What is your work situation after baby and how did you decide?

[fidgiegirl]

We're expecting our first baby in a several months and the uncertainty of the potential outside employment situations is hard for me right now - will I want to go to work after s/he is born?  Will I have to?  What would it take for me to stay home or go part time?  Unlike all other financial planning up until now in my life, it's not simply numbers on a page informing the decisions we'll make, and of course, some of those factors won't become clear until baby is actually here.  But, in the interest of some ball park ideas . . . I was hoping for some feedback here.

So - if you have kids, what is your working situation and your partner's?  How did you decide?  Did you use some kind of a process or just figure out how to make work what you needed for your family?  What are some things you'd consider in looking ahead at this decision?  What am I forgetting to ask?

I am not sure how much background information is helpful, and I know people like specifics on these forums.  (I'm testing out being a bit less specific in forum posts, because people seem to offer a greater variety of replies when they are not led too strongly in any one direction.)  I can certainly share more info if needed, but mainly looking at general ideas that any family might think about when considering this decision, especially one interested in mustachianism.

Thank you!!

[NumberJohnny5]

I was semi self-employed at the time. Wife was a nurse. When the economy started tanking, my income was hit first. It was a pretty easy transition, since I was already staying at home without a "real" job.

We had previously discussed what was important to us, and we wanted one of us to stay at home with the kids, and probably homeschool them (side note, neither are currently homeschooled). It made the most sense at the time for my wife to keep working. Financially speaking, it still makes sense for her to be the breadwinner. After becoming smarter with our money, we're now able to make decisions that aren't always the best in a financial sense; my wife will take next year off, and I may take some university courses.

[Lans Holman]

Our little boy is almost ten months old.  My wife got some pretty generous maternity leave then went back part time (about 24 hrs/wk.)  We pay a friend of ours who is a SAHM to watch him whenever we are both at work.  Childcare does take an ugly chunk out of our budget right now and we did give some consideration to having her stay home.  The two things that ended up deciding against it were that she has really good benefits where she is (both kids are covered by her employer, it would be really expensive to have them covered by mine), and that she was right on the cusp of acheiving a next level of job security.  So far so good, though it is certainly hectic. 

[apennysaved]

I was always career oriented and made really good money, so when my first daughter was born we got a nanny.  Previously, I was the one scared to death to hold a newborn infant.  I actually learned a lot from our nanny.  However, when my daughter was about 9 months old, I ended up working on a foreign acquisition which took a ton of time.  One week I worked 100 hours.  I decided enough was enough.  So, when she was 1, I decided to quit.  My employer offered me a 3 day work week with most of my benefits. So, I did that for another 2 years and kept our nanny at a reduced schedule. Recently, in anticipation of our second child, I decided to quit that job altogether and just work here and there as a real estate agent (got my license a few years back to handle some of our rental properties).  In a weird twist, our nanny's husband got a transfer to a different state around the same time.  It is funny how the timing all worked out.  I enjoy doing the real estate thing and the hours normally are opposite of my husband's so that works well.   Fortunately, we started stashing cash & really looking at the way we were spending money about the time that I went part-time-so we had two years to get our act together.

Do what's best for you.  Try to cut expenses and stash cash, so you leave yourself options.  Try to leave on good terms-I gave about 3 months notice that I was leaving the part-time gig.  This way if the SAHM thing didn't work out, I left the door open. 

[kkbmustang]

First of all, a big, hearty congratulations! Second, give yourself the option, freedom and permission to do what you feel is best for you and your family. And accept that whatever that is may change over time.

My son is nearly 11 and my daughter is 9. I went back to work "part time" when he was 3 months old but it was when I was in BigLaw and PT was 45-50 hours per week. Then I moved to Big4 not long after and while I was there had my daughter. Worked there full time and returned to work when she was 3 months--full time. I was bored at work and moved to be in house counsel when they were 3 and 1 and I was working more than full time. When they were 2 and 4 I quit and stayed home with them. I worked very, very part time when I wanted to, from home. Maybe 20 hours per month.

When they were 3 and 5 my husband went to grad school full time and I went to work in a consulting firm working crazy hours (60-70 a week) until they were 7 and 9. The boy refers to that as "The Bad Time."  I am now self-employed and work part time.

Everything has had an ebb and flow to it.

[avonlea]

When I became pregnant, I knew that I wanted to stay home during the baby and preschool years. My husband was very supportive of that decision, actually really loved the idea.  I've ended up staying home longer than I originally intended, but it has worked out well.  I am a person who does best when able to focus on a single target. For now, that's the family. When I become an empty nester in my 40s, I figure I'll be using my one-track mind at a job.

