :)

And seconding the recommendation for the 'preseed' lubricant. It was recommended elsewhere on this forum too and it worked like a charm for us. Conceived the first month using it, just when I was getting ready to make an appointment with a fertility specialist.

[CheapskateWife]

And seconding the recommendation for the 'preseed' lubricant. It was recommended elsewhere on this forum too and it worked like a charm for us. Conceived the first month using it, just when I was getting ready to make an appointment with a fertility specialist.

Mine came in a package with frickin baby shaped glitter...it was rediculous.  He is 6 years old now and the joy of our lives!

[EngineerMum]

Find a gynaecologist you like. Test for STDs as many can be asymptomatic but cause issues (not that I can remember what those are, just that the doc told me to do the tests), and treating them prior to conception is a better way to go. Check your own immunities, esp rubella, as even if vaccinated, immunity can wane over time. Check your iron and vitamin levels, you may be recommended to have pre-conception supplements if you are low in some of the critical things.

You don't say what country you are in, so I assume the US, but for Aussies reading the thread, 1 year out is when to make sure you have the right private insurance if you want to go private. Bear in mind though that there are out of pockets (in the order of $5k) for insurance charges with private Obs, and in many places the public system is fantastic, and free. (I am biased, having had excellent care through a public hospital).

Start looking into what method of care you want. In Aus there are many options - public or private hospital, family birthing centre, home births (uncommon), with your own midwife or doula, etc. Your options are narrowed the later you leave it. Find a GP you really like, who is familiar with pregnancy and birth, who can help you navigate the options.

Talk with partner about how your relationship will be different with baby. Get on the same page with who is responsible for what. We ended up with me responsible for working nearly full time, most of the housework and pretty much all the baby care, and it destroyed our marriage. If your partner isn't currently sharing the load WRT housework, start transferring tasks to them, as you will not be able to do as much when pregnant, and definitely once baby arrives. Before having kids, most people assume that baby + housework = one job, and paid work = one job. They are wrong. Baby = one job, paid work = one job, except that the baby job is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Will you go back to work? After how long? Will your partner take any leave or work part time? Will (s)he do any of the running around for day care / doctors visits etc.? Start now with streamlining chores - trial online grocery shopping, do some serious decluttering, get any maintenance or improvement tasks done.

I think someone said this earlier, but get your wills, powers of attourney, beneficiaries of life insurance and superannuation, and any other legal entities, sorted now. Have the tough conversations about who will care for child if you both die. Talk to your families about your plans. Do not wait until after the baby is here. Talk to your partner about who will attend the birth, who will have a say in how you raise the child, how often you will visit family, these things get emotional if you don't discuss it until one party has already decided how things will be and it differs from what is acceptable to the other.

[MayDay]

Others have mentioned exercise.  Vigorous exercise during Pregnancy is safe IF you've been doing it before getting pregnant, so definitely work on that now, and continue during pg.  you'll have a healthier pregnancy and healthier baby (there's research to back this up but it can be hard to find as lots of websites just say "consult your dr.".  Look for books on amazon/at the library on exercising while pregnant). 

I'd recommend streamlining your household stuff and routines.  You are not going to have time to be doing household renovations, serious cleaning,  etc.  Go through and clean out all your closets, storage rooms, garage, etc now.  Declutter the kitchen.  Do obvious baby proofing stuff- like if you have fragile knickknacks down low install higher shelves for them now.  Do any little house projects now and get them crossed off the list. 

[TrMama]

I always say this, I and doubt anyone listens, but be financially ready to only live on one income.

I can give you three anecdotes of pregnancy issues where the women couldn't work at all during some point in the pregnancy.  One is my story, one's my sister, and a good friend who has spent her entire pregnancy on bed rest. 

You want to be prepared for that, financially.

^^^ This is really important. Lots of people plan to live on one income after the baby comes, but not every woman is able to work right up to delivery day. I, for one, get so sick with hyperemesis that I end up practically bedridden shortly after conception. Furthmore, not only can I not work, I need $1000/mo in prescriptions just to keep me out of the hospital. No amount of healthy diet or exercise before conception changes this.

