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Learning, Sharing, and Teaching => Mini Money Mustaches => Topic started by: alwayslearning on March 04, 2016, 10:20:40 AM
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We are looking forward to welcoming our baby in a few months and I wanted to see what everyone experienced for maternity/paternity leave. I have 4 weeks paid leave and 2 weeks to work from home. Are 6 weeks really enough? I'm worried I won't be fully healed or emotionally ready to return to work at 6 weeks.
Also, my mom and mother-in-law have each offered to help during the day as my husband goes back to work, but I don't know how often is best for them to visit. 2 x per week, 3 x per week?
1. How much maternity leave did you and your spouse/partner have? Was it paid?
2. How often did you have family come visit or help after the baby was born? What visiting schedule was most helpful?
3. What did family do at your house that was most helpful?
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Congrats!!
For me, 6 weeks is not enough. I prefer 12.
I've had paid, unpaid and a comb of both. With my first, i was back in school some after a week. Next baby I had 4 weeks. Next two I had 4 mo each. Loved this. This time I'll take the 12 weeks paid. A lot of it depends on the health of mom and baby and stress and schedule of the job you are returning to. Also stress and schedule of your spouse's schedule.
Now, my dh is home full time, so no drop off and pick up at daycare, no worries about sick days. I can come home for lunch, which makes pumping and nursing much easier.
My mom and mil each came for a week, after the week dh was home. This is the first baby since he has been home full time, and I'm looking forward to having him around all the time. (Of course. We have four other kids, so it's different then just a newborn.) I'm still hoping my mom will come a week, but honestly, mil is not helpful at all these days. Wants to sit and hold the baby and be on her phone. "I'm just so helpful, " she says a million times. But this is not helpful at all. I hope she comes only a day or two.
The most helpful things they did were cook, clean, laundry and watch my other kids so I could sleep. Mil was easy more helpful with this after the first baby.
Don't underestimate the sleep deprivation. It was painful, to say the least, especially with my first.
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Congratulations! I am due with my second in a few months also. :)
I was not able to get FMLA leave with my first because I had not worked at the company for a year, so they offered me 8 weeks leave (6 paid, 2 weeks unpaid). Ultimately I decided to stay home with my first for 6 months, then got a part-time job with another company. My DH had 2 weeks paid leave and then took every Friday off for the next few months.
My mother came up for a week right after the baby was born. This was helpful, but it would have been more helpful for me to have her come up after DH went back to work. I found that I got sick a lot after the baby was born and had a really hard time with the sleep deprivation so staggering the help would have made more sense. For me, it took a long time to recover physically but everyone is different.
With the visiting, it will depend on you, your baby, and your dynamic with your mother/MIL. One thing I found really helpful was having people bring over prepared meals, or meals that could be frozen & reheated. Cooking/feeding ourselves was a huge challenge.
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IMO 6 weeks is not enough, but it is going to come down to your recovery.
Physically I was feeling fantastic (other than sleep deprived) after 1 week, hormonally/emotionally I was an absolute mess. Mood swings, crying for no reason, etc. Things seemed to get better around the 10 week time frame and started working again at 12 weeks but I was still ultimately diagnosed with postpartum depression.
I took a total of 12 weeks off (all of my FMLA) and will do so again with my next child due in September. I used a combination of PTO, STD, and unpaid time.
Mr. D took 2 weeks PTO and then stayed home for 2 weeks (he travels for work). I told him I didn't care how he did it as along as he was home for the first 4 weeks. He actually ended up being home for almost 6 weeks.
ETA: When it was time to come back my boss did offer me extra time if I needed it. I turned it down because I needed to get back to "normal". Maybe the best thing is to see if it possible to take more time off if you need it. How much time you will really NEED is so hard to predict until after the baby arrives.
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My wife went back to work after six paid weeks with the second child and we got along fine. I stayed home after that and took care of the child so daycare and such wasn't an issue.
As far as guests/in-laws/parents dropping by, we really never had a problem with them visiting. Babies sleep a lot during the first few months so it there was time to visit between feedings and everyone could get their fix holding a sleeping baby. We tended to go to bed early since a full night's sleep wasn't an option for the first couple months so we didn't have any evening visitors.
Probably the best thing I did to help out during those first six weeks was even though my wife was breastfeeding, I took a shift of feeding during the middle of the night. She would pump the extra milk from during the day and put it in a bottle. She generally took the first shift feeding naturally and then I would get the second middle of the night shift and feed the baby using a bottle. This gave my wife a good 5 or 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep in the middle of the night. She couldn't go longer than that without needing to unload so she would get the early morning shift. Once she went back to work it was all bottled breast milk but by then, both of our kids were sleeping through the night.
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My hormones did not settle, and I was not healed, really, until 8 week mark (when I could climb a flight of stairs again and actually complete simple math problems).
For both pregnancies, I had Short term disability pay of 66% my salary for the first 6-12 weeks, if it was not already spent by sick time taken before. Benefits were covered during that time, then I had to pre-pay my healthcare benefits.
Then unpaid leave up to 6 mos for the first and 1 year for the second. During the unpaid time, EI paid out about 40% of my salary, but that was only available if I had enough work credits in the years prior. (This is Canada's system for mat leave - guaranteed time off, plus EI money if you have credits)
By choice, I returned to work at 16 weeks (DH took over for a month), and there was no problem other than missing the baby, then 7 mos for my second.
I highly recommend taking 4-6 mos if you can save up enough for one or both of you to take time off work.
HR also reported that it is much easier to find someone to cover maternity leave of 1 year compared to 3 or 6 months, so employers actually found it a bit easier when the limit was extended.
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I had a week off, which my husband also took, then went back to class (I was in grad school) for one of my two classes then the next week back to the other. I was studying by the second week. I went back to lab at eight weeks. Which I thought was fine. If I had not been in classes, going back at six weeks would have been fine. However, many daycares won't take the infant until 6 weeks and if your child was born on say a Tues-Fri, you will end up needing an extra week off.
What time is your husband taking off?
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We are looking forward to welcoming our baby in a few months and I wanted to see what everyone experienced for maternity/paternity leave. I have 4 weeks paid leave and 2 weeks to work from home. Are 6 weeks really enough? I'm worried I won't be fully healed or emotionally ready to return to work at 6 weeks.
Also, my mom and mother-in-law have each offered to help during the day as my husband goes back to work, but I don't know how often is best for them to visit. 2 x per week, 3 x per week?
1. How much maternity leave did you and your spouse/partner have? Was it paid?
2. How often did you have family come visit or help after the baby was born? What visiting schedule was most helpful?
3. What did family do at your house that was most helpful?
I live in California. California allows:
4 weeks before baby - FMLA + PDL (Pregnancy disability leave) - Disability pay (~55%)
6 weeks after baby - FMLA + PDL (8 weeks if C-section) - Disability pay (~55%)
12 weeks after PDL is over - CFRA. 6 weeks of this partially paid Paid Family Leave
(Depending on size of company). So up to 22 weeks for regular delivery, 18 post delivery.
Kid #1, water broke at work.
Took 13.5 weeks off, all after baby was born. 2 weeks paid (sick time), remainder partial pay from PDL and PFL.
Definitely needed the first six - was that long before got a good breastfeeding rhythm. Was ready to go back at 10 weeks (going a little crazy), but would have preferred part time. Boss didn't go for that. Going back at six weeks WAY TOO EARLY.
Husband took 2 weeks off at first. Paid family leave.
Then he took the remainder of his six weeks over the next year.
Kid #2, took off 2 weeks before due date. He was born on due date.
Went back to work at 9 weeks, part time (25 hrs a week) to ease back into it.
Went back to work 32 hrs/ week at 3 months (learned my lesson with #1, and by now at a new company, new boss, supportive of the shorter part time hours).
Husband only took a week off.
Had the "sweet spot" of an HR manager who pushed for me to get my full pay when out.
I do not think that six weeks is enough. I think 12 might work, but I was okay going back at 9 and 10. For me, what was more important, was working part time. Trying to do 40 hours with nursing and pumping is brutal.
With #1 mom visited at 8 weeks and in laws a bit after
With #2 MIL visited for 2 weeks starting when the baby was 4 weeks. It was great to have her. My husband was on several business trips those first weeks. (25% of the first six weeks). My MIL and spouse left when the baby was 6 weeks (on the same day). That was a really rough week. Three days straight the baby cried for 5 hours. I'm not exaggerating when I say I almost smothered him. I was hanging on by a thread.
So, more time is better, and yes, have help if you can get it. You'll know what feels right when you are there.
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Had the standard 12 week FMLA leave. The first few weeks were partially paid through disability and my vacation/sick days. Then I chose to use up the rest of my vacation time until that ran out around week 10. The last two weeks were unpaid, but by that point I had decided not to return and had already given notice a couple weeks prior. They made my last day the day I was supposed to return from mat leave.
Most helpful thing from family was stocking our fridge with easy to heat/prep meals by the time we got home from the hospital. While we were there, they came over and took care of everything. They did our laundry, picked up, and got the baby's sleeping area ready (I went into labor spontaneously a few weeks early in the middle of the night, so things certainly weren't baby ready yet). It was awesome and just allowed us to focus on taking care of the baby and getting settled.
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I have 4 weeks paid leave and 2 weeks to work from home. Are 6 weeks really enough? I'm worried I won't be fully healed or emotionally ready to return to work at 6 weeks.
So, working from home for 2 weeks in no way, shape, form, or fantasy land should count as part of your recovery time.
From what you have said you have 4 weeks paid time off. In my opinion, no that is not enough.
With my first child I returned to work at 6 weeks post partum. This was a terrible thing to do to myself and my baby. My colicky baby was still up for most of the night and I still couldn't sit down on a chair without feeling pain (yay third degree tear!)