We are lucky to be in an area of the country where living and saving with one income is quite doable, as long as we choose to be financially aware.  My husband likes that our living situation allows for him to spend a good amount of time at a job that he loves while knowing that his kids are well cared for.  The job he had when our first child was born was fairly family-friendly; he was able to be home by 6:00 each evening.  He now has a job that is even more flexible and we enjoy getting to see him pretty often, especially when he chooses to work from home. 

My husband and I both grew up in families that were somewhat dysfunctional, so we just really want to do this parenting thing right .  Perhaps we seem a bit extreme, but we are happy with the family situation we have.  As others have said, different strokes for different folks. We all have different personalities, different partners, different kids, different needs.

Congratulations! I just love babies. :)

[bogart]

Congratulations!

Disclaimer:  I live somewhere where great quality childcare and preschools are readily available, and given my household income, affordable.

I went back to work p/t after my son was born -- 30 hours/week his first year, 35 the next, and then 40.  His dad worked f/t until DS was 3, then he RE, but only b/c he had hit the point of qualifying for a full pension benefit from his employer, not because of DS.  Having him home is great, but we actually made more use of paid childcare after he RE than we did before (reflecting DS getting older, and my mom, who was providing us with some unpaid childcare, becoming less available).  DS is now in public school; we do one afterschool program (just 3 hours/week) because we like it, and make use of paid programming in summer (for our sanity as parents) and for some other school holidays (because DS enjoys them).  That is, same programs (basically) in summer and school holidays, but for different motivations, at least partly.  That is, having DS home for 1 teacher workday is no big deal (but he enjoys the programs, so we sign him up) whereas having him home in the summer all the time would be (and he enjoys the programs, making the decision to send him there easy even if it's motivated by self-interest).

Our actual breakdown by year is about as follows (I've started with 0 to reflect DS's age in years rather than counting year 1, 2, 3...).
0-3 -- 16 hours paid care, 16 hours granny care, all other care by parents thanks to flexible schedules;
3-4 -- 24 hours paid care, 8 hours granny care, all other care by parents, more DH (RE) than me;
5-6 -- 35 hours public school, other care provided mostly by DH during work hours and split DH/me when I'm not at the office.

Basically, you couldn't pay me enough to stay home f/t with my kid, even though I do adore him and love doing stuff with him (some hours of the day) and DH pretty much feels the same way (that is, he's happy that we have continued to use outside care). 

DH and I are of pretty much the same mind as lhamo, above.  Also for me (obviously not an issue for DH) I do not want to front-load my availability to my son and need to work f/t (if I don't want to) when he is older.  I've had teenaged stepkids, and found they very much needed parents around (DH worked throughout his older kids' childhood, as did their mom, though with flexible schedules +, later, me in the mix as a stepmom, we were mostly able to "be there" for them.  Or against them!  Sometimes teens need supervision even if they don't want it ;)!). 

[SomeYoungGuy]

Some good responses, highlights what an emotional and varied situation this is.  One small thing to add, we look back on the short 2 years with one child and both parents working as a sacrifice that has made our financial situation as good as it is now.  Might not be correlated other than it helped, we also had some good fortune after my wife had the second child and became SAH, but it still makes for a nice narrative in our minds :)  And I can tell you, having a newborn and two working parents is an unrivaled life changer, we've never been so tired!  We knew that we wanted two children, and it dawned on us that we couldn't both work with a newborn and 2 y.o., although we did try to keep it up for about a year...  But if you are not working now (as I gather from the OP), it will not be easy (and probably not a signficant boost to the finances, due to additional daycare costs) to start work until the child is off to kindergarten.

[Marigold]

You'll have to make this decision on your own after your child is born.

I was a career-woman before my baby was born. I even offered to come back early from a topped up maternity leave (93% of pay) to get a promotion.

Once I had my baby though, I didn't care about going back. I took 13 months off. In my view, my career will always be there. My daughter's early years won't.

At the moment, I am back at work because my husband was recently laid off, but once the opportunity presents itself, I'll be off work to stay at home with my child.

[Norrie]

Congratulations!

I worked for a non-profit before our daughter was born, and had always planned on going back once she was about 6-8 weeks old. Unfortunately, there were some complications, and she was only 5lbs when she was born. She needed the NICU for a while, and at that point her specialist told us that we had to keep her out of daycare-like settings for at least two years.

So I stayed at home with her (gladly). I stayed home until she was about three, and our son was five months old, then went back very, very part time. I'm not going to lie...it was hard. Our son was a super fussy baby (read: he was up crying all night, every night), and we were beyond exhausted. But financially, I'd stayed at home for as long as I could pull off.

