Author Topic: Kids before financial independence?  (Read 14727 times)

onlykelsey

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #50 on: December 31, 2015, 06:34:13 AM »
Thanks for all the heartfelt advice/stories, all.

I've talked with husband, started taking prenatal vitamins (and adjusting to less caffeine, slowly), and have a call in to my doctor.  I need to sit down and thoroughly run my numbers, but even if I got pregnant immediately after taking out an IUD, I'd realistically still be able to save another 150K before my three-month leave is up.  I think I need to take a deep breath and realize that having ~500K when my first child is born at 30 (plus husband's earning potential) would be a great position to be in, and start living life a bit. Although obviously keeping a full-time traditional lawyer job could put me at FIRE in just 2 or 3 years, I should also be able to work part-time and move that date out to 35 or 38 and still be golden. I'm clearly on track to retire by 40 by any measure, I should not be this anxious about slowing things down a bit for kids.

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So childcare will not be an issue for us. But this is a huge consideration as the costs can add up quite quickly.
  Childcare is still a huge concern, and seems to run about 2K monthly in NYC for standard working hours (neither of us have family around).  I was raised by cousins and neighbors until I was 4, and I'm sort of sad that's not an option.  Maybe our next move will be somewhere where one or both of us has family, especially if our sisters start having kids. 

NearlyThere

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #51 on: December 31, 2015, 06:55:02 AM »
I'm clearly on track to retire by 40 by any measure, I should not be this anxious about slowing things down a bit for kids.

It took me a long while to come to this realisation. You've already done the groundwork to retire early.

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #52 on: December 31, 2015, 09:10:57 AM »
Sound like you've worked some things through! Let us know how it goes!

Make sure to ask the doc if it's OK to get pregnant right away or if you should wait. I know that if you get pregnant WITH an IUD (not that that happened to me or anything...) removing it can cause inflammation that can cause the embryo not to develop. But maybe the timeline is different with removal pre-pregnancy--worth asking :-).

mm1970

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #53 on: December 31, 2015, 04:28:07 PM »
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At least going forward, an amnio should for sure be covered because of advanced maternal age (I was 35 and 42 when I had my boys, and I had two amnios).
Yes, and because of my previous history now.

I'm pretty sure we'll get this one covered- especially since it revealed a MASSIVE genetic issue, but they are fighting it. I think if you are under 35 they just deny it to see if they can.

And at 33 an amnio wasn't offered until a problem (well like 10 of them) showed up on ultrasound. I still kind if can't believe the radiologist noticed none of the issues. it's a reputable clinic- I had highly reccomended prenatal care, just not the ultra specialists.
with health care, they just deny everything to see if they can

My second child had surgery at 9 months. We had to get an approval, and a referral, and an insurance case number.

They still denied payment for about 6 months, first because it wasn't "an emergency surgery".  Well, duh, that's why we got the referral and the approval...

Cassie

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #54 on: January 11, 2016, 04:41:49 PM »
Good luck with getting pregnant and the next stage of your life! I would not put off having kids to be FI since it can be an irreversible decision.

MMMtwinbrain

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #55 on: January 20, 2016, 08:46:01 AM »
HAHA !!!! I LOVE THIS QUESTION !!!!!  Why would anyone choose money over lost years of not spending more years with your kids ???? Heres how my life went. I started working full time when I was 15 and I dropped out of high school, then I had a kid at 16, 18, got married at 18, then had another kid at 22. LOL !!!!! Thats 3 kids by 22 years old and I dropped out of high school my freshman year at 15. I must have failed at the whole early retirement thing right ??? WELL WRONG !!!! I retired at 39.5 years young !!!! I got into rental houses at age 22, while I drove a semi truck and I was extremely FRUGAL which hugely made up for my meager wages and guess what the REAL SECRET was I never spent one penny on COLLEGE and I never spent 1 penny on any of my 3 kids for college !!!! Heres a great video for you all !!!!

https://youtu.be/z756KgKyLmk

arebelspy

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #56 on: January 20, 2016, 09:18:31 AM »
HAHA !!!! I LOVE THIS QUESTION !!!!!  Why would anyone choose money over lost years of not spending more years with your kids ???? Heres how my life went. I started working full time when I was 15 and I dropped out of high school, then I had a kid at 16, 18, got married at 18, then had another kid at 22. LOL !!!!! Thats 3 kids by 22 years old and I dropped out of high school my freshman year at 15. I must have failed at the whole early retirement thing right ??? WELL WRONG !!!! I retired at 39.5 years young !!!! I got into rental houses at age 22, while I drove a semi truck and I was extremely FRUGAL which hugely made up for my meager wages and guess what the REAL SECRET was I never spent one penny on COLLEGE and I never spent 1 penny on any of my 3 kids for college !!!! Heres a great video for you all !!!!

I didn't understand the part I bolded.  It seems to me, on its face, to be an argument to hit FI before kids.  HIt FI, don't choose money over spending years with kids, so FIRE instead of OMY, and you get the kids' whole lives to spend with them.

But then the rest of your post goes on about how you had kids early.