For my later babies I took 12 weeks (FMLA max allowed. I would have taken more if it was an option). A lot of that was unpaid, more than half probably but if was a choice between going into credit card debt to stay home I would have gladly made that choice. (It wasn't! We planned for all the unpaid time - but I say this to illustrate how strongly I feel that 6 weeks is nowhere near enough).
If you intend to work from home at all then you should plan your 'help' to come during those times. You don't say if your mom/ MIL are local or not. If they are local and can be flexible then I would wait to make any hard and fast plans because you will know better what is best for you after the baby comes. If you have to navigate plane tickets and schedules then you should plan to have help immediately when your spouse returns to work. Stagger the help. In general - things get easier over time so having help in the earlier weeks is potentially more helpful than the later weeks.
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Congratulations on your soon-to-arrive LO.
I think having some flexibility to do what you need to do is probably the most important thing, and hard to predict what that will be. But helpful family (I am not 100% clear from how you describe yours whether they are truly helpful or just ... intend to be) is a huge boon in that regard.
I took 2 months totally off work, and then went back very p/t (16 hours/week) for 1 month, less p/t (24 hours/week) for 1 month, and then resumed and stayed at 30 hours/week for the remaining year (after that I went back to 40 hours/week). My DH took just a couple weeks off, and that was fine, but he did have flexibility in his work schedule (as did I), so we were able to juggle things around. We also used 16 hours/week of paid childcare and about 16-20 hours/week of grandma care.
During the first few months post-partum, the single most valuable/useful thing to me was being able to hand my baby over to DH or my mom and say, "I don't want to be disturbed for 2 hours" (and then I would go take a nap). The second most valuable/useful thing was easy-to-grab food. The third was probably someone else doing the laundry.
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With my first, I got 13 paid weeks off (of which I worked through 4), and no, that was not enough. Both me and baby had health issues that were somewhat elusive to sort out, which made recovery really slow. Because I had to go back to work so early, it took years to get back to normal. We had no help though. My mom came for 8 weeks while my husband was gone for 9 for fieldwork, that's all, but I was already working at that point and the damage was done.
With my second, I had 12 weeks paid (with a little bit of work throughout), and then I worked part time for the next 12 weeks, and that was just right. But this was with no health issues, a baby that fed and slept reasonably well, and included a live-in nanny that also cooked for us (while hubby worked nights).
OTOH, I had a friend who went back to school almost immediately (though her parents were there to help), and a friend who returned to medical residency after four weeks, twice, (mom came for first 7-10 days), and they both did fine workwise, so we know these things are possible.
We did have a relative come visit to help by cooking for us the first week of the first baby. But she had no kids, and so had no clue, and the visit was very counter-productive. She is a very nice, gregarious, and chatty person who kept me up when I should have been sleeping, and her cooking were these elaborate meals, when all we needed were some calories that were not junk food. Older women who had raised kids would probably work out better. Knowing what you need and telling the help exactly what to do is how to go about it (if they're willing to listen), but it's hard to know what you'll need when it's the first one.
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First, congrats!
You will probably not be able to work full-time from home with a four-week-old infant unless MAYBE you had an easy birth and good recovery AND your MIL/mom are willing to provide full-time childcare in your home. Even then, it's questionable. I needed too much rest to be working then.
I have one friend who went back to work at six weeks and never looked back. I was still bleeding and busy developing a yeast infection under my c-section incision. It's not a sure thing--you might be able to, you might not.
As far as visiting, you might need to see what kind of birth you have. With my first, I was terrified to be alone with him for the entire first week. I'd had a c-section and I couldn't get off the couch holding the baby without help. (With my second, I was much more confident.) Be ready when they come with a list of what you want them to do--take out the trash, make some food, go to the grocery store, start a load of laundry, just hold the baby so you can nap, etc. Don't fall into the trap of giving THEM the baby while YOU do chores. They can hold the baby when they finish the chores :-).
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Oh, yes, I forgot to add... I was never able to work from home, even when my mother was there all day. My boss offered me to work from home, and after about a week, I chose to go back to the office as I couldn't get anything done at home. YMMV
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Hold baby in place you can't hear while you sleep... Honestly, the lack of sleep was so much harder than anything anyone said prepared me to comprehend.
After sleep, get them to bring you food.
After that, basic chores... Laundry, dishes, bathrooms, etc.
But really, if someone could have just taken the baby for 3 hours so I could sleep, that would have been amazing...
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You will probably not be able to work full-time from home with a four-week-old infant unless MAYBE you had an easy birth and good recovery AND your MIL/mom are willing to provide full-time childcare in your home. Even then, it's questionable. I needed too much rest to be working then.
+1 - especially if you are breastfeeding. If you have a normal breastfeeding experience, you will face some mild to moderate challenges, and it is not uncommon for breastfed newborns to eat every hour or even more frequently. This is because they can only take so much at a time, and many newborns are particularly inefficient at eating until they get the hang of it which can easily take 6-8 weeks. If you are like me and had a catastrophic breastfeeding experience and you want to keep trying (see my post for what a particularly difficult breastfeeding experience might look like http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/mini-money-mustaches/i-hate-breastfeeding-looking-for-supportencouragement/) then it is fair to say that your entire life will revolve around breastfeeding, making work almost impossible.
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Yeah, to be clear the FMLA entitles you to minimum twelve weeks unpaid leave with continuation of health insurance (with you covering whatever premiums would be due anyway), meaning you're guaranteed your job back at the end of that (unless a good case can be made that you would have lost it even if you weren't on leave, e.g., your entire department was eliminated). This mostly covers people who work full time, who have been with the employer for at least a year, and who work for an employer with at least 50 employees.
Other states may have different requirements but it can't be less than what the federal policy would give you.
This also covers paternity leave, adoption, care of a sick family member, but that's OT.
One shitty aspect of the policy that I'm going to run into is that if your partner is also an employee at the company, you only get 12 weeks between you. But I understand the intention is to prevent discrimination against married people being employed by the same company.
My workplace has the policy that you need to use up all your paid leave first (vacation, sick time, etc.) and that counts towards the twelve weeks. E.g., if you have four weeks total paid time, you take all that and then have 8 unpaid weeks (plus some disability but that's through NY state). People don't seem to mind this because they feel twelve weeks is enough and like getting their paycheck for part of that time.
But I'd be curious if anyone knows if that's a legit condition the employer can enforce according to the legislation or if it's just a preference they're expressing.
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I'm fortunate to be in academia - our institution allows for essentially one semester off, and I've finagled my way into the role of maternity leave advisor so I get women the most weeks I can possibly get them. Faculty maternity leave is at full pay. This policy didn't exist until baby #2 for me, so for him I was able to be off from April-Februrary (I took the fall semester off). With baby #3 (who was born in July) I was off from June-February (again, taking the fall semester off).
I know that is a REALLY sweet deal for the US. With all the challenges of my job it's a benefit I'm very grateful to have had.
Just FYI for once the baby is born, there are now laws in the US that protect a woman's right to breastfeed OR pump when she returns to work. You are guaranteed a place to pump that is not a bathroom with a lock on the door and adequate breaks to do so.
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Thank you to everyone for your response! I love hearing everyone's experience with maternity leave, breastfeeding schedules and family assistance. I wanted to be sure to answer a few questions posted:
1. Family - I am lucky to have both my mom and my MIL in town. They are both very helpful, but not overbearing. They've offered to help once the baby arrives, I just wasn't sure exactly what that meant. I wanted to be sure to give them helpful responsibilities, but not too much to where I feel overwhelmed by someone else doing everything for me. I love the idea of them helping with food and watching the baby while I take a shower or hopefully a nap.
2. Work - I've been with my job for 5+ years, however, the company is VERY small. Because of this, FMLA doesn't apply. The maternity leave that I'm receiving is really just taking all of my vacation time at once. :( I'm the first female employee to be expecting a baby. They have had fathers take a few weeks for paternity leave, but I'm the guinea pig for the first pregnant woman/maternity leave policy. I think we are all kind of guessing to see what's best. I'm afraid at 6 weeks I still won't be sleeping much and the breastfeeding will be still in the "learning" phase.
From everyone's response, it seems like 6 weeks is going to fly by and I may not be ready to jump back into work full-time.
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My workplace has the policy that you need to use up all your paid leave first (vacation, sick time, etc.) and that counts towards the twelve weeks. E.g., if you have four weeks total paid time, you take all that and then have 8 unpaid weeks (plus some disability but that's through NY state). People don't seem to mind this because they feel twelve weeks is enough and like getting their paycheck for part of that time.
But I'd be curious if anyone knows if that's a legit condition the employer can enforce according to the legislation or if it's just a preference they're expressing.
My company has this policy, and I am in California. So whenever I talk to a pregnant woman in California, I recommend they check the policy at their company. Because honestly, at my current company, your best bed is to use ALL your vacation before you have the baby.
In any event, when I had my second child, I had 3 weeks of vacation on the books. Our company policy stated that I had to use all of it before going on disability. HOWEVER, CA state law covers this and says that they can only require you to use "up to 2 weeks of earned vacation or PTO". So, I talked to HR and told them that I was only going to use two weeks, and that's on the paper that I signed when I went out on leave (it said "all", I crossed it out and changed it to two weeks). (Honestly, my old HR person was great, she managed to get the company to pay me full salary when I was out.)
In any event, my last company when I had my first kid did not have that policy, so I was able to save my vacation while on maternity.
TL;DR - check your state laws.
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The maternity leave that I'm receiving is really just taking all of my vacation time at once. :( I'm the first female employee to be expecting a baby. They have had fathers take a few weeks for paternity leave, but I'm the guinea pig for the first pregnant woman/maternity leave policy.
