Author Topic: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader  (Read 6152 times)

nic1

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Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« on: February 15, 2019, 07:11:24 PM »
This has been an extremely trying year for me, my 5th grader hates school.  She is in the academically gifted program and has As and a couple very high Bs, she tests in the 95th percentile so this is not that she is struggling academically.  She has friends and is not bullied and likes her teachers ok.  She is an extroverted introvert and is very much a homebody.  We travel 4-5 weeks a year and  she typically would prefer to stay home, although once we are there she does participate and has a good time.  She just really enjoys being home with her animals and in her comfortable space, I think that is just her.  She also hates that she is at school 7 hours and then comes home and has homework.  The homework is such a frustration for her and she tells me she just wishes she was home more.  This has been going on since the end of 4th grade, I keep hoping it will get better but it is worse the last month.  Crying most mornings before school and a lot of feeling "sick" and not wanting to go. 
I am considering a private online school.  I do not want to homeschool as I work from home and do not have time to teach and pick out curriculum, and this seems like the best option as they do have teachers and access to teachers throughout the day and the curriculum is set.  The advantage I see with this too is that once my older child graduates we will be free to travel when my husband travels, which is something I have wanted to do for years, but it just doesn't happen because of school schedules. 
Disadvantage is that I will need to make more of an effort to keep her socially engaged, and she is at a charter school now and once she disenrolls there is no guarantee she would get back in.  And then there is the cost, we can definitely afford it but it is an expense that we did not plan for and we have our older one going to college in 4 years.

Anyone with experience with this, or these issues with their child at this age? 
I feel like something needs to change, I am mentally exhausted with this and she is not a difficult or rebellious child, I think that she is genuinely struggling. 

MrThatsDifferent

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #1 on: February 16, 2019, 01:15:44 AM »
I think it’s weird you feel that she has a say in it. She doesn’t get a say, her brain isn’t fully formed. These aren’t options for her and this isn’t s negotiation. She’s going to the school you want, she can cry until she’s blue in the face. It’s been going on but she’s still getting good grades and not doing anything wrong but complaining. Everyone has homework. My mother never let me be “sick” unless I was on my deathbed. What would possibly let you allow a child to dictate terms of their education to this degree? Be the parent! At 18, when she’s out of your house and has graduated high school she can determine her educational future, for now, put her ass on the bus and send her to school and tell her to suck it up!

(I just channeled my mother ;-)

nic1

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #2 on: February 16, 2019, 05:36:12 AM »
Thank you for the candid response, I honestly felt exactly the same way as you do for the last year and have just in the last couple months been trying to think more outside of the box.  I can assure you that she is not dictating our decisions, the online school was my idea.  I think as a parent it is hard to ignore a very unhappy child in a certain situation.  I have had a hardline about school and homework, so it is not that her crying is answered with ok, you don't have to go.  I just don't feel it is normal for a child to cry every sunday night and most school mornings.  This site is about optimizing our lives and we are definitely not in optimal territory right now, so I am trying to find possibly a better solution for her. I do appreciate the feedback though, sometimes looking at it at another angle is always helpful. 

Miss Piggy

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2019, 06:31:09 AM »
I have no children. But when I read your post, I'm envisioning a good kid who might benefit from talking to a therapist. It sounds like there's a lot going on in her head, and maybe she can't even clearly verbalize the "whys" right now, but perhaps being able to talk to a non-parent about it might be helpful. I don't know...anybody here have experience with taking a kid to a therapist/counselor?

Dee18

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #4 on: February 16, 2019, 11:09:10 AM »
+1 on the therapist.  She may be suffering from anxiety that would respond to therapy.  The plan seems isolating to me.  While you would be home, you would be mostly unavailable during school hours and it sounds like there would be no siblings at home.  I would also consider another school.

FIFoFum

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #5 on: February 16, 2019, 11:22:03 AM »
It isn't ok for your child to be crying about going to school and feeling sick (or being so stressed to fake it). You are a good parent for not accepting this status quo.

How about taking a homework break and seeing if it makes a difference? I'm amazed that you would consider pulling her out of her school entirely before trying this out.

Research suggests that there is no benefit to homework in elementary school, and that it's quite likely harmful.

