Infant and Toddler Sharing Bedroom?

[Nissykins]

My husband and I live in the D.C. suburbs in a 2-bedroom apartment that I love. We have a 2-year-old and are expecting our second child in June.  My husband and I are at odds as to whether we can stay in the current place when the new baby arrives. I think the baby can sleep in our room for a few months until decent sleeping habits are established, then move in with big brother. My husband (and all of my friends and relatives) think this will be a disaster and no one will get any sleep. Am I crazy to think this might not be a big deal?  Have any of you tried something similar?

[mrsggrowsveg]

We have a two bedroom house and only have one child, but he is still in our room at a year.  Our second bedroom is currently and office.  We had planned on moving him to his own room earlier, but it is really cold on the second floor.  Our bedroom is huge and he has a crib in the corner.  From the time he was born we made a point to never be quiet around him, so he never wakes up when we come to bed.  It has been great for nursing to have him so close.  I don't think it would be a big deal to move the baby with the older brother once they have the same sleeping habits.  I have a friend who has a one bedroom loft in the city.  They put their baby to sleep in a playpen in their bedroom and then slowly move it out to the living room once they go to sleep.  Congratulations on the new baby!

[JessieImproved]

Here's what we did:

DD1 was 2 years, 7 months when DD2 was born.

For the first 4 months, DD2 slept in a bassinet beside our bed.
For the next 6 months, we set up the crib in the office, I put her clothes in the office closet, put all her cloth diaper stuff on my dresser, and changed her diapers on our bed.
After that, I moved the office into the smaller room (DD1's original bedroom) and moved both girls into the previous office.

All in all it has gone well.  One of them wakes the other up every now and again, but I would say most nights it's not a problem.

[GuitarStv]

Until the baby is sleeping a full 8 hrs through most nights I think it's cruel to be sticking it in your toddler's room.  I lean towards what your husband thinks . . . nobody will be getting much sleep.

[MsSindy]

Can't you do a wait-and-see approach?  Meaning that the baby sleeps with you guys early on and then at the appropriate time moves into the toddler's room.  If you have an extremely fussy baby that just does not sleep well through the night and is causing everyone to lose sleep, THEN you think about moving.  Many people have 2 children in a 2 bedroom (I had 4 siblings and we all slept in the same room!).  To say that it's going to be a "disaster" or as GuitarStv said, "cruel", is really making worse-case judgments about a situation without the facts.  You don't really know what's going to happen.

Now, if it's that you need to make a decision because your lease is up, then that may change your decision process and timing.  You may also want to look at your tolerance - some parents can't stand the crying of babies, and others just see it as a part of the process and something to "get through".  Personally, I would wait until you actually have a problem/situation to deal with before running out to get a bigger place.

Now, this is all from someone without kids, so.....

[brand new stash]

I think it will work.
My older daughters were 2 when my youngest was born.  They weren't in the same room, but one of them shared a paperthin wall with their brother on the other side.  Not once, did they wake up to his crying.  My twins were in the same room, and also never woke up to each others middle of the night wakings.     The only problem them had was falling asleep while their siblings were making noise, but that can be mitigated by staggering bedtimes...so if the toddler goes to sleep at 7:30, don't try to make that the bedtime for the infant in the same room, even if the infant is sleeping at the same time, put them in a pack and play in the other room while the toddler falls asleep.
   

[acroy]

It'll work fine! Kids are tough and adaptable!!

Your plan of getting a routine with baby in your room, then moving to the toddler's room, will be a-ok. We've done it every time - 5kids. No problem.

We have a desk fan in the kid's room for white noise, and a baby monitor for the baby. Momma wakes up with the baby, runs in & jumps in the rocker, takes care of feeding, puts baby back down.

All in the dark, just a little night light, no noise no fuss. Everyone happy.

The ones who worry the most about it are the adults. Kids are tough and adaptable!!

[thepokercab]

I'm with most people here..

Our daughter is 4 years old, and my son just turned 1.  For the first 9 months or so, our son slept in a pack and play by our bed in our room.  Then, once he started showing some sleeping consistency, we moved him into a crib in our daughter's room.  All is well.  Sure- he'll wake up sometimes in the middle of the night, but often times I go in there and my daughter is just sleeping right through it.   

