kids are hard...

[CindyBS]

My kids are 11 and 14.  It gets better, a lot better. 

I am not a baby/toddler person and I never realized that until my kids weren't babies/toddlers.  I loved age 6-11 A LOT.  And even though people say teenagers and puberty are so bad (it does have issues), I think it is way easier dealing with a kid with a hormonal freak out than a toddler any day.

Hang in there. 

[Lentils4Lunch]

My kids are 11 and 14.  It gets better, a lot better. 

I am not a baby/toddler person and I never realized that until my kids weren't babies/toddlers.  I loved age 6-11 A LOT.  And even though people say teenagers and puberty are so bad (it does have issues), I think it is way easier dealing with a kid with a hormonal freak out than a toddler any day.

Hang in there.

Thank you for giving me hope!!

[former player]

Observation rather than experience, but I suspect that a sizeable proportion of children in economically advanced societies are significantly under-exercised (they are physical beings and need to move, a lot) and underoccupied with useful activities (eg chores and learning).  Playing all day with no productive outcome makes anyone cranky if it goes on too long, let alone young kids.  Kids, even 2 year olds, with purpose in their lives do much better.

[seattlecyclone]

I share your sentiment. After switching to a part-time work schedule last year, i have sole responsibility for our almost-two-year-old one full day every week. That's about the most I would want to take on by myself. If and when I do FIRE, it will have to be after I'm confident we can still pay for part-time child care. Some time with the kid is great, all the time is hard.

[YummyRaisins]

Father of a 3 year old and 21 month old. DW is SAHM and I work full-time. No family nearby to help out and no childcare.

The suffocation is real. It's not everyday for sure, but it happens and I'm certain on those days my wife would gladly swap places with me.

"What's that? Brother decided to fall off the couch and onto his head for no apparent reason and is crying uncontrollably and you just forgot you were supposed to be potty trained because I wouldn't give you more juice? Awesome!"

FWIW we adopted our children, but IMO it doesn't change anything. Even though we had to wait and plan to have them, we still feel overwhelmed, suffocated, underappreciated, or all of the above sometimes.

It feels a bit selfish to say it, but for me, the issue I'm trying to tackle is a lack of personal time to do the things I want to (e.g. workout, read, meditate). Work, while a break from family obligations, isn't free time to do what I'd really like to (as many on this forum know I'm sure), and by the time the kids go to bed (8:30 - 9:00 PM) we are worn out and there isn't really time to do much other than veg.

My current approach to tackle this is to develop a morning routine and to carve out some time early in the morning to practice it. The early rise is kicking my @$$ right now, but I'm hoping to make it a habit.

[CanuckExpat]

If and when I do FIRE, it will have to be after I'm confident we can still pay for part-time child care. Some time with the kid is great, all the time is hard.

This is a very smart plan

[frugledoc]

I find indoor one on one play quite difficult but going out for walks etc much easier.

When it's raining I take my 3.5 year old to a soft play. My wife always thinks I'm crazy because it is busy sometimes but I basically get a seat, take a book and relax and have a coffee while my daughter basically runs around for 2 - 3 hours.

[kjulez_83]

Yep I have a 2 & 5 year old and it is hard right at this moment in time. Sometimes when I'm complaining about the kids or how it's hard trying to manage everything I think what the hell was I expecting when we decided to have kids? I think I have realised since having kids how selfish I am, didn't realise that before and that's a lot of my issue - sometimes I get so mad and I think later why did that bother me so much? Then I realise it's because I just wanted 5 minutes to myself and they wouldn't give me that. And like yeah, kids don't give u five minutes when you really need it, they don't (can't) give a fuck!!

So for me a lot of it is managing my own expectations and accepting reality that kids are kids and they are going to push every button - they're kids -that's​ their job.

They bring me joy too of course, just sometimes it can feel that the scales are tipping in the wrong direction lol

[Lentils4Lunch]

Yep I have a 2 & 5 year old and it is hard right at this moment in time. Sometimes when I'm complaining about the kids or how it's hard trying to manage everything I think what the hell was I expecting when we decided to have kids? I think I have realised since having kids how selfish I am, didn't realise that before and that's a lot of my issue - sometimes I get so mad and I think later why did that bother me so much? Then I realise it's because I just wanted 5 minutes to myself and they wouldn't give me that. And like yeah, kids don't give u five minutes when you really need it, they don't (can't) give a fuck!!