You may need to meet with the teacher or otherwise set up that your daughter needs a break so the school is on board. Where you live, this might mean jumping through more hoops or not. If you phrase it as: my child is so upset that we're thinking of removing her from school, I think they'll take you seriously.

Communicate to your kid that this is an experiment and then lay off of her. If you're the one causing pressure and stress about school performance, then you have the power to relax this. A love of learning is way more important than whatever 5th grade homework is.

nic1

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #6 on: February 16, 2019, 02:02:46 PM »
Thank you everyone for the input, really helpful.
I have tried to ask the school for a homework break and that is not an option, the school said it just would not be fair to the other students and that it is the standard set at the school, so the homework goes with the school.  I hate homework and think for the most part unless you are behind it is unnecessary, but there isn't much I can do to change the expectations as the homework at this school is a big part of her grades.

I actually have an appointment for her with a therapist.  My older daughter has anxiety and has seen a therapist for 2 years and has greatly benefitted.    She has some normal tween moods at times, but when she is out of school she seems to be so happy.  Even if I have her do chores or some learning activities over the summer she is happy and there is no issue at all.  It is so different from what my older daughter went through, but I do want her to be evaluated before I make any decisions.

She is an introvert and I agree with her being at home I would have to find some social interaction for her, but she is not socially awkward and does not have trouble making friends and is actually very well liked at school, so really the social part is a concern, but not one that I could not work through.  She can take an art class at a local Christian school for one hour a day, and I am looking into a coding club that meets locally as she is interested in computer programming and is actually teaching herself. 

meandmyfamily

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #7 on: February 16, 2019, 03:46:21 PM »
We home school and love it!  The middle school years are a great time to be home schooled.  I was home schooled from 5th-7th and loved it.  I was given time to follow my interests while completing the core classes at a flexible pace.  Online schools have a lot of requirements which are very similar to regular school but they are just done at home.  We also have a fabulous home school group in our area that has many social events for middle and high schoolers.  Look into www.bookshark.com and https://artofproblemsolving.com/ is great for mathy kids.  Art of Problem solving also has online classes.  I personally would stay away from online schools if you want flexibility in your travel schedules.  Travel would be wonderful to do as a family and your child will get so much from it.  So much learning can happen following your interests while reading, writing, moving along in your math curriculum and traveling.  We love having no homework in the evenings because all our work is "homework"!  haha  Seriously it provides so much flexibility and family time.  My kids are thriving.  Yours will too.  Let me know if you need more ideas!

meandmyfamily

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #8 on: February 16, 2019, 03:54:48 PM »
Another thing to think about is the gifted aspect of your child.  They have very different needs and often thrive when given control in their education.  Middle school is the perfect age for that.  If she meets the requirements considering doing this program in her 7th grade year:  https://tip.duke.edu/programs/7th-grade-talent-search

It really helped us with our gifted child.  Many schools can't challenge kids that take the ACT in 7th grade and get a good score.  Also when kids max out "normal" standardized tests it is hard to see just how gifted are they?  How can we actually challenge them?  What are their strengths?  Plus they have some neat summer programs. 

Anxiety is so common in gifted kids.  We deal with it too but they are some of the easiest kids to home school.  They just take off when given control of their own education (with some guidance of course).  Ultimately we want excited life long learners-right!

Have you checked out this site:  https://www.hoagiesgifted.org/


nic1

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #9 on: February 17, 2019, 11:29:44 AM »
Thanks for the great websites, will definitely check those out.  My daughter has been in the Duke TIP program for 4th and 5th grade.  We have not done any of the summer programs as it is just too far, and we really cannot spend a full week there. I may look into it further for her once she is in middle school 
I love the idea of homeschooling for the flexibility, but I work 32 hours a week and mostly manage the household on my own, so honestly I cannot take on any more than I already have.  That is mostly why I am looking at online programs that provide a teacher and have a set curriculum. 