[firelight]

+1 we lived on one salary and banked the other for about a year before we got pregnant. A lot of my friends had to quit work after becoming pregnant due to health issues. The financial cushion is very helpful in stressful times!

[alwayslearning]

Thank you for all of the wonderful replies! Just to clarify a few things - We live in the States, just bought a house, I have private insurance/DH has employers insurance, no past medical issues and no family child-care options.

We are planning to do the following things to prepare for our future baby.

1. I am starting to workout more (wow, is a baby motivation!). I recently uncovered YouTube Zumba videos for this purpose. Does anyone have any favorite YouTube workouts that I should look up?

2. Doctor's visit scheduled to make sure my body is on track for such a big change. I would like to use a midwife for the actual delivery and home birth. At what point do you interview midwives?? I would assume it wouldn't be until you are actually pregnant.

3. DH and I have a savings plan to start today for the next year. Our goal is to contribute to his 401k and beef up our savings for taxes/delivery expenses/doctor expenses, etc. We also want to pay the house down a little faster, just in case I won't be able to return back to work for a while.

4. Working on house projects now! Hello landscaping. 

5. Working on a plan for child care - we are still struggling with this one. We are thinking of trying the Au-Pair, live-in nanny avenue. I have heard you can find these for 150/200 a week. If that's true - that's perfect! But, if it is more expensive than that, I may end up trying to work from home as much as possible. Has anyone had experience with the live-in nanny avenue? Benefits/Problems?

Thank you all again! This has been extremely helpful.

[firelight]

We briefly considered live in nanny but preferred to have our privacy to the convenience. YMMV!

We went the live out nanny route for first couple months and are thinking day care at one year old.

[alwayslearning]

Cutenila: How was the live-out nanny? What were the hours you found to be most useful?

[firelight]

We did 9-5.30 but she stayed till we got home (esp useful on days with bad traffic). She also came on some Saturdays when we badly needed sleep so she can take care of baby when both my husband and I slept a few hours. We also did some afternoon dates with nanny and baby at home (those helped us keep up the romance in the first few months when everything was crazy).

However I'm finding that my baby is bored at home now and feel she'll do better in a group setting. Its hard for a nanny/one adult to entertain babies once they cross a certain age.

[Spondulix]

Oldish thread, but wanted to suggest something that I'm surprised didn't come up before... Ovulation test strips! You could even start using them before you try to conceive cause it'll give you a really good sense of when you're ovulating (and the physical symptoms that come along with it). We tried without them for a year with no luck - pregnant first month with the strips. Turns out wee were quite a bit off on timing!

Also, next time you have a physical tell your doctor your plans. My doctor did a bunch of extra blood work (which can help catch problems before you're pregnant) and just to have a baseline for once you are. I stuck with my normal vitamin supplements and took an additional folic acid supplement. The best quality prenatal vitamins aren't cheap (most of the gummy ones are poor quality), so I'd suggest switching to that once you're pregnant.

[midweststache]

Also, next time you have a physical tell your doctor your plans. My doctor did a bunch of extra blood work (which can help catch problems before you're pregnant) and just to have a baseline for once you are. I stuck with my normal vitamin supplements and took an additional folic acid supplement. The best quality prenatal vitamins aren't cheap (most of the gummy ones are poor quality), so I'd suggest switching to that once you're pregnant.

+1. My OB/GYN just told me to start taking pre-natal vitamins when I mentioned we would likely "stop preventing" in a few months, but my GP did a ton of blood work (I was having blood work done for other, non-related issues), and he gave me a flu shot (I HATE shots). Interestingly, he was way more focused on pre-pregnancy planning that my OB/GYN...