I think that it's really hard to know what you're going to want until after the baby is born. I always wanted to/intended to go back to work, but once our tiny baby was here, I could not imagine being away from her. I would have never expected that. I also never, ever expected health issues that kept her out of childcare for so long. I was young, incredibly healthy, and had a very healthy pregnancy until the very end.

All that to say, expect the unexpected. Make as many plans as you can, but know that with babies, it's all about changin' your mind.

[totoro]

I had to work very hard early on with my kids.  My MIL lived with us.  I felt it was the only option at the time for a number of reasons - mostly money and ability to have freedom later.  I quit as soon as I could (for kids and other reasons) and started to work PT for myself.  I have never worked FT since. 

I now have teenagers and I don't regret a minute of the time I have had with them.  I do regret not being able to do it earlier, but I recognize it was a trade-off and the hard work created the lifestyle we've had for the past seven years. 

IMO kids want and need your time, they really do.  As mine have now hit their teens they are more independent (and don't want me volunteering at the high school Halloween dance (as a recent example - and significant let down for me :) ), but I think they still like that I am here when they are sick and for Pro-D days and to make snacks after school for their friends.  I find that I get more satisfaction from making my kids dinner and decorating the house for events than I do from being a "success" as a lawyer.

I know I will never regret the time I've spent or the fact that I could earn more working FT.  I feel so strongly about this that I've already set up a way for my kids to have one parent stay at home if they choose to when and if they have kids.  I've also set up a way for both parents to work if they want to and the kids to stay home without daycare.  I'll offer it to them if it seems like it could help, and if they don't want it that is fine, but at least it will be an option. 

As an aside, my best friend is taking care of her elderly mom right now.  She said the same thing: she won't regret taking care of her mom properly.  This is despite the fact that her mom struggled with mental illness and was quite difficult until medicated - only three years ago now.  It struck a chord for me: what counts is how you love.

Please don't get me wrong, if you are not cut out to stay at home with babies or small kids I understand.  Not everyone is and this is good to know and you should not be pressured into it - there are lots of options.  I just think that grandparent/extended family support can be of great help at that point and that having healthy family members involved in care is a gift if you can have it.  I am grateful to my MIL forever for the help she gave.

[feelingroovy]

Our plan was always for both of us to work part time.  We moved to both take staff jobs at a university, bought a house that we could afford on only one income and lived very frugally.  We figured we would both get the benefits of being at home with the baby and having the social/mental stimulation of work.

I loved my job, my boss was very supportive (he loves babies), and I got full benefits working 1/2 time.  My son was colicky cried constantly and slept very little.  I was so thrilled to go back to work I couldn't stop smiling all day my first day back (knowing, of course that the baby was home with dad).  Although I wanted to have lots of time with him,

My husband quit his carefully-selected part time job 1 month after the end of my maternity leave because his psycho boss did one crazy thing too many.  That began a series of many job iterations on his part: starting freelance businesses that went nowhere, full time jobs, unemployment, incredibly lucrative contracting gigs. 

For a while we had a 2-day-a week nanny.  She was a local college student, worked for us for four years and is still around (now a local professor).  Our kids still love her and she loves them--I figure having an extra loving adult around is always a good thing.

About 6 years ago, I left my job and started my own business, mainly because I realized I would never make enough to get ahead--just sustain us where we were.  It was very hard at the beginning, but is now well established.  So I work maybe 35 hours/week and my husband still does various freelance jobs part time.  He's the main parent who picks up the slack in the summer, after school, etc, and it definitely benefits all of us.

For us, it's really always been about flexibility and being around for the kids.  I am working toward reducing my work to within-school hours, while still earning enough to add to the stache.  We're taking the slow road to FI, but that's okay. 

[SisterX]