CindyBS

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #10 on: February 17, 2019, 01:09:40 PM »
1) Is she in puberty?  Raging hormones, changing social scene, increased demands, trying to find your place in the world, resetting your relationship with parents - all can contribute to being miserable and is something a change of school may exacerbate, not improve the situation.  She may see leaving school as a panacea only to be deeply disappointed when it doesn't turn out as she thought.  I agree with PP that this may also reinforce the desire to withdraw instead of facing problems.  Unless she is completely self employed, she will have to deal with this some of type of stuff at some point in the work force.

2) I totally agree therapy should probably be your first choice, since this seems like more of a psychological issue rather than a school issue.

3) My son had to stop going to public school after 7th grade due to his health issues (he was too immunocompromised to go).  He was homeschooled by the school district and they also did some online programs that the district contracted with.  He is Gifted and Special Ed.

Our experience was a little unique due to the health problems but overall, he hated it.  Because he did not have friends from activities like sports or place of worship, all of his friends were seeing each other every day at school without him.  They were kind kids and tried to include him in stuff outside school, but when all the kids are talking about what happened in science or the lunchroom and you can't participate in the conversation it is hard.  If you go the homeschool route, if she does not have a strong friend network outside of school, understand that you will be severing her from the majority of peer interaction.  There are homeschool groups, but they are typically during the day and you said you work all day.  Also, many homeschoolers are highly religious and some are very insular.  Which is fine for them, but does that jive with your values? 

For the online piece, he took one class with an online program.  It was so terribly dumbed down he couldn't understand the questions b/c it was so overly basic.  If you go online, keep in mind some online programs are designed for kids that are not that advanced, poor readers, behind in school or all 3.  We did not have a choice in programs and it was just to knock out a health class credit, but I was shocked at the low level of this program. 

My son is still mildly immunocompromised and gets sick a lot from school (mostly colds). He is now in high school.  I suggested online school from home so he could dramatically cut down on his illnesses.  He was devastated I would even suggest it.  He would literally rather get 30 or so illnesses a school year than do an online program or not go to public school again.




Chrissy

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #11 on: February 17, 2019, 01:41:23 PM »
I have tried to ask the school for a homework break and that is not an option, the school said it just would not be fair to the other students...

This enrages me so much, I'd pull my kid immediately.


Laura33

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #12 on: February 19, 2019, 12:07:29 PM »
So, a couple of thoughts:

1.  I expect a significant amount of this stress is from early puberty hormones.  Those things start around 9-10 and get worse over time.  This does not affect just her, mind you -- it causes repeated shifting of friend relationships and groups, which is particularly difficult for kids to manage given their own hormone overloads.

2.  Does your kid have any behavioral/learning issues otherwise?  My DD was both very smart and very ADHD, and so we had ridiculous homework battles and meltdowns simply because she was so exhausted at the end of the day from trying so hard to sit still and behave that she couldn't handle any more.  These kids are very, very difficult for schools to manage, because there is a tendency for schools to think that "academically advanced" = "psychologically/emotionally mature" as well.  Which is often not the case.  So even where your kid is more than bright enough to handle the workload, she may not be emotionally mature enough to tackle it at this point. 

3.  How are the "advanced" classes treating her in general?  Not in terms of grades, but in terms of grasp of the subject matter, appropriateness of the homework (level/quantity), etc.?  Some schools treat the "advanced" classes as simply doing the same thing a lot faster.  Sometimes that means it moves too fast for a kid to grasp everything (mine is whip smart but needs time for concepts to settle in, for ex.), and so you get anxiety from the constant rush/pressure.  Other times it means that they just pile on the "normal" homework in half the time, but the homework itself is largely busywork and not really helpful or necessary.  And beyond that:  do your DD's teachers like her?  Do they think she is a fundamentally neat person with a lot of promise?  Or do they just sort of internally roll their eyes at her complaints about homework or grades or whatever?  Kids can tell the difference between teachers who like them and teachers who don't -- and if you have a sensitive, highly-strong kid, that will absolutely come out in her behavior.  (Ask me how I know)

4.  On the other side:  if you do online school, you will be in charge of it.  I'm sorry, but I don't know any wound-up preteen girl who is going to happily go do her lessons at the appointed times, whether there's a teacher there waiting or not.  Her being home all day will just give her that many more opportunities to whine and complain to you about the unfairness of it all and how much she hates school and all that.  Added bonus:  with no friends around to interact with over the day, you also get to be her social outlet.  Fun!

