Moving with a one month old

[firelight]

Has anyone moved across state with a one month old and a toddler? We'd be moving from one end of state to another (3+ hours) and would need to setup everything after we move there. This is not a corporate move, so we are on hook for movers, finding apartments, etc. We are decluttering as much as we can (as much as I can at 8+ months). We have some leeway about moving date (can be extended by a month max, but I would prefer to do the move earlier if possible).

Please share any tips and tricks that helped you during such a move.

[gex]

I've done many moves in the past with a pregnant wife and an infant.

Keep decluttering! The fewer things you have, the easier it will be.

If you have animals, don't mix them in with the move. Give them to a friend, and then pick them up AFTER the move.
Move + animals = disaster (I'd also recommend handing the kids off to a relative or friend until you're finished - if you can do that).

Don't be afraid to hire some help. I tried to do everything alone once with my heavily pregnant wife, a giant Uhaul and our Scion totally loaded with gear (and animals!). Worst idea ever. We both almost died from exhaustion by the end of the 4 hour drive, inner-city traffic, and stress from moving into a high-rise condo (without help). I can honestly say that was the worst day of my life, and I'm not kidding at all.

Also, try to organize and label boxes in a way that makes sense. Don't just throw stuff in boxes (my default method), because that makes unpacking/finding stuff very difficult.

Professional movers can really be hit or miss, you might be better arranging some help through Craigslist. Just be careful.

Good luck!

[Laura33]

Yes.  And I'm sorry.  For the logistical: 

1.  Start now.  Don't just declutter/give away -- even for the stuff you want to keep, if you aren't going to need it for the next two months, box it up, NOW.  And label it as such.  I would triage:  first week; first month; eventually.  The "first week" stuff goes with you in your car and is unpacked immediately; the "first month" stuff can go with movers but is the first of the rest to be unpacked; and the rest of it can be unpacked when you get around to it.  This is not to save you time now -- this is to keep your sanity on the far end, when your toddler needs Special Toy NOW and refuses to sleep and it's not in the box labeled "toys" (at least you cut down on the number of other boxes you need to look through).

2.  Plan ahead for as much logistical support as possible.  Especially off-site support for the kids -- can toddler/infant go to grandma's for a few days?  It is hard for kids to watch their room be dismantled, so if they can say "bye" to the room and then appear at the new house a few days later with the new room all done up, it will make life much easier for all of you (some kids also do better if they can see the new place in advance, but others would freak at an empty house, so YMMV).  Have daycare or a local sitter on-hand for at least the next week to give you some space to keep unpacking and organizing and dealing with the 73 things you didn't realize you needed to deal with.

3.  Can you make a trip a few days ahead of time to get as much set up as possible pre-move?  Even having some basic frozen dinners in the freezer, cereal in the pantry, and toilet paper in the bathrooms will help.

Emotional:

1.  Take everything your toddler does with a big fat grain of salt.  This is a big deal, and the kids don't have the words yet to express it.  So do everything you can to ease the transition, and then make plenty of time for nap time, snuggles, free play outside, and whatever else your kid needs to get through.  Expect regression on a completely unpredictable basis -- they will ace some things you expected to be a crash-and-burn, and vice-versa.  Maintain your consistency on the big things, but assume that every fit/tantrum/etc. comes from being overwhelmed and is best managed through some quiet snuggles or the like.

2.  Be kind to yourself, too.  What is it that you enjoy most, or that gives you relief?  A long walk?  Going to the gym?  Sitting down with a book?  Whatever it is, plan that time into your day.  This will be extra hard on you, because you are managing the logistics of the move, an infant's needs, your toddler's emotions, AND your own emotions.  Eat regularly, rest regularly, go easy on yourself.  Get out in nature as much as you possibly can.

3.  Find the good/fun things at the new place and start enjoying them as quickly as possible. 

4.  Let your toddler be sad and grieve the old place.  Empathize, listen, and hug -- you don't need to "fix" anything, or convince them that the new place is better; just let them be sad.  It will pass -- and it will pass more quickly if you give them space and comfort to feel those emotions instead of trying to persuade them how much they will love the new place, etc.

[dphngbr]

Yup, we've moved twice with a toddler and infant since 2013!

1.  BABYWEARING.  Find a infant baby carrier that works for you, and suddenly you have two hands again!  There are Babywearing International meetups in most metro areas where you can try on baby carriers for free (or borrow one for a month for $30ish/year), and lots of used baby carriers for sale on Facebook B/S/T groups (Babywearing on a Budget and The Babywearing Swap have a lot of volume and good deals).  Absolute lifesaver.  And, carriers don't have to be expensive to be useful -- my first one was a $25 stretchy wrap that I used every day, 12 hours a day, for the first 3 months. 