Congratulations!  Babies are awesome, and I'm staring down this barrel myself.  (Due in less than 4 weeks now.)
Our situation is a bit more complicated than some others.  That is, it's not a straightforward, "both parents work, so should one of us quit for a while?" situation.  I currently work for the local U and my husband is a student with a very part time student job (just over $100/paycheck).  He's got the option of adding more hours later as he accrues seniority and dependent upon class time, but we'll have to figure out if more working time is actually worth the meager pay bump after the child arrives.  I am a bit stuck in where I work since I get (for our area) extremely generous health benefits and free tuition for the spouse, among other things.
Legally, I could take 18 weeks of FML.  Practically, I only get paid for whatever leave time I've accrued.  Since mine is the only real money coming in, despite what we've built up and saved, I don't feel that I can take the full 18 weeks, so instead I'll be taking just under 3 months, barring any complications.  (If I need to have a C-section, or if Baby needs to be in the NICU, I can then apply for the leave share program after my own leave runs out, which would allow me to take more paid time based on the generosity of my colleagues.  I'm still crossing my fingers that it's not necessary.)
The one benefit to our unusual situation is flexibility.  We don't "need" my husband's paycheck, but the work is giving him resume material.  However if he has to quit for any reason, we'll survive.  I've considered applying for better-paying jobs at the U, but my current one has me in a place where we don't need to stick to formal business hours.  I have a decent amount of leeway in what my schedule will be when I return, so we can try to have one or the other of us with Baby as much as possible. 
For outside help, should we need it, we have a friend who is a SAHM who might be able to provide a little bit of care, a retired MIL who is itching to visit as often as possible ("Can I come up there once a month?!"), and a cousin who is a student at the U who has offered to babysit whenever we want/need it in return for the use of our kitchen so that she can indulge her love of baking.  (If we ask her to come on a regular schedule, we'll pay her.)
I would love to stay home but don't have that option at the moment.  (Well, I mean, I  could, but...)  However, my husband will finish school within two years, and he's been taking as many classes, and as many of the more demanding ones, as he can before Baby's arrival so that we have a bit of scheduling cushion.  After he graduates, things will change.  The field he's getting his degree in is very much in demand, and very lucrative.  (Starting salary is twice what I make.)  We'll almost certainly move (he can make so much more elsewhere) and at that time I'll probably stay home for a bit.  Or, if we have family nearby who could look after the child, I'll try to work part-time until we decide we're ready for #2.
Good luck to you and your spouse in figuring out what's next for you!  Also, I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well.  At this point, for me, the waiting is the worst part.  :)

[Zamboni]

I worked full time before baby, took 5 months maternity leave, and then took a 50% pay cut that had the benefit of only being 2-3 working days per week.  Grandma provided child care on the days I worked until both children were old enough for preschool.  I went back to full time when the youngest entered first grade.  I was still able to take every other Friday off to volunteer at the school.  The benefit of continuing to work is that I do not have a "gap" in my resume; no one really asks about those part time years as it just looks like a regular job on paper.

It is important to be able to stay home and take care of children when they are sick, and to be able to go visit them sometimes at school and have time (and energy!) to listen to them and talk with them.  At the same time, I know they are proud of my job and that I am more balanced by having my own career.

[elaine amj]

When I had my first baby, I was young and hadn't started a "real job" yet. So it was a no-brainer for me to become a SAHM. My DH had been working and saving for some years and his income was more than enough to sustain us. Baby #2 came along shortly after so my SAHM years got extended. I stayed home until the youngest started school full time in Grade 1. We also made the conscious decision for DH not to seek promotions but to stay put in his low stress, ultra flexible job so he could have more time with the family. This actually helped when I started my own career and worked a lot of weird hours as he could (and did) pick up the slack.

I didn't stay still even as a SAHM though. When Baby#2 was born, we started up some stuff that earned a small side income and also provided a community service. It took up as much time as a part time job (sometimes a full time job LOL) but I was able to do it from home. Although there were times I'd be on an important call with a screaming toddler pounding on the other side of a locked bathroom door! I actually did it "for fun" and primarily as a volunteer thing to fill a community need.

On a career note, it added several years of experience to my resume and while it did not make much $$, it paid off in accellerating my career path.

Back to staying at home - I'm really glad I was able to be home for my kids. From my perspective, I liked chilling at home (which is why i want to retire early). Boy was it complicated when I started working! The calls I got....a big eye opener into the reality of life as a working mom.

[non geordie beth]

I was convinced, up until my DS was born, that I was going to go back to work 4 days a week after my maternity leave (11 months, some paid some not - I'm in the UK).

After he was born I realised that there was no way on earth I could deal with being separated from him for 8+ hours a day.

So I went back part time - 5 mornings a week. Originally totaling 18.5 hours (exactly half time in my job) and then increasing to 20 hours.

I can't imagine going back more before he starts school, and TBH I don't want to even then.

Congratulations :) All I'd say is, don't set your ideas in stone until baby turns up. You may think you'll be OK working full time and discover otherwise. You may think you'd rather stick pins under your fingernails than go back to work, only to find being with a baby full time is actually really stressful for you and that working makes you a far more chilled parent. The only problem is if you try and convince yourself that you're not thinking what you're thinking. That causes far more stress for yourself.

[happy]

I stayed home with both my babies for about 6 months each time.  Then I went back to work part-time and have worked part-time ever since (18years). Mind you "part-time" is in the eye of the beholder sometimes: at various times, I have worked as many hours "part-time" as some of my friend working fulltime. Like Totoro I prefer being around for my family and get more satisfaction out of that than being a career woman. I would have liked to be a SAHM, but hubby insisted I go back to work: I didn't get to decide. 

