Local Preschool or Bigger Public School? Help!

[jess]

I could really use some advice.

I have a 3 year old & an 8 month old. My older son is currently in a public Montessori School for about 7 hours a day. You have to pay $275/mo when they are 3 & 4 years old. Once they are kindergarten age, it is free, as it is a public school. Siblings are almost guaranteed to get in as well.  They stay at the school til they're 12. They have high test scores, all our friends kids go there, his cousins, etc. Sounds perfect, right?

Except I don't like my son's teacher (she's not very nice) & I don't really like him being in a school with 600+ kids at age 3. The whole environment doesn't feel terribly personal. He gets in "trouble" a lot, something that never happened at his old school. They are very strict. It might be a more appropriate option in a few years, but they really have to get in at age 3 and stay. Its very hard to get a spot when they're older. I do have to drive him every day, but there are few other expenses. Free speech therapy, no registration cost, few extra expenses. The school is diverse & we have lots of friends with kids there, which I like.

We have a local preschool in our neighborhood that he went to when he was 2. It costs $325 a month but is only 3.75 hours a day (8:15 - noon). We could ride bikes there. There is also a hefty $650 registration fee (that my parents might help with) & lots of little extra expenses throughout the year (many are optional) for teacher gifts, little activities, snacks. Its a smaller classroom & warmer environment. He has expressed that he would like to return to this school next year but not sure how seriously to take his request. The local preschool is less diverse & most of his classmates would move on to private schools, whereas we would not. We would have to find another public school option when he turns 5 or 6. I really liked how kind they were at this school & willing to work with you about everything from potty training to cloth diapers to snacks. His teacher took the time to talk to me every day & really cared about my son.

I work about 20-30 hours a week, in the mornings for a real estate agent. My husband works from home.

How would you weigh these options?

[Nords]

I'd go with the kid's choice. 

You're already halfway on their side of the discussion, and at this stage of their life you don't need a power struggle over "Learning is fun!"  There's not much of a penalty for taking a chance on the switch, but there's a real cost for trying to make a three-year-old "Stick with it!"

The Montessori school is also sending you a message.  You say your son is in "trouble" a lot, but it's a sign that they could check for physical or learning impediments.  Instead they seem to be treating it as a behavior problem, and that doesn't seem like a winning strategy.

In our daughter's 12 years of public school, she had one or two bad teachers.  All of her other teachers were from good to superior (even a Milliken Award winner) but today all she remembers is the "bad" teacher.

[zhelud]

Both of the options are very low priced IMHO (even for half day)- I don't think you need to worry about the bigger expense of the one your child prefers, and just go with it. 

[avonlea]

I agree with all that Nords has said.  I wish I had heard something similar when my children were younger.

I think it's really important to trust your gut as a parent.  When my youngest child was enrolled in kindergarten last year, we did not feel comfortable with the local school.  Our daughter was not "getting in trouble", but I didn't care for the general grumpy attitude of the teachers and the excessive amount of yelling at the students in general.  And it was very off-putting that her teacher did not want parents to visit the classroom, except when specifically asked.  We have since switched her to another school.  The teachers welcome parents to walk through the doors at anytime.  (I still send emails to the head teacher to let her know that I will be coming in, and she kind of laughs at that.)  This particular school is much smaller and the standardized test scores aren't as high as they were in my daughter's previous school.  But this school makes it a point not to focus on teaching to the test very much. My daughter still has learned all she should for her age academically (and more), just not in a way that is restricted to worksheets.  This school also focuses, thought, on teaching things that are not measured on a test.  (I know of no other school in our town that had a peace march on MLK Day this year or let the children take an hour in the afternoons one week to learn about programming on Scratch.) I have noticed a great amount of personal growth in her over the past 9 months, and it has also translated in a great amount of academic growth as well.  Her teachers are worth their weight in gold, and it feels so good to leave my child in the hands of someone I trust--not dealing with a knot in my stomach as I drop her off.

A few questions about the current school if you decide to have your son stay there: 

1) Do you think the Montessori school might be willing to let your son attend for half of the day?  Perhaps 7 hours in a classroom is a little too stimulating for him.  I have a friend who has her second grade son attend a public school in the morning and homeschools him in the afternoon.  It's working out very well for them so far.   
2)  Do you feel comfortable talking with the principal about the situation?  Or perhaps calling a meeting with you, the teacher, and the principal?
3) When does the current school year end? Would he have the same teacher when he is 4?  If not, do you feel comfortable with the teacher in the 4-year-old class?

[Another Reader]

If your description is accurate, I would move the kid today.  However, in your shoes I would first review with the current school what constitutes him getting in "trouble."  You may not like the teacher, but it's worth asking if there are behaviors that need work.  A forthright conversation with the teacher and maybe the principal should give you the answers you need to make the best decision for your child.

[totoro]

I was thinking the same thing - can he go half a day?  And yes, the getting into trouble needs to be followed up on with your son and the school to see how you can help.  You may need to advocate for him for a few changes or try to discover what is going on for him by going to school with him for a day to 'help in the class'. 

