The Money Mustache Community
Learning, Sharing, and Teaching => Mini Money Mustaches => Topic started by: little_brown_dog on December 10, 2015, 12:13:24 PM
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I HATE breastfeeding.
I know I’m not supposed to say that. I’m supposed to love it. But I can’t.
I have been committed to breastfeeding since day 1. I did everything right. When I was pregnant I read up on breastfeeding and watched videos of correct feeding and latching. I put my daughter to breast within 20 min of her birth. We did skin to skin. We nursed on demand even though she never could seem to get the hang of it. We asked nurses and lactation consultants for assistance throughout our hospital stay. We went to the hospital’s breastfeeding class. When she was hospitalized for jaundice a couple of days after discharge and had to immediately be put on formula due to dehydration, I pumped aggressively around the clock to feed her and keep my supply going.
At home, we had a consultant visit us. We kept trying to nurse, even when a textbook “good” looking latch caused pain and she never drained the breast enough to keep her full or prevent blocked ducts. We went to another professional lactation evaluation where it was determined she was an inefficient feeder. We were instructed to keep practicing and then pump and bottle feed (double feeds). We did this for weeks. If I screwed up and dared to get 4-5 hours of sleep when my daughter was feeling particularly generous at night, I was rewarded with blocked ducts and fever. Ironically, my supply is also slow to respond and we have been on and off supplemental formula every time her appetite increases.
To date, we have had 3 lactation consultations and a breastfeeding class. For the pain I had my daughter professionally evaluated and we tried nipple shields, which then made her feeding even less efficient. For my supply I tried herbs, renting a hospital grade pump, pumping every 2 hours, and cluster pumping. At almost 9 weeks old, she still can’t feed efficiently to satisfy herself and I can’t survive more than 1 natural feed a day without extreme pain. My supply continues to lag and I’m always 1 feed’s worth under where we need to be. Despite spending 3-4 hours a day on a hospital grade pump, there’s no stash of liquid gold in my freezer. I’m always pumping just to get through the next feed, and I still need to supplement with formula a few ounces a day.
I can't go anywhere for very long because I need to pump. I even pump in the car while my husband drives on the rare occasion we do go visit family or friends.
It feels like the only option left is to endure until I break. Even my very supportive consultant seems to have run out of suggestions, and can only keep telling me to just take it one day at a time. When I asked what other moms in my situation did, she admitted that the vast majority of women in my situation usually quit by this point.
I’m reaching out to see if there are any other moms here who experienced something similar. What did you do? How did you come to accept your situation?
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I have not experienced something similar (except the pain - oh the pain of a "good" latch! It got better for me).
Read some studies to reassure yourself that going to exclusively formula won't doom your child to a lifetime of mediocrity (it won't) and, if you want to, move on. I'm not saying you have to or even that you should. Only that you can. You don't have to nurse if you've tried all of this (that's a lot!) and it's not working.
There is no shame in working as hard as you have and then moving on to a safe option when you have determined that nursing just isn't working. And there's a lot to be said for your own mental health affecting your ability to care for and enjoy your child.
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Well, some people are going to be very unhappy with my response- I was in a similar situation to yours. It just didn't work. Son wasn't gaining weight at all. Breastfeeding and pumping around the clock. At 5 weeks I was sitting with him in the pediatrician's waiting room, so he could be weighed to make sure he wasn't starving, and I thought "what the hell am I doing? Breastfeeding obviously isn't doing him any good, and it's driving me crazy too." We switched to 100% formula the very same day. Never regretted it, and in fact I wished I had given up much sooner, since we were having problems from the very beginning. I didn't even attempt breastfeeding his little brother when he arrived.
It seemed like such a big deal at the time, like a test of motherhood or something, but looking back, I realize it was just one of thousands of decisions about their care I have had to make over the past 15 years. Whatever you decide to do, know that in a few years it will seem pretty insignificant.
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Good God! Give yourself a break.
I'm not a mom. I'm not even a woman. I was, however, a 100% formula fed baby (way back in the '60's, when I'm sure formula was worse than now). I am in perfect health and have slightly above median intelligence.
Breastfeeding is a great advantage to give your baby. But it's not the end of the world if it doesn't work out. There are lots of other advantages you can give your kid, many arguably more important than breastfeeding.
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FWIW, we had a (sort of) similar situation. I have b/g twins, and my son was a champ, but my daughter had trouble (when she did latch, it frequently resulted in extreme pain, sometimes bleeding for my wife). We did the pumping and formula supplementing, etc, eventually going to just formula for her. After she had time to grow for a bit and to mature in both size of mouth / maturity of digestive system, my wife gave it one last try (breastfeeding was very important to her, and my son had been able to keep the supply up, so there weren't problems there), and it worked.
I share that more as a "there could be light at the end of the tunnel" story, than a recommendation. My personal philosophy is that whatever works best for you and your family is what works.
As an alternative, you could "reset" a little bit by going to just formula (or mostly formula) for a few days / weeks, pumping to keep supply up (if you care) and then trying again.
Hm, since I didn't say it above, it wasn't until 5 months until my daughter could really nurse properly, and my wife says that she still feels like the time spent struggling has impacted their bond.
tl,dr; Just find what works for you, and don't let the extreme opinions on either side of the debate get you down. Mama (you) knows best, really.
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+1000 to giving yourself a break!
You have gone above and beyond to make this work and its not. Give that sweet baby some formula, cuddle away, and stop making yourself feel guilty about this. Your situation is why formula is a god-send.
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My daughter did not latch. I pumped for 11 months and supplemented with formula. I pumped every two hour and yes I pumped in the car, at school, work. My life did resolve around pumping. It was fine for me because I had pretty much had my life resolve around school/work. My husband did EVERYTHING else with the baby though so I had support.
Do what works for you. If pumping works, do it. If it does not, stop and give formula.
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1) I want to commend you for how much effort you've put in to make BF work. Something that is natural does not always come naturally (or easily, or sometimes, at all.)
2) Can you articulate why you want to breastfeed? Are you putting pressure on yourself because you "should"? External pressure/judgment? To be frugal (formula is damn expensive)? Does your baby have health reasons that make breast milk especially beneficial? Is one consideration the health benefits for you?
Once you can identify your reasons, perhaps it will become clear what you can do that will satisfy or at least partially address them. Maybe you keep going full-tilt for as long as you can bear it. Maybe you cut back to 50% frequency in pumping/BF and let formula do some of the heavy lifting. Maybe you go to 100% formula.
I didn't have your exact situation but I had a lot of challenges (and time/energy expended) around lactation issues. There's a lot of expectations and emotional baggage around breastfeeding (and even if you acknowledge and identify them it doesn't make them go away.) My baby defied a lot of my hopeful, idyllic visions of motherhood, and so I had to adapt. It is okay if things don't go according to plan (I think that's the definition of life!), adapt to the situation at hand and what is most practical and optimal (for the entire family.)
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Nonmother here, so I have no skin in this particular game. Quit! The baby has already gotten a lot of benefit from your milk. Why torture yourself? I was exclusively bottle fed and I have been somehow able to live a full, rich life. If you line up my friends' kids, you would not be able to tell which ones were bottle fed, which were breast fed, and which were a combination. One of my neighbors hated breast feeding. She described it as having a giant tick feeding on her blood. Her son did fine. I think he runs a hedge fund.