I echo others advice about remaining flexible and adaptable.  Planning is good too but know when to abandon the plan!  If you decide to both work, then having a flexible job is very valuable and/or extended familly who can child mind for you at a moments notice. Even if you have a healthy child, there are a lot of childhood coughs and colds, the odd vomiting attack, gastro etc etc, that mean it might be hard to attend work on a given day. When they hit school age, the timing changes again - jobs that can fit within school hours are useful.

[ASquared]

I had a high paying professional career.  I never imagined I would want to stay home.  But after baby was born - that's exactly what I wanted to do!  I took 3 months off after birth.  Then I went back for about 2 months, then quit. Baby is 9mo now.  I work very very occasionally, thanks to an excellent opportunity to do some contract work on my own terms (About 1 week per quarter).

I am so happy to be home with my baby.  There's a certain intimacy you get with your baby when you are together all the time.  You know what they need, they are comforted by you being around constantly.  My baby is so happy and content.  I have to think that having mom or dad around all the time contributes to this.

Certainly this is not for everyone - and I respect that each families decision with this is different.  My best advice is to be open to the fact that your preferences about this may change after baby arrives (either to want to stay home or want to work) and they may change drastically from what you expected. 

[gooki]

My wife had planned to return to work after a year, but when the time came she chose to stay home and continue raising our child/now children.

Being well on our way to FI made the choice possible. She was the higher income earner of the two of us. We both agreed our families quality of life would be better by not sending our daughter to preschool at such a young age.

[cynthia1848]

I switched jobs after my first was born - my job didn't want me back and I didn't want to go back to working 60 hrs/week.  I had some severance pay and was able to wait until the baby was 6 months old before going back.  Now I work 4 days a week, one from home and three in the office.

I don't have the patience to be a SAHM, particularly for the toddler/preschool age; I am better with babies/under 2s and then when they get past age 5 or so.  I don't deal well with tantrums.  :)  It is also important to me to have a career so the kids see me working and so I can rely on myself financially if need be, and we also need my income in order to stay in this area.  However, I expect that in the future we will be FI and I will choose to work less.

[JessieImproved]

When I was pregnant with DD1, I had saved up enough money to stay home for 6 months.  When she was 3 months old, I got a call from my old business partner to come work where he was working, part time, remotely.  I couldn't pass it up.  I've been part time and mostly work from home ever since.  Now I have two daughters, 3.5 and 13 months.  They go to preschool at the local church, DD1 5 days and DD2 2 days.  I recently went from 20 to 30 hours a week, but we'll see if I can keep it up.  Being a work-at-home-mom is probably the hardest thing I have ever done, but for us, the ability to keep them out of traditional daycare was worth it.  I was also very lucky to have the opportunity to do what I'm doing.  If I'm truly lucky, I'll keep this job until FI (8 more years to go...O_o).

[fidgiegirl]

Thanks everyone for the responses.  They've been really helpful.

I have decided I need to get more hands on with the budget NOW in order to have these options.  We are frugal and have been kind of tracking but not frequently enough.  I am thinking of getting YNAB to help with more goal-oriented tracking rather than YMOYL style tracking, which worked really well for us for a long time, but just isn't lighting my fire like it used to.  We could do better in order to have more options.

Also, my DH will need to see the numbers in black and white.  I can't remember if it was here or on another forum that someone mentioned the partner's feelings in the decision - of course.  His current opinion is that we can't afford for me to stay home 100%, and I also kind of think he doesn't want me to - doesn't want to be the one who has to slog off to work every day (I don't blame him!).  Maybe we can't swing it, but I want to break down the numbers to see what it would take to achieve either that or part time.  At least then we can have the discussion about the actual financial reality and not about just what we each want or don't want.

I will be lucky in that because of the timing of the pregnancy (assuming all goes as planned with due date, you know, even approximately) and because I am in education, I will be able to be home for four months and only have to use a small amount of unpaid time, maybe even none if I go late.  That's a blessing.  And I talked with my boss today, it sounds like my current job is pretty safe for next year, of course with the caveat that in education nothing is 100% sure.  So it's good to know that I have something to go back to if I do go back.  Part time would be an option as well, but I'd have to bump to do it, and not sure I want to go back to that building or to the classroom (I'm still in education, but not in a classroom position). But, still, choices = good.

Well, lots to think about, for sure . . . your stories have helped tremendously to inspire and to calm, so thank you.  Would love to continue to hear more if you want to offer yours up!

