Author Topic: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.  (Read 6041 times)

sjc0816

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I'm looking for some advice on how to manage electronics usage over the summer with my two boys. They are 10 and 7 and I stay home with them. They are extremely active kids. Summers we take long bike rides, go to the library, play outside (a lot), play with friends, go to the pool (a lot), etc. We fill 75% of our day with outside stuff...plus they play baseball through summer and golf.

But the fact remains.....when they are home, they want to play on their iPad or watch TV. They wake up at 7/7:30am and immediately want to get on iPad. We don't allow it during the week during school.....but the weekends, we do. When they are home, they want to crash in front of the TV. I want to encourage them to do more reading, playing games, etc.....but I don't want to eliminate electronics from them completely. They do very well in school and I want them to relax during the summer. 

All that being said. Does anyone have a method they use for controlling electronics usage over the summer? I want them to be responsible for keeping their rooms clean and helping around the house - so not sure if I limit iPad use to after chores are done?  After reading? Or a certain amount of time?  I am very type-A....so it seems like I need to have concrete guidelines. But then again, maybe I'm being too controlling? 

Thoughts?  Advice?


NonprofitER

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #1 on: May 24, 2016, 08:52:23 AM »
Not quite the same scenario, but when we felt like screen time was creeping up in our house (1 child, almost 7) we (the parents included) all agreed to a "screen fast" for two weeks. We aren't "TV on in the background" kind of people, but I noticed the our daughter asking for TV time more and more and my husband and I were starting to start mindlessly at our phones too often for my comfort. So the adults agreed to putting their phones in a designated spot while home (still used for calls, etc. but not mindless surfing) and no one used a TV or pad for 2 weeks.

The fast helped clear the air/ avoid the the "I'm boooooored" stuff (and helped the adults pay attention to what we were modeling). After the 2 week fast, we wanted to put in some easy-to-maintain boundaries - so we asked our daughter what she thought a reasonable amount of screen time for herself was in any given week. She came up with the idea of keeping her own screen use to two days per week (one week day, one weekend day) for max 2 hours a day. Adults agreed - and its been super smooth sailing ever since.  I should emphasize that this all happened more than a year ago!  But ever since *she* came up with the 2/day week rule, it's completely removed the temptation/boredom/inability to entertain oneself.  She doesn't ask about screen time at all anymore, except on the days she announces she's using her time. It doesn't feel restrictive or punitive, since she helped create the standard. And now she's so much more able to get lost in books, get engrossed in a project, etc. 

ETA: we don't count doing occasional family movies together  or whatever in her screen time total, or get super weirdly rigid about it. She tends to monitor it almost entirely herself, initiating turning off the TV or pad after her window has passed. It's been one of the best side effects of the whole process - watching her develop the self-regulation to know/feel when 1 or 2 hours of time has passed and she feels "done" with watching/playing.

Additionally, she came up with the rule that if she sees us getting too habitual about mindlessly checking our phones throughout the day, she can call us out on it so we can reflect on if we're doing it out of boredom too. She thoroughly enjoys having some reciprocal power in the discussion, and we enjoy the accountability.  Obviously there's time when we're reading on our phones, etc.

All that to say - maybe if you give your boys some time to reflect on it and develop some suggestions, they might come up with their own boundaries to be able to enjoy vegging over the Summer, but also not waste the days in front of the screens?



« Last Edit: May 24, 2016, 08:55:53 AM by NonprofitER »

KisKis

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #2 on: May 24, 2016, 08:53:41 AM »
I have a 4 & a 7 year old.  I find it hard to be a "concrete guidelines" person with kids.  Staying flexible preserves my sanity. 

Our life sounds a lot like yours.  At least 75% of our day is filled with activities.  On the weekends, I do tend to allow the kids some computer time in the mornings if I am lounging in bed myself.  We don't have cable, so computer time to me is equivalent to Saturday morning cartoons.  In the evening, I always make sure they are completely ready for bed before I allow them any electronic time, and I always make sure they know exactly how long they have.  This is only if they have been good during the day and deserve some winding down time.  If there is any misbehavior, my first punishment is to usually take away computer time for the rest of the day or the following day.  If there is any whining about turning off electronics, their next electronic time is taken away.  They are both (finally) at the point where there is no more whining when I tell them it is time to turn things off. 

