TL;DR at the end. I'm going to share because not everyone has the ability to pay for their kids college and fund their own retirement, but that doesn't mean it can't be done without debt.
I didn't post on this thread way back then, but I remember reading it (or a similar post) during my lurking days. Our eldest graduates this fall, and this is what we did. Keep in mind, we are low income so we had some of those "benefits."
We do not pay for college, in part because we have a lower income and simply can't responsibly do so. Our children are aware of this from a young age, and they are also aware of our high value of an education.
In 7th grade we applied for the College Bound scholarship. This is open to all children in WA state if their parents earn below a certain income threshold.
He started college at 16 at a community college. He had no idea what he wanted to do with his life, really. Fortunately, he was going under our state's Running Start program, which is open to all high school students. We began playing up this program to him in middle school, so he was actually excited for it and working toward the full time entry requirements from about 8th grade onward. One way we played it up was that by having a 2 year head start on college, he could take a gap year without falling behind his peers. Or, he could just be done with school at 1, but with the benefit of an Associate degree, and then go into a trade or certain other career options.
His tuition was covered by the state, and he went to college full time in lieu of his Junior and Senior years of high school. He graduated high school with an Associate of Arts degree. Tuition coverage did not cover books and class fees, so we paid <$1,000 over two years for these. At the time he was thinking of being an art major (I know, I know), so he filled up electives with art classes. We discouraged nothing, he needed to find himself in his own way, and he would be the one living with his choices not us. He applied for and was granted a small department grant that covered all those expensive art supplies, at least.
He maintained a 4.0 GPA throughout community college and was accepted into the PTK honor society (Cost $75 in one time dues). He did a lot of volunteer work with the society, which was good for him, for his future resumes and scholarship apps, and for the community. It also surrounded him with the "right" type of peers to help him stay focused on school. This also lead to two scholarships - an automatic $1500 for the school he chose, and another $5000 annual scholarship he applied for and received through the society.
He applied to and was accepted to his first choice in-state university. He briefly looked at some private art schools, but decided the amount in loans was scary. He instead decided to go with the state school and perhaps revisit a desired private school in the event he decided to do grad school later. This was a biggie, since unbeknownst to him at the time his goals would quickly change.
At the state school he qualified for enough Pell Grants, state need grants, and work study to fully pay his tuition and cover most of his dorm/book costs, when combined with his three small scholarships. He was short $500 his first quarter, which we decided to cover. His work study would supply his daily living costs, since he was paid twice a month. He interviewed for the onsite Pre-K and Kindergarten as a student aid, and was given the position on the spot. This was in part due to his impressive high school resume - much of his volunteer work at the CC was with a USDA and Farmer's Market nutrition program for kids. This school is a Montessori and Emilio-Reggio inspired school. He also did his portfolio review and was accepted to the art major.
One quarter in and he enjoyed his job so much he switched to an art education major. In spring quarter, the Pre-K shutdown due to Covid. He was such a good worker, though, that he was given the same opportunity as the teaching staff - to work on additional certifications online for pay through the end of the quarter. He did every certification available to him, while going to school full time online. He also moved out of the dorms and moved across the state to stay with his partner and help out his grandmother through the early days of the pandemic. He got a summer job at wal-mart with his partner, and they saved every cent they made (plus the dorm refund), since they were living for just the cost of food and chores in a family member's home. They moved back in fall to a cheap off-campus studio apartment so he could resume his teaching job. Classes remained online.
He decided to change his major again -- this is why it's good that we made it financially challenging to choose the art school, an unintended benefit! He switched to education with an anthropology minor. Thus the need for an extra quarter - he needs it for his final certification time. Fortunately, two of his first year scholarships renewed and he got two more honor scholarships of less than $1000, and the amount of scholarships and Pell grants covers all of his tuition, books, and fees, along with most of his half of the apartment and living expenses. He is still on work study at the school through the end of spring quarter, but he has been hired on for the summer as a full time assistant teacher. He has also been offered the job of a full time junior teacher once he graduates. Most of this became available because he took the opportunity to do those extra certifications last spring (and his students adore him)!
He will be graduating without any debt and only ~$1500 parental help. He did take out a $5000 student loan in the fall. He was worried of the school closing down again and being stuck with no work study and a lease. He repaid in full at the beginning of April once he had enough savings to carry him six months. It cost nothing since student loan interest was paused. We also gave him his portion of the last two stimulus payments, since they paid it out to us and not to him because of his age and because he was a dependent for the first half of 2020. He also was automatically given some student stimulus money that the university paid out to all students based upon their need VIA FAFSA.
He and his partner are savers. When the lease renewed, it was going up almost $100 (to go into effect after the rent hike moratorium ended). He went down and bargained it back down so it only will go up $10. That kid has balls -- their excuse was water/sewer increases and he actually looked up the cost and estimated their average water use and used that as his bargaining chip to negotiate it down!
TL;DR We didn't pay for college and our kids always knew we wouldn't. We did promise to help them in any other way possible to reach their goals with little to no debt. Kid #1 is graduating soon with 0 debt and over $10k in savings. He has a $32,000/yr entry level job lined up that has the benefit of tuition reimbursement. He's planning to go to grad school, so that is a biggie. His partner, soon-to-be spouse, is also planning to finish a degree at this institution. There are tuition benefits for family as well, so this will save them even more money in the future.
If we had provided a full ride, or maybe even a partial ride, the kid likely would have ended up in an expensive art school taking on lots of debt, or at least not really discovering what his calling was at a state school. Having to work for everything, even with lots of parent support in negotiating opportunities and dealing with paperwork/bureaucracy, means at age 21 he will have a career and a nice financial start to the rest of his life.
There is more than one way to do this. My 16 year old younger son is choosing a different path, as he doesn't want to do Running Start full time and is instead considering a clean energy engineer program at a local tech college instead. We will probably convince him to get his English and math requirements out of the way via Running Start so that he doesn't have to pay for those at the tech school. We will then help him piece together a financially viable plan for this, as well. Unlike his brother, his plan is to live at home during college, so that will also save some money.