Author Topic: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood  (Read 3851 times)

Mgmny

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Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« on: June 11, 2021, 11:04:54 AM »
Hello!

Right now we live a suburb with tons of amenities. We can literally walk to 4 different parks with playgrounds, and the neighborhood we are in is literally chock-full of families with young children (ours are 2.5 and 8 mo). We are looking at moving about 15 miles away into a semi-rural neighbhoor (1.5-2 acre home sites). There are 2 parks that are each exactly 3 miles away from our potential homesite, and the next closest park is 5 miles. These are obviously not really walkable or "Send 6 year old jimmy to the park!" type of deals.

When i google the pros and cons of living in rural areas, i see a lot of things about kids exploring nature and free play. this sounds great, but the pictures they accompany with those are kids playing on 200 acre farms with animals, streams, fields, woods, etc. We would just have 2 acres and all the land around is privately owned...

I know a big "tenant" of MMM is biking, and while this home isn't just a quick bike away from the corner store, there is a pretty large commercial center with 2 groceries, walmart, target, etc etc. 4.4 miles away, so that is a potential.

If we move, are we robbing our children of their childhood of playing at parks with friends? That makes me feel like a bad dad, but i'm hoping someone else on here can comment about this lifestyle that I don't have experience with...

Thanks!
« Last Edit: June 11, 2021, 11:08:30 AM by Mgmny »

TheFrenchCat

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #1 on: June 11, 2021, 05:53:16 PM »
We live in a relatively rural area.  Our lots are smaller than what you're describing, because we live on a lake, which is great.  Our family also owns farm land right next to the houses that is only used for growing hay and trees, so you can go walking around it.  However, we have a lot of family that lives on the same road as us, and I don't think I would have wanted my daughter living out this far otherwise.  There's kids for her to play and swim with within walking distance and we can walk to my in-laws' house and my husband's grandmother's house.  There's also other kids on the road she can play with.  We really like it, but we wouldn't have moved this rural without a good support network right there. 

What are your goals for moving out to the more rural area?

nereo

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2021, 06:05:28 PM »
we've moved back and forth between what you describe (and where we live now is similar) and more walkable/bikeable suburban homes. If this is any indication, we are currently looking for a new place that we can walk to playgrounds and town. OR we could possibly live on a much bigger plot 20 minutes from town surrounded by conservation land.  But it's either/or for us... we don't want to live in a place like we are now ever again.

The thing I'd stress about living in a semi-rural area 15 minutes from town is in all likelihood you will get in a car for everything. You will drive to the playground, and then drive to the store, etc.  when your kids are older there will be a lot of driving them to practice, friends houses, study groups.  It's just the way it is. Play dates are certainly possible, but life - almost by necessity - has to be a lot more planned out. 

The funny thing is - to the communities that are like this, the 3-5x car trips a day are such a feature that most people don't even notice them.  it becomes habitual.  When we lived "in town" and friends from the exurbs would visit and we'd head out to the store they'd instinctively grab their keys even though it was four blocks away.  Because going somewhere (anywhere!) means getting in your car.

I'll echo TheFrenchCat - what appeals to you about moving away from town? 

Abe

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #3 on: June 11, 2021, 07:13:10 PM »
I’d echo the others’ sentiments, having grown up in a similar environment. I’m a big fan of being outdoors, but it was also boring a lot of times since friends weren’t close by. We saw each other on weekends but that was it. No running around after school and such.

Blue Skies

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2021, 02:17:56 PM »
I have never lived rural, but I can comment regarding neighbors.  We have a small lot in a suburb with lots of neighbors.  There are several kids the same age-ish as my oldest and it was SO NICE to be able to just let her go play with them.  No pick up/drop off scheduling, no calling around to see who is home to play.  Just, go knock on the door and they can play (or not, but often could).  My youngest is of an age to want to play with other kids, but there just aren't any around her age.  She is bored more often, and I end up calling around and driving her to friends houses all the time.  It gets old.  I wish she had friends we could walk to.