A key strategy that really seems to influence good behavior in my kids is casually repeating our plans for the next few hours throughout the day.  Maybe setting expectations somehow prepares them more mentally to accept what is going to happen.  It's a lot of "Okay, guys, this is going to be a fun day.  First we all need to brush teeth, pick out clothes, eat breakfast.  Then we are going to go to the library on our way to <insert activity>."  Throughout the day, usually in the car, I keep telling them how much longer we have at something, and where we are going next, and when we will be going home.  Afterwards, "Phew, it's nice to be home.  Please put away all your things while I get dinner ready.  If you guys are hungry now, you can go straight to dinner, or if you want, you can take a shower first.  After dinner, brush teeth, shower if you haven't already, and then you can play 30 minutes on the computer if we still have time."  And then I warn them at 10 minutes and 5 minutes left.  That way, if they drag at dinner, I can always take the computer away.  I find that if I give them electronic time before meals, they forget they are hungry, which makes them cranky, and trouble ensues.  I usually don't allow them any computer time in the afternoon, except on the rare occasion I feel inclined to take a nap.  After ruling out the computer, their next request is usually a board game, biking, or they do a craft on their own.  I have to say, now that they can open the fridge and go to the bathroom on their own, I feel like my job is pretty much done.  It's great to have them turning into reasonable human beings.  The baby (post 6-months) and toddler ages were much more difficult for me.

galliver

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #3 on: May 25, 2016, 04:53:47 PM »
No kids yet and my parents weren't of the rigid rule variety when it came to screen time (barring a memorable trimester after I got a C in English for neglecting assignments and was barred from all screentime, except very few occasions I could demonstrate I needed to type an essay). So, grain of salt.

What if you let them pick 2, maybe 3, other/different days for the summer, and either you or they decide a reasonable time period? Kind of like NonprofitER suggested. It doesn't make sense to relegate it to weekends when it sounds like that's the time they have the opportunity to play/do stuff with [working parent]?

MayDay

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #4 on: May 25, 2016, 05:39:23 PM »
Mine are 8 and 6.

They have summer chores which are more than school year chores. Their daily checklist also includes something academic (like reading or practicing writing or math). Once they finish it, they are eligible for screen time which we limit to usually 30 minutes.


They can also check watch pbs kids in the morning until 7 am. This is so I can sleep until 7 ;). But I also find it encourages them to get to bed at night.

There is flexibility - if I need to tackle a big cooking project or its a rainy day, I might let them have more screen time-consuming but it is presented as having extra special  time, not getting lots of time always.

A friend let's her boys have a certain amount daily, and they can earn extra by reading and doing chores, and lose it by not cooperating. It works for her kids.

SomedayStache

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #5 on: May 25, 2016, 07:48:45 PM »
Each of my kids gets thirty minutes a day (7, 4, 2 yrs).  Sometimes this means the tv is on for 1.5 hrs.  Sometimes this means it's one kid on the computer, one on the leappad, and one on the tv for thirty minutes.

There are three days each week that the opportunity to earn more screen time exists.    Usually only the oldest takes us up, but sometimes the four year old will.

One day a week we have a family movie.

We've noticed that firm days have helped greatly.  "Is today an earn more screen time day ?"  Being wishy washy turns the kids into monsters.  Being firm seems to help them accept that what's done is done.

Following for ideas, because I don't presume to think I have the solution.

dogboyslim

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #6 on: May 26, 2016, 09:21:44 AM »
We limit to 2 hours a day (includes computer/phone/ipad & TV).  We require them to do certain chores before they are eligible.  Last year, Mrs. dogboyslim was pretty heavy-handed with the chore requirements.  Our 11 year old looked at the chore list and said to us "nah...I think I'll just read in my room."  She read a ton of books, played outside and did minimal chores all summer.  Mrs. DBS was a little annoyed at her, but both of us were pretty amused with how she determined that screen time really wasn't worth the effort and did without.  This summer the chore requirements are a little less stringent, and more of her friends are communicating via phone, so we think she'll take up the chores.

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #7 on: May 26, 2016, 02:40:58 PM »
I had a training on kids and screen time that included a family media contract, spelling out what kind of media could be used, for how long, etc.

One interesting rule she had was that if the child did not respond the second time her name was called, the device would be taken away. So no zoning out--if Mom or Dad is talking, you better be answering!

meyling

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #8 on: May 26, 2016, 10:41:36 PM »
Your kids are 7 and 10 and they have iPads?!

sjc0816

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #9 on: May 27, 2016, 06:29:16 AM »
Your kids are 7 and 10 and they have iPads?!

Yes, they have old ones given to them for Christmas by family when they upgraded.