5.  I know it's trite, but is there anything going on at home?  I swear, my DD was the canary in the coal mine -- she could tell I was stressed before I even recognized it myself.

6.  All that said:  start with some therapy.  There is clearly something not right here -- it could range anywhere from pure hormones to a very significantly bad school situation that she is not telling you about to her knowing how to push your buttons.  And it's probably somewhere in-between all of this.  Before you make any decisions, I would suggest taking the next few months, and even over the summer, to talk to a therapist to try to get to the heart of the problems here on all sides.  And you also need to consider the alternative school option not as a panacea, but with a very realistic view of exactly how much additional stress that is going to put on you to manage -- when my DD was that age, I'd have happily paid someone to get her out of my house for the day.  ;-)

mm1970

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #13 on: February 20, 2019, 10:38:18 AM »
Given what you say about her personality, I'm not sure pulling her out of school is wise -- it will just reinforce her tendency to want to isolate/retreat from social interaction when stressed.  I would also query her a bit more about possible bullying/social anxiety issues, and consider getting her into therapy.   I suffered horribly from bullying between 5th and 10th grades (when I finally transferred schools).  I'm still dealing with the aftermath.  I think if my parents had sought professional help for me in 5th grade, when the problems were very obvious (I developed trichotilomania due to extreme stress from a particularly awful period of social ostracism) it might have helped avoid the descent into some negative patterns of thinking/behavior that got reinforced by other things that happened later.

Agree with FFF that getting a reprieve on the homework might also be a good intermediate strategy.

Please don't follow MrThatsDifferent's advice.  That is the line my father took:  suck it up, buttercup.  I know he meant well, but he really did not understand the kind of pain I was going through and it contributed greatly to my mental health issues.  And damaged our relationship, which unfortunately did not heal before he died when I was 15.

I agree with therapy, and to not ignore it.

The whole "suck it up buttercup" is my entire family's mantra.  Their go-to.  My dad grew up during the Depression and was in WWII.  That attitude is JUST FINE if it fits your personality, but it can be incredibly dangerous (not to mention cruel), in many cases.  It suggests that you ignore your mental health completely - which - let's just say that I have a family member who grew up with the same attitude.  Mental health help means you are weak.  They ended up depressed and drank themselves to death.  So.  Yay.

Have you done any research on gifted children?  My older child is gifted (prob younger one too, he's not been tested yet).  As were we.  I have been to a couple of meetings in the district where they discuss and have handouts on the personality quirks of gifted children.  Now, we are on the "lighter" side of those quirks.  But even reading about what can be typical for gifted children was VERY helpful to me.  It helped me figure out how to talk to my kid, how to handle him, etc.

And that's a big thing.  Be willing to do some research (about giftedness, personality, puberty, etc.) and try things to figure out what works. 

waltworks

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #14 on: February 20, 2019, 01:45:39 PM »
I have tried to ask the school for a homework break and that is not an option, the school said it just would not be fair to the other students...

This enrages me so much, I'd pull my kid immediately.

Agreed. WTF? I'd just tell them, "well, she's not going to be doing any homework. You do what you need to do."

As an aside, our super high achieving elementary school banned homework several years ago. Literally banned it. Teachers can't assign homework, period. It's been great, and has had zero effect on test scores/achievement/etc.

Grades in 5th grade don't matter anyway, so as long as she's learning, skip the homework and don't think twice about it.

-W

merula

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #15 on: February 20, 2019, 02:34:12 PM »
I had a horrible time in late elementary school, partly because of moving states a few times, but I think mostly it was because I was "gifted". In early elementary school, I was allowed and even encouraged to push myself to learn more on my own. It's not a lot of work for the teacher to hand a fourth-grade book to a second-grader once they finish the in-class reading. It's not a lot of work to let that second grader keep going on higher times tables when they finish the 10x10s the rest of the class is doing.

In contrast, in late elementary, it gets to be more complicated just when class sizes are getting bigger. You can't put fractions on hold to teach one kid algebra, even if you had an algebra book in the class. Reading is no longer about understanding the words and comprehending the story, it's now much more about themes and messages.

