Do you have a fallback phrase that isn't "We can't afford it" ?

[gt7152b]

I take different approaches but don't think I've ever said "can't afford it."

1) I try to reason with them that whatever they want isn't a good value and is no different than something they already have and don't use.

2) I let them know of other things they could have for the same cost that might be better.

3) I tell them to put it on a Christmas or birthday want list.

4) They always have the option of buying with their own savings but certain things can get vetoed.

5) I also make them wait to think about most purchases. Usually the waiting is backed up by the fact that they have no money with them. They can plan to bring money next time we're at the store. Sometimes I'll let them pay me back if I don't think it's a bad impulse purchase.

[Trouble]

My son is 3.5 and I use "did you bring your wallet/money?"
He never does unless I remind him, and I only do that when I know he can buy something, like buying a popper (juice box) at playgroup. Most of his money is randomly found (ie when cleaning the car) or strategically placed by DH or I for him to find (like when we know he needs $1 for a popper) or worked for (cleaning the walls and bathrooms to pay for the library book he ripped)

It's good to see other phrases to add to the memory for future years.

[TVRodriguez]

"We are not buying that today."

This is close to our response. 

Kid says, excitedly, "Mommy, look at XX!  I want XX!  Let's get XX!" 
I say, "Oh, you really like XX, huh?  Thanks for telling me.  We're here to get YY today, though, so let's find YY."

Just the other day, our youngest (age 4) put shoes on in a store when we were buying shoes for his sister.  Youngest already has shoes.  I let him try them on and told him that yes, they were cool Batman shoes.  I reminded him that he has cool Ninja Turtle shoes and that we were there to get shoes for Sister and socks for Big Brother.  Then I walked with him down the shoe aisle as he wore the Batman shoes.  Then I helped him take off the Batman shoes and put them away.  I did let him pick out some new socks, though, because I honestly don't know what happens to all his socks.

[hoping2retire35]

searching under "travel" and this pops up.

I tell my three year old, "You need to work hard for money so you can buy that (toy) monster truck."

[RockYourSocksOff]

My two oldest are three and four.  We've always told them "that's not in the budget" which seems to derail the conversation.  I'm anticipating the day when they ask me to budget for something I have no intention of budgeting for.  It seems that may be a longer conversation.

[CheapskateWife]

I use "You can do whatever you want with your own money."

[Ceridwen]

Our kids are 1 & 4 so this hasn't come up as an issue yet, but we know it's right around the corner.  I think our line will be "that's not how we choose to spend our money".  I really like the idea of putting gift requests on a list to be shared with family members around birthdays and Christmas.

[soccerluvof4]

We just simply say "Nope, Not buying it" if the go on about it then.. You want it that bad you buy it.

[MrsDinero]

My two oldest are three and four.  We've always told them "that's not in the budget" which seems to derail the conversation.  I'm anticipating the day when they ask me to budget for something I have no intention of budgeting for.  It seems that may be a longer conversation.

That would be a good day to start giving them an allowance or a job to earn money and teach them to keep their own budget.  My parents did that.  My older brother was a spender, my little brother was a saver and I was somewhere in the middle. 

[CindyBS]

Assuming I have no objections to the item, I just tell my boys to use their own money.  Our kids get fairly generous allowances, but we buy very little toys/stuff for them outside of X-mas. 

If they baulk at spending their own money, my standard response is "If you are not willing to work for it, why should I?"

It also helps to have consistent rules and expectations when you go places with lots of temptations like a Target or an amusement park. 

[The Happy Philosopher]

I really hate using the phrase 'we can't afford it' because it is:

1. Probably a lie - you can afford it, you are just making a choice on what to spend it on.
2. Reinforces a poverty/scarcity mindset.
3. Sends a message that you have no choice what you spend your money on.
4. Probably plants the psychological seeds for future hoarding.

If the kid is 2 or 3 just say no, they don't need an explanation. If they are older tell them why you are not buying it, kids do well with truth, it teaches them to value honesty and they will trust you more.

With older kids I like the 'If you really want it buy it with your money' line.

[Urchina]

I say to our kids "Your dad and I are choosing to spend our money on other things than that, but if it's something that's really important to you, you can save up your money and buy it."

Unless we don't want them to have whatever "it" is, like a gun, a snake or 10 pounds of candy.

Then I just say "Nope."

Works fine every time.

[CALL 911]

I go with "I didn't bring money for that." Which is sort of true. I didn't. But since I always use my 2% back CC, I never "bring money" for anything that isn't on craigslist.

If it's something I don't want them to have, I stop there.

If I'm fine with them having it, my next question is "Did you bring money for that?"

Usually, they didn't. When they did, I just let them buy it.

[Nickels Dimes Quarters]

My usual response is, "that's not something I want to spend my money on."

NDQ

[Goldielocks]

I caught myself saying a few times "I don't have money for that, you will have to ask your father" as a way to avoid saying "no" again. 
Then I realized that I didn't want the kids to think that only Dads have money for extra spending.

My kick in the pants ==> Watch out for those parenting phases that your mom used to say....