Paul der Krake

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #10 on: May 27, 2016, 07:45:42 AM »
My parents banned electronics in the summer too. In fact, we had no internet at the vacation home until recently.

The deal was I could get as many books as I wanted. Fast forward a few years, and it turns out that buying books every other day is expensive. So I was given a surfboard and told to go entertain myself (waves are pretty cheap).

Fast forward  two decades, that same house is now filled with books and surf boards. Oops.

MayDay

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #11 on: May 27, 2016, 12:21:20 PM »
Sounds like quite a few of us with elementary age kids require chores. Would you guys mind listing them out? I struggle with not wanting them to do chores that makes more work for me.

Currently (6 & 8) we do:
Make bed
Clear and load your own dishes into dishwasher
Unload dishwasher
Make dinner once a week (new, will require a ton of work for me, ugh)
DS also vacuums once a week
DD loves to "clean windows" but.... lol.

galliver

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #12 on: May 27, 2016, 03:41:47 PM »
Make dinner once a week (new, will require a ton of work for me, ugh)

You probably already realize this, but it's  probably best to start with something simple, and/or something they like. I think my entire "whole meal" cooking repertoire through middle school involved boiling things: pasta/ravioli, eggs, potatoes, hot dogs. I probably also baked fish sticks and pizzas, and could have steamed vegetables (not something we did). My sisters and I also made salads on a regular basis, but usually alongside mom finishing up the chicken and potatoes (or whatever); it was too labor intensive to do alongside a meal we were making (kids cut slow!). This part was largely incidental, like "Hey you! Yes you running around in circles interrupting your sister doing homework! Come slice these cucumbers. Yes, right now."

I think our (my?) most involved childhood cooking projects were when I found a recipe in a cookbook or wanted to make something I had somewhere else (my sister loved homemade chicken nuggets...they take FOREVER, at least if you don't have a deep fryer). But mom always enthusiastically supported these endeavors, and would help with explaining instructions or doing difficult or non-age-appropriate steps. I vaguely remember baking a cake when I was 7 because I wanted to, with minimal assistance (pouring batter into the pan, putting it in the oven, and taking it out). I also remember being embarrassed getting praised for it. What's the big deal? I just measured things and mixed them together! Incidentally, I still love cooking today, and daresay I'm pretty good (though I don't plate like a chef/pinterest).

So, while I'm sure you know most of this, if you do find  the kids' dinner night is more work than you want, maybe consider: (1) scaling back the difficulty level (2) having them help you with dinners instead of having their own day, only for a year or two, not indefinitely or (3) letting them choose the menu, so at least they're excited about it (if the difficulty is attitude rather than actual cooking).

lazy-saver

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #13 on: May 27, 2016, 04:38:11 PM »
One interesting rule she had was that if the child did not respond the second time her name was called, the device would be taken away. So no zoning out--if Mom or Dad is talking, you better be answering!

A rule like that could've made me lose all my books.

SomedayStache

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #14 on: May 29, 2016, 07:34:44 AM »
One interesting rule she had was that if the child did not respond the second time her name was called, the device would be taken away. So no zoning out--if Mom or Dad is talking, you better be answering!

A rule like that could've made me lose all my books.

I was regularly grounded from reading as a child.  I tell this to people because I enjoy their horrified reaction as they envision my terrible parents!  But really, reading was the only thing I cared about.  Though if things like RPGs and Minecraft had existed I may never have become a bookworm.

dkaid

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #15 on: June 08, 2016, 08:07:40 AM »
I agree with the idea of asking them what they think a reasonable amount is and try to go with that.  I have the best success with these sorts of limits when they have been part of the process.... 
Dawn

sjc0816

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #16 on: June 08, 2016, 10:31:38 AM »
Just to update this thread. I talked to my boys and we decided that a "fair" amount of computer/iPad time is 3 days a week (they chose the days) and 1 hour each of those days. If chores/reading don't get done daily, the next "iPad day" is taken away.

They also get 30 minutes of cartoons per day (they like to watch a show before bed).

We've been using this for 2 weeks and so far so good. I'll update again at the end of summer!

Frugal Lizard

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #17 on: June 08, 2016, 08:20:54 PM »
We have a "no screen time when the sun is up" policy in the neighbourhood.  Often by dark the kids are tired.  We were finding a couple of summers ago the gang of kids would ask for a movie or Wii at everyone's house.  A complete ban at all the houses saved a lot of policing and begging and they all just figured out something else to do.  It seems that they loose their creativity and screen time becomes the default.