But then when I got to middle school, it was fine. They had advanced classes. I could move up to a higher grades' math or take electives that interested me.

Short term, I would just tell your daughter she doesn't have to do the homework, and it doesn't matter if her grades slip. I don't know why, but I used to believe that there was some sort of life-long achievement tracking including grades, so that IT MATTERED. It doesn't matter, at all, unless there's some sort of competitive middle- or high-school admissions process you're thinking of undertaking, but I think you would've mentioned it.

I do think it'd be helpful to, as waltworks says, provide a little air cover for her by you informing the school that she will not be completing any homework, they can do what they need to do, but this is your decision not hers or theirs. Her grades will slip, and that's just fine. She's not going to fail on the basis of missing homework.

I also never wanted to do homework. It was such busywork at that stage; the teacher taught, then assigned homework that repeated what was taught ad nauseum. It's not conducive to learning, which is backed up by educational research.
« Last Edit: February 20, 2019, 02:39:17 PM by merula »

AMandM

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #16 on: February 21, 2019, 02:05:01 PM »
I'm going to put in a voice for the online school.  It doesn't sound to me, from what you've said, that school is meeting your daughter's needs either academically or socially.  Academically, her time is being wasted in busywork and useless homework.  Socially, she doesn't need or want the shallow interaction with a large number of people. The fact that she is getting good grades doesn't mean that the system is working; the fact that she's miserable shows that it isn't.

So I would go ahead and pull her out. Her online schoolwork will probably leave her with far more free time than she has now, which can be used to (a) recharge her homebody batteries and (b) provide social interaction of the kind and amount she actually needs. That could include seeing her school friends and/or developing new friendships through new activities--4H? volunteering? community center classes?  Depending on where you live, that might also mean she gets the chance to grow in independence, walking or riding a bike to get places.

As for the online school itself, look into whether they have required "meeting" times, schedules, etc. Do you want flexibility so your family can travel, or firm deadlines to keep your daughter on track?  How much support do the teachers give in the way of personal feedback, explanations, etc.? DO you get to choose classes or is there a single curriculum? 

Alternatively, search for "homeschool tutorials" in your area. These are a hybrid of school and independent work that might suit you. They meet (usually) two days a week and the kids do the bulk of the work on their own on the other 3 days a week. This would give your daughter some regular real-life interaction with people.

All the best to you and your daughter, whatever you decide!

Psychstache

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #17 on: February 21, 2019, 02:37:49 PM »
I have tried to ask the school for a homework break and that is not an option, the school said it just would not be fair to the other students...

This enrages me so much, I'd pull my kid immediately.

Agreed. WTF? I'd just tell them, "well, she's not going to be doing any homework. You do what you need to do."

As an aside, our super high achieving elementary school banned homework several years ago. Literally banned it. Teachers can't assign homework, period. It's been great, and has had zero effect on test scores/achievement/etc.

Grades in 5th grade don't matter anyway, so as long as she's learning, skip the homework and don't think twice about it.

-W

+1

Honestly, take it a step further and push the school/district to be 'fair' by abolishing homework for all students. Walt's results are not unique. There is great evidence to support that homework is pretty much pointless for elementary school kids.

Check out John Hattie's research from visible learning and Matt Miller from Ditch that Homework for ammunition and go bust down the door at the next PTA/school board meeting.

Trifle

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #18 on: February 23, 2019, 05:19:55 AM »
Anxiety is so common in gifted kids.  We deal with it too but they are some of the easiest kids to home school.  They just take off when given control of their own education (with some guidance of course). 

+1.  We pulled our youngest (gifted) out of school after a year of watching his stress climb to an extremely unhealthy level.  It's ironic that traditional school is sometimes hardest on the kids that really like to learn.  I don't have any experience with online school, but we opted to homeschool and it has worked out great.  Our son is in 7th grade now and doing well.  It was a learning curve for us as parents (both working) but we figured it out.  It actually takes less time on the parents' part than you may think, since the student -- once they get the hang of it -- directs and manages most of the learning.  And the student sets his/her own pace.  That can be a big relief to kids with fast "processor speeds" that wilt under the slow pace and repetitive busy work at schools.   