I'm wait-listed on a few books from the library, including "What to Expect" and Emily Oster's "Expecting Better." Offbeat Families has a great list of pregnancy books to read either as preparation or during pregnancy: http://offbeathome.com/2012/04/best-pregnancy-books

[kwh03001]

As a father of three, I find the hardest part of having children is having to leave them for 8-10 hours every day to go to work.  My wife is a SAHM, and while it is stressful and a lot of work (physically and emotionally) I am so envious that she gets to see them all day.  If I could give one piece of advice to you before you start a family, it would be to position you and your SO so that you have a schedule which will allow you to see the little ones as much as possible.

It SUCKS when the kids are awake when I leave for work and they are begging me to stay home and play with them all day long.

Obviously being FI is the primary goal of everyone here, but I personally would take a position with less hours and pay to be able to see them more, even if it did delay FIRE.

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

+1 on suggestion to read Taking Charge of Your Fertility. If you are using hormonal birth control, consider stopping well in advance of actually trying--it took a full year for my cycles to get normal when I went off the pill and 18 months for me to get pregnant.

Re: homebirth: No, start looking around now if you are serious about it. They might have waiting lists and you really want time to vet people. Are you talking CNM or a registered lay midwife? My sister had a home birth with the latter but it's a bit dicey. Sis is actually a NICU nurse and I don't think I would use a non-nurse midwife without the opinion of some kind of trained medical professional. (My babes were hospital-born and probably would have been regardless of my plans, but I was at her second homebirth and it looked--well, gross and painful, but I see the appeal of hanging out on one's own couch afterwards.)

Also, get on Freecycle and start assembling free baby stuff. The good stuff doesn't come around that often and goes fast, but if you have a long time frame, you can snag some good stuff! I got a bassinet and bouncy seat that way, plus some odds and ends.

Otherwise, really, there's not that much TO do, honestly. Try not to overthink it. Keep doing other stuff. I wish I had been a little more chill.

[Spondulix]

I'm wait-listed on a few books from the library, including "What to Expect" and Emily Oster's "Expecting Better." Offbeat Families has a great list of pregnancy books to read either as preparation or during pregnancy: http://offbeathome.com/2012/04/best-pregnancy-books

I sprung for the eBook of "What to Expect" ($7 on Amazon) and it was completely worth paying full cost. Even with the apps and websites for pregnancy, I'm still referring back to it about once a week (and with an ebook, it's really convenient to be able to search). I've seen a physical copy in just about every thrift store I've been at recently (and cheap - like a couple bucks). I think pregnancy books are popular items at thrift stores. I just read "Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy" and really enjoyed it.

[PFHC]

1. Relax. Humans have been doing this for a million years. Learn what you can, but don't fabricate expectations, for there is a 100% guarantee it will turn out much different than you expect.
2. Get healthy. Like everyone said, get fit, eat healthy, make sure you're deeply in love with your husband. Get your mindset right that you will be living a life dedicated to another person.
3. Sleep. Take naps, sleep in. Enjoy the peace and quiet and solitude that comes with being a non-parent. That shit will be in short supply very soon. :)
4. Don't worry about the money. This is going to clash with what most people think. There's no amount that is right. We had nothing... less than that. We had a net worth of -$168,000, owned a house that was worth 35% less than we bought it for, and were running a monthly deficit of $500 when my son was born. By taking part in this community you already have the skills to be a financially successful parent, whether you have -$168,000 or $680,000.
5. Have fun. What you are about to embark upon is a freaking rollercoaster, but the overall feeling is one of fun, joy, and positivity. I'm SUPER psyched for you!

[ysette9]

I used the iPhone app Fertility Friend and really got a lot out of it. If you are the engineer-type who enjoys data and metrics, studies, and tracking everything, it is a great resource. It has much of the same educational information that you can get in the book Take Charge of your Fertility but in article-format (and free!). I learned a ton about my own body and finally understood what is going on (mine is very subtle).

If I could go back and do it again I would stop preventing before actually deciding to start trying. You really never know how long it might take and it is amazing how the months and years can slip by. Additionally, the process of trying to get pregnant can be an emotional roller coaster and a drag on the mood in the bedroom. How sexy is "love, the little pee stick had two lines on it this morning so get ready to do your husbandly duties!"?

