Preteen cell phone

[bisimpson]

Our 12 year old just asked for a cell phone to text friends. Any suggestions? My wife and I have phones through work. We thought about adding a line and getting work fro the kid in lieu of a monthly payment. But are there any *free* options? We considered just using messages on iOS or google voice. 

Thoughts?

[Peachtea]

Buy (or have your kid buy) a cheap $50-100 smartphone, unlocked is best for future use. I have a moto e4 which is more than fine and I use my phone a lot. Right now you can get it new on eBay for $80. But there are also lots of other unlocked cheap smartphones on Amazon too.

Then your kid can use WhatsApp free on WiFi to text and call. Also can use this on iPads if they already have one of those. Not sure about other brand of tablets, but likely those as well. My teen cousins use WhatsApp even though they also have normal text and phone plans. Or Red Pocket has a $10/month 500 min/ 500 texts/ 500 mb data plan.

[APowers]

Google hangouts works pretty great for a free wifi call/text app. Whatsapp is pretty good too, but it depends on the recipient also having Whatsapp. I would lean towards allowing the kid to buy their own phone (unlocked used/refurbished Moto e is a great inexpensive yet good option for a starter phone).

[Freedomin5]

Why does she need a cellphone? Just to text friends? Why can’t she just talk to her friends at school? Do they do group work via texting? If she doesn’t have a phone to text her friends, will she die? Is having a phone a safety issue? Is it a school requirement?

I work with with hundreds of students who all have smart phones, and I can say a good number of them don’t need them, and they are really mean to each other online/via text. So giving her a phone is not something to consider lightly.

If she has a computer at home that she uses to do homework, she can just Skype/Instagram/WhatsApp/Snapchat her friends, and you can keep an eye on the messages to make sure there’s no cyber bullying going on.

[Car Jack]

Kids need phones nowadays.  How will the text each other, facetime, skype, watch youtube videos or play games during math class if they don't have a phone?

(and yes, I'm serious.  Already been through it with 2 kids)  Delay as long as possible.

[GuitarStv]

I don't have a cell phone, why the hell would I pay for one for my kid?  My son can have a phone when he pays for it from the job he's working.  I'm not convinced that regularly using a cell phone does anything beneficial for your life.

[ketchup]

I was dicking around with my graphing calculator (either playing tetris or writing programs to do my math homework for me) in high school for years before I got a cell phone (at 18 in 2009).  My girlfriend read Harry Potter all throughout high school algebra.  Kids will always find a way to distract themselves in math class.

[bisimpson]

Thanks for all the parental advice. We’re considering all of this. We’re facing the same types of issues anyway. We haven’t really decided on a phone, but wanted to think about free ways to connect. They have a hand me down iPad and they know that they’ll need to pay for it if they want it.

[GizmoTX]

We decided that DS could have a cellphone at the point where he was away from us for activities, around age 11. We deliberately chose a simple phone that was not a smartphone, ie no internet access. We told him that his care & usage of it would determine his continued access to this privilege.

Unlike a computer that should have a nanny net installed, the internet is wide open on a smartphone & is way too dangerous for a sub or young teen. And, too many become addicted to smart devices. Texting is not the same as talking.

DS earned the privilege of a smartphone at 16.

[mm1970]

When my son was 11, my spouse gave him an old phone (without talking to me, ahem).

It was WiFi only, so he could text his friends with google hangouts.

Right around when he turned 12, we added a SIM card and added him to our (cheap, pre-paid) plan.  This was in advance of junior high and getting himself to and from school.

As you'd imagine, there are strict rules for when you can and can't use your phone at school (mostly: you can't, but during a break you can?)  Anyway, if you are caught then your phone is confiscated until a parent can come get it from the office.

So even with the concern of getting himself home (on foot) every day (>1 mile)...he's decided it's not worth the trouble.  So he leaves it at home. 

My other neighborhood friends have daughters, and they insist that they have their phones for walking home.  Sometimes they all walk home together, but they on are slightly different schedules, with early start/ early release options, regular schedule, and after school programs.

[LiveLean]

The moment you give them a phone, it becomes the No.1 battleground for your parent-child relationship. Delay as long as possible.

Related story: I'm an asst scoutmaster for my son's Boy Scout troop. I'm arranging a trip at one of the high adventure camps this spring where we'll be on a 40-foot boat for five nights. Just two adults, six Scouts and the captain.

I brought this up at our recent meeting. Everyone starts complaining about how unfair it is that only six boys can go. I asked for a show of hands for how many boys were interested. Most every hand went up.

I then mentioned that you had to be 13 by the day we departed and mentioned the date. Half the hands went down.

I then mentioned that no technology is allowed on board other than GoPro cameras.

Only six hands remained up. Most teens can't go 2 hours without a phone, let alone five nights.

So go ahead and give your 11-12 year old a phone.

[Blueberries]

For those saying to delay it as long as possible, what age do you wish you had delayed to???  What age is reasonable?

[GuitarStv]

For those saying to delay it as long as possible, what age do you wish you had delayed to???  What age is reasonable?

At 37 and never having owned a cell phone, I don't feel that my life is missing in richness and meaning . . . so . . . maybe 40?  (Of course if you're paying for your 40 year old's cell phone there's probably a whole different set of problems going on.)

:P

[radram]

I use Freedompop. Several people HATE HATE HATE them (like Suzy Ormon and FIRE).

Their tech support in nonexistent (literally, they do not have any tech support at the free level). Phone service is VOIP, and is pretty crappy under 4g. Texting is fine on 4G. Phone while on WiFi is just fine.

Why choose such a monstrosity? 200 phone minutes, 500 Texts, and 500MB of 4g data, for free, every month.