So if you are currently in a location with lots of kids the same age, don't just leave it without really considering what you are giving up.  Because if you leave and decide to move back into town, you may not end up in a neighborhood with the right age kids. 

MaybeBabyMustache

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #5 on: June 12, 2021, 03:51:33 PM »
I grew up in a semi-rural area, and did not enjoy it as a kid. There were no "walking or biking to friends" options. I had to have a ride for going anywhere. We are now raising our kids in a suburban neighborhood. It's not perfect, as we live at the top of a hill, and are zoned for a school that's largely serving a town that's a few miles away (at the high school level). When they were in elementary school, they were close to friends. Now that they are in high school, they can bike to meet friends.

There were benefits in a semi rural area (we had our own creek, lots of space to play), but not worth the tradeoffs for the kids.

marble_faun

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #6 on: June 12, 2021, 06:22:52 PM »
@Mgmny : If my family were living in a place similar to what you are describing, I would not want to give it up!  It sounds like a real "playborhood" (see: https://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/23/magazine/the-anti-helicopter-parents-plea-let-kids-play.html).

We also feel push and pull between rural and urban, but we've decided to stay in town and maybe someday buy a little cabin in the woods nearby.  That way we can be surrounded by trees when we want to be, but we won't have to drive everywhere in our daily lives.

Morning Glory

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #7 on: June 12, 2021, 06:41:27 PM »
I live in the country. One of my many reasons for moving back to town is so that my kids have a neighborhood with other kids to play with. We're actually biking distance from town now but I don't have a good way to bike with both kids (they are uncoordinated, huge for their ages, and oblivious when it comes to safety).

Steeze

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #8 on: June 13, 2021, 05:54:16 AM »
I grew up in a very rural town, ~3000 people 30min from a grocery store, 1-acre lots were the minimum size and were rare. My friends houses were usually a 5-10min car ride. By 10 years old I was a full on latch key kid and set out on my bmx bike from sun up to sun down. We usually had a small gang of kids who hung out together everyday, usually +\- a few years in age, all the kids who’s parents didn’t keep tabs on them. We hung out at the local skatepark in the summers and at the local ski area in the winters. We also played in the woods, river, and lakes a lot.Personally, I had a ton of freedom growing up, which I loved. I learned to love nature and being outside most of the day.

Rural can still be good - there was a bit more coordination involved, but usually it was the kids making the plans and begging the parents for a ride, until eventually we were just allowed to cruise on our bikes in a ~5mi radius. Eventually we got a bit older and everyone got jobs and cars.

I would say if your going to be rural, just be prepared to make a heroic effort to keep the kids engag
ed and out of trouble.
« Last Edit: December 01, 2021, 07:06:17 AM by Steeze »

gatortator

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #9 on: June 13, 2021, 06:02:39 AM »
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ul_xzyCDT98

this video shows several of my thoughts on where to raise happy kids.  my kids walk/bike to school, to all friends houses, to multiples parks, to the community center and even to the grocery store.  the independence they have at elementary school age is priceless.  we are in a streetcar suburb and love it.
« Last Edit: June 13, 2021, 06:36:06 AM by gatortator »

MaybeBabyMustache

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #10 on: June 13, 2021, 06:45:30 AM »
I grew up in a semi-rural area, and did not enjoy it as a kid. There were no "walking or biking to friends" options. I had to have a ride for going anywhere. We are now raising our kids in a suburban neighborhood. It's not perfect, as we live at the top of a hill, and are zoned for a school that's largely serving a town that's a few miles away (at the high school level). When they were in elementary school, they were close to friends. Now that they are in high school, they can bike to meet friends.

There were benefits in a semi rural area (we had our own creek, lots of space to play), but not worth the tradeoffs for the kids.

