Becoming a stay at home mom

[Crystal1588]

This may be out of the norm for this forum but here are my questions.

I just found out I'm pregnant with baby #3, due in November.  We already have a 4 year old and an almost 2 year old.  I am planning on being a stay at home mom once baby makes their appearance. I currently work full time and the boys go to daycare at a company run daycare.  It is awesome and cheap ($1,000/month total for both boys). 

We can afford for me to stay home (save ~50% of our joint income), my husband makes $90k and I make $40k.  We also have about 10k in side gig income that would stay the same or increase if I stay home.

Question #1: My 4 year old absolutely LOVES daycare. He is thriving and it is a perfect fit for him.  I almost feel bad pulling him out before he starts kindergarten but I want to be at home with him for awhile before he goes to school in September 2017.  Anybody run into this when making the plunge to being a SAHM?  I could keep him in daycare 2 days/week for $60/week but it just seems silly to stay home but have him go to daycare and I'm afraid if I keep him in, the 2 year old will want to go too, which would bring it up to $120/week.

Question #2. I am due in November. Our company gives annual bonuses in the beginning of December and also pays 60% of my pay for 6 of 12 weeks of maternity leave.  When should I give notice? Would I completely sever ties if I put it in after I get paid my bonus? It just feels slimy but our bonuses are at least 2k.

Any advice for this transition?

[charis]

I would not give notice until you get toward the end of your maternity leave and you know with 100% certainty that you won't be returning.  Your mind could change at any time, or something could happen in the interim that requires you to return to work.  Don't shoot yourself in the foot.

[mm1970]

I would not give notice until you get toward the end of your maternity leave and you know with 100% certainty that you won't be returning.  Your mind could change at any time, or something could happen in the interim that requires you to return to work.  Don't shoot yourself in the foot.

I agree with this.

I guess I know some families where the mom quit after kid #3.  But many continued to work.  Some worked part time.

[Cassie]

Since your 4 yo loves daycare I would send him 2 days/week. If the 2yo has a fit tell him when he is 4 he can do the same. I taught my kids that with age comes privilege and they have to wait.

[Crystal1588]

Since your 4 yo loves daycare I would send him 2 days/week. If the 2yo has a fit tell him when he is 4 he can do the same. I taught my kids that with age comes privilege and they have to wait.

Very good idea, it makes sense. We're just now coming into the age where the younger one has an opinion..
it's fun.
haha

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

Since your 4 yo loves daycare I would send him 2 days/week. If the 2yo has a fit tell him when he is 4 he can do the same. I taught my kids that with age comes privilege and they have to wait.

Very good idea, it makes sense. We're just now coming into the age where the younger one has an opinion..
it's fun.
haha

4 half days might be better than 2 full days if this is an option. You might consider other pre-K options if you're going to be a SAHM--you're not wedded to facilities that offer full days! The price you're paying is pretty reasonable, though.

Congrats on new baby!

[tweezers]

Question #2. I am due in November. Our company gives annual bonuses in the beginning of December and also pays 60% of my pay for 6 of 12 weeks of maternity leave.  When should I give notice? Would I completely sever ties if I put it in after I get paid my bonus? It just feels slimy but our bonuses are at least 2k.

I agree that should not give notice until after you've had the baby and are approaching the end of your leave.  Honestly, I'd wait as long as possible, but my opinion is influenced by the experience of a close friend who had planned to become at SAHM but had to return to work when her husband was unable to work due to a serious injury a week before her maternity leave was up. 

Also, its not slimy to accept the bonus or take advantage of the 60% pay while on your leave, and you should absolutely take it even if you don't plan on returning after your leave is up.  This is a benefit offered by your company and you should use it.  The double standard associated with pregnancy/maternity leave benefits vs. other benefits infuriates me.  No one would question maxing out dental or vision benefits before quitting a job or consider forgoing their accrued vacation payout upon changing employers, yet women are made to feel guilty (or worse) for taking advantage of maternity benefits offered by their employer.  Get your bonus and paid leave...you're entitled to it.

Sorry, rant over.  Deep breath.  Congratulations on your pregnancy! 

[mxt0133]

With regards to #1 when do you intend to pull your boys out of day care?  I would caution that taking your sons out of daycare with a new born might be a bit much.  When we had our second and third child I took 5 weeks off and another 5 weeks part-time, taking two days off a week.  We felt that this gave my wife time to recover and bond with the new baby.  While I took care of the older kids and not have them feel ignored or neglected.

As for #2, even if you already know that you are not coming back, I would still use the partially paid time-off, as you never know what can happen between now and when you are scheduled to go back to work. 

[Tjat]

Isn't your bonus for work already completed? Why should you sacrifice it just because you're having a baby. You're entitled to the maternity leave.

[goatmom]

Your son loves daycare because that is what he knows.  He might love being home with you just as much.  Getting the kids out to daycare might be more trouble than it is worth.  When you are home there are so many things to take advantage of - library story hours, parks, walks, playdates.  He will make new little friends and probably be very happy. I wouldn't spend the money on daycare.  He will be away from you soon enough.  Just my two cents. And, congrats on the new little one.

[charis]

Re the daycare dilemma, you might consider a preschool program.  When I was on maternity leave, my daughter started a 3 hrs/day, 3 days/week class that was very affordable.  I think all the other kids had a SAHP, work from home parent, or grandmother (or at least someone with a non traditional schedule) dping drops offs and pick ups.  It was really nice to have a few hours in the morning with the baby, but my eldest wasn't gone all day.

[Cassie]

I also did the preschool thing for 3 hours in the am to get them out of the house and socialized, etc. We either did it 2 or 3 am's /week. The kids loved it and it does give you some alone time with the baby.