[I'm a red panda]

- Start taking folic acid before you start trying.  Stop smoking and either stop drinking or drink only very little.

-I used the Fertility Friend app to track my cycle, but I guess we never technically were "trying", more just "not preventing" as I didn't do any temping, or measuring, etc.  But it was useful to find out I had a 26 day cycle and my most fertile days were probably not the typical ones, though I never used an ovulation predictor kit.  If you've been on birth control for years though (I had been for like 14...) it is useful to know when to expect your period, since you don't have pills to tell you!

If you plan to use daycare:
You could do this before you got pregnant, but as soon as we found out, we started putting the cost of daycare into an auto-withdraw in Vanguard. It will boost our savings a bit, but it also allowed us adjust our budget to not include the cost of daycare. Hopefully when we start needing it next year we can pay for daycare AND keep this monthly Vanguard investment.

As soon as you get pregnant, start looking for daycares. The infant rooms in my area were all booked 9-12 months out, so if you have a short maternity leave, it isn't ever too early to get on a waiting list.

As for education savings: if you are not maxing your 401k, I wouldn't start a 529.  You can always take a loan out for school, you can't for retirement. Additionally, a 529 counts against you for financial aid, a 401k doesn't.

I may end up trying to work from home as much as possible.

I saw this mentioned as a possible childcare solution.  If you do this, plan for an 8-hour work day to take 12+ hours; if you can even really do this. It is only the very rare job, and very rare employee that you can work at home and be the main child care provider.  Being a SAHP is a full-time job.

[MsFrugalista]

My advice would be to relax.  Sometimes you are lucky and get pregnant right away.  For me, it didn't happen that way.  We were planning, prepping, researching... I think i was stressing myself out.  A few months after we stopped "trying" to get pregnant, it happened.  Don't stress yourself out.  Let nature take it's course.

+1 the exact same thing happened to my partner and I.

Firstly, enjoy your time with your partner while you can still devote 100% of your time to each other. Having a strong foundation in your relationship will make a world of a difference as you raise your child(ren).

I would also look into your health benefits and make sure you are prepared for all the costs - understand what is covered, what isn't. I did quite a bit of research on this and had 10-15 calls with my insurance provider correcting bills throughout my pregnancy and post-pregnancy due to over/incorrect charges.

Finally, look into your maternity/parental leave benefits. I encourage taking as much time off as possible to enjoy your time with the little one.
 
Best of luck!

[Cognitive Miser]

As soon as you get pregnant, start looking for daycares. The infant rooms in my area were all booked 9-12 months out, so if you have a short maternity leave, it isn't ever too early to get on a waiting list.

Same here.  I didn't know this and started looking while I was 6 months pregnant.  I was lucky to find something!  I have heard this varies by area, so at least ask around.

The other things I would recommend, or anyway I did:

Streamline your beauty routine.  You will want to learn how to get ready for the day in 20 minutes (30 minutes if you wash your hair), and still feel good about how you look.  There's nothing worse than hearing your kid crying over the baby monitor while your hair is full of shampoo.  Get fast!

I got all my silver fillings replaced with ceramic.  Some were cracked and leaking.  I also did some detox therapy to get the heavy metals out.

I started eating Paleo about two years before getting pregnant.  Supposedly the Paleo diet really aids in fertility.  I had to start eating white rice and chose to start eating dairy once I got pregnant because I just could not gain enough weight and was ALWAYS hungry - same with breastfeeding.  I was a skeleton.  But I am permanently off gluten.

I started tracking my cycles after reading "Taking Charge of Your Fertility".  I was doing it on paper before I got pregnant, but lately I have been using Fertility Friend on my Android phone.

We purposely bought a house that allowed us to live on one salary - specifically mine, which is lower.  We originally did this because my husband was considering leaving his job, but it worked out well for baby prep too.  I did drop down to 24 hours a week about a month before my due date.  I was on crutches because my baby was breech and impinging on a nerve in my hip.  I worked 24 hours a week until my baby was one, because I was pumping 2 or 3 times a day and not getting paid for the time I spent pumping.  So even though I kept working, I was definitely at a lower pay rate than before.

