I'm saying that teens are very generous with their parent's resources, much in the same way that the government is a responsible steward of our tax dollars. But when a teen has to spend their own money, suddenly they're frugal penny pinchers.
So is the argument for not providing any parental money for higher education? I can get that, although it's not a choice I would make. I don't get the "I'll pay for state school, but nothing else (or nothing more)" position. I'm assuming in all of this that the parents can reasonably afford to help with school.
In my opinion you're making a pretty honkin' big assumption.
But please, let me put my own words in my mouth.
My point is that a parent is not obligated to support a teen's higher education until they've taken care of their own retirement savings. (Which, way down the road, is also in the teen's best interests.) After the retirement planning is on track then a parent could opt to pay for a State U degree, perhaps starting with a couple years at a community college (commuting; dorm room optional). Anything beyond that is either a parental gift ("I'm giving you the gift I wish I'd had at your age") or the teen's challenge. ("You want it? Go out and get it.")
So when a kid is born, ideally the parents would be maxing out their 401(k) match and IRA contributions first. Then they could try to put aside as much as $100-$200 per week for the kid's college fund. But maybe they'd want to save some of that money for a home down payment (because home value does not count against assets for college financial assistance). Some of the savings could be in a 529 (especially in a family with more than one kid) and some of it could be in I bonds or taxable accounts (or even as Roth IRA contributions). That way if your only kid turns out to be more interested in alternative education or the Peace Corps rather than a state college, you don't have all the savings tied up in a 529.
In the case of me and my spouse, our first kid was enough of a handful to end the discussion about more kids. We were already maxing out our retirement planning (which, 21 years later, has succeeded beyond our wildest dreams) so we started with $5000/year to the college fund. This was back before 529s so we used a combination of EE & I bonds (mostly tax-free for education), UTMA, and our own taxable accounts. We decided that we could reasonably save for a State U degree, but the 1990s (and Berkshire Hathaway) helped drive the investments to "Rice University" level.
I'm a military retiree, so our progeny was guaranteed a presidential appointment to a service academy. As attractive as that may have seemed to her, she did her research and chose NROTC at Rice. That immediately paid almost 75% of the Rice U cost of attendance, although it's still a lot more than a service academy or U of Hawaii.
The great thing about NROTC is that we parents are no longer the authority figures. Those roles are now filled by the military, a couple of NROTC officers, and a very inspirational Marine gunnery sergeant. Because she's carrying the cost of her education, we've promised that her graduation will be accompanied by "profit sharing" of the college fund into her retirement accounts. That's been a tremendous motivator to her, although not quite as much as the Gunny.
Last year the college encouraged her to move off campus. (Good choice. It got her away from the dorm's drunks, stoners, loud music, and 2 AM fire alarms.) We opted to give her the "cost of attendance" room & board that we'd be paying to Rice anyway, and she could keep a portion of anything she didn't spend. That motivated her to bring on a couple roommates (and summer sub-leasers) and to start cooking most of her own food. She's earned nearly $1000 of room/board profit-sharing during the last year, and she's investing it.
She starts senior year in a couple months. I've never seen a single one of her report cards. (They're none of my business because I'm not really paying for them.) She claims to be carrying a B+ GPA in her civil engineering major, which should be good enough for her submarine aspirations (and certainly enough for surface warfare). She has a leadership billet in the NROTC unit. She saves most of her NROTC stipend and she gives campus tours for extra cash. She's earned a few additional smaller scholarships from the university and alumni/professional associations. (These little-known scholarships typically go begging for applicants.) She bought a used car (a '99 CR-V with 160K miles) and she has cash in the bank. She has her own credit cards and no student loans. She has a job waiting for her. She's shown extraordinary frugal skills and she's nearly off the parental payroll.
I believe that the key to her intrinsic drive has been profit-sharing. She knows that if she works hard then she gets a better job after college. If she works frugal then she shares the savings. If she screws around then she's wasting her own money. If we had just written a blank check for a four-year degree then she would have missed out on a lot of tremendous personal growth opportunities.
So I think that it's nice for a parent to help their kid with college. But I think it's even better to figure out what turns on their motivation & initiative to excel at that college, rather than just coming up with innovative ways to spend Mom & Dad's money.
2. the education received at those institutions are simply so ridiculously overpriced that they are not worth paying retail for.
6. I think I am morally opposed to sending my kids to a school that costs THAT much. even with a scholarship, I am still supporting an institution that I believe is just WRONG for being so expensive. I realize this contradicts #5 above, but that is still a part of the equation, and the advice/counsel/cajoling I'd be giving my son.
I'm ambivalent on those claims. My daughter has frequent academic contact with Nobel laureates, which makes her sit up and pay attention. She goes to presentations by nationally-known politicians and has personally hosted Congressional visits to the campus. One of her roommates is a national-level musician studying with world-renowned musicians & conductors. She's across the street from the Texas Medical Center and down the road from a couple of medical schools, which means that many of her classmates are suffering through pre-med programs (including a full year of organic chemistry... ouch). One of her professors is a national expert in her civil engineering specialty, and another one is a nationally-known Texas environmental lawyer. She's not just reading about amazing achievements-- she's hearing about it from the achievers themselves on a nearly daily basis.
I think many private colleges have an outlandish retail price list. However if you can pay less through scholarships or work/study or other financial aid then the access is a much bigger boost than you could get from community college. Some students will bloom wherever they're planted, but it's nice to have the extra fertilizer.