Forgot to add that our kids have been biking to school since we moved here (1st & 2nd grade). That alone is a huge advantage in scheduling & logistics. As for me, I had a 45+ minute bus ride, each way to get to/from school every day. It was like the MMM equivalent of a clown commute & was terrible, after being inside in classes all day.

startingsmall

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #11 on: June 13, 2021, 07:25:36 PM »
We lived on 5 acres for a couple of years and hated it.

It was a lot of mowing and maintenance. There were no other kids on our street. Every trip to the store was a big ordeal. We thought we'd spend less $$ on eating out, but instead we just spent a whole bunch more time in the car driving to crappy restaurants, because we felt so isolated in our house. We couldn't really enjoy walking/biking/etc. because there were no leash laws "out in the country" and several neighbors had dogs that would chase us. Plus, there were cultural factors unique to the South (Confederate flags everywhere, neighbors constantly shooting guns, etc.) that just made it not a very good fit for us.

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #12 on: June 14, 2021, 09:32:36 AM »
Where we used to live was rural and much smaller than what you are talking about, but it wasn’t just a boring grass lot.  There were big evergreens right behind the house, a bit of a ‘wood’ with a tiny seasonal trickle of creek through it, and an army of young willows advancing from the neighbor’s trees on the other side of the property.  It was heaven to my four young kids.  They spent all their free time in their ‘wood’, up a tree, building forts, soccer on the little open grassy slope, munching peas and cucumbers from the garden and blackberries from the wood, playing in the ‘fern house’ (willows), rollerblading (somehow) down the long dirt/gravel drive with their teeth chattering.  Of course, with several siblings close together, they didn’t have the same need for outside company that kids without that have.  Maybe as they got older, they would have wanted more friend time.  But then, they could easily have walked on their own to their best friends’ house a mile away by the age of ten. 

We were looking forward to the neighborhood experience when we moved to this town, but frankly, those kids turned out to be jerks.  We had repeated issues with bullying, neighbor kids teaching my littler kids profane words and things, nasty mean girl behavior, the twelve-year-old triplets conning my six-year-old’s savings from him in exchange for an old dog bone—which they had convinced him was a priceless dinosaur fossil.  We were glad to move back out of town to a rural place again.

Abe

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #13 on: June 14, 2021, 06:44:54 PM »
Where we used to live was rural and much smaller than what you are talking about, but it wasn’t just a boring grass lot.  There were big evergreens right behind the house, a bit of a ‘wood’ with a tiny seasonal trickle of creek through it, and an army of young willows advancing from the neighbor’s trees on the other side of the property.  It was heaven to my four young kids.  They spent all their free time in their ‘wood’, up a tree, building forts, soccer on the little open grassy slope, munching peas and cucumbers from the garden and blackberries from the wood, playing in the ‘fern house’ (willows), rollerblading (somehow) down the long dirt/gravel drive with their teeth chattering.  Of course, with several siblings close together, they didn’t have the same need for outside company that kids without that have.  Maybe as they got older, they would have wanted more friend time.  But then, they could easily have walked on their own to their best friends’ house a mile away by the age of ten. 

We were looking forward to the neighborhood experience when we moved to this town, but frankly, those kids turned out to be jerks.  We had repeated issues with bullying, neighbor kids teaching my littler kids profane words and things, nasty mean girl behavior, the twelve-year-old triplets conning my six-year-old’s savings from him in exchange for an old dog bone—which they had convinced him was a priceless dinosaur fossil.  We were glad to move back out of town to a rural place again.

I agree having several siblings makes rural life less boring. But even with (one) sibling I still wanted to get away and do things in the wider world at an early age. Anecdotally, the kids in my rural area were also jerks, while the ones in my fairly dense current neighborhood are nice. That seems unrelated to location.

