Alternatives to TV during quiet time

[Frugal Father]

Hello all. Hoping for some parenting advice here.

My wife stays at home with our two little ones (1.5 and 3.5 years old) while I work. Every afternoon when the younger one naps, my wife uses this time to be by herself and recharge. In order to do this, she has relied on giving the older one a kindle fire to watch TV on (we don't have an actual TV). This time can be anywhere from 1 to 2 hours each day. She's tried other alternatives to this, but he inevitably comes downstairs several times to try and talk to her and play with her, which ends up frustrating her and she doesn't truly get to recharge. The Kindle is the only thing that seems to allow her to get a solid block of time by herself. Obviously this isn't ideal as the extended exposure on a daily basis is not good for him developmentally, but my wife's sanity is also important. I've been trying to think of ideas that my wife might try, but I've been coming up short. Has anyone here either been through something similar or have any ideas that she might try?

Thank you in advance!

[BAM]

Quiet time training. It does require some time but is so worth it. I would recommended getting your wife some time off in the evenings when you can keep an eye on the littles until your child does better at it.

I started by laying out a blanket on the floor in the same room that I was in and giving our child a few quiet toys/books to play with. Tell the child to stay on the blanket and play quietly. For the first day, time them - see how much time they will stay there naturally. After that, start with that amount of time and work up to how much you want/need. At first this will require your wife to supervise constantly and redirect as needed. Best done by having something to work on so it looks like you are not just watching your child - but the "work" needs to be easily interrupt-able so your wife can stop quickly/easily to redirect. But the child should move fairly rapidly to being able to do it without constant input. I do recommend always staying somewhat nearby though - if the child is able to get off the blanket, wander around, do other things, etc, the reward is now too great for getting up and they will continue to do so.
At first, they might throw all the toys/books off the blanket and try to get up to get them. But if you require them to stay on the blanket until the determined time, they will quickly learn to keep the toys so they don't get bored. It's good training for imagination too - they learn many many ways to use different toys when given the quiet, time, and limits. I do recommend that mom picks the toys and gives a limited amount but good variety. Rotate the toys given too to keep them interesting.
I was able to train our kids to do a quiet time for 1-1 1/2 hours a day by the time they were 3-4 (we started at age 1-2 - it's even easier if you teach them to play quietly in their playpen/crib before they can climb out). It also comes in handy at Doctor appts, while waiting at restaurants, waiting for planes, etc. Once they've learned to sit and play quietly that will transfer to all those other situations also.

[sokoloff]

Physical toys would be part of my recommendation. We bought Magnatiles, which are quite expensive on a per-unit-volume basis, but are by far the cheapest toys we've ever bought on a per-minute-of-play basis. 6 years later and the kids still play with them literally every week and we've added a second set to the mix.

I'd start with the 100 piece kit.

Now that the kids are older, they've incorporated reading, arts & crafts, Legos, and interactive imaginative play with each other, but they still keep coming back to the Magnatiles, even incorporating them into the other types of play (magnatiles being the roads or the schoolhouse or the ...)

[ToTheMoon]

Quiet time training. It does require some time but is so worth it. I would recommended getting your wife some time off in the evenings when you can keep an eye on the littles until your child does better at it.

I started by laying out a blanket on the floor in the same room that I was in and giving our child a few quiet toys/books to play with. Tell the child to stay on the blanket and play quietly. For the first day, time them - see how much time they will stay there naturally. After that, start with that amount of time and work up to how much you want/need. At first this will require your wife to supervise constantly and redirect as needed. Best done by having something to work on so it looks like you are not just watching your child - but the "work" needs to be easily interrupt-able so your wife can stop quickly/easily to redirect. But the child should move fairly rapidly to being able to do it without constant input. I do recommend always staying somewhat nearby though - if the child is able to get off the blanket, wander around, do other things, etc, the reward is now too great for getting up and they will continue to do so.
At first, they might throw all the toys/books off the blanket and try to get up to get them. But if you require them to stay on the blanket until the determined time, they will quickly learn to keep the toys so they don't get bored. It's good training for imagination too - they learn many many ways to use different toys when given the quiet, time, and limits. I do recommend that mom picks the toys and gives a limited amount but good variety. Rotate the toys given too to keep them interesting.
I was able to train our kids to do a quiet time for 1-1 1/2 hours a day by the time they were 3-4 (we started at age 1-2 - it's even easier if you teach them to play quietly in their playpen/crib before they can climb out). It also comes in handy at Doctor appts, while waiting at restaurants, waiting for planes, etc. Once they've learned to sit and play quietly that will transfer to all those other situations also.

