Think IT REALLY DEPENDS how much you spend on your kids as they grow up.
We've got 2 teenage daughters (10 and 14) and we are living in Europe (Netherlands). Some years ago I thought the most expensive years were the pre-school years (mainly because of the costs of day care).
Now they are older, we spend on activities like sports (both play field hockey), music lessons (one daughter plays piano, the other cello) and drama (youngest), scouting (oldest).
Of course you don't NEED to spend on so many activities. We do because it is good for their development (sorry if this is incorrect english).
And then there's an after school carer for the youngest daughter (twice a week, the other days her dad or me is at home after school). The daycare-woman also cooks for us and helps youngest doing homework. She can't help the oldest daughter because the oldest one just doesn't accept her help and doesn't listen to her.
School is not really expensive around here (public schooling in the Netherlands). You pay according to your income.
But I never expected our oldest daughter to need private lessons and help after school four times a week. It's a long story, but she wasn't selected for the high quality school she wanted to go to (lottery systeem, not related to your grades; if too many kids want to go to a school they just randomly pick a few names who are not going to be selected, arghhh!!).
Then she went to a Montessori school. Now two years later, our oldest daughter is really happy at that school but the education is quite poor. Kids can do whatever they want in the classroom, even listening to music on their phones or preparing for other lessons or do home work or just talk to eachother (4 or 5 kids) doing 'group-work'. Teachers often don't teach, they are just available in the class room if kids have questions.
Last autumn her grades were dropping (2nd year). School advised to switch to a lower level of education (which would be stupid because she's very intelligent).
That's why she is in a private afterschool program four days a week since november (€€€€). At that time we thought it was gonna last a few months. That was 6 months ago.
Anyway, I recently calculated we spend around 1250 € per month on our 2 teenage daughters and food is not included in that figure (gonna get face punches now I guess). I want my kids to be happy and develop themselves, but I also want to prepare for the future and save more money. Since our oldest daughter started this private after school program we save very little. Coming months my salary temporarily drops, we need to use a little bit of the emergency fund if we continue this after school program. I must say, the thought of this really hurts (you fellow mustachians probably understand...).
Anyway, answering your question: the cost (or should I say: the expenses) really depend. Not all expenses are predictable. In the end it's about choices. We could stop sports and music lessons etc for instance or going on family-holiday. Or downsize our house.
---------------
About our oldest (may be I should start a separate item for this :)) OUR DILEMMA is: change schools for oldest this summer (won't be easy to find a spot on a nice and good school, but we already put her on a few lists) or keep on joining the after school program for probably quite some time??
Husband doesn't want her to change school, he changed his mind, last autumn he wanted to switch schools. A few days ago he said to me he doesn't want to take responsability for her changing schools (because of the social aspect, she is 14 years old and that's not an easy age). I said we're basicly living above our means now. I think husband is thinking this over in his mind. This morning he asked eldest daughter how long she's expecting to be in this private after school program, she was talking about exam kids which means she's thinking she needs this for FOUR more years. I thought: no way..... What if the youngest needs extra classes? What if they want to go to university and we were not able to save money to -partially- support them? What if my pension is inadequate by the time I'm 67? Not even talking about retiring earlier....
We have no debts other than our mortgage, we do have an emergency fund which equals around one year of living expenses, but that's it.
On the other hand, what if oldest would be completely demotivated when we force her to change school? What if she doesn't want to do homework at all - out of anger and frustration? What if she couldn't find new friends at the new school or would just not be happy? What would happen to our family bonding if we force her to change schools? Husband is afraid we'll lose our relationship (parents and daughter).
I still think we need to get her on a proper school.... Does anyone have experience on this kind of stuff?? Thanks in advance.
---------