[HappierAtHome]

My wife had planned to return to work after a year, but when the time came she chose to stay home and continue raising our child/now children.

Being well on our way to FI made the choice possible. She was the higher income earner of the two of us. We both agreed our families quality of life would be better by not sending our daughter to preschool at such a young age.

This is why I'm trying to get us as far as possible towards FI before we add small people to our family. I want options. I think you honestly don't know how you'll feel after a baby until you get there.

[lauren_knows]

My wife's employer is much more flexible about scheduling than mine, which drove some of our choices as we earn roughly the same amount.

We wanted our son to not be in daycare.  We just wanted to "enjoy" him at home more.

Our inlaws offered to watch him on Mondays.  I was able to change my schedule to 4 10hr shifts, and have Friday's off so that I could stay home.  That left Monday and Friday available for my wife to be in the office. She does a few hours at home during the middle of the week, to have a total of 24hrs (60% FT).

After awhile, I realized that my 10hr+ shifts were making it so that I only got to see my little guy for 1hr MAX before he got to bed during the week.  So, I negotiated with my employer to have a 36hr schedule (10% less pay).  So, I'm home earlier a couple days a week... and so far it's been great.  Less savings, but a much happier situation.

[savingtofreedom]

hi Fidgiegirl,

Congrats!! I am in a similar position and am due in a couple of months.  I am looking to convert from a contractor to an employee with an unfortunate pay drop that I am looking to see how much I can negotiate.

In the interest of FIRE, I plan on working - in theory for the next 7 years or so.  I work from home, as does my husband which will hopefully make it easier.

I know it will be a challenge though and I could see myself saying screw it at some point.  We could "afford" living off of my husband's salary only but it would really impact our FI plans.

I think it is great you get what I assume is the summer off.  That should really help.  Right now I am only taking about a month "off" but will probably work part time/odd hours for awhile.

If I wasn't working from home I would really consider leaving my job. I am not sure if I could swing it otherwise.

[RootofGood]

[deleted - somehow my post on car seats went to the wrong thread??]

[dailycycle]

I took a 4 month maternity leave.  By the end of it I was looking forward to going back to work.  That may be because it was too quiet around the house with just me and an infant much of the time.  The next time around I will play it by ear.  I may end up loving being at home with two kids.  Or I may miss the challenge of my job.

Some factors to consider, which make this decision different for different people: how stressful will it be in your house to have two working parents?  The first six months back at work were very stressful for us and we both worked no more than 40 hours/wk with fairly short commutes.  Can you find a childcare situation you feel is good for your child?  We could afford the daycare of our choice.  I felt it was good for my child to be around other kids a lot, be exposed to a bunch of germs, and experience an environment with very clear rules.  Does taking time off affect your career? I thought (and still think) it would be ideal for her to be there part time rather than for a full 7 - 9 hours though.  Had I gone part time, I would have missed out on promotions which have made my job far more interesting and satisfying.  Many people are in jobs such as teaching where time away would not significantly affect their career development.

[clutchy]

wife took a 3+ month leave(paid in California) and she decided she didn't want to stay home with a child and that was that.

financially its worked out very well for us and we have family in the area.  My mother in law takes care of our child for 2 days a week and then we do daycare for 3 days.   I think its a healthy mix; personal care mixed with socialization.

[kamikazejello]

My wife and I were married 5 years before our son was born this June. She was working full time since graduating college making about $40,000/year.
I had always said that I prefer her to stay at home (since my mom did) and she always had the mindset that she'd work once we had kids (since her mom somewhat did).

So, I left the decision up to her. Once she held that baby in her arms, she decided she didn't want to go back to work (she was on 12 weeks of Maternity leave at that point). 
Fortunately, 3 months later, I took a new job which made up for the loss of her income so it all worked out well. Even if not, I would have been content at my old salary and living very frugally in order for her to stay at home. 

Do what you think will be best for you and your family. Don't be shamed one way or the other - it irks me to hear people say "Oh, you're putting your career ambitions in front of a poor helpless baby?" and likewise "Oh, you're content being a housewife with no goals or accomplishments of your own?".  Ignore what people say and do what you feel best.

[ghatko]

I am expecting #2 in a few months, and I am currently working full-time with our 3.5 year old in daycare full-time. I live in Canada, and work for the federal government, so I get 12 months of paid leave, which my employer generously tops up to 93% of my regular salary. That makes it a no brainer to take off the year, which I did with #1. To be honest, I never considered being a SAHM, due to a number of factors:

• My husband and I both make quite high salaries that more than make up for childcare (even for 2 kids)
• My job is more secure than my husbands
• We work in different sectors which diversifies our income sources
• I don't know any other women in my office who decided to become a SAHM, it is the norm to return to work after a year (that wouldn't stop me if I felt strongly about becoming a SAHM, but it is the social norm for me)
• My Mom always worked
• I really enjoyed the time I had off with #1, but my brain felt a bit like it was turning into mush by the end of the year ;)
• Now that #1 is 3.5, it can be tiring to chase after her all day, I get a bit of a break while I'm at work ;)

Those are just some of the things that make having two full-time working parent make sense for us. I hope some of that is helpful.