^^^This. ^^^

Our kids learned this at preschool (around age 4) - they called it "quiet carpet time" and they could choose specific activities (books, coloring, puzzles, building blocks) to do while they stayed on the carpet -ie. not running around the classroom.  My kids are now 6 & 8, and we still do "quiet carpet" before bed.

That said, as someone who stayed at home with the kids for 7 years - there is a time and place to use the TV, and if what they are watching is monitored and there is a time limit set, I wouldn't sweat it too much.  24/7 of little kids is intense - especially at their ages, and sometimes an hour break will save everyone's sanity and allow her to be a better parent.

I also found getting out of the house for 1 yoga class a week did wonders for my sanity.  The 2 hours it took to walk there, do the class, and walk back was exactly the mental health break and small focus on myself that I needed to be a better parent the rest of the week.

[Plugging Along]

As others have said, teaching kids quiet time with self directed play takes time and effort.   We didn’t introduce technology to the oldest until she was almost 6 (unfortunately the youngest was only 3)

When the oldest was just getting out of naps, the time was still quiet time.  Set up a little quiet area that the kids can put their stuff in.  Ours had her toys, books, crafts, Coloring, etc.  We also worked on a timer system.  Hav a little clock and showed her how long she needed to be there.   2 hours is a long time to start, so start with 30 minutes and increase to 15minute intervals. 

Make sure the oldest can get what she needs by having her set aside a few snacks and water/drink, and make sure she knows she can go to the washroom her self.   It takes a little effort to get wean from the technology.

[vivian]

Others gave good advice on quiet time. I wanted to chime in that 1-2 hours a day of screen time for a 3.5 year old is within the developmental recommendations. If you want something a little more educational than watching videos, you might try ABCMouse.


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[Acorns]

At that age my kids would happily work on a floor puzzle, build with legos (duplos), or play with magnatiles for quite a long time. For quiet time I would set a stopwatch to count down a set amount of time (start small, say with 10min, and build up from there), and they had to play quietly in their rooms until the watch went off. I also used books on CD for my kids during quiet time. Honestly though, expecting a 3.5 year old to entertain himself for 2 hours is a bit of a stretch. At that age, my kids loved to play outside, and sometimes I would take a book out and sit with them while they explored the yard. If you have that option, maybe have your wife try that as well. 

[Livethedream]

We are transitioning our 3 1/2 year old to “room time” now that naps are over. We read a couple books then he has to stay in his room for 15 minutes. We are working on building the time up longer but he has never been one who likes to play by himself. We let him pick out a few books to take with him, or bring some blocks or something else from the other room.

We limit him to 2 shows a day, one morning, one afternoon. Sunday’s he normally gets a couple extra shows as it’s a pretty busy day and helps give us some relax time too. My wife and I are pretty anti technology for this age. We expect in a couple years to introduce some educational tablet games.

[nessness]

I wouldn't overthink the activities - I think the real key is just setting and enforcing boundaries. My 3-year-old has to stay in her room for 1:20. She naps about half the time, but she can do whatever she wants so long as she stays in her room quietly. If she comes out of her room or is too loud, there's a consequence, like no TV or staying home from a planned activity. She doesn't have a ton of toys in her room, so mostly she does puzzles, looks at books, or plays with her dolls.

[Laura33]

My advice would be not to sweat the screen time.  Your kid gets plenty of interaction and stimulation and love and other good things.  An hour or two of TV is infinitely less important than maintaining your wife's sanity. 

Believe me, I fretted about doing everything "right," too -- and 15 years later, I'm finally realizing that kids are much more resilient and flexible than I ever thought.  All my focus on doing it "right" accomplished was to add a tremendous amount of stress to my daily life, with little-to-no meaningful difference to my kids.  Do the big things right, and they will be just fine.  Truly.

Also:  is it your wife who is worried about the screen time, or you?  If the latter, IME, "helpful suggestions" by the parent who is not home all. freaking. day. with. toddlers. are not received particularly well (the phrase "you think you can do it better, you stay home" comes to mind).*  :-) 

*Ask me how I know.