It sounds to me like your daughter would do well with more freedom and self-direction, but you won't know until you try.  I'd suggest connecting with other homeschool families or groups in your area, to see what they're up to.  We did that before we started, and it was very helpful.  It reassured us that yes we could actually do it.

Feel free to PM me.  Happy to answer any questions.   

nic1

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #19 on: February 23, 2019, 10:30:47 AM »
Thank you for all of the responses, so helpful.
We met with the therapist this week, she wants to continue working with her, she feels like it is anxiety.  I agree with her to a point, but I think that school has been such a source of stress and negative feelings that this is causing her anxiety. She has no anxiety outside of school.  Some of it is hormones, I know that, but this is definately above and beyond that.  I have a 14 year old so I know how that goes and there is more to this.
She has opened up more and I think that she is struggling with attention, forgetting things and she struggles with writing ideas in reading class even though she reads at a very high level. She says she feels discouraged.  Her teacher has told her that she is "academically gifted" and so she should be doing better with this.  I think her teacher thinks she is just not trying.  I am not happy with that response at all.  I know gifted children still struggle with different things and they can have attention deficit which I think she has a mild case of without the hyperactivity. 
I am touring a private school that allows a school/homeschool option where they go 4 days a week for a shortened day and supplement at home.  I feel like this is the best option for her, but it is going to be more driving for me and financially is the most expensive option so I don't know. 
I honestly feel so overwhelmed with homeschooling.  I work 4 days a week and manage the house on my own and I am really maxed out. 
I am going to see how things go with therapy and the private school tour, thanks for the input and I may pm some of you homeschoolers at some point!

Trifle

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #20 on: February 24, 2019, 05:03:38 AM »
Good luck @nic1!  Fingers crossed for you.

Your last post about the private school with short days reminded me -- make sure to check with your local public school district whether they allow a part time homeschooling option as well.  We did that for a time and it was great.  Our school district allowed homeschoolers to take any two classes you wanted each semester (your choice) at the public school.  Our son did his academics at home and did music, art, and gym at school.  It's highly variable -- some school districts allow this (or even more classes), and some don't allow it at all.  But worth asking about it.   

Laura33

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #21 on: February 28, 2019, 08:32:35 AM »
She has opened up more and I think that she is struggling with attention, forgetting things and she struggles with writing ideas in reading class even though she reads at a very high level. She says she feels discouraged.  Her teacher has told her that she is "academically gifted" and so she should be doing better with this.  I think her teacher thinks she is just not trying.

Have you had her evaluated for ADHD or any of a number of other things?  Honestly, this teacher's attitude is really really corrosive and will absolutely breed anxiety.  We had something similar in 6th grade:  DD has ADHD and had a gazillion great ideas, but struggles to put things together in a cohesive way, or to break down big tasks into little pieces.  So when she was asked to write a paper, she'd get completely overwhelmed, go deer-in-headlights, and freak out and just stare at the computer until she lost it.  So I went to talk to the English teacher and said ADHD, has trouble organizing thoughts and breaking things down, maybe instead of saying 1 big paper due in a month, do things like interim deadlines for research, outlines, first draft, etc., so she can learn the process.  And the teacher's response:  "Oh, I do that for my regular classes -- but these are the GT kids, so I assumed they already knew how to do all of that."  As if kids are just supposed to intuit how to do something because they're smart?  Or a high IQ means you already know everything?  JFC.

With teachers like that, it helps to have a specific diagnosis to point them to.  E.g., DD has auditory processing issues -- we have the tests to prove it -- so for her, having homework/deadlines written down somewhere instead of just mentioned in class is important.  It is very, very common for kids -- even bright kids -- to have some sort of gap, something that can keep everything from clicking into place quite so easily.  And when a kid is smart, that can breed anxiety unless/until everyone understands what it is and can figure out a way to deal with it. 

Pigeon

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #22 on: February 28, 2019, 10:38:15 AM »
I also think there's something more going on here than she just likes being home.  I'm glad you got her to the therapist, but expect that the therapist won't know the whole story and also that it takes time.  One other thing, I took my teen to a therapist for a bit and the parents often don't get much information about what's going on with the kid.