I feel like either method works just fine, personally.
We are two former teachers who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, and now travel the world full time with two kids.
If you want to know more about me, or how we did that, or see lots of pictures, this Business Insider profile tells our story pretty well.
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cloudsail

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #57 on: January 27, 2016, 03:15:06 PM »
HAHA !!!! I LOVE THIS QUESTION !!!!!  Why would anyone choose money over lost years of not spending more years with your kids ???? Heres how my life went. I started working full time when I was 15 and I dropped out of high school, then I had a kid at 16, 18, got married at 18, then had another kid at 22. LOL !!!!! Thats 3 kids by 22 years old and I dropped out of high school my freshman year at 15. I must have failed at the whole early retirement thing right ??? WELL WRONG !!!! I retired at 39.5 years young !!!! I got into rental houses at age 22, while I drove a semi truck and I was extremely FRUGAL which hugely made up for my meager wages and guess what the REAL SECRET was I never spent one penny on COLLEGE and I never spent 1 penny on any of my 3 kids for college !!!! Heres a great video for you all !!!!

I didn't understand the part I bolded.  It seems to me, on its face, to be an argument to hit FI before kids.  HIt FI, don't choose money over spending years with kids, so FIRE instead of OMY, and you get the kids' whole lives to spend with them.

But then the rest of your post goes on about how you had kids early.

I feel like either method works just fine, personally.

Can we do something about this user? Their writing style really screams troll (and spam sales emails from illegitimate sources).

arebelspy

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #58 on: January 27, 2016, 04:58:05 PM »
Can we do something about this user? Their writing style really screams troll (and spam sales emails from illegitimate sources).

MOD NOTE: Any time you have a concern you'd like to bring to the moderator's attention, whether a particular post, or individual poster, please click the "report to moderator" button found on the bottom right of each post, rather than asking in a particular thread, which mods may/may not see, and also may lack tact. 

This particular poster has already been dealt with.

Cheers!  :)
We are two former teachers who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, and now travel the world full time with two kids.
If you want to know more about me, or how we did that, or see lots of pictures, this Business Insider profile tells our story pretty well.
We (occasionally) blog at AdventuringAlong.com.
You can also read my forum "Journal."

retireasap26

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #59 on: February 02, 2016, 09:27:06 AM »
We did not discover the concept of FI until our first child was born (mom age 36, dad age 38). After reading Robert Charlton's book and Early Retirement Extreme, we committed to FI and have trimmed our middle class fat to be able to save and pay for child care (not a high cost of living area). Husband will definitely be able to retire at age 50 and I may continue to work because I want to, but we will be readily available to our young lad during his middle school years.

So we are going from no plan to FI in 12 years. Not too shabby, in my opinion.

We had a miscarriage after our child was born, but had already developed a budget that would absorb most of the extra costs, mainly child care.

We had our child because we didn't want to be 50 and be sad that we hadn't had one. Of course it's worked out fine. However, despite having waiting until 35 to conceive, I would not want to wait til a very late maternal age before trying just so I could save even $100,000 extra. The risks of serious problems is just so much higher.

soccerluvof4

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #60 on: February 02, 2016, 10:15:25 AM »
I feel people shouldn't have kids if they cant afford them BUT that has such a range of definition that I think the best thing is if your not sure than you wait. People have kids young and say its great because they are empty nesters at 50 while others have them late in life and feel it keeps them young and more active in life. This is another one of those topics where you cant make a blanket statement or one size fits all. I respect those that are honest and say they dont want children more than those that just have kids to have them (not that thats the case here). My point, just be honest to yourself and if you do that it will work out more often then not.

onlykelsey

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #61 on: April 07, 2016, 03:54:15 PM »
Random, probably TMI update time!

So I went in December to get my IUD out.  They couldn't find it.  It turned in to a three-month ordeal and ended with a hospitalization and surgical removal and attendant healing process. So now it's April, and we can actually start trying.  Exciting/scary. 

I keep shouting down the very risk-averse part of my brain. 370K net worth is fine for now. I won't get fired while pregnant.  If I get fired afterwards, I'll be able to find some sort of employment, and may have 500K saved by then and just need to earn 30K.  Calm down, brain!

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #62 on: April 07, 2016, 04:21:23 PM »
Random, probably TMI update time!

So I went in December to get my IUD out.  They couldn't find it.  It turned in to a three-month ordeal and ended with a hospitalization and surgical removal and attendant healing process. So now it's April, and we can actually start trying.  Exciting/scary. 

I keep shouting down the very risk-averse part of my brain. 370K net worth is fine for now. I won't get fired while pregnant.  If I get fired afterwards, I'll be able to find some sort of employment, and may have 500K saved by then and just need to earn 30K.  Calm down, brain!

I'm glad you got this resolved! So sorry it was scary. Counting myself, I know three people personally who had bad IUD experiences requiring surgery. I know lots of people love them... I just don't know those people. So you are not alone. Let us know how it goes!

onlykelsey

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #63 on: April 29, 2016, 09:55:16 AM »
I figured out yesterday why all my skirts were too tight.  We tried literally ONCE last month, thought we had missed the fertile window, but it turns out not.  Ironically, I probably got pregnant the day of my last post where I said we could now start trying. 