Until the baby is sleeping a full 8 hrs through most nights I think it's cruel to be sticking it in your toddler's room

This is the very definition of first world problems.  I've spent some time in some pretty poverty stricken parts of the world and the notion that each child needs 200 square feet and a wall to themselves, lest they be disturbed, would be laughed at.

[GuitarStv]

I didn't say they need 200 square feet and a wall to themselves.  But they do need sleep.  Sleep habits of babies are different than those of toddlers.  I think it's cruel to put a baby who isn't sleeping through the night in the toddler's room, to constantly wake up the toddler.  There are physical and behavioral problems that come up when you have a sleep deprived toddler (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/01/120103165012.htm).  The parents should keep the baby in their own room until it's sleeping properly.

It might be a first world problem, but I'd rather have a developmentally first world kid than third world.  Call me crazy.

[LadyMuMu]

My older son was 17 months when #2 was born. Baby was in a pack-n-play in our room until about 3-4 months and was sleeping more steadily at a stretch. Then we put them both in the same room. For wakeups in the night, I'd just nurse in the room in the dark. My older son never woke up at all. They still share a room to this day.

It was important to us that our sons learn to share space as children. We had a 3-bedroom house when they were little and now we have a 4-bedroom house and they still share a room. One room is a guest room and the other is a study.

I'd say see if it works out and don't anticipate a problem that isn't there yet.

[Nissykins]

Thanks so much for your thoughts, everyone. I am glad to hear that some of you have had positive experiences with the children sharing--especially the folks who said they could tend to the baby without waking the toddler. I know every family is different, but it's nice to hear this is at least possible.

While we can take a little bit of a wait-and-see approach as our lease is not up until the baby is 2.5 months old (and baby will be sleeping in our room regardless during that time), we will need to give notice to renew or vacate shortly after the birth. We already pay $1650/month to rent this place, and three-bedrooms in the area are closer to $2000/month. A modest single family home (our eventual goal) would be in the $400,000-$500,000 range. We won't have much more than 10% for the down payment if we rush to buy, and moving into a more expensive rental will hamper our ability to save. I'm just trying to brainstorm and collect all the info that I can before I'm sleep-deprived!

[JessieImproved]

I think it's cruel to put a baby who isn't sleeping through the night in the toddler's room, to constantly wake up the toddler.

I think you grossly overestimate what will wake a toddler/small child up.  My 16 month old can make a remarkable amount of noise before it bothers my almost 4 year old.

[Poorman]

I think it's cruel to put a baby who isn't sleeping through the night in the toddler's room, to constantly wake up the toddler.

I think you grossly overestimate what will wake a toddler/small child up.  My 16 month old can make a remarkable amount of noise before it bothers my almost 4 year old.

I second that.  We had an infant with a two year old and it was rarely a problem.  They still share a room to this day.

I will say that all kids are different, so it really depends on the individual toddler.  Some are much lighter sleepers and I could see it being a problem for some people.

[GuitarStv]

Fair enough.  Provided the toddler's not turning into a sleep deprived zombie, I think it's a great idea for them to share a room.

[OperaAdam]

I agree with the posters saying that it will likely not be a problem. My kids have been fine with different situations like that, and my sister went one further. She spent almost two years in a two-bedroom apartment with four girls. Even with three kids in one room and the youngest in the parents' room they rarely had serious problems. Often something simple like having a staggered bedtime will take care of the kids waking each other up too much.

[MicroRN]

It can work just fine.  Our 1st was 18 months when the 2nd was born.  Baby slept in our room until about 6 months.  We then tucked his crib in the study for a couple more months, and moved them in together when toddler was about 26 months and baby was 8 months.  Before that I was concerned that our toddler might throw a pillow or stuffed toy into the baby's crib.  Baby goes to bed at 7:30, toddler at 9.  Yes, it's late, I tweaked their sleep times to coincide better with my work schedule.  If baby cries (which isn't often, he STTN at 4 months, but teething will occasionally wake him up), we go get him.  Toddler stays soundly asleep. 

The amazingly awesome thing is that when they wake up in the morning around 8:30, there's no crying.  I hear them start jabbering at each other and playing with toys, and I know I have about 30 minutes to ease myself awake.  On rare occasion they'll play at bedtime, which we ignore.  It'll get loud, toys will be flung about, but then they both settle down and fall asleep. 

[Gray Matter]

I think you grossly overestimate what will wake a toddler/small child up.  My 16 month old can make a remarkable amount of noise before it bothers my almost 4 year old.