In this case I would recommend you negotiate as much time off as possible. If you are the first woman to take maternity leave then you will most likely set precedent for every woman to come after you. Would you be able to take unpaid leave for more time? how about work part-time hours for several weeks after coming back?
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1. How much maternity leave did you and your spouse/partner have? Was it paid? Wife got 3 months, I got 0 days (yes, not even the birth, had to use vacation and FMLA). I ended up taking 2 weeks vacation at the beginning and 2 weeks FMLA unpaid when my wife went back to work
2. How often did you have family come visit or help after the baby was born? What visiting schedule was most helpful?Once every other day/couple of days. I would have preferred less visits but I get it.
3. What did family do at your house that was most helpful? Cook/bring food, clean, babysit so we could nap
While US maternity leave policy is horrendous, because salaries are generally higher in the US and because LBYM you can choose to utilize FMLA or just taking time off between jobs. You can literally choose to have 6 months with baby before going back to work/looking for another job. Remember, it's a choice.
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While US maternity leave policy is horrendous, because salaries are generally higher in the US and because LBYM you can choose to utilize FMLA or just taking time off between jobs. You can literally choose to have 6 months with baby before going back to work/looking for another job. Remember, it's a choice.
Oh, I'm going to take issue with this... I have a fantastic job that suits me really well, and I am a good asset to the employer. I am also a highly highly trained professional which means potential jobs at my level are dispersed around the country. I don't want to be forced to move cities, pull kids out of school, displace my husband from the job he now holds, lose current friends, potentially sell my condo, etc. in search of another job just because I happen to need more than 12 weeks to recover from birth if it doesn't all go as planned. No, no, no... The US maternity leave policy is horrendous. Let's just leave it at that. Splintering your career into bits and pieces in between children is not the right solution.
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OP, what state are you in? Some states have laws that go lower than the FMLA limits and also include legally required paternity leave. Unpaid of course, but it's there.
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OP, what state are you in? Some states have laws that go lower than the FMLA limits and also include legally required paternity leave. Unpaid of course, but it's there.
Texas - Unfortunately, one of the states that does not go lower than the 50 employees required.
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My workplace has the policy that you need to use up all your paid leave first (vacation, sick time, etc.) and that counts towards the twelve weeks. E.g., if you have four weeks total paid time, you take all that and then have 8 unpaid weeks (plus some disability but that's through NY state). People don't seem to mind this because they feel twelve weeks is enough and like getting their paycheck for part of that time.
But I'd be curious if anyone knows if that's a legit condition the employer can enforce according to the legislation or if it's just a preference they're expressing.
My company has this policy, and I am in California. So whenever I talk to a pregnant woman in California, I recommend they check the policy at their company. Because honestly, at my current company, your best bed is to use ALL your vacation before you have the baby.
In any event, when I had my second child, I had 3 weeks of vacation on the books. Our company policy stated that I had to use all of it before going on disability. HOWEVER, CA state law covers this and says that they can only require you to use "up to 2 weeks of earned vacation or PTO". So, I talked to HR and told them that I was only going to use two weeks, and that's on the paper that I signed when I went out on leave (it said "all", I crossed it out and changed it to two weeks). (Honestly, my old HR person was great, she managed to get the company to pay me full salary when I was out.)
In any event, my last company when I had my first kid did not have that policy, so I was able to save my vacation while on maternity.
TL;DR - check your state laws.
Thanks!
Yeah, the thing is I'm due right around the time the calendar flips to the new benefits year, so there's no way for me to use it before then. They are flexible about letting you keep some sick/personal days but they would also let you take unpaid days if the need arises under these circumstances, which would be just fine for mustachians.
Really the reason it's annoying to me is because of the partner thing. Say I take four weeks paid leave and then have eight weeks unpaid leave left. He can take all his paid leave but then if he wants unpaid leave, it seems it takes away from my eight weeks. Which is annoying just for being illogical. If my paid time counts towards the 12 weeks, so should his. Seems like it should be they both count or neither counts. I feel like if we have to split the time, we ought to get the full unpaid 12 weeks.
I'm having a frustrating time finding the actual state policy on this but it occurs to me I could ask my union.
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My workplace has the policy that you need to use up all your paid leave first (vacation, sick time, etc.) and that counts towards the twelve weeks. E.g., if you have four weeks total paid time, you take all that and then have 8 unpaid weeks (plus some disability but that's through NY state). People don't seem to mind this because they feel twelve weeks is enough and like getting their paycheck for part of that time.
But I'd be curious if anyone knows if that's a legit condition the employer can enforce according to the legislation or if it's just a preference they're expressing.
My company has this policy, and I am in California. So whenever I talk to a pregnant woman in California, I recommend they check the policy at their company. Because honestly, at my current company, your best bed is to use ALL your vacation before you have the baby.
In any event, when I had my second child, I had 3 weeks of vacation on the books. Our company policy stated that I had to use all of it before going on disability. HOWEVER, CA state law covers this and says that they can only require you to use "up to 2 weeks of earned vacation or PTO". So, I talked to HR and told them that I was only going to use two weeks, and that's on the paper that I signed when I went out on leave (it said "all", I crossed it out and changed it to two weeks). (Honestly, my old HR person was great, she managed to get the company to pay me full salary when I was out.)
In any event, my last company when I had my first kid did not have that policy, so I was able to save my vacation while on maternity.
TL;DR - check your state laws.
Thanks!
Yeah, the thing is I'm due right around the time the calendar flips to the new benefits year, so there's no way for me to use it before then. They are flexible about letting you keep some sick/personal days but they would also let you take unpaid days if the need arises under these circumstances, which would be just fine for mustachians.
Really the reason it's annoying to me is because of the partner thing. Say I take four weeks paid leave and then have eight weeks unpaid leave left. He can take all his paid leave but then if he wants unpaid leave, it seems it takes away from my eight weeks. Which is annoying just for being illogical. If my paid time counts towards the 12 weeks, so should his. Seems like it should be they both count or neither counts. I feel like if we have to split the time, we ought to get the full unpaid 12 weeks.
I'm having a frustrating time finding the actual state policy on this but it occurs to me I could ask my union.
Wait, do you work for the same company? I missed that.
Yeah, the same company rule (12 weeks total) ... sucks.
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I am also in California and will be taking 15 weeks (currently on week 2). I'm doing:
5 weeks of sick time
1 week disability from the state
6 weeks paid family leave from the state
3 weeks of vacation time
For the US it is a longish maternity leave, but it already feels like nowhere near long enough! I have job protection for up to 24 weeks so I may take some unpaid time after if we have trouble finding a daycare.
My husband took a full week off after the birth and is now doing 2 weeks of part-time (he goes into the office in the mornings, then comes home in the afternoons). If spreading paternity leave out part-time is an option for your other half, I would definitely recommend it. I'm recovered enough that I don't really need someone around to take care of me, but it is nice to have someone around in the afternoons so that I can really relax and take a nap, or to catch up on housework, etc.
I would definitely encourage you to take as much time off as you can afford to or talk your employer into.
From a physical perspective, I would say recovery from the actual process of giving birth has been fairly fast for me and if it were JUST about recovering from that, I could definitely go back to work in as little as 2 weeks. The baby is 12 days old right now and we went on a 2 mile walk this morning, things feel a little tight/swollen in my pelvic area still but I have no pain. I do notice I get tired more easily, not sure if this is due to sleep deprivation or the amount of blood that has recently exited my system. I definitely have to be careful not to stand up for too long at once, but I have an office job so if I were going back to work that would be a non-issue, I can sit on my ass as much as I like! FWIW I had a vaginal delivery with but a fairly long labor (17 hours at the hospital, plus loads of cramping bad enough to keep me awake at night for several days before), and wound up with a small tear that required a couple of stitches. I also skipped the epidural b/c I had read that going without could speed up your recovery time, so that may be contributing to my recovery, though I really can't say as I don't have anything to compare to.
All that said, having a baby is about a lot more than recovering from the birth process. Last night was the first night in 2 weeks that I got 2 unbroken hours of sleep--so while I might be physically capable of showing up at an office right now, my mental capacity is nowhere near 100%. I *think* our kid is pretty good overall, but that doesn't mean he's perfect or never fusses. Similarly, breastfeeding is mostly going well (that is, he is gaining weight and it is not painful for me), but at the same time I can see that there are ways in which it could be going a lot better (he sometimes takes a while to latch on and then keeps dropping off, so we aren't very efficient), and I am really glad I will have some time at home to figure those things out. Also, if you are planning to BF, all the lactation consultants at our hospital strongly recommend JUST directly breastfeeding and not using a bottle to feed pumped milk for the first month, to avoid nipple confusion. So if you want to BF, it seems like at least a month off is a good idea, and really more like 6 weeks as you'll probably want a couple of weeks to build up a pumped milke stash, practice bottle feeding and make sure the baby knows what's going on.
From meeting with friends who have given birth recently, I've also noticed that of the ones who looked really tired at first, the tired look seemed to drop off around the 2 month mark.
Emotionally, I have (so far, knock on wood), felt randomly weepy here and there, but nothing really major or alarming. I suspect I will get pretty sad at the idea of sending him to daycare in a couple of months, but I already miss some aspects of my job as well, so I think I'll be able to adjust.
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I'll cast another vote for the 6 weeks being too few category, with the caveat that everyone is different. Since you are the first in your company you may want to set up different amount based on how you deliver. My wife went back 8 weeks after a c-section and struggled some physically. Now that #2 is on the way she is already planning on 12 weeks (we are fortunate that she has that option!)
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I'm curious, how many fathers received paternity leave? Was it paid with PTO or strictly out of paternity leave?