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My encouragement is to keep going if you can, but don't be ashamed if you have to quit or maybe decide to do 50% breast and 50% formula. Obviously, it's very beneficial to baby if you can make it to 6+ months and does save a significant amount of money, particularly if your going to buy premium formula. From my experience of nursing 4 children for 9+ months each, pumping never worked to keep my supply up and always resulted in less milk return than actual nursing. My advise is to cut as much pumping as possible in favor of actual nursing. Of course, I see that in your situation feeding from the breast is very painful for you. Nursing definitely does hurt for a while (like 1-2 weeks of constant breastfeeding) but once your nipples adjust it doesn't hurt anymore and I personally find pumping more painful than nursing. Don't forget to use vegetable oil or natural nipple cream on them if they are dry or cracked. I did occasionally pump for times I would be away from my child and with my 3rd child when I had an infection and had to pump and dump because of antibiotics...I had to pump both breasts every 2 hours to keep my supply up so if exclusive pumping is your choice then that's what it might take. i couldn't keep up with that schedule for long and would just switch to formula if I was in that situation. As for supply, definitely evaluate your diet.. I know, I know... but you need lots of protein and fats (fish, animals, eggs, nuts, etc) and several servings of non-starchy/green vegetables and some fruits too for your body to keep up with making milk and keep you clear from infection. Lots of sugar and wheat/flour products can increase infections and throw your hormones even more out of wack. I also drank mother's milk tea 1-2x per day and that seemed to help with supply too. Also I don't know what they mean by inefficient nurser? Is it that he doesn't seem to get enough or is lazy about nursing? I know bottles will make a baby more 'lazy' with breastfeeding, which goes back to my initial advice to give the breast as much as possible. As far as making sure baby is full/getting enough, what I know is it's important for a baby to get the hindmilk (which is the milk that comes when the breast is nearly empty and is more fatty). So one strategy that I used to help that was to nurse on one side until the breast is completely empty and then switch to the other side.. you could even start on the side that feels 'less full' first, nurse as long as possible, then switch to the fuller side. It is important for supply to try to nurse on both sides at each feeding. All that said, there's no reason to feel bad if you have to call it quits: happy mom=happy baby! My 4th baby is 11 months and I am starting to wean her from nursing because I am just done even though I could continue and have no real reason to quit other than my freedom!
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One of my neighbors hated breast feeding. She described it as having a giant tick feeding on her blood. Her son did fine. I think he runs a hedge fund.
So you're saying she should definitely keep nursing right? A hedge fund - the horror!
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LOL
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One of my neighbors hated breast feeding. She described it as having a giant tick feeding on her blood. Her son did fine. I think he runs a hedge fund.
So you're saying she should definitely keep nursing right? A hedge fund - the horror!
Heh, I had a similar reaction. "A hedge fund? Well, sometimes these things happen..." ;)
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I think I've managed to start a rumor that bottle feeding leads to immorality...
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With my 3rd and last baby I decided to breastfeed and had a similar situation. At 6 weeks I gave up. All my kids long adults are fine. It really sucks to have all the pain, your life revolve this and worry that your baby is not getting enough to eat. You have went above & beyond. Hugs:))
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This can be such an emotional decision, I struggled for months with my first, blood dripping off of me, infections, you name it. Every bad part of nursing I lived through. I had set a timeline of 4 months that if it didn't improve I would quit and that's that. Except - it got easier around the 3 1/2 month mark. So I continued. I was able to nurse for 11 months. It was wonderful from 4 months to the end.
Then, I had my daughter, I braced myself for the first time nursing and an RN asked if I was OK. I told her I was getting ready for the pain. She said relax mom, it's a new baby a new experience. And it was. So easy I literally can't compare the experience.
I would try getting enough rest (and I know that's a challenge in itself) and good food. Get help with the housework or let everything slide a bit. Get dad to nurture you so you can nurture baby.
The best part of nursing and the worst is the same - only mom can do it.
Hope it gets easier for you soon.
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To little_brown_dog, big hugs and congratulations for sticking with breastfeeding so long, and trying everything, and exhausting every resource (yourself included). Nine weeks is a long time. My hat is off to you.
My oldest son was early and a horrible nurser. He was jaundiced, we had to do the billi lights in the hospital and at home. He had formula, because my milk hadn't started and he was starving. When things finally got going, he was fussy and not latching. We saw the lactation consultants at the hospital. They gave suggestions, none of which worked. He was still having some formula at that time, and then after a week we switched to just breast exclusively. You know how bad the pain is. I remember sitting there nursing him, in tears, wondering why motherhood hurt so much. And wondering when I could sleep. Then one day it got a little better, and things were easier. My second son had no issues, nursed like a champ from the first. Completely different experience.
I just want you to know, you're not alone. And it's okay to take care of you. It's okay whatever you decide to do.
~Tam
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Stop the madness. Situations like this are exactly why formula was invented. Use it.
I nursed both my kids and had (what I thought) was a horrible start with my first. The pain was horrid for the first 3 weeks. There's no way I would've made it 9 weeks like that.
My kids are 7 and 9 now. You know what? You cannot tell at all which kids were breastfed and which had formula. It never, ever comes up. If I had another baby tomorrow, I'm not sure that I would choose to breastfeed again. And this is coming from someone who was absolutely adamant about breastfeeding when I was in the thick of it.
Give the baby a bottle and take a nap. Take some decongestant before you sleep to dry up the milk so you won't wake up with blocked ducts.
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Have you had a lactation consultant (or pediatrician) who has experience diagnosing tongue tie? I ask because my sister had an experience very similar to yours.....three different LCs and ~8 weeks of tears and pain and anxiety. It was the student pediatrician who confirmed it (not her regular ped or the three lactation consultants she'd seen previously). They snipped the frenulum just a bit and my sister said noticed a difference immediately, and within a week her son was nursing like a champ, off the formula supplementation, and she was enjoying motherhood.
If that's been examined and addressed, I would given yourself a break and feed your baby in a way that allows you to be the mother you want to be (i.e. one who isn;t in pain, anxious, and dreading each feed). Formula feeding your baby isn't a failure. Be gentle with yourself.
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Pumping made me hate my daughter and my life and switching to formula is the best decision I made. PM me if you want to talk.
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She described it as having a giant tick feeding on her blood. Her son did fine. I think he runs a hedge fund.
Bahahahahahaha! Sorry, that is just too funny
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My daughter was breastfed for several years, we had no problems, and she recycles, composts and bikes to work.
Seriously, we didn't have problems, but if I'd had issues like yours I would have switched to what worked for us and felt massive relief once I did it. You'll have lots of battles to fight once your little one is older, this doesn't have to be one of them. Plus a happier mom is likely to make for a happier child, so you can feel guilt free knowing that a decision to switch might well be in their best interest too at this point.
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My encouragement is to keep going if you can, but don't be ashamed if you have to quit or maybe decide to do 50% breast and 50% formula. Obviously, it's very beneficial to baby if you can make it to 6+ months and does save a significant amount of money, particularly if your going to buy premium formula. From my experience of nursing 4 children for 9+ months each, pumping never worked to keep my supply up and always resulted in less milk return than actual nursing. My advise is to cut as much pumping as possible in favor of actual nursing. Of course, I see that in your situation feeding from the breast is very painful for you. Nursing definitely does hurt for a while (like 1-2 weeks of constant breastfeeding) but once your nipples adjust it doesn't hurt anymore and I personally find pumping more painful than nursing. Don't forget to use vegetable oil or natural nipple cream on them if they are dry or cracked. I did occasionally pump for times I would be away from my child and with my 3rd child when I had an infection and had to pump and dump because of antibiotics...I had to pump both breasts every 2 hours to keep my supply up so if exclusive pumping is your choice then that's what it might take. i couldn't keep up with that schedule for long and would just switch to formula if I was in that situation. As for supply, definitely evaluate your diet.. I know, I know... but you need lots of protein and fats (fish, animals, eggs, nuts, etc) and several servings of non-starchy/green vegetables and some fruits too for your body to keep up with making milk and keep you clear from infection. Lots of sugar and wheat/flour products can increase infections and throw your hormones even more out of wack. I also drank mother's milk tea 1-2x per day and that seemed to help with supply too. Also I don't know what they mean by inefficient nurser? Is it that he doesn't seem to get enough or is lazy about nursing? I know bottles will make a baby more 'lazy' with breastfeeding, which goes back to my initial advice to give the breast as much as possible. As far as making sure baby is full/getting enough, what I know is it's important for a baby to get the hindmilk (which is the milk that comes when the breast is nearly empty and is more fatty). So one strategy that I used to help that was to nurse on one side until the breast is completely empty and then switch to the other side.. you could even start on the side that feels 'less full' first, nurse as long as possible, then switch to the fuller side. It is important for supply to try to nurse on both sides at each feeding. All that said, there's no reason to feel bad if you have to call it quits: happy mom=happy baby! My 4th baby is 11 months and I am starting to wean her from nursing because I am just done even though I could continue and have no real reason to quit other than my freedom!
very good advice- the only thing to add is that although all the books and experts say it shouldn't hurt that much, with all my kids it hurt (toes curl, tears in my eyes) almost every latch for the first 3 months. I had lactation consultants check my latch and my babies were growing so I don't think I was doing something wrong.