So, BabyOK will (hopefully) be on its way around Christmas.  I don't want to jinx anything, and am not telling folks in real life, but I don't see the harm in saying it here. 

Thanks again for all the advice, forum!

CanuckExpat

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #64 on: April 29, 2016, 10:34:50 AM »
So, BabyOK will (hopefully) be on its way around Christmas.  I don't want to jinx anything, and am not telling folks in real life, but I don't see the harm in saying it here. 

Congratulations.
And good timing: Assuming he/she/it is on time, you get the full years tax deduction for the six days of existence :)

I'm a red panda

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #65 on: April 29, 2016, 10:35:42 AM »
I figured out yesterday why all my skirts were too tight.  We tried literally ONCE last month, thought we had missed the fertile window, but it turns out not.  Ironically, I probably got pregnant the day of my last post where I said we could now start trying. 

So, BabyOK will (hopefully) be on its way around Christmas.  I don't want to jinx anything, and am not telling folks in real life, but I don't see the harm in saying it here. 

Thanks again for all the advice, forum!

Wow Congratulations!

I wish it were always this easy. I hope you have a happy, healthy pregnancy and a happy, healthy baby!

arebelspy

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #66 on: April 29, 2016, 11:00:08 AM »
Congrats!  Crossing my fingers for a healthy pregnancy for you both.
We are two former teachers who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, and now travel the world full time with two kids.
If you want to know more about me, or how we did that, or see lots of pictures, this Business Insider profile tells our story pretty well.
We (occasionally) blog at AdventuringAlong.com.
You can also read my forum "Journal."

onlykelsey

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #67 on: April 29, 2016, 11:05:17 AM »
Congratulations.
And good timing: Assuming he/she/it is on time, you get the full years tax deduction for the six days of existence :)

Priorities, I have them.  My aunt (an obstetrics nurse) said that in her experience, petite women (like me) with big partners (mine's 6'4) tend to come up a week or two short, so perhaps it/he/she will be a 2016 baby.
 
Congratulations!

I got pregnant on tax day (nothing do do with taxes - I file early ;) ) and had a new years baby. She's 3 now and delightful.


This is a strange forum, haha.  Congrats! I'm sort of excited about the timing because maybe things will be winding down in the week before Christmas (Hannuka is the 24th this year...) and I'll get a de facto one-week leave extension.
I figured out yesterday why all my skirts were too tight.  We tried literally ONCE last month, thought we had missed the fertile window, but it turns out not.  Ironically, I probably got pregnant the day of my last post where I said we could now start trying. 

So, BabyOK will (hopefully) be on its way around Christmas.  I don't want to jinx anything, and am not telling folks in real life, but I don't see the harm in saying it here. 

Thanks again for all the advice, forum!

Wow Congratulations!

I wish it were always this easy. I hope you have a happy, healthy pregnancy and a happy, healthy baby!

Thanks.  Hopefully I'm not jinxing it.  I had taken the "start now you never know how long it will take/if you will miscarry/etc" advice seriously, but now I"m a bit surprised/unprepared!

I am a bit alarmed that I already can't put on my fitted wool pants and skirts... probably just water, I guess.  I'm 9-10 lbs over my standard weight already somehow.

onlykelsey

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #68 on: April 29, 2016, 11:07:41 AM »
Congrats!  Crossing my fingers for a healthy pregnancy for you both.

Thanks!  So far I feel fine, except for having gained weight and having super-sonic smell.  On an up note, I don't have to take the trash out from our third-floor walkup anymore :)

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #69 on: April 29, 2016, 02:14:16 PM »
Congrats!

I am also a petite lady with tall husband. My first baby was born exactly on time (counting from ovulation) at 8 pounds 13 ounces. Second baby was 8 days early... 8 pounds 12 ounces. Apparently that is the limit for my uterus.

Babies in my family are like 7 pounds. One of my mom's friends was admiring my firstborn and told my mom, "He just doesn't look like one of your babies!"

okits

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Re: Kids before financial independence?
« Reply #70 on: April 29, 2016, 05:53:57 PM »
Thanks.  Hopefully I'm not jinxing it.  I had taken the "start now you never know how long it will take/if you will miscarry/etc" advice seriously, but now I"m a bit surprised/unprepared!

I am a bit alarmed that I already can't put on my fitted wool pants and skirts... probably just water, I guess.  I'm 9-10 lbs over my standard weight already somehow.

Huge congratulations!  I understand your surprise, but not everyone ovulates on the textbook day 15, and once is all it takes.  ;)

First trimester bloat can be merciless, and IME, pregnancy weight gain is a funny thing.  If you're eating relatively well (not loading up on junk food) and maintaining some kind of exercise and activity (maybe not your normal routine, if you have horrible fatigue and morning sickness), chalk the weight gain up to "baby-growing infrastructure".  Your body will make some incredible changes (and do some impressive growing) in the coming months.