My husband is thinking about taking some time to spend some extra time with our baby, but it seems like his company will only let him take PTO. Is this the case with most employers?
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I'm curious, how many fathers received paternity leave? Was it paid with PTO or strictly out of paternity leave?
My husband is thinking about taking some time to spend some extra time with our baby, but it seems like his company will only let him take PTO. Is this the case with most employers?
Yes, PTO or unpaid FMLA (with the caveat that if both partners work for the same company they are only allowed 12 weeks of protected leave combined).
Our parenting leave options are abysmal.
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The US system is appalling and embarrassing.
That aside, I feel like 6 weeks is definitely too short of a time. 6 months is probably about right. My baby came six weeks early so after six weeks she was only up to the point where everyone else was saying hi to their little creature for the first time.
I had 8 weeks maternity leave (C-section) paid from my work and 6 weeks of partial pay child bonding (or whatever they call if) from the state of CA. If you possible can, definitely live in one of the two or three states that has some form of paid leave. After I went back to work my husband took his 6 weeks of partial pay from the state to be home with our daughter. Going back to work is tough, but knowing my baby was being cared for by her daddy helped tremendously.
The family help thing is a bit of a mixed bag in my opinion. Yes, it can be very helpful and it can be so wonderful to just leave the house and go for a walk by yourself for half an hour. On the other hand, I am an introvert so having people in my house all the time comes at a high emotional cost. You'll have to assess yourself and weigh the pros and cons. I do strongly recommend that both you and your partner (if you have one) take off time to be with your baby so you both independently learn to be primary caregivers. I've read that studies show doing this early on makes both parents more equally involved, leads to more equitable distribution of household labor, and leads to more satisfied marriages. On a personal note, I think it helps us that each of us trusts the other 100% with the care of our daughter and isn't trying to micromanage the other from afar*.
*Okay, I did insist that my husband put sunblock on the baby and he insists that I cut her grapes in half, but we're otherwise doing a pretty good job of this!
Congrats and good luck!
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I'm curious, how many fathers received paternity leave? Was it paid with PTO or strictly out of paternity leave?
My husband is thinking about taking some time to spend some extra time with our baby, but it seems like his company will only let him take PTO. Is this the case with most employers?
My husband received CA Paid Family Leave (partial pay, paid for by taxes). He didn't bother with PTO I don't think. With the first kid, he took all 6 weeks (2 at the start and the rest here and there during the first year).
With the second he was so busy he traveled 25% of the first six weeks (just about killed me). So I only think he took maybe 2 weeks of PFL.
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I'm curious, how many fathers received paternity leave? Was it paid with PTO or strictly out of paternity leave?
My husband is thinking about taking some time to spend some extra time with our baby, but it seems like his company will only let him take PTO. Is this the case with most employers?
Yes, PTO or unpaid FMLA (with the caveat that if both partners work for the same company they are only allowed 12 weeks of protected leave combined).
Our parenting leave options are abysmal.
My company recently changed its policy. Baby 1 I got 1 week of paid paternity leave, baby 2 I get 8!
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I'm curious, how many fathers received paternity leave? Was it paid with PTO or strictly out of paternity leave?
My husband is thinking about taking some time to spend some extra time with our baby, but it seems like his company will only let him take PTO. Is this the case with most employers?
Yes, PTO or unpaid FMLA (with the caveat that if both partners work for the same company they are only allowed 12 weeks of protected leave combined).
Our parenting leave options are abysmal.
My company recently changed its policy. Baby 1 I got 1 week of paid paternity leave, baby 2 I get 8!
Wow, 8 weeks of paternity leave is amazing! My husband was just offered 3 weeks paid paternity leave, and I'm pretty sure that's only because it is a very small company who know they're underpaying him (as per industry standard, anyway), and they want to keep him happy.
My coworker whose wife just had a kid gets 2 weeks of paid paternity leave, I think. That seems pretty standard around here.
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The US system is appalling and embarrassing.
It really is, when you think that our kids are supposed to be ones to continue to push the country forward and they are starting off disadvantaged.
So many politician push for "family values" but don't push for family bonding and mother's recovery at birth.
I also don't agree with anyone who says we are breastfeeding culture, when in fact we are breast pumping culture because we don't give mothers enough time to physically "be there" for the babies.
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My company just announced 4 weeks of full paid parental leave (mother or father, birth or adoption).
The mother can then take the remaining part of FMLA as short-term disability (father cannot unless the child has a medical condition that would otherwise meet it) on 50% pay.
After the 12 weeks of FMLA, you can submit a written request for an additional 8 weeks in extreme circumstances (say- your baby is in the NICU...) This is unpaid, and you lose your benefits (you can get on COBRA for insurance), but your job is held.
Previously it was just FMLA or "FMLA-like" leave (for the offices that don't qualify for FMLA). Up to 12 weeks, unpaid unless you had PTO. Mother could qualify for short-term disability while a medical condition lasted (so I think that is 6 weeks for routine vaginal, 8 weeks for routine C-section)
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My due date is August 22, though I expect to go longer.
I'm currently a graduate student and an adjunct lecturer. I will be taking the entire fall semester off, no pay (except collecting my usualy scholarship money).
My wife is taking 4 weeks parental leave + 3 weeks stockpiled vacation. If we feel this is not enough she will take some unpaid FMLA.
Starting the last week of January I will go back to teaching 1 day per week. Wife will stay home with babe this day. I will work from home (writing dissertation) the rest of the days.
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The US system is appalling and embarrassing.
It really is, when you think that our kids are supposed to be ones to continue to push the country forward and they are starting off disadvantaged.
So many politician push for "family values" but don't push for family bonding and mother's recovery at birth.
I also don't agree with anyone who says we are breastfeeding culture, when in fact we are breast pumping culture because we don't give mothers enough time to physically "be there" for the babies.
Except that is their point. They want women to have no choice but to quit work because of untenable work conditions because they want women to stay home.
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The US system is appalling and embarrassing.
It really is, when you think that our kids are supposed to be ones to continue to push the country forward and they are starting off disadvantaged.
So many politician push for "family values" but don't push for family bonding and mother's recovery at birth.
I also don't agree with anyone who says we are breastfeeding culture, when in fact we are breast pumping culture because we don't give mothers enough time to physically "be there" for the babies.
Except that is their point. They want women to have no choice but to quit work because of untenable work conditions because they want women to stay home.
Yes "family values" means MY family values, not yours.
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Right. It'll either fall on deaf ears or be preaching to the choir, but we only have to take a look at Japan's economy to see how much a country suffers when we don't have family-friendly policies that encourage both parents to keep working after a birth. Mr. Abe is trying to change that to get more women in the workforce since they have such a problem with an aging/shrinking working population, but he has an uphill battle against their ingrained culture.
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Right. It'll either fall on deaf ears or be preaching to the choir, but we only have to take a look at Japan's economy to see how much a country suffers when we don't have family-friendly policies that encourage both parents to keep working after a birth. Mr. Abe is trying to change that to get more women in the workforce since they have such a problem with an aging/shrinking working population, but he has an uphill battle against their ingrained culture.
Yes. My company merged with a team in Japan, so I have a lot of interaction by phone/ email with our team there. One woman out of maybe 10-15.
It's a challenge for sure. Everyone else is a tech person, she's more tech support. (From what I gather, treated not very well.) Well... it's a difficult position for me to be in also, trying to train engineers there. I gather they really aren't used to senior engineers being women. It's going okay, but probably mostly because it's primarily email and phone.
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My boss was nice enough to give me the day off when both of my kids were born. Had to use PTO for the rest of the days I wanted, so I ended up working half days for a week with the first and taking one total day off with the second.
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My boss was nice enough to give me the day off when both of my kids were born. Had to use PTO for the rest of the days I wanted, so I ended up working half days for a week with the first and taking one total day off with the second.
Glad you're not MY husband.
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My boss was nice enough to give me the day off when both of my kids were born. Had to use PTO for the rest of the days I wanted, so I ended up working half days for a week with the first and taking one total day off with the second.
Getting a day from your company is more than most in the US gets. PTO and unpaid leave is the norm.
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My boss was nice enough to give me the day off when both of my kids were born. Had to use PTO for the rest of the days I wanted, so I ended up working half days for a week with the first and taking one total day off with the second.
Glad you're not MY husband.
I only had 2 weeks of vacation at the time, and someone needed to pay the bills while she was on FMLA. It's not like I took so few days by choice, which was my point.
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You did have a choice - I'm not saying it was a good choice or a fair choice. The options you were given (and I was given) are pretty piss poor. You could have used your vacation, you could have taken unpaid time off, you could have found a new job. (Please note this isn't an attack on you - but just a reply on the internet and meant more for the benefit of other readers who are planning on future children or currently expecting).
Our country as a whole will not obtain parental leave reform unless men start demanding for time off and until it becomes normal for new dads to take extended leave.
I am the sole income earner in our family and used the months of pregnancy to save money in preparation for the months of unpaid time I would be taking after my babies births. We went 5 years without taking a vacation because I was saving all my annual leave for babies.
I strongly hope that we have parental leave reform in this country so that future parents have better options than you and I were given.
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I am so glad to be retired and not have to juggle work obligations due to maternity leaves. That and all of the other government mandated leaves got tiresome.
One year, the year from hell, 30% of my staff of 20+ took FMLSA leave.. And several of those were "intermittent" FMLSA which is the worst, the absolute godawful worst. Employees are at work one day, gone the next, in for two hours the following day, then are are MIA for a couple days, then In for a week. Etc. Cant assign their work to someone else, cant hire temps to work in their seat. Paralyzing. And terrible for morale of those who must pick up the slack.
I am so glad to be out of the workplace and relieved of responsibility of completing work without reliable attendance of employees.