You are awfully committed and I think if you are still hanging in there with all those challenges you really want to make this work. It does get better. it stops hurting and it gets easier.
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I have a 5 week old baby. I did zero research beforehand about breastfeeding. I knew I would give it a good faith effort, because there are supposed to be benefits for the baby (what I didn't really know), it's less costly than formula, and sounded easier to take care of feeding when out and about, and all my friends with babies were breastfeeding. Five weeks in, I don't really like breastfeeding. My kid was a shitty latcher for the first few weeks, so I spent a lot of time with a pump (still do.) He has now stepped up his performance and is a mediocre latcher, but I still don't enjoy breastfeeding. While I was pregnant, several women told me how wonderful and magical breastfeeding was. I'm still nursing, but if it starts to get more difficult again, I'm stopping with no guilt.
It feels like the only option left is to endure until I break.
If my experience had been your experience instead, I would have quit a long time ago. Don't feel like you need to ruin yourself to be a good parent. Take care of yourself first so you can take care of your kid.
(Also, when I told my Mom about the nursing troubles I was having, she told me that I was formula fed. Along with all my siblings. And that I was the only one that she had without an epidural, but only because labor happened to fast for her to have one.)
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Another mom here to chime in. I had an easy time breastfeeding my first, but a much harder time with my second. I applaud your efforts to breastfeed, and I know how much you must want to do what we are always taught is "best" for the baby. I think it is time to stop. Your situation sounds miserable. I don't know how you've kept it up this long. It is Ok to stop. Your baby will be much better off with a happier, more relaxed mother.
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I had a really rough start with my first and ended up having to use supplemental feeders and lots of other things to make it work. I can't remember if the struggle lasted till 9 weeks, but it was very, very difficult. I did see the other side of it, but it's okay if you don't. All three of my kids got a lot of formula in their first year. Your baby will be fine whatever you decide.
I enjoyed breastfeeding sometimes, but I can't say it was my favorite thing ever. It is very limiting and somewhat oppressive. I would have moments of joy doing it, but overall it was a long slog. I just calculated in my head the other day, and I've breastfed for over four years. Shit, that's a long time! Looking back, I would tell my younger self to not stress over it so much. Pumping is horrible. So, so horrible.
I did want to inquire about the pain. What does it feel like? Is it shooting pain that feels like shards of glass in your nipples? Is it toe-curlingly painful? If so, it could be a yeast or staph infection. Alternately, it could also be Raynaud's Syndrome, which is a blood flow issue. I had that terribly with all three of my breastfeeding experiences. Both are treatable, and my breastfeeding experience was oh-so-much-better when the pain subsided. PM me if you want more details about successful ways to treat these things or how to diagnose the pain. Some OBs and lactation consultants know about these things, but some don't. I knew more about how to treat a yeast infection than the lactation consultant in the hospital did.
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I have not experienced something similar (except the pain - oh the pain of a "good" latch! It got better for me).
Read some studies to reassure yourself that going to exclusively formula won't doom your child to a lifetime of mediocrity (it won't) and, if you want to, move on. I'm not saying you have to or even that you should. Only that you can. You don't have to nurse if you've tried all of this (that's a lot!) and it's not working.
There is no shame in working as hard as you have and then moving on to a safe option when you have determined that nursing just isn't working. And there's a lot to be said for your own mental health affecting your ability to care for and enjoy your child.
I had a very similar experience with my first. How I got through it was offering the breast every time the baby wanted to eat and endured the most excruciating pain at each feed like a knife cutting through my flesh. After two weeks the tissue was tough enough and it became comfortable. It was so comfortable that I was sad when she left the breast voluntarily after a year. Breast feeding the second was a breeze.
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I'm not going to read through everything so very sorry if I'm repeating. Go have the little one evaluated for being tongue tied and/or lip tied (more rare). Depending on the severity of either or both of these situations it can cause inefficient nursing coupled with nipple pain that just. won't. go. away. Its hard to get some doctors to look for this, but a bfing friendly family practice or pediatrician should be able to help you out. It can be hard to find someone to clip this (simple outpatient surgery generally) but there are doctors out there that will do it. Kudos to you for hanging in there!!! Best of luck solving these problems because breastfeeding should be enjoyable (at least most of the time!).
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How old is your baby? Tongue tie clipping can solve a lot of latch problems if that's the diagnosis
We struggled, but things fell into place around 5-7 weeks. If I was still struggling like you describe I'm not sure what I would have done. I'm really committed to bf, but if you are resenting your baby, or your current life definitely give yourself permission, or at least a date where you can quit if you still want to.
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I HATE breastfeeding.
I know I’m not supposed to say that. I’m supposed to love it. But I can’t.
I have been committed to breastfeeding since day 1. I did everything right. When I was pregnant I read up on breastfeeding and watched videos of correct feeding and latching. I put my daughter to breast within 20 min of her birth. We did skin to skin. We nursed on demand even though she never could seem to get the hang of it. We asked nurses and lactation consultants for assistance throughout our hospital stay. We went to the hospital’s breastfeeding class. When she was hospitalized for jaundice a couple of days after discharge and had to immediately be put on formula due to dehydration, I pumped aggressively around the clock to feed her and keep my supply going.
At home, we had a consultant visit us. We kept trying to nurse, even when a textbook “good” looking latch caused pain and she never drained the breast enough to keep her full or prevent blocked ducts. We went to another professional lactation evaluation where it was determined she was an inefficient feeder. We were instructed to keep practicing and then pump and bottle feed (double feeds). We did this for weeks. If I screwed up and dared to get 4-5 hours of sleep when my daughter was feeling particularly generous at night, I was rewarded with blocked ducts and fever. Ironically, my supply is also slow to respond and we have been on and off supplemental formula every time her appetite increases.
To date, we have had 3 lactation consultations and a breastfeeding class. For the pain I had my daughter professionally evaluated and we tried nipple shields, which then made her feeding even less efficient. For my supply I tried herbs, renting a hospital grade pump, pumping every 2 hours, and cluster pumping. At almost 9 weeks old, she still can’t feed efficiently to satisfy herself and I can’t survive more than 1 natural feed a day without extreme pain. My supply continues to lag and I’m always 1 feed’s worth under where we need to be. Despite spending 3-4 hours a day on a hospital grade pump, there’s no stash of liquid gold in my freezer. I’m always pumping just to get through the next feed, and I still need to supplement with formula a few ounces a day.
I can't go anywhere for very long because I need to pump. I even pump in the car while my husband drives on the rare occasion we do go visit family or friends.
It feels like the only option left is to endure until I break. Even my very supportive consultant seems to have run out of suggestions, and can only keep telling me to just take it one day at a time. When I asked what other moms in my situation did, she admitted that the vast majority of women in my situation usually quit by this point.
I’m reaching out to see if there are any other moms here who experienced something similar. What did you do? How did you come to accept your situation?
I never really had supply issues.
With my first kid, though, I had screaming pain and cracked and bleeding nipples. I had difficulty getting a good latch. My boy has a small mouth. We didn't settle in really until he was 6 weeks old, and even then, I was plagued with plugged ducts off and on until I weaned him at 13.5 months. I had mastitis at least once, that I know of, but probably more than that. I just didn't realize it's what it was.
My second boy is 6 years younger. I thought it would be easier. It wasn't. Still the screaming pain and cracked and bleeding nipples. The visiting nurse made me get a different breastfeeding pillow "My Brest Friend", and it made a world of difference.
But I still had plugged ducts. Even though I pumped more often and worked fewer hours. And this time, I knew what they were. Turmeric, hot compresses, you name it, I tried it.