[RedHotLama]

You should read the book "Opposite of spoiled"

"Rather than responding to the question of, “can we buy this?” with, “we can’t afford it” (which may not be true), try, “we choose to spend our money on other things.” This provides a teaching opportunity about our spending decisions."

https://truepointwealth.com/opposite-spoiled-raising-kids-generous-grounded-smart-money/

[Kitsune]

You should read the book "Opposite of spoiled"

I really, really enjoyed that book. Seconded.

[rocketpj]

I tend to put most of our money into various pots not long after payday, so it is fairly easy for me to say 'I don't have any money right now' as I usually don't (aside from all the budgeted basics).  The older kid knows we save for what he calls 'old people money'.

Both our kids get decent allowances, and both get occasional cash injections from the more distant/disengaged relatives at birthdays and Xmas.  Anything they might want they could buy if they save up - and they both do tend to save most of their money.  The younger one has actually got a lot of money in the bank for a 6 year old (~$600) mostly from just not buying anything beyond occasional Pokemon card packs (!?!).  The older one has bought a few things over the years (tablet, scooter, console) that I might not buy, but it's his money so whatever - his account is much lower and he understands it is the result of his choices. 

Random candies or junk spotted at the store generally just get a 'nope' and they both accept it - mostly because they have never once succeeded on changing a no into a yes on those interactions, at least not on the same day.

[gardenarian]

"Is it necessary? Is it beneficial?"
"There's never enough money to waste."

don't like shopping myself and rarely took my daughter to stores, except thrift stores occasionally. She started going to the grocery store when she was 9 or 10, but had little interest in anything that wasn't on our usual list. When she asked for something, we'd talk about it and consider whether it was necessary or beneficial.

Once she turned twelve or so and had her own money and could walk to the store, sweets became a problem. She is 16 now and still has a real sweet tooth. We try to get as much real food into her as we can. She's trying to curb the habit on her own, and does try to choose the least egregiously disgusting candy and Starbucks drinks. She reads the labels.

[Livingthedream55]

My kids are 23 and 19, here are a few I remember from over the years.

Sorry, I'm not spending money on that today (right now),(this year).

We don't need it.

That's a want, not a need.   (They heard this one A LOT from me)! 

It's not a good price.

You can have it if you'd like to pay for it.

Would you like to add it to your wish list for Christmas? Birthday?

[Parizade]

When my son was young he got super excited over a juicer infomercial and was bugging me to buy it for him (several hundred dollars) so of course I said no. Then I saw a juicer at our drug store for only $30, so I showed my son and asked if he would like to buy it "on credit." That is, I would buy it for him then apply his weekly allowance toward the debt until it was paid off.

I wanted him to learn what it means to be in debt after the thrill of a purchase has worn off.

He was thrilled to get a juicer, and we bought fresh carrots so he could make carrot juice like he had seen on the infomercial. He hated it, as I knew he would. We continued to experiment with combinations of fruits and vegetable and found some palatable mixtures, but cleaning the darn thing was a major chore so it didn't take long for him to regret the purchase.

Still, it took a couple of months with no allowance to repay me for it. After that, whenever he would ask for something I didn't want to buy I would ask him if he wanted to borrow against his allowance. He never did take me up on it again.

[MrsDinero]

When my son was young he got super excited over a juicer infomercial and was bugging me to buy it for him (several hundred dollars) so of course I said no. Then I saw a juicer at our drug store for only $30, so I showed my son and asked if he would like to buy it "on credit." That is, I would buy it for him then apply his weekly allowance toward the debt until it was paid off.

I wanted him to learn what it means to be in debt after the thrill of a purchase has worn off.

He was thrilled to get a juicer, and we bought fresh carrots so he could make carrot juice like he had seen on the infomercial. He hated it, as I knew he would. We continued to experiment with combinations of fruits and vegetable and found some palatable mixtures, but cleaning the darn thing was a major chore so it didn't take long for him to regret the purchase.

Still, it took a couple of months with no allowance to repay me for it. After that, whenever he would ask for something I didn't want to buy I would ask him if he wanted to borrow against his allowance. He never did take me up on it again.

I'm tucking this away for when my kids get older.

[ketchup]

When my son was young he got super excited over a juicer infomercial and was bugging me to buy it for him (several hundred dollars) so of course I said no. Then I saw a juicer at our drug store for only $30, so I showed my son and asked if he would like to buy it "on credit." That is, I would buy it for him then apply his weekly allowance toward the debt until it was paid off.

I wanted him to learn what it means to be in debt after the thrill of a purchase has worn off.

He was thrilled to get a juicer, and we bought fresh carrots so he could make carrot juice like he had seen on the infomercial. He hated it, as I knew he would. We continued to experiment with combinations of fruits and vegetable and found some palatable mixtures, but cleaning the darn thing was a major chore so it didn't take long for him to regret the purchase.

Still, it took a couple of months with no allowance to repay me for it. After that, whenever he would ask for something I didn't want to buy I would ask him if he wanted to borrow against his allowance. He never did take me up on it again.

This is great.  Good for you.

[hoping2retire35]

Now that they kids have each helped to wash the cars and have money I ask them if they remembered their money. Once they remember they will take whatever they want to the counter and realize they do not have enough... slowly the concepts will build.