As the roaming area gets bigger we may have to expand the household coalition.

FLBiker

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #18 on: June 09, 2016, 09:06:51 AM »
Posting mainly to follow, DD is just 1 so this isn't an issue.

I love the ideas about having kids set their own rules, though.

I'm *hoping* that walking the walk will help in this area.  I don't have a smartphone (DW does but is quite reasonable in her usage).  Neither of us have tablets.  I spend virtually no time on the laptop at home (after being on it at work all day).  We watch very little TV.  Who knows, though?

All I know is, when I spend time w/ my friend's 4 year old and he's watching "unboxing" videos on Youtube the whole time it really bums me out.

NoStacheOhio

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #19 on: June 10, 2016, 07:22:07 AM »
One interesting rule she had was that if the child did not respond the second time her name was called, the device would be taken away. So no zoning out--if Mom or Dad is talking, you better be answering!

A rule like that could've made me lose all my books.

I was regularly grounded from reading as a child.  I tell this to people because I enjoy their horrified reaction as they envision my terrible parents!  But really, reading was the only thing I cared about.  Though if things like RPGs and Minecraft had existed I may never have become a bookworm.

My wife got banned from checking books out of the school library because she was reading them in math class.

I don't know if I ever finished a school reading assignment, but holy cow did I chew through paperbacks like crazy. I remember going to NYC/East Coast with my mom one summer, and bringing a bunch of books to read on the train or whatever. I ran out about halfway through the trip and we had to find a bookstore. To this day, one of her most vivid memories of me at that age is leaning up against a wall in the Empire State Building reading while we waited in line.

We don't have any hard and fast rules for screen time, but we try to keep it down to a minimal amount (son is 3). One thing that seems to help for us is to let him know ahead of time how much time we're going to allow ("You can watch one episode"), and giving him a five-minute warning. He gets super intensely focused on stuff, so transitions can be really hard (true for both screen time and non-screen activities).

Also, it makes me really happy that Mr. Rodgers is still available. Our son has a couple episodes that he LOVES and watches over and over (STOMP!).

SomedayStache

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #20 on: June 10, 2016, 07:29:51 AM »
We don't have any hard and fast rules for screen time, but we try to keep it down to a minimal amount (son is 3). One thing that seems to help for us is to let him know ahead of time how much time we're going to allow ("You can watch one episode"), and giving him a five-minute warning. He gets super intensely focused on stuff, so transitions can be really hard (true for both screen time and non-screen activities).

We set the sleep timer on the television so that it goes off after 30 minutes.  This is helpful because it's not the parents doing it - it just happens.  Plus we can't get busy and forget.

If the children are on the computer or other device they are supposed to use Alexa to set a timer themselves.  (Alexa is voice activated so they can set the timer fairly easily).  If I come in and there isn't a timer set then I assume their time is used up and devices get turned off.  If they've only been playing for 5 minutes, well too bad should have set a timer!

FLBiker

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #21 on: June 10, 2016, 07:33:29 AM »
We set the sleep timer on the television so that it goes off after 30 minutes.  This is helpful because it's not the parents doing it - it just happens.  Plus we can't get busy and forget.

If the children are on the computer or other device they are supposed to use Alexa to set a timer themselves.  (Alexa is voice activated so they can set the timer fairly easily).  If I come in and there isn't a timer set then I assume their time is used up and devices get turned off.  If they've only been playing for 5 minutes, well too bad should have set a timer!

Thanks for sharing these ideas!

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #22 on: June 13, 2016, 11:18:12 PM »
We've tried a few things over the years, as both our boys love their devices at times.  Our most effective option has been to institute Screen Free Week, the first week of every month.  It applies to the entire family (excluding work and communication, of course).

So for the first week of each month there is zero electronics use.  I've found that my kids have moved on from whatever game or video series they were obsessing on by the  end of the week.  I especially like it in the first week of July as it establishes a clear pattern of getting outside and doing other stuff.  By the time the week is over they often don't bother going back to the devices as much.  It's good for all of us, to be honest.