Choose to love the process and your baby no matter what happens.  I was dead set on an unmedicated vaginal birth.  My son was Complete Breech.  Nobody delivers complete breech babies vaginally in my area - I would have had to travel to somewhere like The Farm, and even then it's risky.  So I had a C-section - the furthest thing from what I wanted.  My doula told me that I needed to learn that my baby was already an individual even before being born, and if he was choosing to stay breech instead of to turn vertex, I needed to respect his decision.  The surgeon told us he was tangled in his cord and that a vaginal birth attempt would have killed one or both of us.  So yay for modern medicine, I have a life and a baby!  The attitude can make all the difference.

I wouldn't advise buying baby stuff until after you get pregnant.  It would have been too emotionally difficult for me if we had struggled with infertility to have a bunch of baby stuff sitting around.  But it wouldn't hurt to price the big things both at retail and at consignment stores/sales and Craigslist so you can develop a reasonable budget.  You'll probably want to buy the carseat and the crib new.  Everything else can be used, and most clothes SHOULD be used - they grow SO FAST that infant clothes are generally in really good condition used.  It's the roughly-used toddler clothes that are hard to find not stained/torn.

And I found out I have the MTHFR genetic defect.  This means I can't process Folic Acid - only Folate.  Folic Acid is actually toxic to me.  (Folic Acid is synthetic and somewhat different than actual Folate - they are not exactly equivalent).  If you can afford/choose to pay for a prenatal vitamin with Folate, do it.  It might be less expensive to just spring for the Folate than to have genetic testing done - it is estimated that about 50% of the population has this genetic defect, so chances are good YOU do.  I used Seeking Health.

Edited to add:  If your employer offers short-term disability insurance, consider buying it.  You generally have to prove you are NOT pregnant to GET a policy, but they pay out for childbirth/bed rest, you know, things related to actual pregnancy.  You'll need to investigate the specifics of your policy - I didn't get one because my employer doesn't offer them.  But I had a friend who got paid 60% of her salary for four weeks after her kids were born, and she said the premiums were peanuts.  Research this WELL BEFORE you get pregnant.

[Cognitive Miser]

I may end up trying to work from home as much as possible.

I saw this mentioned as a possible childcare solution.  If you do this, plan for an 8-hour work day to take 12+ hours; if you can even really do this. It is only the very rare job, and very rare employee that you can work at home and be the main child care provider.  Being a SAHP is a full-time job.
[/quote]

Agreed.  If you choose to breastfeed, that alone took me a minimum 8 hours a day (including the diaper change and cleanup afterwards).  And then I was SO HUNGRY that most of my other waking hours were consumed by getting enough to eat.  Or I was pumping to build up a stash for returning to work in the office.  Or I was trying to sleep.  I mean, there was NOTHING I did that was not all about my baby, or about maintaining my own body/mind/sanity during maternity leave.

[cacaoheart]

- Start taking folic acid before you start trying.  Stop smoking and either stop drinking or drink only very little.

This goes for both parents, as both male and female fertility and sperm/egg quality is affected. My wife and I are also in the ~1 year out from conception time period as I finish up nursing school so we're both taking 1000mcg methylfolate (seemingly better than standard folic acid) and 5000mcg methycobalamin (b12) daily, along with 50,000 units D3 weekly, until levels are where we want them on blood tests at which point we can back off a bit. She also takes iron since her ferritin stores are otherwise low.

Before conception it's good to get a physical checkup, dental workup (dental infections can cause preterm labor), STD test (there aren't always symptoms), and check immunity titers in case vaccines such as MMR are needed again (can't be taken during pregnancy and exposure to Rubella during pregnancy could be bad). Getting sperm analyzed is not a bad idea so that you can be aware of and deal with any potential hurdles in that arena.