Morning Glory

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #14 on: June 14, 2021, 06:50:41 PM »
Where we used to live was rural and much smaller than what you are talking about, but it wasn’t just a boring grass lot.  There were big evergreens right behind the house, a bit of a ‘wood’ with a tiny seasonal trickle of creek through it, and an army of young willows advancing from the neighbor’s trees on the other side of the property.  It was heaven to my four young kids.  They spent all their free time in their ‘wood’, up a tree, building forts, soccer on the little open grassy slope, munching peas and cucumbers from the garden and blackberries from the wood, playing in the ‘fern house’ (willows), rollerblading (somehow) down the long dirt/gravel drive with their teeth chattering.  Of course, with several siblings close together, they didn’t have the same need for outside company that kids without that have.  Maybe as they got older, they would have wanted more friend time.  But then, they could easily have walked on their own to their best friends’ house a mile away by the age of ten. 

We were looking forward to the neighborhood experience when we moved to this town, but frankly, those kids turned out to be jerks.  We had repeated issues with bullying, neighbor kids teaching my littler kids profane words and things, nasty mean girl behavior, the twelve-year-old triplets conning my six-year-old’s savings from him in exchange for an old dog bone—which they had convinced him was a priceless dinosaur fossil.  We were glad to move back out of town to a rural place again.

I agree having several siblings makes rural life less boring. But even with (one) sibling I still wanted to get away and do things in the wider world at an early age. Anecdotally, the kids in my rural area were also jerks, while the ones in my fairly dense current neighborhood are nice. That seems unrelated to location.

I moved a lot as a kid. The kids in rural area seemed to place more value on being from there, so it was harder to make friends, compared to larger towns and suburbs.

Abe

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #15 on: June 14, 2021, 07:16:44 PM »
Where we used to live was rural and much smaller than what you are talking about, but it wasn’t just a boring grass lot.  There were big evergreens right behind the house, a bit of a ‘wood’ with a tiny seasonal trickle of creek through it, and an army of young willows advancing from the neighbor’s trees on the other side of the property.  It was heaven to my four young kids.  They spent all their free time in their ‘wood’, up a tree, building forts, soccer on the little open grassy slope, munching peas and cucumbers from the garden and blackberries from the wood, playing in the ‘fern house’ (willows), rollerblading (somehow) down the long dirt/gravel drive with their teeth chattering.  Of course, with several siblings close together, they didn’t have the same need for outside company that kids without that have.  Maybe as they got older, they would have wanted more friend time.  But then, they could easily have walked on their own to their best friends’ house a mile away by the age of ten. 

We were looking forward to the neighborhood experience when we moved to this town, but frankly, those kids turned out to be jerks.  We had repeated issues with bullying, neighbor kids teaching my littler kids profane words and things, nasty mean girl behavior, the twelve-year-old triplets conning my six-year-old’s savings from him in exchange for an old dog bone—which they had convinced him was a priceless dinosaur fossil.  We were glad to move back out of town to a rural place again.

I agree having several siblings makes rural life less boring. But even with (one) sibling I still wanted to get away and do things in the wider world at an early age. Anecdotally, the kids in my rural area were also jerks, while the ones in my fairly dense current neighborhood are nice. That seems unrelated to location.

I moved a lot as a kid. The kids in rural area seemed to place more value on being from there, so it was harder to make friends, compared to larger towns and suburbs.

I think that behavior can be seen in neighborhoods of large cities (having lived in Chicago for several years, I can attest to several such areas). Suburbs probably less so, possibly because of their relatively new appearance, and the upper/middle income people who tend to live in suburbs move more often for jobs, etc. That seems to discourage that type of geographical bias. Except when areas engage in redlining, which was rampant in most suburbs during the 20th century and is still a problem. But that isn't unique to suburbs, and many rural areas engage in similar practices.