2.  When packing, label the box with the room it should go into (Master Bedroom, Living Room, Dining Room, etc.)  It seems so simple but it is a huge help if you have people helping you move (and you should, as PP said.) 

3.  You know how you always have a bunch of essentials that you don't pack until the very end?  Keep some clear bins/boxes on hand for those items so you can locate and unpack them quickly when you get to where you are going.  If you think a little ahead, you can live out of those clear bins for weeks while you unpack the less necessary stuff. 

4.  Books helped our toddler with the adjustment, especially the Bernstein Bears' Moving Day. 

5.  If at all possible, let the toddler play in the moving truck for a bit.  My son (was 3, now 6) STILL talks about it. 

6.  I listed or donated absolutely everything I was indifferent about in the house on Craigslist/Facebook as soon as we knew we were moving.  You won't miss any of it, I promise! 

And definitely take care of yourself -- don't try to move heavy boxes or do more than you are physically comfortable doing.  Best of luck! 

[Morning Glory]

Can you and the kids stay with relatives for a few days while hubby and a friend move and assemble everything? For the first six weeks it is recommended to not lift more than 20 lbs, and someone will need to watch the kids anyway, so why not you?

I agree with the previous posters about decluttering and labeling by when you will need things. Get as much done as you can before baby comes, but don't compromise your recovery by trying to do too much after.

[firelight]

Thank you so much for all the tips! Gives me confidence that we can pull this off with some proper planning.

We don't have any family nearby, so staying with them while husband moves and sets up things won't work. Though unmustachian, our current plan is to stay a night or two at a hotel/Airbnb and my mom will take care of kids while my husband and I unpack and setup. We are working hard to declutter so we move as less stuff as possible but it's been three years since we last moved - so I might be in for a shock. Definitely planning to use up/give away as much as we can.

[gex]

Though unmustachian, our current plan is to stay a night or two at a hotel/Airbnb and my mom will take care of kids while my husband and I unpack and setup.

When it comes to moving, spending some money is absolutely worth it to alleviate the hassle and stress. After trying to do a cheap move and nearly killing myself, that is the one mistake to remember. This applies even more since you mentioned that you're pregnant.

[lizzzi]

I almost don't want to post this, as it is so horrible. But if it even saves one child's life...be extremely vigilant about your kids' safety through the move. And if you can, park them somewhere else--with Grandma, in a day care, with an off-site sitter--whatever. A friend of mine with three young boys lost the middle child when the moving truck backed over him.

[firelight]

I almost don't want to post this, as it is so horrible. But if it even saves one child's life...be extremely vigilant about your kids' safety through the move. And if you can, park them somewhere else--with Grandma, in a day care, with an off-site sitter--whatever. A friend of mine with three young boys lost the middle child when the moving truck backed over him.

Thanks a lot for the warning. I agree we can't be too careful around kids, our plan currently is for my husband to deal with the movers while I corral the kids into car and drive towards our new place. Hopefully everything goes smoothly.

[Cranky]

The good news is that babies and toddlers are more flexible about moving than older kids - they adapt to a new routine awfully quickly.

Hire movers. Make sure you label the boxes that need to be opened first - towels, toys, coffee pot, etc.

Assemble the kids' beds and rooms first. Take your time unpacking. It's actually worse with teens!

[ahoy]

I moved countries with a 3yr old and the baby was 4 months.  It was not a lot of fun.  I agree with everyone else de-clutter and de-clutter some more.

[lizzzi]

Be especially careful with the little ones' special toy or blanket that they must have. It is so easy to lose things or have them discarded or left behind somewhere in the midst of all the chaos. I'm embarrassed to post this, but will admit that my husband and I, while distracted with car seats and bags and general craziness, left the two-year-old's special stuffed toy on top of our car and drove off--were miles away before we realized--too far to go back.  Fortunately the little squeaky guy was still available in  stores, and we replaced him before she realized he was gone--she was too small too wonder why he was suddenly so clean!

[ysette9]

When it comes to moving, spending some money is absolutely worth it to alleviate the hassle and stress. After trying to do a cheap move and nearly killing myself, that is the one mistake to remember. This applies even more since you mentioned that you're pregnant.

I agree with this 100%. We've moved a bunch of times and the most recent time we broke down and hired movers. It was so absolutely worth it I would have paid double and still been happy with the results. At the time I was recovering from a miscarriage (D&E) and wasn't allowed to lift anything, so having the movers took away most of the temptation to help out. Even still, the little bit I did carry was enough to aggravate my bleeding and set back my recovery. If you will have recently given birth, you will likely be in a similar position of physical recovery, so don't put yourself in a situation where you might be tempted to do more than you physically should. Just focus on keeping that newborn close t you in the baby wrap and act as the symphony conductor from the sidelines.