From 7 months to 8.5 months, I had a plugged duct EVERY WEEK, and it took 2-3 days to get rid of it. Then I'd get another one. At 8.5 months, on the 7th week in a row, I called the doctor's office on a Friday morning. They never called back. I called FOUR TIMES, eventually got a nurse, she blew me off and said "we'll make an appointment for Monday".
Fuck that.
Sunday I stopped pumping and we got the formula. It took about 6 weeks to fully wean - I did not intend to fully wean, but with both boys, they weaned themselves exactly 6 weeks after I stopped pumping. It was SOOOO much better.
It's seriously not really worth it. I think many many people give up too early. It really does take a long while to build up a decent breastfeeding pattern, and get over the pain, and all that. But only YOU know if you've done enough for you. If you are miserable you are not going to fully bond with the baby, and you'll be exhausted. Please just take care of yourself.
I'm glad I pushed through with my first, and glad I fixed the latching issue with the pillow with my second. But nothing I did fixed the plugged ducts, and except for quitting my job (which I wasn't going to do), I just didn't have any other choice. I don't regret switching to formula at all.
(I know many women who nursed, never pumped, and supplemented with formula, and women who only pumped and supplemented with formula too. There are many ways to feed a baby.)
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New mom to 10 week old twins here. I can relate to your struggles! First off, you rock. You've been dragging yourself through the mud to breastfeed your baby so props to you. And, you are only supplementing a few ounces a day...way to go!
My babies were born early, in the NICU, no skin to skin or breastfeeding at birth, etc. I thought I was destined to fail at breastfeeding but I really wanted it to work. First thing you need to do is relax. You're doing the best you can and no one is judging you. Decide what your goal is. If it still breastfeeding, then plug on. If breastfeeding is no longer important to you, don't worry about it and switch to formula. If you land somewhere in the middle, fantastic. Your baby will love you no matter what your decision.
I had a lot of trouble with supply in the beginning. I was pumping round the clock with "practice feedings" each day with both kiddos. Once they reached full term (they were six weeks old at that point) I started to transition them. It took my daughter a week to figure it out and then another week to get good at it (read: she could feed in an hour or less and not need a bottle afterwards). It was really frustrating.
My supply dramatically improved once she started feeding well. My son still hasn't gotten it down. He had tongue and lip tie diagnosed at 8 weeks and we are now in week 10 and he is just starting to latch properly and take a significant amount of milk from the breast. I think it will be two more weeks before we can transition him to almost exclusively breastfeeding. So for now I breastfeed and pump every 2-3 hours. Your boobs are bound to be sore....that's a ton of use!!
The whole time I have supplemented with a small amount of formula. At first I felt guilty and then realized that was silly. I am okay with supplementing. It works for me.
I have days where I am in pain. Sometimes I fight through the pain and others I decide pumping is easier and bottle feed the kiddos. Sometimes I give them straight formula and give my boobs a few hours break. The point is, do what works for you and your family. If you really want breastfeeding to work, stick with it and come up with a combo that makes you feel successful and allows you to be the mom you want to be. Decide what your new goal/objective should be and know that it may change as you continue your journey.
A few tips that have helped me: when I'm in pain I bring a heating pad to bed with me. I keep my pumping supplies in the fridge so I don't have to clean them as often and bonus, the flanges are cold which can provide relief to sore boobs. When my daughter latches and it hurts, I pull her off and we start again. I use coconut oil or lanolin gel after every feeding to keep things moisturized.
Maybe try exclusively pumping for a few days to give yourself relief if it is your daughters latch that is causing you pain. Then when you feel up to it, try and latch her on.
Also, if your lactation consultant doesn't have any more ideas, ask her to refer you to another consultant who might have more insight for you.
So far for me the struggle has been worth it. I think it is pretty amazing that I am able to provide nearly everything my kiddos need from my own body. Good luck to you in your journey and know that whatever you decide will be what's best for you and your family!
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The one thing I wish I had deep down truly believed as a new mom was this: you get to be a mom the way you want to be. Enjoy the freedom that comes with knowing that.
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Good for you for trying so hard! I breast fed both my girls (born 1975 and 1978), but didn't have the best of experiences either time. No one told me about the excruciating pain...but it did go away after a while, and it didn't last as long with the second child...and also I was expecting it, so didn't freak out. I never had enough supply of milk, no matter what I did. I always supplemented with the first child, and after four months she just seemed to get bored with breast plus bottle, and kind of weaned herself to bottle only. The second child for some reason could not tolerate formula, and so we did breast feeding only, but she stayed on the small side of normal, and I started her on cereal as soon as I possibly could...per instructions of the pediatrician. I never pumped... the first child just went everywhere I went, or took a bottle. The second child, who spit up every formula in every form of dilution, just went everywhere with me for eight months, until she finally was taking bottles, and of course, eating food by that time. Both girls demanded food fairly early...they saw what the adults were eating at the table, and they wanted it, too! (First one got little jars, second one I just ground up everything for her in that little hand grinder thing.) Anyway, my point is, it's not a perfect world, and the babies don't read all those books about what is best for them and what we're "supposed" to do. So I would just relax, don't torture yourself...your kid's not going to starve...in a year or so nobody's going to know or care whether your child was breast fed or bottle fed. (Forgot to say that I had the mastitis only once...oh God...what misery.) Anyway, if breast feeding is causing you that much trouble, I would just hang it up and go to a bottle. Hey, it's all good.
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Ignore the anti-formula stigma; you need to do what's best for your kid. We really wanted to BF but our new DS was not gaining weight as he should've been. We tried a lot of stuff to make BF work but it just didn't for us. We went to formula and the sky didn't fall. And now DS is at the top of the growth charts.
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I nursed my son until ~21 months, and it was easy peasy.
I nursed my daughter until ~7 months when she suddenly had a nursing strike. It was a chicken/egg thing. She didn't want to work for the milk, so she wouldn;t nurse, then the supply dropped and there was less milk, so she was even less willing to try to get it out.
I fought it for a solid month- drugs (domperidone), herbs, extra pumping, trying to get her to nurse by swaddling her in a dark room (meanwhile my 2.5 year old was destroying the house, lol). In the end, it wasn't worth the battle- I was going to have to pump multiple times a day to keep/build up my supply, while trying to keep 2 little ones alive and well, and, well, fuck that. It sucked.
So she went to all formula. That sucked, because 100$ a month. But other than the money and the fact that even on freaking formula she didn't sleep all night, it was worth my mental health not to try to keep it going.
I am a huge proponent of nursing, and of trying really hard to make it work. When it works well (which is most of the time!) is it so great, and easy, and cheap. When it doesn't work well, and you've tried to fix the issues (which you clearly have), well, yay formula! Aren't we lucky we have it!
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I spoke with my husband last night and we decided that we were both fine with reducing the herculean efforts to achieve more balance, even if that means we have to increase her formula intake. I am going to try weaning down to pumping 4x a day, and I’ll continue to practice natural feeding with her whenever I feel up for it. I’m sure my supply is going to take a bit of a hit with the reduced pumping schedule, but I’m hoping I can still keep her on at least 50% breastmilk.
This sounds like a really really good plan. My really good friend's first child never nursed. She only pumped, which was less efficient, so he was 1/2 and 1/2 breastmilk and formula from birth.
He's 10 now and taller than me.
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Pain – The pain I feel is somewhere between a stabbing, needle like agony and a burning sensation. It’s not just soreness or tenderness. It appears when I’m already tender from trying natural feeding earlier that day. The discomfort continues for up to an hour after we stop trying, and my chest feels like it’s burning. This happens even if my nipples seem fine afterwards (no cracks, bleeding, bruising, compression). If I skip a day in between natural feed attempts, I can feed her with little discomfort (remember, this means only 1 natural feed every other day). I pride myself on being pretty tough and resilient when it comes to physical pain, but this is so bad it makes me legitimately nervous to try feeding her.
If the pain continues that long after a feed, it could be some sort of ductal infection from either yeast or other bacteria. That would also explain why it improves after a lengthy time of not feeding. Is it one breast or both?