Chrissy

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #16 on: June 20, 2021, 07:23:34 PM »
We moved from Chicago to our rural lake house because I lost my job due to the pandemic.  I hate it.  Culturally, I'm not a fit.  The women here don't work.  The preschools & daycares start kids at 3 y.o., so, if a family has 2 kids, the wife is forced out of the workplace for 5 years, minimum.  But, we've met SEVERAL families here with 4 children, so a lot longer for those ladies.  Every mom I've met either works for the Catholic school where we enrolled our kids (for preschool), homeschools, or works part-time.  And, look, I don't disapprove!  If having a SAHP is your jam, then by all means!  But I was conscripted into this lifestyle, it wasn't my choice.

In Chicago, we walked everywhere, and most of it was 5-10min away:  school, daycare, the pool, parks, music lessons, cafes & restaurants... everywhere!  Here, we drive everywhere, and a lot of things to do with the kids (camp, gymnastics, indoor playground, museums) are a 30min drive, one-way.  We were lucky to find a preschool a 5min drive away--and that's going 60mph the whole way on country highways.

I've also had several near-misses with deer, turtles, chickens, and wild turkeys; and my husband hit a racoon.  Our neighborhood had a fly infestation that lasted weeks, and meant that we couldn't go outside at all on the property.  A duck laid 5 eggs in a bush next to our front walk.  What is it Chunk says in the Goonies?  "I love the dark, but I hate nature!"

Fortunately, I'm being rehired by my former employer, and we moving back to Chicago in 6 weeks!  It can't come soon enough.

Mgmny

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #17 on: June 21, 2021, 08:03:28 AM »
We moved from Chicago to our rural lake house because I lost my job due to the pandemic.  I hate it.  Culturally, I'm not a fit.  The women here don't work.  The preschools & daycares start kids at 3 y.o., so, if a family has 2 kids, the wife is forced out of the workplace for 5 years, minimum.  But, we've met SEVERAL families here with 4 children, so a lot longer for those ladies.  Every mom I've met either works for the Catholic school where we enrolled our kids (for preschool), homeschools, or works part-time.  And, look, I don't disapprove!  If having a SAHP is your jam, then by all means!  But I was conscripted into this lifestyle, it wasn't my choice.

In Chicago, we walked everywhere, and most of it was 5-10min away:  school, daycare, the pool, parks, music lessons, cafes & restaurants... everywhere!  Here, we drive everywhere, and a lot of things to do with the kids (camp, gymnastics, indoor playground, museums) are a 30min drive, one-way.  We were lucky to find a preschool a 5min drive away--and that's going 60mph the whole way on country highways.

I've also had several near-misses with deer, turtles, chickens, and wild turkeys; and my husband hit a racoon.  Our neighborhood had a fly infestation that lasted weeks, and meant that we couldn't go outside at all on the property.  A duck laid 5 eggs in a bush next to our front walk.  What is it Chunk says in the Goonies?  "I love the dark, but I hate nature!"

Fortunately, I'm being rehired by my former employer, and we moving back to Chicago in 6 weeks!  It can't come soon enough.

Wow, that sounds very remote and not super great. Fortunately, we would still be like 30 minutes from a large metropolis (4 million people) and just 10 minutes from a huge commercial center with daycares, groceries, target, walmart, etc, so not THAT rural, just larger homesites without parks, i guess.

I'm glad to hear you are getting back to the lifestyle you like and enjoy!

chaskavitch

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #18 on: August 23, 2021, 04:00:02 PM »
We moved two years ago to an acre lot in a neighborhood full of big lots.  We're near a reservoir, and there are other kids in the neighborhood around the same age as my kids.  We're 10 miles out from my office and daycare, and about 5 miles from the nearest grocery store/north side of town/kindergarten.

I'd ask again, why do you want to move?  I love our house and I love having this much land - previously we were in a townhome with a postage stamp yard, three lots in from a main road and backed up to a grocery store that got deliveries at 4 am. 