[garg33]

I quit as soon as I could, and now I use my energy on my kiddos.

When my first was born, I still had to work two more years because my husband was in grad school, and stipends were low.  It was awful!  My baby got sick a lot.  I hardly saw him on weekdays, and my time with him was distracted because I had to cook supper as soon as I brought him home from daycare.  Then, we had some issues with childcare workers not being nice to the kids, etc.  So, I quit working one year before DH finished grad school.  How did I do it?  I learned how to be ultra-frugal.  I actually pre-paid our utilities, bought laundry detergent and other sundries (w/coupons) to last us for that year that I was going to stay home while his income was tiny.  I worked about 13 hours a week receiving low pay to do some childcare things so that I could be with my kiddos.  Anyway, that was just one year of it that it was tighter than tight.

I don't plan to resume full time work.  DH works long hours, and it is up to me to maintain the house and family.  He likes it that way, and it keeps the family/marriage more peaceful.

At the risk of asking an impolite question: why did you have a baby at that time, if you couldn't afford one and it was going to be so stressful and awful? I don't intend to be judgmental; I am just genuinely curious about the situation.

[ender]

This is why I'm trying to get us as far as possible towards FI before we add small people to our family. I want options. I think you honestly don't know how you'll feel after a baby until you get there.

I've had quite a few people mention this to me, too.

Most often somewhat sorrowfully in the context of, "don't plan a life together assuming she'll work because she wants to, too many people think that and immediately want to change yet can't."

I'd guess most MMM readers wouldn't be in a position they could NOT change should they want to.

[Gray Matter]

My situation with each child was a little different. 

First child I wound down contracts when I was four months pregnant and only worked a few hours here and there for the rest of my pregnancy (which was totally awesome--I was very relaxed, walked 20-25 miles a week and lifted weight twice a week until the day he was born, ate well).  That child got an optimal start in life--he gestated in a happy, calm, healthy mother.  I stayed home with him until he was six months old (planned to until he was 9 months old, but got called by a former client).  Before that, he did have some one-on-one childcare as I was (half-heartedly) attempting to write my dissertation, but no more than 15 hours a week.

Second child was a totally different story.  The day I found out I was pregnant with him is the same day we found out our bid on a much bigger house was accepted, so we tripled our mortgage and doubled our daycare payment in one year (wish I'd found MMM before this!).  I worked full time during the pregnancy, was incredibly stressed out with trying to sell a house, move into a new house which required a ton of work, husband was gone six months that year for work.  I took my son to work with me when he was four days old and though I was technically on maternity leave, I never really detached and still checked e-mail and started going back to work sporadically when he was only a month old, then full time at two months.  I also buckled down and wrote  my dissertation in the wee hours of the night and on weekends that year (defended when he was 11 months old).  It was a hellacious year, and I have BIG REGRETS about all the stress hormones my son was gestated in and the chaos of the first year of his life.  That year is a blur to me--I have very few distinct memories--and that makes me really sad.

Third child we adopted and had a much calmer time of it.  I completely detached from work for three full months, enjoyed the heck out of my children bit was ready to go back to work at the end of it.  She went to the home daycare in our neighborhood that my other two went to while I went back to work full-time.  I prefer home daycares for children under the age of 3, and schools or centers after that.

Looking back, I do not regret working, as I am ill-suited to be a SAHM, and I think high-quality daycare is a fine alternative.  But I do regret that I let the need for money be the determining factor in the type of work I did and how much I worked.   I wish either my husband or I had chosen career paths with more flexibility, fewer hours, and less stress.  Our lives are too harried and hectic, and have been for the past decade.  But I am trying to rectify that (talked to HR yesterday about going part-time).

My mom's philosophy (and she raised four fabulous children!) is that other people can provide high-quality care for infants and young children, but that your kids really need YOU to be available between the ages of 11-15.  They're too old for childcare, yet young enough to be heavily influenced by peers and make bad decisions.  I actually agree with her on this (though I certainly understand other perspectives), which is why I'm trying to arrange my schedule to pick my kids up after school now that they're in 2nd, 4th, and 6th grades.

Sorry for the long-winded post--I obviously have lots to say on the matter!

