Father of a 3 year old and 21 month old. DW is SAHM and I work full-time. No family nearby to help out and no childcare.
The suffocation is real. It's not everyday for sure, but it happens and I'm certain on those days my wife would gladly swap places with me.
"What's that? Brother decided to fall off the couch and onto his head for no apparent reason and is crying uncontrollably and you just forgot you were supposed to be potty trained because I wouldn't give you more juice? Awesome!"
FWIW we adopted our children, but IMO it doesn't change anything. Even though we had to wait and plan to have them, we still feel overwhelmed, suffocated, underappreciated, or all of the above sometimes.
It feels a bit selfish to say it, but for me, the issue I'm trying to tackle is a lack of personal time to do the things I want to (e.g. workout, read, meditate). Work, while a break from family obligations, isn't free time to do what I'd really like to (as many on this forum know I'm sure), and by the time the kids go to bed (8:30 - 9:00 PM) we are worn out and there isn't really time to do much other than veg.
My current approach to tackle this is to develop a morning routine and to carve out some time early in the morning to practice it. The early rise is kicking my @$$ right now, but I'm hoping to make it a habit.