While I'm sure this varies kid to kid, and it's possible to have a child awakens easily, I agree with this.  I have three children--while they woke often in the night because of some internal thing, they never woke each other.  I cannot remember even one time when one of my babies woke a sibling when sharing the same room.  We have a four-bedroom house, so each child could have their own room, but until my oldest was 10, they all chose to bunk together.  Now the two youngest do.

[gooki]

My brother has the same arrangement, and their kids sleep perfectly fine.

[N]

the goal in our household is  everyone sleeping where and how they sleep best.
this has evolved over the years.

We have a king size bed and our first baby slept with us until she was 3ish. then we put a toddler bed up next to ours and she slept in that, and the new baby slept next to me. when daughter was 7 she was totally overgrown the toddler bed so she moved into the other bedroom. then when my son turned 6 it was no longer comfy to share with him and we moved him into the other bedroom with first kid.
I breastfed both of them and it was fantastically easy to nurse them in the night while they shared the bed with us.

My husband has had a lot of really sweet moments with them because of bed sharing. He was initially resistant, but grew to love it.
the kids loved it, too.

Even if you dont share the same bed, you can keep a baby in your room in a bassinet, pack n play, or toddler bed/mattress for a long time, without taking up too much room.

[BPA]

My husband and I live in the D.C. suburbs in a 2-bedroom apartment that I love. We have a 2-year-old and are expecting our second child in June.  My husband and I are at odds as to whether we can stay in the current place when the new baby arrives. I think the baby can sleep in our room for a few months until decent sleeping habits are established, then move in with big brother. My husband (and all of my friends and relatives) think this will be a disaster and no one will get any sleep. Am I crazy to think this might not be a big deal?  Have any of you tried something similar?

We did this and it worked for us.  Good luck!

[nottoolatetostart]

We are expecting baby #2 in late May and our oldest will be 21 months at the time.

Due to the layout of our house, we will wait until baby #2 is sleeping more consistently through the night to have him/her (not finding out gender of baby #2 until delivery) share with our oldest daughter. I agree that this is a first world problem, but hoping both kids will do a good job of sleeping in the same room. DD already goes to daycare and has experience with taking naps around other kids, so hoping that has acclimated her.

[mm1970]

My husband and I live in the D.C. suburbs in a 2-bedroom apartment that I love. We have a 2-year-old and are expecting our second child in June.  My husband and I are at odds as to whether we can stay in the current place when the new baby arrives. I think the baby can sleep in our room for a few months until decent sleeping habits are established, then move in with big brother. My husband (and all of my friends and relatives) think this will be a disaster and no one will get any sleep. Am I crazy to think this might not be a big deal?  Have any of you tried something similar?

We have a two bedroom house and two children.  It really depends on your kids.

We had our second son in our room until 10 months.  That was a little on the long side for me, personally (I wake easily and have insomnia).  But he needed surgery at 9 months so I really wanted to keep him in our room until after he'd recovered from the surgery.

The second baby was, overall, a MUCH better sleeper than the first.  He sleeps long and hard, except when teething.  My older son (not a toddler, he was 6 when his brother was born), did not sleep well as a baby but sleeps like the DEAD now.  He would crawl into our bed off and on until he was 5 years old though.

So...in short - no, you do not need a bigger place.  A combination of keeping the baby in your room a little longer, using a white noise machine in the kids' room (it's AWESOME), or doing what my friend does (sleep on the couch), should work just fine.  She sleeps on the couch because she cannot share a bedroom with the baby.
 
I mean, regardless, your sleep really sucks until 18 months to 2 years (we are at 18 months now).

[mm1970]

I think it's cruel to put a baby who isn't sleeping through the night in the toddler's room, to constantly wake up the toddler.

I think you grossly overestimate what will wake a toddler/small child up.  My 16 month old can make a remarkable amount of noise before it bothers my almost 4 year old.

I second that.  We had an infant with a two year old and it was rarely a problem.  They still share a room to this day.

I will say that all kids are different, so it really depends on the individual toddler.  Some are much lighter sleepers and I could see it being a problem for some people.

Yes, this too.  My 18 month old at times has screamed bloody murder over and over.  Big boy?  Doesn't even roll over.

[ritchie70]

I mean, regardless, your sleep really sucks until 18 months to 2 years (we are at 18 months now).

Wow am I feeling spoiled right now, because our daughter is 20 months now and I doubt that, after night feedings stopped, we've been in there more than a half-dozen times overnight.