Teachers change every year - you could run into this anywhere anytime.  It is almost end of year now - get to know which teachers have good reputations with parents and kids and make a request for that teacher for next year now.  Talk to the principal and let him or her know that your son is not happy and you are not really happy with how things went this year and you want to make sure next year is better.

 

[twinge]

It would help to know what the other public school options are and how they compare in your opinion to the public Montessori option.  Your decision now seems to affect schooling for a long time so you don't want to make it too lightly.  That said, preschool years are really important for establishing a "love of learning."  It's hard to tell from your wording if the new school is just not as ideal as your original one for your son or if it's truly a problem.  Since the more "ideal" one comes with less of an ongoing social circle and a transplanting, there are clearly some trade-offs to consider.

  Like others have suggested, would it be possible for you to pay for full-time but then regularly pick him up earlier?  He might just be wanting more time with you and/or dad that he had last year.  Also, I would really work extra hard to develop a positive relationship with the teacher and work on any potential behavior issues now--your relationship with a teacher can really translate to a different attitude towards your child. Is there a way you can observe your child in class without drawing attention to yourself (e.g., peeking in a window etc.?)--that's often a better way to get a sense of how he's acting/interacting and how the teacher works with the class and him.  Good luck!

[Margaret Fuller]

I'd choose the preschool.  We're keeping our child in the preschool/kindergarten when she's in kindergarten because it's full-time and it'll be better than public kindergarten.  She's 3 1/2 and loves her preschool.  We will still have to pay for kindergarten, but we think it's worth it for her to get the complete Montessori experience. 

[twinge]

In our daughter's 12 years of public school, she had one or two bad teachers.  All of her other teachers were from good to superior (even a Milliken Award winner) but today all she remembers is the "bad" teacher.

This is interesting, but chances are a huge part of her learning and development as a person came from those 11 years of good teachers too.  They just don't stand out in memory in the same way.   I feel the same way in that I can distinctly remember "punishments" from my parents or times they hurt my feelings etc. and all the good things feel a little more blurred, but the good things comprise 99.9% of my experiences with them.

[MountainFlower]

This reflects my own experience in our local Montessori program, so it isn't meant to be universal. 

My 5 yo daughter is in a montessori program and it is awesome for her.  My 3 year old son is in another preschool because, in my opinion, our montessori is just too structured for a three year old boy.  I believe that 3 year olds need lots and lots of unstructured play and imaginative play.  My daughter's Montessori class is perfect for a 5 year old, but  just way too structured for a three year old boy.  Actually, there is a 3 year old boy in her class and he is just lost in there.  In fact, I think he often gets "in trouble" 

I remember hearing research on NPR about the fact that preschooler brains need play to develop their brains, not tracing the alphabet or pouring little pitchers of water.   I wish I had a link, so consider that hearsay! 

[Nords]

In our daughter's 12 years of public school, she had one or two bad teachers.  All of her other teachers were from good to superior (even a Milliken Award winner) but today all she remembers is the "bad" teacher.

This is interesting, but chances are a huge part of her learning and development as a person came from those 11 years of good teachers too.  They just don't stand out in memory in the same way.   I feel the same way in that I can distinctly remember "punishments" from my parents or times they hurt my feelings etc. and all the good things feel a little more blurred, but the good things comprise 99.9% of my experiences with them.

I agree, and none of our family are "glass half full" types.  At best she and I are "glass has wasted capacity" engineers who tend to focus on the negatives.

The "bad" teacher inspired a couple of thought patterns in our daughter which have taken her three years of college (via the student wellness center) to deal with.  She's overcome failure, she's done well, she's stronger and more self aware.  But oh what time & effort we've spent over the last decade to recover from this teacher's thoughtless words & deeds on an impressionable 10-year-old.  Nietzsche does not need to be experienced in elementary school.

If there's anything "good" about that 5th-grade teacher experience, it's that we parents learned to spot the stereotype way in advance and make sure it didn't happen again. 

I think it's far better to go risk-averse in a school where the teachers do not suck, rather than to be in a high-powered school where one or more teachers may be evil.  Just as we shouldn't have to tolerate those stereotypes in the workplace, even though they exist.

[jess]

OP here. After much deliberation and thought, I have been picking up my son immediately after lunch. Thank you for the few who suggested that. I feel that he is less worn out and I haven't heard of any more incidents from his teachers. Most of the time he got in trouble was during nap time. The school year is almost over and he will more than likely have the same teacher again next year (Montessori system). Our decision to stay at the school is largely based on the community that we have there with fellow parents, friends & my son's friends. I do not think that Montessori is the perfect environment for him right now- I hope that he will grow into it as he matures. As I originally stated, the ideal situation would be the send him to another school for a year or two and bring him back, but it is nearly impossible to get them in the school past the age of 3. Next year I will continue picking him up early and checking in with him about if he is happy there. If he begins to seem truly unhappy, I will reconsider his enrollment. I am using what my son is communicating to me as my guide for what is best for him. Thank you everyone who responded for your support!