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You did have a choice - I'm not saying it was a good choice or a fair choice. The options you were given (and I was given) are pretty piss poor. You could have used your vacation, you could have taken unpaid time off, you could have found a new job. (Please note this isn't an attack on you - but just a reply on the internet and meant more for the benefit of other readers who are planning on future children or currently expecting).
Our country as a whole will not obtain parental leave reform unless men start demanding for time off and until it becomes normal for new dads to take extended leave.
I am the sole income earner in our family and used the months of pregnancy to save money in preparation for the months of unpaid time I would be taking after my babies births. We went 5 years without taking a vacation because I was saving all my annual leave for babies.
I strongly hope that we have parental leave reform in this country so that future parents have better options than you and I were given.
I agree the system is crappy. My vacation was / is use it or lose it, so I didn't even have the option of saving some up. My wife used her full 12 weeks both times, and would have stayed home longer if possible. I would have liked to take 2 full weeks off to help get the family into a new routine, but I needed to reserve some days in case the kid got sick, etc.
The whole 'having to hold a job open for a year would kill the business' is a BS excuse, everywhere else in the world has figured it out. There's no sane reason why we can't let parents divvy up 52 weeks of unemployment compensation after the birth / adoption of a child.
I was talking with a female relative in her late 40s (no kids) at a family gathering, and she was upset that some male members of her staff were planning on taking extended vacation time when their wives had babies later this year. I was shocked. She said "their wives are having the babies, they aren't. Now my projects are going to be late." When senior female leaders in a company are actively against paternity leave, it's going to be tough to get the ball rolling.
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When senior female leaders in a company are actively against paternity leave, it's going to be tough to get the ball rolling.
Refer to previous post by iris lily. =(
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When senior female leaders in a company are actively against paternity leave, it's going to be tough to get the ball rolling.
Refer to previous post by iris lily. =(
I know! Having to deliver work products is such a buzzkill.
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When senior female leaders in a company are actively against paternity leave, it's going to be tough to get the ball rolling.
Refer to previous post by iris lily. =(
I know! Having to deliver work products is such a buzzkill.
Well, but...barring emergency deliveries, pregnancy and babies are something you can actually plan for, approximately.
So, your female employee is pregnant and due in July? And plans to take 3 months FMLA? Start planning NOW, train people to pick up the work, and split it up fairly. Perhaps hire an intern to take on lower level work from other employees, and transfer her work to those employees.
So, you have two male employees whose wives are pregnant and due in August and September? Figure out what needs to be done to get the work done on schedule. If that means shifting work "forward", or re-prioritizing, or bringing on part-time staff...then do it. There are things that mess up the ability to do work that are unplanned - earthquakes, tsunamis, mudslides, deaths, injuries and illnesses, to name a few.
When I was pregnant with my second child, I essentially did the work of *two* people for 3-4 straight months. I picked up work from my boss and two other senior people:
Boss: had an extended illness (several weeks) and surgery (several weeks)
Senior guy #1: a three week vacation
Senior guy #2: a two week vacation and a 1 week vacation
I wasn't sleeping worth crap anyway, so might as well do extra, no? So really, was it any big deal for me to be out for 11 weeks for the birth? I think not. If *I* was capable of doing their work for 3-4 months, they were perfectly capable of picking up my work for 11 weeks.
With every single person who actually takes time off to recover, or bond, or whatever - one would HOPE that companies get better at *planning*, and not the kind that means you work the people who are left like dogs with no extra compensation, just to fuck them over and make them mad at everyone else.
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When senior female leaders in a company are actively against paternity leave, it's going to be tough to get the ball rolling.
Refer to previous post by iris lily. =(
I know! Having to deliver work products is such a buzzkill.
And somehow the rest of the civilized world manages to do it while offering maternity leave. Yes it's a pain in the butt when someone takes extended time off, but it's not like the birth of a child is a surprise. You have months to prepare, and it provides an excellent opportunity to cross-train someone.
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When senior female leaders in a company are actively against paternity leave, it's going to be tough to get the ball rolling.
Refer to previous post by iris lily. =(
I know! Having to deliver work products is such a buzzkill.
Well, but...barring emergency deliveries, pregnancy and babies are something you can actually plan for, approximately.
So, your female employee is pregnant and due in July? And plans to take 3 months FMLA? Start planning NOW, train people to pick up the work, and split it up fairly. Perhaps hire an intern to take on lower level work from other employees, and transfer her work to those employees.
So, you have two male employees whose wives are pregnant and due in August and September? Figure out what needs to be done to get the work done on schedule. If that means shifting work "forward", or re-prioritizing, or bringing on part-time staff...then do it. There are things that mess up the ability to do work that are unplanned - earthquakes, tsunamis, mudslides, deaths, injuries and illnesses, to name a few.
When I was pregnant with my second child, I essentially did the work of *two* people for 3-4 straight months. I picked up work from my boss and two other senior people:
Boss: had an extended illness (several weeks) and surgery (several weeks)
Senior guy #1: a three week vacation
Senior guy #2: a two week vacation and a 1 week vacation
I wasn't sleeping worth crap anyway, so might as well do extra, no? So really, was it any big deal for me to be out for 11 weeks for the birth? I think not. If *I* was capable of doing their work for 3-4 months, they were perfectly capable of picking up my work for 11 weeks.
With every single person who actually takes time off to recover, or bond, or whatever - one would HOPE that companies get better at *planning*, and not the kind that means you work the people who are left like dogs with no extra compensation, just to fuck them over and make them mad at everyone else.
Sure, much of the leave associated with pregnancy can be planned in advance, some not. Had my fair share of the "nots" to manage. Then there were those who had quite a number of maternity leaves. It was my goal to get out before one employee had baby no. 6. Or was it 7? Anyway, I made it.
This thread is about maternity leave, but its not a stretch to talk about other FMLA leave snce the larger theme seems to be societal support of work leave. Perhaps in a perect world my emloyees would have planned to get pregnant at a time when 5 of their colleagues were not out .
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This thread is about maternity leave, but its not a stretch to talk about other FMLA leave snce the larger theme seems to be societal support of work leave. Perhaps in a perect world my emloyees would have planned to get pregnant at a time when 5 of their colleagues were not out .
I don't get why you would be upset at the pregnant person when the other 5 presumably left for emergencies that gave you zero notice.
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I had heard that the US had horrible mat leave policies but wow these are worse than I would have expected from a first world country.
In Canada we get one year at 55% pay (employment insurance pays) Except for government employees and ones with very generous plans who get "top ups" up to 85%.
Employment insurance is paid partially by the employee and employer (around 750 year for employee and 1.4 X for employer per year)
It hasn't killed our economy. the full year went into effect in 2002 and it has definitely been a help to allowing families time to get established.
Hopefully American laws will change!
As an aside I probably would have lost my mind or inadvertently killed a patient if I had been expected to make good decisions at six weeks post partum. I was so sleep deprived some days I thought this would be a good torture method! hahaha With my second, it the sleep deprivation was easier to handle but it was nice not to have to be working with a toddler and baby.
Good luck!
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This thread is about maternity leave, but its not a stretch to talk about other FMLA leave snce the larger theme seems to be societal support of work leave. Perhaps in a perect world my emloyees would have planned to get pregnant at a time when 5 of their colleagues were not out .
I don't get why you would be upset at the pregnant person when the other 5 presumably left for emergencies that gave you zero notice.
Dude, I was upset with ALL of them. It was the year from hell. It solidified my goal to
Get the Fick out.
And advance notice of being gone for weeks is still beng gone for weeks.
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Perhaps in a perect world my emloyees would have planned to get pregnant at a time when 5 of their colleagues were not out .
Man, I would love that perfect world where we could plan to get pregnant at a certain time and it actually happen. I would be thrilled if I could make reproduction work on a certain time line.
Could we also plan for pregnancies to end with a baby coming home from the hospital? I'd hate to think my team was thrilled when I called them 2 months before I was supposed to be out to tell them I wouldn't need the 12 weeks off after all...
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This thread is about maternity leave, but its not a stretch to talk about other FMLA leave snce the larger theme seems to be societal support of work leave. Perhaps in a perect world my emloyees would have planned to get pregnant at a time when 5 of their colleagues were not out .
I don't get why you would be upset at the pregnant person when the other 5 presumably left for emergencies that gave you zero notice.
Dude, I was upset with ALL of them. It was the year from hell. It solidified my goal to
Get the Fick out.
And advance notice of being gone for weeks is still beng gone for weeks.
So you never took a sick day over your entire career? Life happens, expecting your employees to be robotic slaves to the company is a bit of 1950s thinking. I don't get how a human being can be upset that a colleague got sick, had a baby, took a long vacation, etc. Now, if you company has that 1950s way of thinking and won't let you adjust resources / timelines to the reality of your team's legally-approved absences, I could see being mad at the company.
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This thread is about maternity leave, but its not a stretch to talk about other FMLA leave snce the larger theme seems to be societal support of work leave. Perhaps in a perect world my emloyees would have planned to get pregnant at a time when 5 of their colleagues were not out .
I don't get why you would be upset at the pregnant person when the other 5 presumably left for emergencies that gave you zero notice.
Dude, I was upset with ALL of them. It was the year from hell. It solidified my goal to
Get the Fick out.
And advance notice of being gone for weeks is still beng gone for weeks.
So you never took a sick day over your entire career? Life happens, expecting your employees to be robotic slaves to the company is a bit of 1950s thinking. I don't get how a human being can be upset that a colleague got sick, had a baby, took a long vacation, etc. Now, if you company has that 1950s way of thinking and won't let you adjust resources / timelines to the reality of your team's legally-approved absences, I could see being mad at the company.
