Life After High School Recommendations

[mcbyron.nord@gmail.com]

Hi all,

Our son is a junior in high school this year. He's a bright kid, passionate, self-starter, etc. He hates school. I don't know if this is because of his dyslexia (our hunch is yes), he's also identified "gifted" AKA he learns very fast and retains crazy information. He's got straight As despite the dyslexia and an incredible work ethic. He also took his $600 and turned it into $4,000 over the past year while day trading in his guardian account. He's super social and loves his friends but also needs time to himself.

Would anyone kindly be able to offer us some guidance? Anyone go through this themselves?

He does not want to go to college. He's done the math and doesn't think it's a wise investment choice mainly and can't quite articulate why he doesn't want to go but guessing it has to do with the fact that he really hates paperwork.

He started up a website this last year selling football visors, scrunch socks, sweatshirts, etc. We've made him do all of the taxes along side us hoping he can learn.

I imagine he will gravitate towards the FIRE community eventually as he already seems to have this mindset. Can and should we encourage him to slow down some and be in the moment? Does that include going to college, even with it's hefty price tag? What would you tell your high school self? We're always encouraging him to give back--maybe he'll need to be a monk like Jay Shetty :).

Thank you in advance!

[blueberrybushes]

mcbryon,

I went the traditional, professional route in 1976 to climb the corporate ladder.  Bailed out 20 years later to figure out what I liked/enjoyed doing.  Some of it involved the same skill set as management, some was quite different.  Mostly, I found I enjoyed being a one man band.  I should have gone into the trades, a bakery business, or a landscape business.  I am told I would have been a great doctor, but I would not put up with the path to get there.  I also coached college kids and high school kids.  However, we did not have kids of our own.

So, I can only offer what I think I would tell my kids if we had any:

As a college coach, I found that most juniors are not super focused on what happens after senior year - too far away.  By mid-senior year, those same unfocused kids started to make plans because their friends were making plans.  So, I would not worry alot this year or even through much of senior year.

Although he may not like what he perceives as nagging, start asking him what he thinks of different jobs - trades, coding, insurance sales, etc..  Does he understand what his parents do and what they like/dislike about their jobs?  Other family members, etc.?

I went to an IVY school and would never recommend that path to anyone.  I suggest going community college or small school to get the basic classes done for a small price tag, figure out what interests him, and mid-way through start looking for 4 year colleges that offer what he might like. College is less about what you major in and more about figuring out life.  I majored in Biology and ended up in management, coaching, the laundry business, and research before switching to coaching, motor coach driving, and event management.

Let him know that there is no single career/life path that is the best for him - just some are better than others.  You read so many posts on MMM from people who don't like what they do which makes life a misery and is not healthy.

The best letter my Dad ever gave me was a "to be opened upon my death" letter in which he said he was proud that I followed my own path. Wish he had told me that when he was alive, but still. 

Based on your description of your son - he will do just fine although it might be an unorthodox path - a brightly colored tapestry just the same.  And, support him along the way by listening, asking questions, and just being there...

Good luck!

[TreeLeaf]

Honestly I never really knew what I wanted to do with my life. I still don't actually. I sort of live life day by day, constantly wandering from interest to interest and person to person and place to place.

At one point I wanted to be an aerospace engineer. Then I wanted to be a monk. Once I started dating being a monk was no longer a viable goal. Then I wanted to be a massage therapist. A welder. A registered nurse. A financial advisor. My college days were full of taking various classes. I changed majors several times and could never pick one. The moment I picked anything I quickly became bored of it.

Eventually I stumbled in to software development and have been doing that for nearly 2 decades now. Time flies.

I still don't really know what I want to do with my life though. I really have no idea. I work as a software engineer, but I don't feel like that really defines who I am. It's just something I am doing at the moment until I get bored of it.

Then I will probably find something else to do.

I certainly had nothing figured out when I was a junior in high school, that's for sure. I was just another teenage boy, mostly just thinking about girls. Having a career was just not that interesting at the time.

I think, in general, it might be better to push your son to do something, but let him choose what he wants to do. That is what I am doing with my teenage sons anyway.

Good luck.

[Freedomin5]

It sounds like your son is keen on finishing high school. Good -- at the minimum, I encourage all kids to at least have that piece of paper stating that they completed their basic education.


With regard to college, if your son doesn't want to go due to the potentially low ROI, I would talk to him about other options, like scholarships. He's a straight A student with a learning disorder -- I would be surprised if he didn't get any scholarships.


If he doesn't want to go because of other reasons, I would want to know what he does want to do if not college. Maybe community college? A trades program that's more hands-on?


We have a few forum members whose kids did not go straight into college from high school. The general consensus is that kid had to find a job and earn a living. They could live at home, but they had to pay rent and board, pay for their own expenses, and be self-sustaining to some extent.

[ROF Expat]

If your son isn't interested in going to college, rather than focus on getting him to change his mind, maybe you could start a discussion of what he thinks he wants to do with his life and how he's going to get there.  Maybe a college degree isn't necessary for the journey, but education almost certainly will be.  You could discuss what that education might involve.  Or maybe a college degree really is necessary, and that realization will motivate him. 

If he's interested in continuing with small business, you might encourage him to enroll in community college and take courses in business and accounting that will be directly relevant to his interests.  Or, you might discuss whether non-traditional schools that don't focus on the paperwork he hates might be of interest to him.   One option might be something like Deep Springs College. 

 

[brandon1827]

PTF

My son is just entering his freshman year of high school. He hates going to school, but also does fairly well and tolerates the attending of classes and homework so that he can play sports, lol. I have been steady telling him for the past year or two that college isn't the only pass to success and a high income. I think right now he's caught up in going because he thinks that's what he's supposed to do. He attends a private school that bills itself as college prep, so all the messaging and programs are geared toward preparing kids to apply to colleges. We obviously have plenty of time to figure everything out, but I'm interested to read how other parents are handling this.

[MMMarbleheader]

See if he is interested in being an electrician. Once he finishes his apprenticeship (though there is school) he could go on his own and use his business skills to run his own company.

[SeattleCPA]

I never participate in this thread. And my kids are now middle-aged adults. Though they wouldn't llike to think of themselves that way. But as someone who is a bit farther than the road of parenting, some comments:
1. Gosh, lots of kids don't find college a good fit. Or a traditional college a good fit.
2. Job skills are really important both for income and job satisfaction. But college isn't only way to get those skills. Also some colleges do a pretty poor job at preparing our kids to be independent adults.
3. Love the electrician idea or point that @MMMarbleheader made. Also going to say that some kids need jobs with lots of physical activity.

Kudos to our parents who are thinking more expansively that I probably did as a dad.

[GilesMM]

Sounds like he is doing well.   I would give him guidance if he asks, but let him figure it out.  Plenty of smart kids skip college and do quite well. Some go back later and others don't.

[startingout]

I recommend that he plan to enroll in community college until he comes up with a solid alternative. Unfortunately, some employers and industries would pay someone less just for not having a college degree. For example, a few years ago, a childcare worker I know was paid $20 an hour despite decades of experience, while another was offered $35 an hour fresh out of college. They were both nannies hired to take care of one baby (employed by 2 different families).

The government also has exacting requirements for its employees, down to the specific college major a degree is in. There's no room for compromise on government job applications. Many career paths don't require degrees anymore, but until he's certain he will pursue one of them, it's best to keep his options open by giving community college a shot.