Here are some resources to peruse if you like:
http://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/child/thrush-resources/
http://www.breastfeedinginc.ca/content.php?pagename=doc-CP
http://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mother/nipple-blanching/
http://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mother/sore-nipples-breasts/
Kelly Mom is an awesome resource for breastfeeding moms. But ignore anything they say about formula and the like. They are about 100% breastfeeding, so YMMV. But the site is very good for helping to diagnose and treat pain.
Two minor things that worked for me if it's a yeast infection, even better than the pharmaceuticals solutions like diflucan, were grapefruit seed extract oil (diluted and used as a wash) and AZO yeast tabs.
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Please do whatever you need to do. The torture you are putting yourself through isn't healthy - for you or your baby. Your baby is going to benefit much more from a sane, relaxed, happy mama than all those other benefits of nursing. I say this as an extended breastfeeding mom who nursed my first until 10 months (supply ran out because I was pregnant with #2) and my 2nd until 16 months. (plus I pushed myself through claustrophobia issues exacerbated by nursing). I am pro-breastfeeding - but your case sounds particularly awful. You've given it everything (and more!).
I had some troubles with my first but after a few weeks she figured out how to latch properly and was fine. My son couldn't figure it out and it was 2 months of awful torture. I still shudder when I think back to that time in our lives. The worst part is - I was so traumatized by it all, my poor baby was also badly affected. I would go into a blind panic when it came time to latch on - and would pull him away just as he was opening up. It often took me 3-5 attempts to actually let him latch on....and then I would curl my toes tightly on my footstool and let out a soundless scream.
He ended up a serious, thoughtful baby - few smiles, giggles, or laughter. There was a precious week or two when he was a happy cheerful sunshiny baby, so we knew he had it in him. Very attached to me, wouldn't let anyone else hold him and cried a LOT. He tolerated his father. Now he is 13 and a very cheerful kid.
I still wonder to this day if his babyhood was because of what I did to him because I was so darned bullheaded about the nursing. Yes, we did manage to figure it out and he nursed until 16 months. Eventually, it even became somewhat pleasant.
But...IT WAS NOT WORTH IT. If I had to do it all over again, I would switch to bottlefeeding.
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I'm not a mother, and don't really plan on having kids. But, here's your job as a parent: To raise a responsible, respectable, productive member of society. Oh, and the parent doesn't get to define what that looks like.
So, do what you need to to do to accomplish that goal. Feeding the baby is important. There's nothing in there about how or what to feed the baby! Breastfeeding is great. So is formula feeding. As long as there's feeding involved, you're good. :)
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Just chiming in to say I also had HORRIBLE pain- at least for the first 3 months, with every feed, the whole feed. Then it started just being during latching. By say, 6 months it was mostly pain free- until he got teeth. I consulted a LC and searched every corner of the internet for advice, and nothing helped. So maybe this gives you a bit of hope that the pain will go away?
But everything else combined with the pain- if you want to stop, STOP! No one can tell which kid in kindergarten was breastfed :)
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I didn't get to read all of the replies, but wanted to chime in. I have breastfed all three children until age 3, and while I did not have the latch problems/pain you describe I did attend la leche league meetings for several years and learned a lot from the leaders as they gave advice to other moms.
Have you visited the La Leche League online forums for advice? Also another EXCELLENT website is Kelly Mom: http://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mother/bfhelp-mother/
You could also go to a La Leche League meetings as well, I personally found them invaluable with my first child.
You may actually be dealing with OVERSUPPLY rather than under supply. If you are producing too much milk, your breasts are constantly engorged with hard/clogged ducts. The fevers you describe sound like mastitis and may actually need to be treated with antibiotics, so you should look into that.
The cure for both clogged ducts and mastitis is actually more breastfeeding, not less. The problem with pumping in between feedings, in combination with milk supply herbs is that it could all end up sending your supply through the roof! Too much milk equals hard, firm breasts that make it harder for baby to latch.
Also, too much milk (google "oversupply" or look on the Kelly Mom website for more info) can cause the baby to feel hungrier more often, because they are getting too much "foremilk" which is lower in fat than the "hindmilk" which arrives at the end of a feeding.
And yes, look into "tongue tie" which can be at the top of the baby's lip between their lip/teeth, or underneath their actual tongue. Many doctors and even lactation consultants overlook this possibility, but it is actually quite common and causes painful breastfeeding.
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I commend you for making it this far, given all the issues you have been faced with. Echoing another poster, if you're still trying to make it work at this point after dealing with all of that, you must really want to make it work. Here we go..
SUPPLY
-Lactation cookies (TONS of oatmeal). The more oatmeal you can eat everyday, the more it will help your supply. Just keep it up though... as soon as you stop eating oatmeal, supply tanks again
-Mothers Milk tea
-Fenugreek (makes you smell like maple syrup but it works
-Your supply should regulate somewhere around 3-4 months, so you really want to continue cluster feeds/pumps, oatmeal, massaging while feeding baby, skin to skin contact as much as possible, looking at a picture of your baby with their mouth open while you're pumping, etc. Try to increase supply sooner rather than later. It will be much harder in a few months.
RECONCILING what you've been told in classes, pre-baby, etc with REALITY
-This shit HURTS the first few weeks/months. I wanted to punch a hole in the wall it was so bad the first few weeks. I remember thinking "this is a normal thing, that 235,409,295 women before me have done. What is wrong with me/my baby that it hurts SO BAD!"
-Kellymom and thebump.com were great resources
BREAST ISSUES
-hot showers, facing the water, massaging the milk out will help the clogged ducts. So will hot washcloths stuffed into your nursing bras. Don't judge. it works!
-Have you googled thrush? I had similar pain (felt like shards of glass going through me) when baby would nurse, and this was our diagnosis.
Good luck. Hang in there. It really does get better. And if it doesn't, then you have not failed. There is no trophy or medal for breastfeeding. You have given your baby the BEST start, the first few months are the most crucial for breastmilk aiding development. If you really want to have breastmilk for your baby instead of formula, there are other avenues if you decide that you are done with pumping/breastfeeding on your own. "Human Milk for Human Babies" and "Eats on Feets" are two groups I know of. I donated frozen milk to mothers with preemies and babies with dairy allergies... usually find your local chapter on facebook.
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I sent this thread to my 7.5 months pregnant wife, and she is scarred for life.
But also had some good thoughts, so thanks everyone! :)
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You have tried much, much harder than I would have!
I know it's hard to supplement when it feels like you're the only one. My mother was a champion nurser (apparently I personally nursed until my brother was born, age 2 1/2) and my sister had exclusively nursed two. When Sis's third baby was born, she had to go back to work full-time and had also decided against cosleeping (which she had done with the first two.) Baby wound up needing formula. Not that I needed it, but that helped give me "permission" to put my kids on bottles when things went south (they were older--think 6-8 months).
Still, I admit I felt like a failure putting formula bottles in the day care fridge next to the other baby's bags of breastmilk. Oh, well. I have other strengths as a parent!
It's not that I disliked breastfeeding, it was fine, but I don't MISS it. Know what I miss? Giving Little Brother his bedtime bottle while we watched Jeopardy! Or even how he would wake up at 11 pm for a quick cuddle and just one more bottle. If I had had a third baby, I would have weaned to formula after a few months (history showing that my milk dries up when my period comes back, which it does early).
What you've decided to do sounds 100% reasonable. It keeps your options open, too, if you want to put baby back on the breast eventually. And if not, that's cool, too.