So for me a lot of it is managing my own expectations and accepting reality that kids are kids and they are going to push every button - they're kids -that's​ their job.

They bring me joy too of course, just sometimes it can feel that the scales are tipping in the wrong direction lol

So true. Managing (and lowering) expectations is a big part of parenting. It's not their fault that they are just little balls of energy but it's true that pretty much every activity that you used to define as relaxing becomes suddenly very, very exhausting: vacationing, lounging in a hammock, enjoying a nice meal, SWIMMING, going to the bathroom by yourself, etc...

My almost three year old is starting to get really good at playing by herself lately, though, which has been awesome.

[CanuckExpat]

So true. Managing (and lowering) expectations is a big part of parenting. It's not their fault that they are just little balls of energy but it's true that pretty much every activity that you used to define as relaxing becomes suddenly very, very exhausting: vacationing, lounging in a hammock, enjoying a nice meal, SWIMMING, going to the bathroom by yourself, etc...

This is really well put both about lowering expectations and the second point, I think that's what I find particularly annoying: things that used to be my favorite parts of the day (meals, bedtimes, snacks), are now a very tiring and frustrating chore.

Someone should warn you about this stuff in advance, or perhaps it's my fault for not thinking about it, hence not having low enough expectations.

We now have two dogs and two children, and I notice an interesting pattern, when you tell people you are thinking about getting a dog (first or second), the comments are mainly about that it's a lot of work. Mention you are expecting a child, and it's all "congratulations", "that's great", etc. and then "When are you having a second one"

I think we need to re-calibrate our honesty... a one year old dog can feed themselves, go to the bathroom in only appropriate places, and be left alone for hours at a time.

Of course if you started responding to pregnancy announcements with "oh they are a lot of work" and "are you sure?" you'd probably be a pariah pretty soon :)

[tthree]

Someone should warn you about this stuff in advance, or perhaps it's my fault for not thinking about it, hence not having low enough expectations.

I am always completely honest.  It usually doesn't land well with the-soon-to-be-expecting group.  Their kids are going to be different....don't you know?!?!   

Of course if you started responding to pregnancy announcements with "oh they are a lot of work" and "are you sure?" you'd probably be a pariah pretty soon :)

I am the worst with pregnancy announcements.  I don't think I have ever mustered the expected, "Congrats".  Example: when my brother called me to tell me that they were expecting #2 (and #1 was 5 months old), what came out of my mouth was, "do you need some help understanding birth control?"  He laughed it off well.

[joonifloofeefloo]

Love it, CanuckExpat!

I'm a big fan of those courses that have high school kids carry around fake babies for a while. Puts some of them off. Babysitting a gazillion hours a week worked on a lot of us too :)

When I tried to adopt, the agency was very firm on how hard it was. When a relative got pregnant, someone in her life did indeed make a good go of saying it's too hard, don't do it (encouraging her to have an abortion). Some of us just go ahead and parent even though we were warned, heh heh.

Even more than warnings, I'd love to see a society that more effectively supports people to parent the next generation well. After all, these kids are everybody's future plumber, home support nurse, physician, roofer! But, warning people of what it's like to parent in the current set up, yep.

[EmFrugal]

Oh dear. I know this thread is a few months old but thank God I stumbled across it. Today my 6 year old went back to school and I cannot wait until my three year old and 18 month old start pre-school and PDO. I think sometimes there is a major battle between saving money and your sanity. I choose my sanity in this case. I need a few hours to myself to think and breathe and work. I also have a "side hustle" from home and chose to do it not only for money purposes but for me purposes too. My kids have mandatory "quiet time" for 2-2.5 hours every afternoon when not in school and that helps. The younger ones have it after pre-school.

Right now, I feel like I need them all back in school so that I can get back to that point of missing them. I felt that way when my oldest started K last year. But right now I'm rejoicing that school is picking back up!!!! ;) I appreciate the commentors that said things get easier when the kiddos are older. Phew!