[MicroRN]

I went back to work part-time (24 hrs/week).  I love working, and staying current in my job is important to me.  0.6 FTE is a nice balance for me between working and spending time with the kiddos.  I don't bring home a ton over what we pay for childcare, but it's worth it.  My husband is gone for months on end, so I like working less than FT to give me more flexibility.  Also, I can always pick up extra shifts if I want to.  I don't need benefits through work because we have them through DH.

[mm1970]

My older son is 7.  When I was pregnant, I discussed cutting my hours to part time (30/week) with my boss.   He wasn't very ... understanding, and said "sure, but we'll have to demote you."  I couldn't convince him that the TYPE of work I was doing and the level of work wasn't going to change, just the number of hours. 

So needless to say, I went back full time when he was 13.5 weeks old.  I was exhausted and ended up sick for all but 30 days of the 5 months from November through March.  I'd have been better off working 30 hours - more rested and would have probably accomplished more at work.  My boss left to start a new company when my baby was a year old, and when the baby was 17 months, I cut back to part time (30hrs/week) because my new boss said "sure!"  I was paid hourly when PT.

Ironically, my group was shut down about a year later and my new boss (we were transferred) said "I don't believe in PT". So about 6 weeks of trying to either get the bosses to agree or to at least give me the long-deserved promotion didn't pan out.  So I called up the old boss (the one who left to start the company) and said "I want a PT job!"  Well, I got it and left, ended up working 30 hr/week (but salaried this time).  About 6 months later (when my son was 3) I was asked to go FT.  At that point, I'd found myself working 35-36 hrs/week but getting paid for 30, so I just bumped it up to 40 and got an extra 10 hours of pay.

Fast forward to 2012 and my surprise 2nd baby.  I'd learned my lesson and came back PT.  I came back 9 weeks after he was born at 25 hrs/week and when he was 3 months I bumped it up to 32.  When my son was 1, there was some serious need for me to work more hours, so I agreed to work FT.  Then 10 days later we lost 35% of our work force, and we got major pressure to give 120%.  I was pretty mad, and really regretted going back to FT.  I do love my career, but having young babies, toddlers is exhausting.  It wasn't until the baby was 15 or 16 months that I could actually cook dinner or even prep after work because he wants mama.  Understandably so.  I had a really bad few months where I looked for another job and even considered quitting outright (your spouse might not be all for it, but if you are miserable...) 

Then I got sick with bronchitis and decided life is too short.  I'm old.  I get 4 weeks vacation a year (but it's PTO so sick, holiday, and vacay are all lumped together).  I decided to use my PTO in small increments.  So if I just feel like working a 35 hour a week, I will.  I won't feel the need to work on weekends/ nights (I'm usually in bed 15 mins after the kids).  I have found over the last two months that I'm mostly better rested and I don't feel the burning desire for a vacation.  Which is good, because after the bronchitis, I don't have much!

Sorry this is so long.  I find that for me personally, PT is ideal.  Yes, you deal with work issues - people not thinking you are "dedicated" and the mommy-tracking of your career.  Yes, you feel some mommy guilt for not being at home (well, I don't, but a lot of people do).  But it's the perfect balance of career, and still enough time at home to really enjoy your kids for several hours every day.

[Meggslynn]

Sounds like I am in the minority here.

Both my husband and I work 40 hours a week and our son is in a dayhome (a home base childcare with 5 children).
I live in Canada so I stayed home with him for the first 12 months. I am very thankful for that time as I don't think I could put our son in outside the home care earlier than a year old. The 12 months off though was a very good eye opener for me. I didn't enjoy it very much. I missed adult interaction and being challenged and engaged professionally. So going back to work was a no brainer for me.
I don't feel over-burdened or over-extended because I am a full time working mom. My husband and I both work for companies who are flexible, we both get 6 weeks off paid per year and our salaries are very nice as well :)  Our son LOVES his dayhome and so do we. He recently was ill for a week where we kept him home and he first day back to the dayhome was today and he was so happy to see the other kids and they were so happy to see him that they all gave each other a big group hug. It melted my heart. The smile on my kids face when he saw all the other kids waiting in anticipation for him at the door was priceless. They do so many fun and interesting things there that never for a moment do I feel like he isn't getting the best. And if I do miss him, I take a day off and we spend the day doing something fun.
BUT, because we both work we make sure its worth it. My son's post secondary will be fully funded. Our house will be paid off by the time I am 35, and we will be FI by the time I am 40. We also travel quite often as this is a passion of ours and I believe it to be important to socialize and expose your children to other cultures.
Every family is unique and what works for you and yours is most important.
Good Luck!