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Not my own personal experience, but a friend of mine had a horrible time breastfeeding- had no or next to no milk, and was super determined she was going to breastfeed. She spend the first 3 months pumping every two hours around the clock!!!! with pretty much no success. Finally, she decided that she was going to stop driving herself crazy over the breastfeeding thing, stop with the sleep deprivation, and focus on just bonding with the baby, and switched to formula feeding. I absolutely respect all the effort both she and you, and many others with breastfeeding difficulties have put into the process- at some point switching just makes sense, and that point is different for everyone. I was lucky that breastfeeding worked without too many problems for us, besides having milk come in somewhat late. Best of luck, whatever you choose
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I don't have children myself so I have no personal experience with breastfeeding, but I will tell you this: my sister and I were both bottle-fed (she 100% and I after just a few weeks) and we've turned out just fine. My mom tried breastfeeding with me, but I was losing weight and this was the late 70s, so they told her to just switch to formula. With my sister they started out with formula immediately. I think the pressure put on women to breastfeed these days is INSANE. Yes, in general and all things being equal it's better for your child than bottle-feeding, but IMHO this is NOT the case if it goes at the expense of your sanity / all of your energy as a mom. Your child needs a happy, loving mother first and foremost. If that requires bottle-feeding, go ahead and do it. Added advantage: the dad can get much more involved. Back in the day my dad loved the switch to bottle, as it meant he got to spend time feeding me too, making him feel like he was contributing more.
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A friend of mine recently had a baby and all the same problems with nursing. She switched to formula and the relationship with her baby is much better since.
This is not a contest and you don't need to live up to somebody else's standards.
Your plan sounds good. If it does not work switch to formula full time. You're baby will be fine.
I was formular fed almost from the start and work at a lawfirm today. Is this as bad as being a hedge fund manager? I don't know. Just saying that this really is not 'the most important thing you will ever do for your child'. Just one small decision out of many.
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Sounds like one breast feed a day is working for you. What's wrong with keeping that up and going to formula for the rest? Yes, your supply will drop off, but it does take quite a while to deplete fully, if you are good about pumping on the days you can't feed... AND you can choose a feed time that works for you -- usually first in the morning or before sleeping.
I had a nightmare with both kids too, and no where what you are trying to go through.
e.g., 4 months with first (tapering off quickly at 6 weeks) - tongue tied, she was constantly on me. e.g., feed 45 min, break for 20, feed for 45minutes.. feeding for 8 hours day like this.. I could not get off the chair to do much of anything, and I was in so much pain. She was tongue tied and correcting it helped a bit but not enough.
My son was in intensive care for a week after birth , and then on monitors, that really interfered with "natural" breastfeeding and the whole cycle. Pumping wasn't working well for me with a 2 y.o. at home and I was in pretty rough shape, too. So my milk never came in more than a couple of feeds a day, and we stopped by 6 weeks.
My big recommendation is focus on the things that bring you joy with your baby. There is enough about babies that doesn't bring joy, and forumula is a viable option, for certain.
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I was also going to suggest having Bub checked for both tongue tie and lip tie.
I found breast feeding horrendously painful (nothing fun about a baby sucking on your bleeding nipples!). We saw all sorts of people to no real benefit. Eventually I went to see a doctor who specialised in tongue and lip ties and he immediately diagnosed a lip tie. I wish we had seen him waaaaAy earlier on!!
I'm still feeding my daughter who is now 16 months. However, those first few weeks of breast milk are the most important, and you've already achieved that. Chin up mumma, you're doing a good job. A few of my friends have developed post natal depression, in part as a result of issues with breast feeding, look after yourself.
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Nonmother here, so I have no skin in this particular game. Quit! The baby has already gotten a lot of benefit from your milk. Why torture yourself? I was exclusively bottle fed and I have been somehow able to live a full, rich life. If you line up my friends' kids, you would not be able to tell which ones were bottle fed, which were breast fed, and which were a combination. One of my neighbors hated breast feeding. She described it as having a giant tick feeding on her blood. Her son did fine. I think he runs a hedge fund.
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I just want to add +1 to this. I breastfed both of my babies. I was lucky I was able to do that and it was fairly easy (pretty painful the first month or so though) Some of my friends could not. Guess what- 7 years later our kids are all doing fine. You cannot tell the difference between the BF kid vs the formula fed kid. Heck, I wasn't breastfed and I've been healthy my whole life! It really doesn't matter. And you did the first 6 weeks so you've done enough for sure. Quit killing yourself over this and go buy some formula and enjoy your baby. In 3 months it'll be time for whole foods and milk anyway.
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I thought about this thread when I read this last night.
http://www.thestar.com/news/insight/2015/12/13/lactivism-and-the-big-business-of-breastfeeding.html
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Just wanted to say good luck with your appointment, but whatever you decide, you're doing an awesome job :)
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I didn't have time to read all the responses, but I just want to let you know that you are not alone, breastfeeding doesn't always work out easily, and you are doing a great job whatever you decide to do going forward. Hopefully your new plan will give you more time to enjoy your baby! You are an awesome mom!
Signed, a lactation consultant and la leche league leader
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Breastfeeding is awesome when it works well, and lousy when it doesn't. With my first, I was absolutely determined to breastfeed. It hurt a lot and the pain never fully went away. I felt like a dairy cow, either nursing or pumping every 3 hours around the clock, with little to show for it. He barely gained weight, and kept dropping percentiles. However, our pediatrician was also a gung-ho "breastfeeding only" type, so despite the frequent weigh-ins showing that he was falling off the charts, she kept telling us he didn't need supplementation, just pump more often. It slowly got better, but was never great. When we finally started supplementing around 5 months, my life got so much better. Baby started gaining weight appropriately and my stress levels plummeted.
With the second one, I promised myself that I was not going through that again. We'd try nursing, but I was not going to be a martyr to it. Go figure, baby nursed perfectly from the start, there was no pain, and there was no need to supplement. With him, I realized why people said breastfeeding was so easy. I still supplemented with formula when I went back to work at 6 months because I hated pumping so much by then. I nursed when I was home and he got formula otherwise.
There are so many factors that go into a healthy baby, and having a healthy, happy mom is part of it. I remember nursing my first and sitting there tense and crying. It would have been better for both of us to have an enjoyable snuggle time with a bottle of formula.
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http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/breast-feeeding-debate-has-gone-on-long-enough/article17588366/?service=mobile
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Oh, man, so much sympathy. You mention that you've had your kid evaluated for oral thrush? Keep an eye out on that (basically: white splotches on her tongue or inner cheeks that don't come off if you scrape them with a fingernail is your best 'quick evaluation') - the first sign of repeated thrush for my daughter was me crying in pain while nursing because it felt like my nipples were literally on fire.
Speaking from personal experience: sometimes, you do the best you can to breastfeed. And sometimes, you recognize a need for sleep and sanity and a life that doesn't revolve around breastfeeding. When my daughter was 6 weeks old, she wasn't growing from breastmilk alone (low supply). I did the lactation clinic rounds (and consultants, herbs, medication, etc)... and in the end said 'eff it' and supplemented with formula. She kept breastfeeding (and boob was the only thing that would reliably calm her, but her actual nutrition was about 50% formula and then solid food and milk), and we recently weaned... she's 20 months old. It doesn't have to be all-or-nothing.
And, also speaking from personal experience: people around you are gonna be judgemental asshats. There's something about being a parent that invites public judgement on every single decision. Think of this as training wheels for them being asshats for the next 18 years, and make the decision that's best for you and your kid (personal bias: breastfeeding is good, formula can be necessary, sleep and well-being for all are primary, do what works), and then practice telling the asshats to f*ck off in progressively less and less polite ways until they determine that they should keep their opinions to themselves. They're not gonna get less judgemental, only better at keeping it to themselves, and that's IF appropriate boundaries are set to encourage that. Access to your boobs and your child is not something that's decided on by committee, and your parenting is not a democracy.
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The lactation Nazis should be ignored.
My wife felt terribly pressured to breastfeed, even though she had trouble producing. For the first four months of our firstborn's life, he barely slept, always crying. My wife thought there was something wrong with him. There was -- he was famished. I felt like a zombie -- no sleep. At his four-month checkup, he had not gained a single ounce from the month before. This obviously is not normal. The pediatrician insisted we try formula, which I had been begging my wife to do for weeks.
I drove right to Costco, bought some formula, came home and gave our son a bottle...and another....and a third. He let out a massive burp and went to sleep for 12 hours. He's now 13 and when we look at photos of him at 3-4 months, he looks like one of those third world children in ads for feeding starving children.
Thankfully with our second born we went with formula from day one.