We tend to let it lapse in the winter months, as our kids are pretty busy with homework, sports, friends and activities, and we already don't allow anything before school or after dinner.  I don't mind if they do a bit right after school as they defrag from a full day of intense social/educational experience.  Same with a bit in the mornings on the weekend.  But in the summer I want them outside as much as possible.

marion10

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #23 on: June 16, 2016, 09:17:54 PM »
We used poker chips- a different color for each child. They got two a day-which I think was good for an hour of screen time. You turned the chips into mom or dad. You could carry over chips- I think a max of 8. So if you didn't use them that day- you could use them later.

mm1970

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #24 on: June 17, 2016, 10:51:17 AM »
We are still working through it, but here's what we are trying:

We have a list of things that are required before electronics:
1. Get dressed
2. Eat breakfast
3. Comb hair
4. Brush teeth
5. Feed fish

Family/ etc:
- clean a room/ do a chore
- read 30 min
- write or practice flute 20 min
- build something or color 30 min
- play outside 30 min

Kapiira

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #25 on: June 21, 2016, 01:12:48 PM »
Sounds like quite a few of us with elementary age kids require chores. Would you guys mind listing them out? I struggle with not wanting them to do chores that makes more work for me.

Mine are the 5 and 8 and they work together to do their laundry. They need some reminders, but it mostly works well.

SomedayStache

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #26 on: June 21, 2016, 02:18:10 PM »
Well - at elementary age their doing chores is probably going to make more work for you.  In the short term.  But in the long term you will reap benefits.  (At least I hope so, otherwise please kill me now).

My 7.5 year old cleaned the bathroom last night.  It's probably his fourth or fifth time to do so.  The first time I basically did it for him to show him the ropes and he wiped down after me.  The second time I directed his actions.  The third time I gave him the supplies and reminded him of steps.  Now I hand him the supplies and let him go at it - I pop in every few minutes to check on things.
It's not saving me any time yet, but I am getting warm fuzzies when he asks if he could clean the bathroom to earn extra screen time. 

Here's my chore list.  It's cumulative, so the older ones are doing what the younger ones do + more:

2-yr-old
-picks up toys
-folds wash cloths
-wipes up spills

4-yr-old
-folds own laundry
-puts away laundry with help
-cleans room
-makes bed
-cleans mirrors and windows that she can reach (homemade kid safe glass cleaner)
-feed dog/cat
-pick up toys from throughout backyard
-check mailbox

7-yr-old
-cleans bathroom
-vacuums
-sweeps (with swiffer or shark dust-away attachment, his motor skills haven't figured out a broom yet)
-mops with steam mop
-does own laundry (washer and dryer)
-pick vegetables

This looks more impressive then it is in real life.  They don't do everything every day, but they do something every day.  It's so much easier for me to wash and fold their laundry that I usually just do it.  Because they need to wear clothes.  But when the opportunity presents itself I ask the oldest to do his own laundry.  (We are lazy laundry folk.  Everyone gets their own basket and we don't sort by color.  Your clothes go in one big load into the washer.  This makes folding easy too because each basket is only comprised of one person's clothes).

GuitarStv

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #27 on: June 22, 2016, 07:46:15 AM »
When I was a kid my mom had an ironclad TV time rule.  Maximum of one hour per day, except Friday nights (after dinner until bed time) and Saturday (morning until noon) which were free-for-alls.  Something similar to this could easily be adapted to iPads/phones/computers if you're worried about too much screen time.

PFHC

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Re: Help establishing rules/boundaries for summer electronics use.
« Reply #28 on: July 05, 2016, 12:00:27 AM »
Just to update this thread. I talked to my boys and we decided that a "fair" amount of computer/iPad time is 3 days a week (they chose the days) and 1 hour each of those days. If chores/reading don't get done daily, the next "iPad day" is taken away.

They also get 30 minutes of cartoons per day (they like to watch a show before bed).

We've been using this for 2 weeks and so far so good. I'll update again at the end of summer!

This sounds fairly reasonable.

I want to chime in with what we do, but I know we could be seen as extreme. We have never owned a TV. We do not own tablets of any make. We do not allow the kids to play on our smartphones. 90% of the days, they sit on the mantle from 6:30a to 7:30p. We have two laptops: one for work, one for personal. On the personal laptop, we watch one movie a week, as a family, on Friday night. Sometimes we allow a second short educational video during the week. I would say the kids average less than 3 hours screen time a week.

This goes for the whole year round. Some people ask whether we worry that our kids will grow up being ignorant to tech. There is no chance of that happening. In kindergarten, iPad time is required. The kids use them to learn to read, do math, etc. We are completely fine with that.

What we are teaching our children is that these things are tools, not toys. They are not to be used to melt the hours of the day in a mindless vacuum. They are to be used to learn, progress, and assist.

All that said, these are our goals and we would never suggest they be your goals. You live your life the best way you know how!

 

Wow, a phone plan for fifteen bucks!