I can be upset about whatever I like, and it was a long slog that Year of
The FMLA. What mattered was action, and each employee got their government mandated leave.
For perspective, an FMLA absence took place about once every two or three years in my group of 20+ over the decades.
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If you have a desk job and can get some work from home time, I'd take it. Newborns sleep a lot and it is possible to get work done.
My company did not offer FMLA (less than 50 workers) or any leave at all and I work remotely so I had a weird maternity leave.
I had three weeks of paid vacation saved up that I could use. I took a couple of days "off" after birth and started working half days the next week. I was back to full days by week 5.
Honestly, I was working while I was in labor and I was sending emails within 12 hours of giving birth. My boss "generously" told me "to take the time I needed" as long as I was still hitting all my deadlines. It was not ideal but I did it with two births.
The plus side is that working from home allowed me to be with my newborns and get my hours in as needed. When my husband was a grad student we were able to keep the oldest home until he was six months, then part time day care and he didn't start full time daycare until he was 14 months. My youngest started full time daycare much sooner but still later than if I'd had to be in an office at week 4.
The system (or lack there of) in the US is a bummer. My youngest child was born two years ago and I've just never really felt as healthy as I did before children. I wonder if I would be healthier and have more energy if I had had some sort of real leave time.
I added my lame story just to show that even when it sucks - working from home right after giving birth can be done.
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Perhaps in a perect world my emloyees would have planned to get pregnant at a time when 5 of their colleagues were not out .
Man, I would love that perfect world where we could plan to get pregnant at a certain time and it actually happen. I would be thrilled if I could make reproduction work on a certain time line.
Could we also plan for pregnancies to end with a baby coming home from the hospital? I'd hate to think my team was thrilled when I called them 2 months before I was supposed to be out to tell them I wouldn't need the 12 weeks off after all...
Yeah, pretty much this. While I know the occasional person who was able to plan their pregnancies, I certainly couldn't!! Took more than 1.5 years each time.
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This thread is about maternity leave, but its not a stretch to talk about other FMLA leave snce the larger theme seems to be societal support of work leave. Perhaps in a perect world my emloyees would have planned to get pregnant at a time when 5 of their colleagues were not out .
I don't get why you would be upset at the pregnant person when the other 5 presumably left for emergencies that gave you zero notice.
Dude, I was upset with ALL of them. It was the year from hell. It solidified my goal to
Get the Fick out.
And advance notice of being gone for weeks is still beng gone for weeks.
So you never took a sick day over your entire career? Life happens, expecting your employees to be robotic slaves to the company is a bit of 1950s thinking. I don't get how a human being can be upset that a colleague got sick, had a baby, took a long vacation, etc. Now, if you company has that 1950s way of thinking and won't let you adjust resources / timelines to the reality of your team's legally-approved absences, I could see being mad at the company.
I can be upset about whatever I like, and it was a long slog that Year of
The FMLA. What mattered was action, and each employee got their government mandated leave.
For perspective, an FMLA absence took place about once every two or three years in my group of 20+ over the decades.
I guess maybe you should just be happy that you never needed one? I gather that if you had to take FMLA for birth, illness, injury, or whatever - it would really suck to be fired while you are out. Can you imagine? OH, you have cancer and need chemo? You're fired.
No job, no insurance, just eff you!
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I had heard that the US had horrible mat leave policies but wow these are worse than I would have expected from a first world country.
In Canada we get one year at 55% pay (employment insurance pays) Except for government employees and ones with very generous plans who get "top ups" up to 85%.
Employment insurance is paid partially by the employee and employer (around 750 year for employee and 1.4 X for employer per year)
It hasn't killed our economy. the full year went into effect in 2002 and it has definitely been a help to allowing families time to get established.
Good luck!
Well, it is not quite as good as you make it... but still very good.
My point for below is that the benefits do not have to cost much to be extremely beneficial to society. It is baffling why the US is not with the program for guaranteed extended leave, at the very least.
Canada -- my qualifying statements about the "awesome" maternity leave....
-The 55% EI pay maxes out at $22,800 per year... or 55% of the average full time pay, so half of women would receive much less than 55%..
-Minimum, you need to have earned EI credits (about 600 hours of EI contributions in previous 52 weeks) to qualify -- which catches some people short if they have hourly shift jobs that are hard to keep while pregnant, or if you are self-employed.
-The $'s are based on your best 22 weeks of pay in the prior 52 weeks... so to max it out, you need to have worked for at least 22 weeks in the prior 52 weeks.
-Because of the EI, quite a few private employers do not provide added funds, except for a few weeks of STD / health benefits after birth, if they have group benefit plans (some don't).
1. The key benefit is a guaranteed return to work after 1 year leave of absence, without a cap of the 50 employees that the USA has. This costs the government nothing directly. This right applies to both men and women since 2002.... and the longer leave is actually easier for companies to backfill with temporary contracts.
2. The secondary benefit is the top up for between 20% and 55% of your previous salary, if you receive the EI benefit and no other income.
3. And of course, the benefit that they do not charge you to have a birth in a hospital, nor for well baby/mom visits, followup care for complications and immunizations.!!! I truly can't believe the cost to give birth (and have checkups) in the US. That alone is a major drag on the family finances.
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My workplace has the policy that you need to use up all your paid leave first (vacation, sick time, etc.) and that counts towards the twelve weeks. E.g., if you have four weeks total paid time, you take all that and then have 8 unpaid weeks (plus some disability but that's through NY state). People don't seem to mind this because they feel twelve weeks is enough and like getting their paycheck for part of that time.
But I'd be curious if anyone knows if that's a legit condition the employer can enforce according to the legislation or if it's just a preference they're expressing.
Preference. 12 weeks of unpaid leave is federal law for most employers (anyone with more than 50 employees and any elementary or secondary school regardless of how many employees they have), and it applies to any employee who has worked there for at least 12 months and 1250 hours, even if the 12 months you're counting were not consecutive (in other words seasonal employees and the like may be covered if they've worked there for a total of the requisite amount of time).
Assuming FMLA applies to your workplace and you, you get 12 weeks unpaid, period. If you also want to use the paid vacation time you've banked, that should be in addition to the 12 weeks. Under no circumstances does an employer covered by FMLA get to cut your 12 weeks unpaid to anything less than 12.
Here's a primer on who FMLA applies to: http://www.dol.gov/whd/regs/compliance/whdfs28.htm
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My workplace has the policy that you need to use up all your paid leave first (vacation, sick time, etc.) and that counts towards the twelve weeks. E.g., if you have four weeks total paid time, you take all that and then have 8 unpaid weeks (plus some disability but that's through NY state). People don't seem to mind this because they feel twelve weeks is enough and like getting their paycheck for part of that time.
But I'd be curious if anyone knows if that's a legit condition the employer can enforce according to the legislation or if it's just a preference they're expressing.
Preference. 12 weeks of unpaid leave is federal law for most employers (anyone with more than 50 employees and any elementary or secondary school regardless of how many employees they have), and it applies to any employee who has worked there for at least 12 months and 1250 hours, even if the 12 months you're counting were not consecutive (in other words seasonal employees and the like may be covered if they've worked there for a total of the requisite amount of time).
Assuming FMLA applies to your workplace and you, you get 12 weeks unpaid, period. If you also want to use the paid vacation time you've banked, that should be in addition to the 12 weeks. Under no circumstances does an employer covered by FMLA get to cut your 12 weeks unpaid to anything less than 12.
Here's a primer on who FMLA applies to: http://www.dol.gov/whd/regs/compliance/whdfs28.htm
Bolded part is not true. Not true in CA, not true in NY:
http://www.disabilitysecrets.com/resources/disability/disability-rights/maternity-leave-rights-in-new-york
"The FMLA requires only that employers offer unpaid leave. However, if you have accrued paid leave (such as vacation time), you may choose -- or your employer may require you -- to use it during your FMLA leave. This allows you to get paid for at least some of your leave, but it also means you must use up your accrued time off. You may use accrued time off only for the purposes allowed under your employer's policy. For example, you may not be able to use accrued sick days during your parental leave, if your employer's policy makes sick leave available only to those who are ill. "
My second company in CA required me to use my paid leave while on FMLA, so that I wouldn't be out for even longer. (In CA, for a vaginal birth, you could be out for up to 22 weeks - 4 before the birth and 18 after, due to FMLA and PDL and CFRA).
The only way to get around that here (or in this case I assume?) would be to use your vacation while you are pregnant and go out on maternity leave with zero PTO on the books. The bad part: you do NOT get to save your vacation for actual vacation, or for needed time off when kids are sick. The good part: you aren't using "vacation" for something that is most certainly not a vacation!!
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Assuming FMLA applies to your workplace and you, you get 12 weeks unpaid, period. If you also want to use the paid vacation time you've banked, that should be in addition to the 12 weeks. Under no circumstances does an employer covered by FMLA get to cut your 12 weeks unpaid to anything less than 12.
Here's a primer on who FMLA applies to: http://www.dol.gov/whd/regs/compliance/whdfs28.htm
You're not quite correct about this. See http://www.dol.gov/whd/regs/compliance/1421.htm. Employers are required to offer you 12 weeks off, and they are not required to pay you for that time. If they do decide to give some sort of paid leave, that paid leave can then count toward the 12 required weeks. Employers can even force you to exhaust your paid vacation at the beginning of the 12 weeks so you can't go ahead and extend your unpaid leave with paid time immediately afterward. As long as you have the opportunity to take 12 weeks off, the specifics of how much of that is paid is left up to the employer.
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Yikes! I stand corrected.