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The lactation Nazis should be ignored.
I prefer the term zealot, but then again, I don't like to compare very many, if any, people to those who supported genocide and believed in inferior races.
But yes, many proponents of breastfeeding do harm in their insistence that even a drop of formula will compromise the breastfeeding relationship. Hell, my LLL next door neighbor always brought up my son's pacifier. Apparently that is not okay either, even though I had successfully breastfed two kids before that. But I guess success is in the eye of the beholder, since my kids probably received 50% breastmilk and 50% formula in their first years.
Kitsune's point about things not being all or nothing is very good. You can formula feed and breastfeed, so in that sense, I think the "Just switch that kid to formula already!!!" "I quit and my kids are fine" crowd can sometimes also unnecessarily pressure a woman. This can create its own neuroses or issues. You shouldn't feel pressured to quit either.
Essentially this is an intensely personal decision. I've seen public rhetoric swing on this issue many times. Unless you are fully in the attachment/natural parenting bubble, now we seem to be in a period of attacking breastfeeding and vilifying breastfeeding advocates unnecessarily. I see this all the time in the media, especially on Slate and other more progressive sites. Most women who believe in breastfeeding are not "lactivists" or "lactation Nazis." That's an extreme portrayal that does more harm than good IMO.
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A few nights of formula is totally worth keeping your baby healthy. I now get testy every time i hear someone say that using supplemental formula is the reason I'm continuing to struggle with nursing. Formula saved my daughter in those first few days.
So sorry you had to go through that. I would say that formula was a life safer in the hospital as much for me as it was for my first baby. I had a very painful episiotomy and needed to rest. No rooming in at night for me. And giving him that tiny amount of formula enabled me to get the rest I needed. I think they did it with my second as well. Can't remember for the most recent for some reason. And he's only 19 months. It goes to show that all of this, whatever you decide, doesn't end up being that lasting in memory in the long run. I remember the wrenching emotions and the pain associated with breastfeeding, but I've forgotten the specific details about how much or how little my three got.
And no, giving your child a little bit of formula, even in the first few days, isn't a death knell for breastfeeding. I wish professionals and laymen would stop asserting the all or nothing approach.
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And no, giving your child a little bit of formula, even in the first few days, isn't a death knell for breastfeeding. I wish professionals and laymen would stop asserting the all or nothing approach.
YES! Some studies have shown that formula in the first couple of days actually increases breastfeeding success. We should be trying to make things easier, not harder. Hope things are going well for all of you, OP.
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But the message was so anti-formula, so anti-bottle that I was afraid of screwing up and unintentionally jeopardized my daughter’s health.
This. I was specifically told that 'any formula was the beginning of the end of breastfeeding' and that 'well, you CARE enough to breastfeed' (implication: admitting that it's not working = caring less about your kid), and I very much wanted to be able to breastfeed my daughter (because she got such comfort from it, and closeness, and because it was something I'd never even questioned doing - like, formula hadn't entered my mind until the Dr said she hadn't gained any weight in her first month and that we should supplement...)
I mean, looking back, this seems ridiculous, but I actually sent my husband to buy formula the first time because I was crying too hard to leave the house. Over FEEDING MY CHILD, for chrissake. In a first world country, where we have food and clean water and where we as a family absolutely had the resources to do so. It's ridiculous! No one should be made to feel like that much of a complete failure over breastfeeding (and, let's face it: running on that little sleep and that many post-birth hormones, we're not exactly at our most rational state)! And in our case, she downed a few bottles every day, and basically attached herself to the boob for every hint of comfort and extra milk she could get, and weaned herself off the boob around 20 months, so a) she grew fine, b) she stopped howling for 4 hours every evening once she got enough food, poor baby was HUNGRY, and c) she breastfed plenty, and the people with the horror stories about formula were full of it, and I'm not particularly inclined to be forgiving about it.
Summary: anyone who has an opinion about how you feed your child can bugger off unless they, themselves, are supplying the boobs and bottles and are available for 2am feedings and are responsible for your child (meaning: your spouse might get an opinion, but everyone else can go f themselves if they get obnoxious). Feed your kid however works, watch them grow, do what works for you and your family. And a mother who gets some rest and is able to take joy in being around her baby, instead of resenting the pumping and lack of sleep, is more important in the long run.
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Sorry I haven't read the comments above but as a mom who struggled with breastfeeding very badly ... make the switch to formula. It took a month of my doctor and my mom of trying to convince me before we finally switched to formula and now I really regret waiting that long as I could of avoided some of the extremem ppd and pni I incurred.
Now that we are trying for #2 I tell myself if it doesn't go well again I will not hesitate to switch to formula this time. My relationship with my baby flourished after I stopped breastfeeding.
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I struggled with breastfeeding and was not successful. This was before lactation specialists. I am in my mid fifties. My best friend was a breast feeding Nazi and made me feel terrible about my decision to use formula.
My two kids are 25 and 23. Zero health issues other than normal stuff. No allergies either.
Formula is fine.
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My encouragement is to do whatever will make you not regret any decisions in the future.
If your child grows up a certain way that is not to your expectation, will you ever question yourself by saying, "Maybe my child would be different if I breastfed."
If no, then stop and say you made the right decision.
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My oldest was tongue-tied and never could latch even after having her little tongue was clipped. Breastfeeding was a nightmare. I am not sure who cried more - me or her. Switching to formula was the best decision for all of us. There is definitely a spectrum between all breastfeeding and all formula so find what works best for you and your baby.
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First off, whatever you decide is the right choice. It sounds like you've gone to bottle feeding and pumping what you can to give some breast milk by bottle along with formula as needed. If so, that's the right choice. If not, that's the right choice too. Again, whatever you decide is the right choice.
Now my story:
I understand what you mean about the breast feeding brain washing. I went through that with my own babies (twins.) I read about the benefits and was determined to do it. It was made even worse by my MIL telling me before they were born that I'd never be able to breast feed, that it hurt, and that formula is better anyway. Ugh! Boy, did that make me stubborn!
So, like you, I struggled along like a champ. I was in the hospital for nearly a week and the nurses forced formula on my son when he was losing weight. He just never did get the hang of nursing. I was horrified! I had the lactation consultant come every day. He would get latched and then just stop eating! Then he'd fuss and vomit. But the formula didn't seem any better in terms of the fussing and vomiting. If my daughter hadn't been gaining weight like a champ, then I think in the first 6 weeks they would have declared me a negligent mother!
The pediatrician suggested all kinds of things to increase my supply, and also suggested exclusively breast feeding him and giving my daughter formula for a few days so we could see how much she was eating. 40 oz! Per day! And that was one baby, and I had two. Think about that for a minute: if you are in N. America, then you know how big a 16 oz soda is. Now think about the volume of 80 oz per day. No wonder I was in bad shape and couldn't keep up!
Finally we figured out that he had a legitimate cow's milk allergy to the point that I couldn't have any dairy because the proteins ended up in my breast milk and he needed special formula (not the soy formula, which just made him really constipated, some crazy, pre-digested grey stuff that we called his gruel.) I stopped all dairy and continued to just bottle feed them both a combo of pumped milk and formula and then pump myself. Yes, I pumped in the car, in a supply closet at work since they didn't have any other area I could use, wherever. It felt like all of the time. To keep from going insane, I read books while I pumped. I made it that way for 6 months. At that point they were eating solid foods in addition to the formula, and I felt I had done my part.
That was the right choice for me. Whatever you have decided to do is the right choice for you. You know best. Good luck with it!
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I think my experience was very similar to yours with my first. I was stuck in a vicious cycle of trying to breastfeed, bottle feeding, pumping, the lactation consultants gave me all sorts of (in retrospect) silly things to try. I was exhausted and not enjoying my baby at all.
At 6 weeks, finally decided that it was sink or swim time, she was either going to breastfeed or not, but I wasn't going to mess around with all the supplementation. I fed her constantly, like every hour during the day and throughout the night. It was only after I started this that I saw that "baby drunk" look (you know, where the baby is so stuffed with food that they get all relaxed and start to fall asleep.