HOWEVER, I hate that I have to drive everywhere.  Our oldest just started kindergarten, and we did school of choice so he'd be in a more diverse elementary school (with, like, ANY minorities at all), and even a week in, coordinating his drop off with daycare drop off sucks.  And we're going to do this forever, because we can't bus to a school of choice school.  Our 5 year old asks all the time why we can't just walk to the store, or bike to the park, etc.  I used to bike to work every day in the summer. 

My husband is so happy here, though, and the kids do love having so much space to run around and play in.  My husband's office was in the poorly finished, poorly lit basement of our old house, and he was getting really depressed working there every day.  The move has been worth it, but I do really miss being able to leave my car in the garage for a week or two at a time.  I didn't expect it to have such a big impact on me, honestly, because I took it for granted being so close to everything.

startingsmall

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #19 on: August 29, 2021, 02:54:24 PM »
We couldn't really enjoy walking/biking/etc. because there were no leash laws "out in the country" and several neighbors had dogs that would chase us.

I grew up in a very rural area, and biked everywhere, going miles at a time, and biking miles to work and back.  This issue, at least, has a very easy fix: keep a spray bottle of some kind on your bike with soap or the like in it--it doesn't have to be anything very abrasive.  Next time the dogs come, spray em', especially in the face.  Nobody likes to eat soap.  The dumb ones will give it a few tries, but after a while, they won't even get up to come your way.

That's a good idea. I thought about using pepper spray or something along those lines, but it didn't seem like a very ethical choice for a practicing veterinarian. LOL.

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #20 on: August 29, 2021, 04:53:23 PM »
I grew up on 15 acres and my parents had to drive us to friends houses in the closest city to hang out when we were younger. We basically were more friends with each other and read alot and played outside and fished in our pond. I don't know that I really cared that much one way or the other and just figured how I grew up was normal. We live in a suburban neighborhood now with lots of friends within 2-3 mins with our kids and we love it. We have potluck dinners every weekend. I don't like the amount of time you have to invest for land to maintain it.

Paper Chaser

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #21 on: September 06, 2021, 05:36:51 AM »
We live in a similar area to what the OP is considering. Many of the homes in our neighborhood were built in the 1960s, and the original owners still live there, so it's a very quiet place with lots of older folks. They're surrogate grandparents to our 3 year old. Many are aging out and their homes are being bought by younger people/families so while I love the support of the older folks, I do hope that the people that replace them might have young kids that could be neighborhood playmates for ours.

Town (food, schools, parks, library) is less than 5 minutes away by car but not bikeable or walkable for us. We try pretty hard to visit the various playgrounds and the library once/wk for outside socialization. We're blessed with lots of connections in the area and we meet up with family/friends with similar age children once/wk or more to see familiar faces. To give us more options at home, we built a playset and sandbox in the back yard which comes in handy (especially during a pandemic). We go on walks to visit with neighbors or check out the creek down the road, and will transition to family bike rides when it's appropriate. We do a lot of science/nature education disguised as yard work.

MayDay

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #22 on: September 06, 2021, 02:26:00 PM »
We have done all of the above and found that in town and in a walkable neighborhood is what works for us.

When we lived in the country the driving just sucked.

My kids can walk to school, walk to swim practice, walk to friends houses, walk to music lessons, walk to the convenience store, walk to birthday parties. You get the idea.

My H would love to live in a rural area but he isn't interested in reality because of all the driving. 

Mgmny

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #23 on: September 08, 2021, 10:38:55 AM »
Hi everyone!

Just wanted to give an update here. I think we've decided to continue living the suburban lifestyle. We did reserve one of the country lots to build a house, but in the end decided to ask for our money back. Being so far away without playgrounds, trails, stores, biking, etc. was just not appealing to us.

Thanks again for all of your help - all the different perspectives and experiences really helped us!

Abe

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Re: Kids in Semi-Rural Neighborhood
« Reply #24 on: September 09, 2021, 08:18:52 PM »
Good to hear an update!

 

Wow, a phone plan for fifteen bucks!