I also would tend not to go the homeschooling route immediately as I suspect socially isolating her won't be good.  I also think that if you aren't into homeschooling, it won't be optimal for either of you.

I'd be talking a lot to the guidance counselors, teachers and administration of all the school options to try to figure out better what's going on now and what would be the best placement for her.

I hate the homework thing so much.  It is such a ridiculous expectation that kids should be in school all day long and then come home to have to do hours worth of homework.  If adults bring tons of work home with them every night, people think they are workaholics, yet we routinely expect this of kids.  I would tell her that I don't care if it affects her grades, but with that, be prepared for the school to drop her out of the gifted classes. 

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #23 on: February 28, 2019, 03:14:59 PM »
My husband was homeschooled and I think he has some regrets about not pushing himself more to be with people. (He is an introverted adult capable of conducting himself well in social situations, although they are not his favorite.) But he was homeschooled completely until the age of 16 or 17, when he went to tech school.

My two cents: I used to teach middle school, and I have doubts about the entire enterprise. I don't blame you for looking at alternatives. I've thought about doing homeschool/cyber school for my kids for middle school even though my husband and I work 73 hours a week between us. (We could probably shuffle and/or cut back and I work at a public library, where middle-school aged children can be.)

Another tiny comment: You say you manage the house all by yourself, but your daughter would be in an excellent position to assist more if she wasn't tying up all her time waiting for other kids to finish their work during the school day and then wading through busy work at night. Just sayin'.

Anyway, good luck! The private school you're talking about seems like it might be a good compromise.

MaybeBabyMustache

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #24 on: March 04, 2019, 02:17:57 PM »
Does your daughter struggle with the organization of workload, as that increases drastically between 4, 5, 6th grade? If that's an issue, I'd invest quite a bit of time in teaching organization, time management, & planning. She may be academically gifted (I have a gifted child who struggles mightily with these functions. It also causes him stress, although not the point of not wanting to go to school.

I'd attempt to breakdown the problem space a bit more, because if it's organization, time management, etc, she's going to need to learn those skills, regardless of her learning environment. There are a lot of resources you could use to teach those.

Additionally, +1 to the homework. Have you met with the principal? I'd be having very serious conversations about the volume, if it's problematic. For my child who struggles with planning, sometimes the homework isn't the problem. It's his lack of time management & planning that causes everything to be last minute & a struggle. If so, again to the point about what you want to teach him. The homework may just be highlighting the problem.

And, a +1 to the therapy, because I think you want to deeply understand what's causing the stress, & how you can support her.

Just my $.02, but I wouldn't pull her out of school yet. It can be uncomfortable when our kids struggle, and that may very well be the right final solution, but I do think there's more work to do to understand the core problem, how you can help support, and whether the school can play a role as well.

CarolinaGirl

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #25 on: March 04, 2019, 02:29:00 PM »
Sounds a bit like social anxiety to me.  :(

Pull her out of school and give it a whirl!  If it doesn’t work out, then just put her back in the school. 

nic1

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #26 on: March 08, 2019, 04:37:06 PM »
Everyone's input was super helpful.  After touring the private school we decided to go with it.  She loves it and her mood and attitude toward school has done a complete turn around. It is a 4 day school week and homework is minimal, there are very small classes, so they move at each child's pace.   We are still talking to the therapist just to try to address exactly what has been going on for the last year, I do think that she has some attention issues, probably somewhere on the spectrum of ADD, and part of this is being 11 and hormones.  She has already made friends at her new school and the crying and anger towards school has stopped.  I still think that if we gave her the option she would choose homeschool, but between talking to her therapist and my husband we have decided that is not the best option for her right now and she is happy at this new school.  I would not have the time and energy to plan social outings enough and I think that she needs the schedule and expectations of school in some form.
Private school was not in our plans at all, but parenthood can throw you some curve balls, and I think she is where she needs to be, at least for now. 

Trifle

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #27 on: March 08, 2019, 04:44:50 PM »
Thanks for the update @nic1 and congrats -- sounds like it was a good move.  :)

Chrissy

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Re: Opinions on online school/homeschool for upcoming 6th grader
« Reply #28 on: March 08, 2019, 08:54:44 PM »
That is huge!  I'm so happy for your family and your daughter.