At the next appointment, the lactation woefully commented that my baby had only gained half the weight she should have so I was going to have switch to formula. I said, nope, I started my breastfeeding boot camp halfway through so the fact that my baby gained half the weight she was supposed to meant that my method was working. I never went back and successfully breastfed her (and her 5 younger siblings).
That stuff they tell you about how you should nurse for 10 to 15 minutes on each side every 3 to 4 hours BS. You nurse that baby if she so much as looks at you. I learned that in the beginning, you might nurse for 5 minutes on one side every hour. The feeding every 3 to 4 hours is when they are older. If the baby is awake, you try to nurse her.
If you aren't dealing with medical/physical issues that are preventing the baby from nursing, I'll suggest simply spending a day holding the baby doing nothing but nursing and reading or other relaxing things (this is your first, right?). Nurse all the time and don't do anything else, just for a day and see how it goes. I got too hung up in thinking that I should still be able to do everything I normally do along with all the baby stuff. It doesn't work that way in the beginning.
And if this still doesn't work, please know that there is no harm or shame in using formula. I have zero tolerance for people who try to shame moms for using formula. I only breastfed because, at least for me, it was easier once I got it down. But I know other moms who could breastfeed and chose formula. And their kids are just as smart, beautiful and charming as mine.
As for the cost, it is a small price to pay for the baby to have a happy, healthy mom.
Good luck.
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I know this is getting repetitive, but I just wanted to echo the "quit if you don't like it, your kid will be fine" message!
I had insufficient breastmilk for my kids so they were supplemented heavily with formula. My midwife and some friends really tried to push me to make exclusive breastfeeding happen (pumping regiments, herbs, feeding tubes etc), and I'm so glad I ignored them all and did not hesitate to use formula. My kids and I were happier for it.
I highly recommend you check out www.fearlessformulafeeder.com. The FB page is really interesting too.
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Rock on mama! You are doing great.
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Rock on mama! You are doing great.
Seconded!
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I am so sorry that you're having such a difficult time! Much empathy. Your kiddo is lucky to have someone as passionate as you as a mom.
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Glad to hear you and your little one are doing well. I don't remember if I commented back in Dec but I definitely read it and thought you had definitely given it the good college try (and THEN some!) so kudos for you for realizing it wasn't working.
One tiny thing from your latest post. You say that 3oz is NOT normal and that you had low milk production. Just a tiny point of clarification....3oz is a perfectly fine pumping session depending on how often you're doing it. Its lower than many would hope for. I had a friend who could pump 3x a day and get 10oz each time and I wanted to murder her in her sleep while I pumped 8x per day to get the same amount. But 8 pumpings x 3oz per day = 24 oz...completely smack dab in the middle of "average" for breastfed babies to eat per day. http://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/pumping/milkcalc/
Again, glad you found what worked for you. Soooo much more important to have a happy, well rested, non-stressed mom who is ENJOYING and loving on LO rather than all the opposite just to do BF!
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She's growing well, and making huge leaps and bounds in regards to her milestones now that I have more time to play with her (instead of being attached to a pump all day). I still haven't given up on nursing in general though, and I'm hoping that next time around will be much easier. But if it isn't, that's okay too.
Congrats! Seems like you made a good call for you and you family.
Nursing is great when it can happen, but spending time with your daughter is also great. Sometimes, you just gotta go with what works best!
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Fantastic update! Parenting is a crazy long marathon, I'm happy to hear you aren't wearing yourself out right at the beginning.
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A quick update for anyone who is interested:
Around week 10 I dropped my pumping schedule to 4-5 times per day, 1/2 hour each session, given that my more aggressive strategy still wasn't providing me with even a full day's worth of milk, let alone anything to store. My supply quickly dwindled and I fully dried up after week 13. Looking back, I now realize that something wasn't normal with my production from the start. My consultants do suspect that I may be one of those unusual women with very low supply, but they aren't sure why. I experienced delayed milk after giving birth (didn't arrive until almost 5 days postpartum, resulting in hospitalization for baby), and even the most aggressive pumping schedule (8-10 times per day on hospital grade pump, including 2 late night/early morning sessions, cluster pumping, diet changes, and herbal supplements all at the same time) never seemed to get me even enough to fully feed her. At best I topped out at 3 ounces per session (from both breasts), which is apparently completely abnormal given the sheer amount of effort I was putting in.
Baby is now on formula and happy as a clam. She's growing well, and making huge leaps and bounds in regards to her milestones now that I have more time to play with her (instead of being attached to a pump all day). I still haven't given up on nursing in general though, and I'm hoping that next time around will be much easier. But if it isn't, that's okay too.
Thanks again for all the support!
I think maybe you are one of the "unusual women with very low supply", that put in a tremendous amount of effort for a sustained time.
Not many women are as committed as you are. It is hard to imagine the willpower that took. I suspect there are a lot of others out there with "low supply" that simply do not put in the weeks and weeks of effort to "prove" it.
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Thanks for the source! I think what was abnormal was the fact that it took me so long to even get up to 3oz (week 9-10) on some sessions - most were still around 2.5. And that I could only maintain it with hyper aggressive amounts of effort/diet changes/large amounts of herbal supplements. If I had been able to maintain or increase my output with a reasonable amount of effort, I probably would have stuck with it much longer. A normal amount of effort (just pumping 7-8x a day with a clusterpump round every now and then) would barely get me 2oz a session, and my daughter was eating 3.5 minimum by that point. Sigh. Although, I hear that breastfeeding a first baby can stimulate breast tissue for your next baby, so maybe I'll end up a dairy queen for the next little one!
Yeah, I would have kept going on a part-time basis at least if I could have gotten 3 oz! I was generally unwell and stressed when I was trying to pump and I only got like an ounce in twenty minutes--since I also had a two-year-old and a lot of other things going on, I didn't get past trying fenugreek. Kudos to you for doing everything you could. And every baby is different, so sure, try again!
(Not a perfect analogy, but when I did not succeed at natural childbirth--I had a c-section--I DID try again with my second baby... but maybe I didn't try quiiite so hard. In your shoes, I would definitely try breastfeeding again--to see if it was easier. If it wasn't, I would probably cut my losses sooner! :-) YMMV.)
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Little_brown_dog:
I feel for your experience! We went through something very, very similar with my first son. He just wouldn't latch on for the first two months!!! Not two days, two weeks, but two months!! Similar doctor's appointments and consultant visits also did not help us. I honestly can't remember how many people fondled my sore little boobies in those first two weeks trying to help me! All discretion just went out the window.
I don't know why, but I just gave it another try when he was two months old and all of sudden we both got the hang of it. I was exhausted, depressed and guilt-ridden those first two months thinking I was not a good mother. I cried a lot! But I kept up the pumping so he could drink out of the bottle and we had to supplement some with formula. He also had colic, so let's just say the first three or four months of our relationship as mother and son were a true test! After his colic subsided around 4 months, something crazy happened. I got pregnant with #2! When #2 came 9 months later, he also did not latch on the first week. Having two little ones in diapers at age 13 months and newborn was a reality check for me and I decided my family was better off with simply going to formula rather than experiencing all the disappointment and heartache all over again. Both my sons thrived! No marked difference between #1 and #2 in overhealth health and now they are 16 and 17!
It sounds like it just wasn't meant to be for you both and I've had friends with similar low-production issues. When you look back on this experience in a few years, you will realize that this has simply made you a stronger person. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it. Your baby is going to flourish and do amazing things in life. Enjoy every moment of the journey and focus on nourishing your baby with love and adoration.
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I had a situation very similar to yours with my baby having issues latching and as a result I had supply issues. I lasted for 6 weeks before finally giving up. You lasted longer than I did so don't feel bad!
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Glad you've worked things out. Breast worked for DW both times but was a real struggle the first time until she saw a lactation specialist who gave her the advice she needed (the first lactation specialist, I'm convinced, almost ruined breastfeeding entirely for her). Even then, she had the infections, soreness, and all kinds of issues for the first several months before things smoothed out. However, if things hadn't worked, we'd have used formula and never looked back. What's important is a healthy and happy baby.