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My wife and I had planned for her to return to work after 6 weeks. But 1 week before she was due, she started crying and told me she didn't want to go back at all. She couldn't handle the thought of anyone except us raising our baby. Our "baby" is now 6' tall and in high school and she just went back to working full time this school year. For 14 years she was a stay at home mom and it was the best decision we ever made. I do not fault any mom who goes back to work, but I will say that if you want to stay home with your baby, do it. It was hard for us financially to take that hit, but she became a budget master and learned all the tricks to stretch every penny. I should also mention we were both teachers, so we weren't raking it in even when we were both working. If you want to continue with your career, you'll find a way to make it work...especially having family close by. But take as much time as you need...don't let some company policy dictate to you how much time you can spend with your baby. Maternity leave in the US is a joke.
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I'm three months out and recently went back full-time. I would not have been ready at six weeks (and I would not have been ready to telework either). I had an easy vaginal birth and felt mostly healed from that around 4-5 weeks. But, as others have stated, the effects on your body do not end with birth. Breastfeeding is a big one, if you choose that. My son was still eating close to every hour at 6 weeks. Sleep deprivation is another. At 6 weeks, most babies are still waking every 2-3 hours to eat. And, as one poster mentioned, the period of purple crying peaks at 6 weeks. Our son wasn't colicky but still had a couple of hours of crying a night.
Things started to improve around 8 weeks for us. And, now at almost 13 weeks, things are very manageable. Your experience will surely be different, but it's impossible to predict how. Family support will help (cooking, cleaning, and holding the baby while you nap or get out for an hour would all be helpful), but only so much.
All this to say, I would try to negotiate for more time. You say that you've worked there for 5 years and it's a very small company, so hopefully you have goodwill/personal relationships with the decisionmakers. If you decide to come back early (I did because I missed it some ways and wanted to save some leave), they'll be pleasantly surprised.
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Assuming FMLA applies to your workplace and you, you get 12 weeks unpaid, period. If you also want to use the paid vacation time you've banked, that should be in addition to the 12 weeks. Under no circumstances does an employer covered by FMLA get to cut your 12 weeks unpaid to anything less than 12.
Here's a primer on who FMLA applies to: http://www.dol.gov/whd/regs/compliance/whdfs28.htm
You're not quite correct about this. See http://www.dol.gov/whd/regs/compliance/1421.htm. Employers are required to offer you 12 weeks off, and they are not required to pay you for that time. If they do decide to give some sort of paid leave, that paid leave can then count toward the 12 required weeks. Employers can even force you to exhaust your paid vacation at the beginning of the 12 weeks so you can't go ahead and extend your unpaid leave with paid time immediately afterward. As long as you have the opportunity to take 12 weeks off, the specifics of how much of that is paid is left up to the employer.
Indeed, a lawyer at my union just confirmed this. Unfortunately I'm due right after the yearly cycle for vacation starts :P
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6 weeks mostly definitely would not have been enough for me. I took 12 weeks with both my kids and still hated going back to work. Especially if you are breastfeeding you will want to be home longer if possible. They go through a growth spurt around 5/6 weeks and all I got done for the first 8 weeks was feeding and changing the babies.
I did not have any daytime visitors after DH went back to work. Once he went back to work I just figured out how to muddle through the days and made it work. I had c-sections and really within 4-5 days the only tricky part was getting off the couch. :) Having fully prepped meals in the freezer was a huge help with our 2nd. It was great to be able to pull out taco meat, sloppy joes, spaghetti sauce, etc. and just have DH heat things through while I fed the baby.
Both DH and I had leave saved up so I took 12 weeks off completely paid with the first and was about 2 days short of 12 paid weeks off with our 2nd. DH used 3 weeks of paid leave with our 1st and was home on summer break with our 2nd so wasn't paid but didn't expect to be either.
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We are looking forward to welcoming our baby in a few months and I wanted to see what everyone experienced for maternity/paternity leave. I have 4 weeks paid leave and 2 weeks to work from home. Are 6 weeks really enough? I'm worried I won't be fully healed or emotionally ready to return to work at 6 weeks.
Also, my mom and mother-in-law have each offered to help during the day as my husband goes back to work, but I don't know how often is best for them to visit. 2 x per week, 3 x per week?
1. How much maternity leave did you and your spouse/partner have? Was it paid?
2. How often did you have family come visit or help after the baby was born? What visiting schedule was most helpful?
3. What did family do at your house that was most helpful?
I'm a dad, I took 12 weeks off for all three of the kids my current wife and I have together. I saved all my vacation time for the entire year, my wife is a stay at home mom, but I can't imagine going back to work after 6 weeks as dad, much less as mom...
Neither my wife or I have any close relationships with relatives, so none came to visit at all.
Babies sleep ALOT! I mean it, they are constantly sleeping all day, they just do it in much shorter spans. You need to sleep when they sleep. Take every opportunity you can to sleep. Then you are your husband split up days and nights, do shifts. That way each of you is getting a decent 3-4hr block of sleep in that is relatively uninterrupted. I can not say this enough though, don't try to stay up all day during the day with the baby, sleep when that kid sleeps or you will be hating life after a few days.
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Babies sleep ALOT! I mean it, they are constantly sleeping all day, they just do it in much shorter spans. You need to sleep when they sleep. Take every opportunity you can to sleep. ... I can not say this enough though, don't try to stay up all day during the day with the baby, sleep when that kid sleeps or you will be hating life after a few days.
This is true. Ironically most people do not understand the depth of this truth with their first child. I sure didn't. By child #2+ this sleeping when the baby sleeps nirvana is impossible. The universe loves to laugh at us.
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Babies sleep ALOT! I mean it, they are constantly sleeping all day, they just do it in much shorter spans. You need to sleep when they sleep. Take every opportunity you can to sleep. ... I can not say this enough though, don't try to stay up all day during the day with the baby, sleep when that kid sleeps or you will be hating life after a few days.
This is true. Ironically most people do not understand the depth of this truth with their first child. I sure didn't. By child #2+ this sleeping when the baby sleeps nirvana is impossible. The universe loves to laugh at us.
Yes. Baby #2 my nights were 12 hours long for the first few weeks/ months (it's fuzzy). I would go to bed at 8 pm, right after feeding the baby. I would wake up with him 2-3 times a night to nurse/ diaper/ etc. But each time, I was awake for 45 min - 1.5 hours.
By the time I was "awake" for good, it was 8 am.
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There is no easy answer. Some women are chomping at the bit to return to work. Others are not ready for quite awhile. I am glad to see all these dads getting time off. My dh didn't get a day off. He was given grief for having someone cover for him so he could be at the delivery. Then right after the birth he was deployed. As for when to have family visit - for me I guess I am an introvert because I never really enjoyed family visiting. I feel uncomfortable having someone extra around when all I felt like doing was lounging around half dressed so I could breastfeed on demand. I kind of liked being left alone to stare at my little one and not have to worry about anyone else.
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We are looking forward to welcoming our baby in a few months and I wanted to see what everyone experienced for maternity/paternity leave. I have 4 weeks paid leave and 2 weeks to work from home. Are 6 weeks really enough? I'm worried I won't be fully healed or emotionally ready to return to work at 6 weeks.
Congrats!
No, 4 weeks is not enough. Working from home will be close to impossible - all you will want to do while baby is sleeping is sleep yourself. I had a C-section and was not even medically cleared to return to work by my physician until 8 weeks. Most short-term disability policies pay for 6 weeks for vaginal delivery and 8 weeks for surgical delivery, so even insurance companies recognize 4 weeks off is not enough. If you are breastfeeding, it will take 6-8 weeks for your baby to really get the hang of it.
So no, no, no - negotiate for more time off, or at least make the time off contingent upon the type of delivery you have. Save up your money to take the extra time unpaid if you have to. I took 12 weeks completely unpaid and it was just barely enough time (both physically and emotionally). I saved in advance to cover the loss of income. If you are adhering to MMM principles, you can do it! Save those pennies and take that time with your newborn!
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I disagree with the above. 6 weeks was plenty for me. Like a previous poster said, it really depends on the individual.
1. How much maternity leave did you and your spouse/partner have? Was it paid?
I used 5 weeks with my first, 4 weeks with my second. It was fully paid. I saved up vacation time for two years in preparation for each. It was hard to leave them as sweet babies, but a part of me was also ready to get back to work. I had saved extra time to work half days, but I never needed to use them. I had vaginal deliveries, so my recovery time was much quicker than a c-section. I did get 2nd degree episiotomies with both, but after three days of being stuck in a hospital bed, I was ready to go home and move around. As another previous poster said, newborns sleep A LOT, but just in 3-4 hour stretches with maybe 30 minutes of wakefulness in between, so if you sleep with the baby, it's really not too bad at all. I finished reading the entire Twilight trilogy during my first maternity leave (haha), so I must have had a good amount of downtime. I was in so much discomfort by the last month of my pregnancy, that the delivery was like nirvana for me and the month after of actually being able to sleep without my nose getting stuffed or hips slipping around, even if only for hours at a time, was completely luxurious. Our kids didn't sleep through the night until at least 8 months, and I nursed for 23 months each, and it was fine even working full time. Not saying it's not A LOT easier now that they are 4 & 7, but it wasn't anything like the horror stories we had heard. We were lucky that we didn't have any reflux or colic to deal with, but my SIL's baby now is even easier than ours were. We coslept so all I had to do was roll over to nurse at nighttime. Really, the discomfort of full boobs was the worst part of having a newborn. I am so glad to be done with breastfeeding.
DH's job is based on the tourist season, so he didn't have any time off. Luckily, it rained on the weekend of both deliveries, so he was able to be at the hospital with me. He gets winters off though, so he spends plenty of quality dad time with the kids.