[mxt0133]

My wife homeschools our 3 kids and they get screen time twice a week on a regular basis on set days for about an hour or two.  We do have movie nights or watch shows that we feel are educational.

I agree with others that expecting a 3 year old to entertain them self is a stretch if they are not accustomed to it.  But quiet 'carpet' time is a good start at short durations initially.  We laid out books, paper, crayons, paint.  What got our kids focused was anything to do with water.  We would freeze toys inside a balloon of water and they would work on freeing up the toy by chipping away at it or using basters to melt the water.  Just be prepared to clean up the mess but worth the hour or two of alone time.  Clay or play dough also works well or any art project that you can start them off with and just let their imagination run wild.

As they get older, them being bored for an hour or so is also healthy in my opinion.  I do not feel responsible for entertaining my kids.  I love spending time with them and doing stuff with them but if they complain that they are bored I just look at them and ask well what are you going to do about it.

[Sibley]

My wife homeschools our 3 kids and they get screen time twice a week on a regular basis on set days for about an hour or two.  We do have movie nights or watch shows that we feel are educational.

I agree with others that expecting a 3 year old to entertain them self is a stretch if they are not accustomed to it.  But quiet 'carpet' time is a good start at short durations initially.  We laid out books, paper, crayons, paint.  What got our kids focused was anything to do with water.  We would freeze toys inside a balloon of water and they would work on freeing up the toy by chipping away at it or using basters to melt the water.  Just be prepared to clean up the mess but worth the hour or two of alone time.  Clay or play dough also works well or any art project that you can start them off with and just let their imagination run wild.

As they get older, them being bored for an hour or so is also healthy in my opinion.  I do not feel responsible for entertaining my kids.  I love spending time with them and doing stuff with them but if they complain that they are bored I just look at them and ask well what are you going to do about it.

My mom would give us chores to do if we complained we were bored. I won't say we stopped completely, but she did some chores done out of it.

[mm1970]

My advice would be not to sweat the screen time.  Your kid gets plenty of interaction and stimulation and love and other good things.  An hour or two of TV is infinitely less important than maintaining your wife's sanity. 

Believe me, I fretted about doing everything "right," too -- and 15 years later, I'm finally realizing that kids are much more resilient and flexible than I ever thought.  All my focus on doing it "right" accomplished was to add a tremendous amount of stress to my daily life, with little-to-no meaningful difference to my kids.  Do the big things right, and they will be just fine.  Truly.

Also:  is it your wife who is worried about the screen time, or you?  If the latter, IME, "helpful suggestions" by the parent who is not home all. freaking. day. with. toddlers. are not received particularly well (the phrase "you think you can do it better, you stay home" comes to mind).*  :-) 

*Ask me how I know.

+1

An hour a day, two on occasion, for a 3.5 year old is no big deal.  I have to say, that now that my younger kid is 5.5, he can happily keep himself busy with a lego (following the directions) for quite a long time.  So...she's almost there.  Of course, screen time is easier and my kids get plenty of that.  And I feel guilty too, but I need some quiet time outside of work and kids.

[Mrs. D.]

I have enjoyed the suggestions. My older child is 2.5 and still naps (thank you toddler sleep gods!) but I'm thinking ahead to the time when he gives it up.

My mother-in-law lives far away so she recorded herself reading some children's books and sent us both the recording and the books (and a tape deck because she decided to use the long-since-dead medium of cassette tapes and was genuinely surprised when I told her we didn't have a way to play them). Right now we listen to them together but I think we could try using them for a "quiet time" activity once we reach the post-nap phase of life. We'll have to teach him how to operate the tape deck, but pressing the buttons will probably be part of the fun for him.

I think having a menu of choices that you give him and building up his tolerance is a good plan. You can also mix it up. If he can meet his quiet time expectations for the first hour or so, he can end it with a smaller amount of screentime.

[aneel]

All the talk of quiet time is good, but I would start this in addition to whatever system is working now. Your wife's needs for quiet time are real, and I'm guessing waiting until the evening doesn't seem realistic.

An option to play around with: Books on tape / storytelling podcasts. Still tech heavy but not so overly stimulating