[greaper007]

I don't know, we co sleep, or rather my wife and kids sleep together and I sleep on the couch.   I'd sleep with them but I can't fall asleep without the tv on.    ADHD, don't ask...   We used to have 4 mattresses on the floor and would all sleep together.    The kids are happier and my wife is happy to get to spend more time with them.   She's a child psychologist and co sleeping is one of her research areas though, you have to do some research before you decide to go through with it.

[ASquared]

Cosleep with the new one until he/she is old enough to move to the other room

[BigRed]

We have a 2 bedroom apt and 2 kids.  We have our 3.5 yo and almost-5 month old in the same room together.  It's not a problem at all.  The older one sleeps through when the baby wakes up.  The baby slept in our bedroom until 3 months and then moved into the room with his older brother and the adjustment has been easy.  I wouldn't be concerned about it even a little bit.

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

We can't get our kids to sleep in the same room. We tried to move the little one in with big brother when little one was maybe six months old and big brother was almost 2. They woke up much too early in the morning and in desperation, we moved the little one to a pack n play in the attic bedroom. Now we can't get him back in with big brother because from about two and a half, big brother could easily climb into the crib.

I wish that we had stuck it out from the beginning instead of giving up (attic bedroom is not child-proof, so now that little brother is twenty months, the clock is ticking). My advice would be not to give up and move the baby back into your bedroom AND if it's at all possible, keep big sibling in a crib. That would have made it easier on us, I think, but I had moved big brother to a toddler bed when I was pregnant.

[imustachemystash]

My 2 boys share a room.  We had our younger son slept with us until he was 1 years old.  He slept in a crib in our bedroom and only woke up to nurse.  Once he was night weaned (around 12 months) we moved him into our older son's room.  They are 2 years apart in age.  It is fabulous!  They talk to one another before they fall asleep and have a great relationship.  My younger son (now 2) takes his naps in our bedroom so my older son can have quiet time alone in their room during the afternoon. We plan on moving when my older son becomes 10 so he can have a little more privacy. 

[zolotiyeruki]

Hi guys, this thread convinced me to register after lurking for several weeks.

It'll work fine! Kids are tough and adaptable!!

Bingo.  Kids are a LOT tougher than you think.  Here's how we have done it with our five (so far) kids:
--Baby sleeps in a playpen our closet for the first several months.  We specifically do NOT have the baby in our bedroom proper, because we've found that it leads to an unnecessarily interrupted night of sleep--we'd wake up at every tiny noise and shuffle from the crib.
--Somewhere between 6 mo-1 year, we put the baby in a crib in a room with older siblings.  Baby still takes naps in Mom and Dad's closet, away from the traffic and noise of the other kids and the light from windows.
--Around 18 months, baby takes naps in the crib.

We currently have all four(!) of our boys (ages 15mo to 9 yrs) sleeping in the same room, and they do *great*.  We stagger their bedtimes a bit (the youngest three at 7:30, the oldest at 8:00, so the younger ones have a chance to fall asleep before big brother can come play with them.  In the mornings, they sometimes wake each other up, but you'd be shocked as how much noise they can sleep through.

[Cassie]

I raised 3 boys and had 3 bedrooms. The baby always slept in a crib in our room until about age 1 and then joined the next youngest. The oldest had his own room because he was 7 years older then the youngest. This always worked great and if you are not quiet when you bring a baby home they learn to sleep thru all kinds of noise.  I would stay where you are at & save $ to buy a house.

[wordygirl]

My kids are 9 and 11 and have always shared a room. My brother and I shared a room until we were 10 and 12 so I guess for me it is normal.

As babies they slept with us. When they were about 3 and 5 we moved to a 3 bedroom home (previous was a 2 bd) and we wanted the extra room as an office so they shared a room. Now we are in a 2 bedroom again and they still share a room.

Yes, I admit there are times when it would be nice if they had their own rooms, but we aren't in a position to upgrade to a bigger house so they make do and honestly, they are not suffering in the least.

In regards to the "keeping each other awake" at night, that wasn't a problem at first because I put them to bed together and stayed until they were asleep. When they were older, the older child got to stay up while I put the younger child to bed, and when he was asleep she could come in and go to bed. We do that to this day as my son still likes his bedtime stories and if he is awake when she comes in they do keep each other up. So she stays up until he is asleep then we send her off to bed.