2. How often did you have family come visit or help after the baby was born? What visiting schedule was most helpful?
My mom came to stay with us for a week the week after each baby was born. She did all the grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning, so that was really nice. My in-laws are local, and they help A LOT, but I actually liked the bonding time alone with DH and baby during my maternity leaves. We spent a lot of it just cuddled up in bed or on the couch.
3. What did family do at your house that was most helpful?
Left us alone. :) BUT, at 6 months, I was calling in all the babysitting time I could so that I could have grown up time again. We didn't have our first full night away until after a year, but it was glorious. ...except for the painfully full boobs.
Anyways, congratulations! You will be fine. We all survive, and many of us go on to have more. Either it really wasn't that bad, or nature finds a way to wipe out the pain and leave only a warm glow of happy memories. I'm good with both. Honestly, six months to about a year was probably the toughest time for me. When they are alert enough to want constant entertainment, but aren't able to properly communicate was the most tiring time for me. It gets soooo much easier after they can talk, but I would take the first newborn month again in a heartbeat.
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6 weeks is definitely not enough in my opinion. Even if you are physically prepared to go back to work, I think having extra time to bond with your baby and to deal with the sleep deprivation and breastfeeding is essential. Total time I took off was 5 months. One month before I was due and 4 months after. The whole time was partially paid leave. You get 4 weeks before due date and 6 weeks after maternity/disability leave paid by EDD in California and 6 weeks paid for Family Bonding Leave. They only pay up to 55% of your salary though but this is pretax so it works out to about 70-80% of your take home pay. Then I took an additional month off using my sick and vacation days which was paid 100% by my company.
My mom stayed with me for a month after the baby was born and this was so helpful! She helped out with cooking and chores and took turns with some night feedings so I could sleep. MIL helped by coming over and bringing food.
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Wow California Mom's have a nice thing going for them!
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6 weeks is probably not enough, it is normal to still be bleeding until the 6 week mark, regardless of how baby is born. I didn't have enough stamina to walk for more than 20 minutes until the 10 week mark. At 12 weeks I felt like I was barely physically ready but pushing it. I have a desk job.
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6 weeks is probably not enough, it is normal to still be bleeding until the 6 week mark, regardless of how baby is born. I didn't have enough stamina to walk for more than 20 minutes until the 10 week mark. At 12 weeks I felt like I was barely physically ready but pushing it. I have a desk job.
That is a good point about the bleeding. I stopped bleeding after about 2-3 weeks but at 7 weeks was when my first post-pregnancy period hit and it was beyond awful. It happened to coincide with Mr. D's first post-baby business trip. I had contraction-like cramps so bad that I called the doctor who unfortunately confirmed it was "normal". They also said it could last longer than a regular period.
Obviously every woman may have a different experience but these are also thing you just will not know ahead of time.
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I really don't mean this as a humble-brag or an irrelevant Canada vs US comparison, but I just really don't know how you mamas do it. I had 13 and 14 month maternity leaves, and even then I found the back to work adjustment to be difficult. At 6-8-12 weeks postpartum, I was still a mess physically and emotionally. You are all tough cookies and I stand in awe of you.
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I really don't mean this as a humble-brag or an irrelevant Canada vs US comparison, but I just really don't know how you mamas do it. I had 13 and 14 month maternity leaves, and even then I found the back to work adjustment to be difficult. At 6-8-12 weeks postpartum, I was still a mess physically and emotionally. You are all tough cookies and I stand in awe of you.
You do what you have to do - I think most of us would have appreciated more of a choice. I love my job, but I couldn't get it back if I was gone for a year. Keeping the job was worth it to me. Many parents have a different calculation.
A solution like Canada's or Britain's - where parents are guaranteed a partially paid year's leave though unemployment insurance or a payroll tax with a job when they return would be fantastic. Companies would hire a contract worker for a year, which would be better than our current solution where they usually just limp along for 12 weeks and if you have a job that can't be put off for 12 weeks your co-workers/boss have to pick up the slack. It's a terrible system.
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I really don't mean this as a humble-brag or an irrelevant Canada vs US comparison, but I just really don't know how you mamas do it. I had 13 and 14 month maternity leaves, and even then I found the back to work adjustment to be difficult. At 6-8-12 weeks postpartum, I was still a mess physically and emotionally. You are all tough cookies and I stand in awe of you.
It may be that with 12 weeks of leave (and often less), you are never really out of the 'work state of mind', so you fall back in it quickly, and the difficulty is logistical (sleep, childcare, ability to focus, no down time) more than a change of roles. Not that that is a good thing.
I never had the opportunity to be just the worker or just the mother. I wouldn't have really wanted to, but there are consequences. You're not doing either one well. I talked to a psychologist with her own practice once, and she mentioned that all her recent moms are bothered by being shitty workers and shitty moms, concurrently. This released me from worry, as I saw I was right where I should be. :)
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It may be that with 12 weeks of leave (and often less), you are never really out of the 'work state of mind', so you fall back in it quickly
I don't know if I'd call it quickly, but I was out for 12 weeks and it took a month or two for me to feel like I was back in the groove at work. I could almost feel my brain getting rusty while I was out, though, so part of it was just getting back into the habit of critical thinking rather than endlessly going through the list of "Diaper change? Is a feeding coming up? Is a nap time coming up? Do I need to eat? Are we leaving the house today to run errands/meet up with other moms? Wait, I think I smell something, does he need a diaper change?" If I was out for a year I think I would have been just as out of the loop but I don't know how long it would have taken my brain to get back into work mode.
For what it's worth, it took me six weeks after the birth (vaginal, minimal tearing, no complications) to start feeling halfway normal and like I could get through a day without assistance. I can't imagine if I had had to go back to work at six weeks even if the baby had been sleeping through the night from day one (which certainly was not the case!). Even the first week or two I always felt the stitches every time I sat down or stood up - no one warned me about that!
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It may be that with 12 weeks of leave (and often less), you are never really out of the 'work state of mind', so you fall back in it quickly
I don't know if I'd call it quickly, but I was out for 12 weeks and it took a month or two for me to feel like I was back in the groove at work.
I certainly did not mean that one becomes effective at work quickly. I was talking more about the identity and social role. After a year off work, you have other mom friends, you do baby playdates, you read parenting magazines, the social network is different. I imagine that it's a totally different mindset, that it would take some time to reconnect to the world of work, especially if that is not your preferred option.
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I certainly did not mean that one becomes effective at work quickly. I was talking more about the identity and social role. After a year off work, you have other mom friends, you do baby playdates, you read parenting magazines, the social network is different. I imagine that it's a totally different mindset, that it would take some time to reconnect to the world of work, especially if that is not your preferred option.
Oh that makes sense, and I agree. The hospital I gave birth at did a very good job of fostering a sense of community - they hosted free weekly lunches for moms of babies aged 2 to 12 weeks that were born at the hospital. There'd be a topic of the week with a guest speaker (pediatric dentistry, PPD, infant swim safety, etc.) and then an hour or so of the moms going around the room and introducing themselves and saying one thing going on with them that week. There's also a seasonal Facebook group (spring, summer, fall, winter) so everyone could keep in touch. It was awesome and I think every hospital/community should have something like this.
Anyway, it became obvious towards the end which moms were going back to work and which were SAHMing. The SAHMs definitely had a different mindset. I don't think I have it in me to be a SAHM long term but having a year of leave would have been amazing and I don't think there would have been as much of a noticeable difference in the group.
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I really don't mean this as a humble-brag or an irrelevant Canada vs US comparison, but I just really don't know how you mamas do it. I had 13 and 14 month maternity leaves, and even then I found the back to work adjustment to be difficult. At 6-8-12 weeks postpartum, I was still a mess physically and emotionally. You are all tough cookies and I stand in awe of you.
Me too. I could barely get breakfast into me - let alone have a shower and brush my teeth and have no barf clothing on.
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I really don't mean this as a humble-brag or an irrelevant Canada vs US comparison, but I just really don't know how you mamas do it. I had 13 and 14 month maternity leaves, and even then I found the back to work adjustment to be difficult. At 6-8-12 weeks postpartum, I was still a mess physically and emotionally. You are all tough cookies and I stand in awe of you.
Me too. I could barely get breakfast into me - let alone have a shower and brush my teeth and have no barf clothing on.
Sometimes you are lucky. I worked up until Saturday, went into the hospital Sunday, gave birth monday. Missed one Wednesday class, took the next Wednesday class online (every other week was online), was back in fulltime classes the week later (two weeks from birth).
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I also did not have a problem with pain or exhaustion or whatever the physical problems are. It was all in sleep deprivation and ensuing mental dysfunction - mainly the inability to even make a to-do list, let alone stick to it.
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6 weeks is probably not enough, it is normal to still be bleeding until the 6 week mark, regardless of how baby is born. I didn't have enough stamina to walk for more than 20 minutes until the 10 week mark. At 12 weeks I felt like I was barely physically ready but pushing it. I have a desk job.
That is a good point about the bleeding. I stopped bleeding after about 2-3 weeks but at 7 weeks was when my first post-pregnancy period hit and it was beyond awful. It happened to coincide with Mr. D's first post-baby business trip. I had contraction-like cramps so bad that I called the doctor who unfortunately confirmed it was "normal". They also said it could last longer than a regular period.
Obviously every woman may have a different experience but these are also thing you just will not know ahead of time.
second kid I bled for at least 7 weeks. It was awful
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Wife is expecting in late June so i figured that I would chime in. We have both been with the same company for 8 years me,7 years her. Our job provides a ton of vacation time every year that accumulates infinitely not used. Currently we can take 4 weeks off and bank another 5 weeks per year. Neither of us are offered paid maternal or paternal leave bit can use our vacation time as desired.
Because of everything we have accumulated, she will be taking 12 weeks off and I will be taking 5 weeks or so off, fully paid. Pretty cool.