Since my wife works for a lab that covers any tests we have done through them for free, I had my genes checked for any recessive disorders that might not have been apparent in our family history. Counsyl is a good company for this and many insurances will cover it. https://www.counsyl.com/ Had anything shown up in both our genomes we could have then debated if it'd be worth doing IVF and selecting embryos without the disorder (preimplantation genetic diagnosis).

I've read quite a few books, took a doula course, and just finished a nursing school clinical rotation where I worked with moms that were in labor or had just delivered. Seeing it happen in person multiple times has made me feel more comfortable/excited than when it was academic/theoretical.

Three books that would be near the top of my recommendation list now are: impatient woman's guide to getting pregnant by Jean Twenge, Expecting Better by Emily Oster, and The Birth Partner - Revised 4th Edition: A Complete Guide to Childbirth for Dads, Doulas, and All Other Labor Companions by Penny Simkin. A big lesson from the first book is that what is ingested in the 2-3 months before conception matters, not just what is eaten after conception.

[Bracken_Joy]

I love this thread! Great suggestions on here. Thanks all!

[GFPchicken]

Re:supplements, folate is actually better to take than folic acid. It's the form that your body can use (liver doesn't have to convert it) and there's some evidence it doesn't have the problem of marginally increasing your breast cancer risk that folic acid has. Some companies use these two names interchangably, but they are actually different compounds.

I also recommend supplementing magnesium starting about 6 months pre-conception. Most people are magnesium deficient, and building up your supply of it can help with muscle cramps (common in pregnancy) and morning sickness, as well as decreasing your risk of pre-ecclempsia. I didn't do this with my first and did it with my second, and I went from throwing up about once per day during months 2-4 for the first to once or twice a week for the second.

[Bracken_Joy]

Re:supplements, folate is actually better to take than folic acid. It's the form that your body can use (liver doesn't have to convert it) and there's some evidence it doesn't have the problem of marginally increasing your breast cancer risk that folic acid has. Some companies use these two names interchangably, but they are actually different compounds.

I also recommend supplementing magnesium starting about 6 months pre-conception. Most people are magnesium deficient, and building up your supply of it can help with muscle cramps (common in pregnancy) and morning sickness, as well as decreasing your risk of pre-ecclempsia. I didn't do this with my first and did it with my second, and I went from throwing up about once per day during months 2-4 for the first to once or twice a week for the second.

For those looking: both methyl folate and a magnesium drink (called "natural calm") are available on Amazon subscribe and save. I did the leg work for you =P now go get your 15% off! The folate is $4.50 for a 2 month supply on S&S, the magnesium drink is $14.50 for about 3 month's supply.

[Anatidae V]

This thread is great, thanks for everyone who gave advice! Just lurking while I make my list of things I need :)

Does anyone have recommendations on books that aren't too gendered, but are simple with the facts? I found this one:

impatient woman's guide to getting pregnant by Jean Twenge

mildly offensive when she talked about how the male partner felt about having a baby, which was just her joking but I felt deeply uncomfortable.

[RunHappy]

Echoing a lot of what has already been said.

1.  When we started trying to get pregnant, I started taking a prenatal vitamin and I cut out all alcohol, and cut out all junk food.  I didn't start any new fitness program but I just maintained what I was currently doing (running and yoga).

2.  Financially I started saving for 3 months of being out of work.  Since I'm in the US that is the max I could take.  Once I became pregnant I set a goal to max out my retirement accounts before going on maternity leave.  Edit: This 3 months savings was in addition to what I had already allocated as part of my FI plan.

Start talking about daycare options.  I was a road warrior until I was 6 month pregnant then I worked with my company to change that now I'm 100% work from home.  However due to lots of conference calls I cannot take care of a baby and do my work from home job.  Our solution is to get a nanny to come into our home.  This allows our LO to be cared for while we are working, however when we have breaks between calls we can easily spend time with the baby.  best of both worlds.

Edit:  Since you are on here most likely you have a  FIRE goal so you may have to reevaluate that goal and the time you will achieve it.  I had a 7 year plan but decided to push it to a 10 year plan to allow for 2 kids, time off, etc.