Some very important items to consider with them:
1. After purchase, you are enrolled in pay-services. If you do nothing, you will start to be charged. You must "Downgrade" the phone to get continually free service.
2. You MUST set up data overage purchases of $15.00 that automatically charge your credit card. You can NOT set it up that the phone just stops before using data for a fee. It forces your child to be data responsible. You can go into your account anytime and see usage, and there is a text just before the credit occurs, but there is a delay, so charges could happen before you know you are close to running out. Ask me how I know.

My 19 year old got her first phone when she was 16. That was when we discovered Freedompop and the free service. A year before that, she got a tablet that had 200Mb of free 3g through TMobile.

My 12 year old got one last year. She has had a few $15 charges(she paid us), and has lost use for some time. I would not pay for service for her(or me).

We use Alio, so no 500 text limit, but you still need to watch your data. 200 phone minutes is 199 more that we ever need.


If it stops being free, I will no longer have a cell phone, and will use my devices as WiFi only. My 12 year old daughter would lose hers. My 19 year old and wife would most likely buy a plan.

They have some nice sales on phones sometimes. My wife wants to upgrade. I am hoping to find an S5 for under $100 around Thanksgiving.

[singpolyma]

How often are they away from wifi? If it's mostly texting friends while at home/school and they just need a way to do it because their friends all expect a phone number, check out https://jmp.chat

[AccidentalMiser]

Thoughts?

Just two:

FUCK.
NO.

[fuzzy math]

Use an old slide or flip phone (ask around, lots of ppl have them hanging around still)...buy a SIM card for a cheap pre paid service provider.

My 11 yr old has (had? It's currently missing at a friend's house) a free phone that we put $10 of minutes/ texts on 3x a year.
It allows us to leave him and his younger siblings alone for a brief period of time after school, while running errands etc. allows us to let him out on a long adventure in town and be reachable.

I would not suggest getting a phone that costs more than $20, or putting data on it until they're much older. Most of his peers have a similar arrangement, although a few have $$$ phones, and a few don't have anything. It's a good middle ground and the currently lost phone provides a great argument against him getting anything nicer until he's much more responsible.

[GettingClose]

The moment you give them a phone, it becomes the No.1 battleground for your parent-child relationship. Delay as long as possible.

After going through the decision with four kids ... this.  If you have to do it, no smart phones until 15/16.  All my kids completely lost all interest in reading, family activities, and any conversation within 2 months of having a smart phone and unlimited internet access. 

[DavidDoes]

We just purchased a phone for our almost 8 year old. The beauty of phones nowadays is that you can set permissions and timelines on them. Her phone will be unavailable during specific hours, and even when it is available, only specific apps will be usable.

Her focus should be on schoolwork, reading, and developing meaningful relationships (and navigating everything that goes with that). Instant communication methods where phrasing, tone, and other nuances of dialogue can easily muddle things up, especially when hormones are in the picture. Hell, I know folks that are my age (~30) that are emotionally stunted due to so much app usage. 

[Freckles]

We just purchased a phone for our almost 8 year old. The beauty of phones nowadays is that you can set permissions and timelines on them. Her phone will be unavailable during specific hours, and even when it is available, only specific apps will be usable.

Her focus should be on schoolwork, reading, and developing meaningful relationships (and navigating everything that goes with that). Instant communication methods where phrasing, tone, and other nuances of dialogue can easily muddle things up, especially when hormones are in the picture. Hell, I know folks that are my age (~30) that are emotionally stunted due to so much app usage. 

A seven year old??? Whatever does a seven-year-old need a phone for? You list a bunch of reasons for a kid not to have a phone, so why did you get one for him or her? I'm not trying to be snarky; I'm seriously confused and stunned. And curious!

[Unique User]

We got our then 12 year old a basic phone when we moved halfway across the county since we wanted her to be able to stay in touch with friends.  We told her that the other main reason for her to have a phone is so we could know where she was all the time.  We moved again when she was 14, again halfway across the country and she regularly texts and facetimes with friends from both former areas.  If we hadn't moved, we probably would have delayed until high school as all the phone drama was in middle school.   Now that she is driving, I really like the texts letting us know where she is and that she got somewhere safely.   

[AccidentalMiser]

We just purchased a phone for our almost 8 year old. The beauty of phones nowadays is that you can set permissions and timelines on them. Her phone will be unavailable during specific hours, and even when it is available, only specific apps will be usable.

Her focus should be on schoolwork, reading, and developing meaningful relationships (and navigating everything that goes with that). Instant communication methods where phrasing, tone, and other nuances of dialogue can easily muddle things up, especially when hormones are in the picture. Hell, I know folks that are my age (~30) that are emotionally stunted due to so much app usage. 

A seven year old??? Whatever does a seven-year-old need a phone for? You list a bunch of reasons for a kid not to have a phone, so why did you get one for him or her? I'm not trying to be snarky; I'm seriously confused and stunned. And curious!

It's just lunacy.

[Michael in ABQ]

Our oldest is 10 and when my wife's aunt visited recently she (without asking us first) let him and his younger brother play Minecraft on her phone. Ever since then he has asked about it and we've flat out told him we won't be installing any games on our phones and he won't be getting a phone.

A couple of my young teenage nieces have misbehaved with their phones and it's created a lot of conflict.


I didn't get a cell phone until I was 19 and in college. I see no good reason for any of our kids to get a phone before they're at least 16 and have a job where they can pay for it al themselves. Only recently have we let our kids use my wife's old Amazon Fire tablet or our laptop to look at LEGO toys on Amazon. I see very little good that will come from them having screens of any osrt whether for games, videos, texting, etc. They've got piles of books to read, bikes to ride, a backyard to play in, and plenty of toys like LEGOs to occupy their mind.

[SnackDog]

Definitely by middle school all the cool kids have phones, so it is pretty much a requirement at that point.