Learning, Sharing, and Teaching > Mini Money Mustaches
2 vs. 3
Del Griffith:
The internal debate of 2 vs. 3 kids is currently taking up a lot of mental space. We currently have 2 and the younger one is just 4 months old, but since having him it’s been on my mind a ton so perhaps you can entertain my ramblings. Both dh and I come from families of 3 and we happen to get along really well with our siblings and each other’s. I see pros and cons to each, but clearly have only experienced 2 myself and not even for long so far, and I know I still have plenty of time to decide. Dh seems to be floating in a somewhat similar boat as me (unless we both have a crappy night of sleep and are sure 2 is it the following day). We have one boy and one girl so we aren’t chasing anything sex-wise. I feel like two could be great for us for many reasons, but I also can’t put this out of my head which makes me think there is something more there. Like the whole “you know you’re done when you’re done” thing.
How did you decide? Any particular challenges? Has anyone had two and regretted not having a third, or had three and wished they had stopped at two? Your experience and insights? I’ll take whatever you got. Apologies in advance if there is already a thread like this in existence — I wasn’t able to find one.
jac941:
For us “you know you’re done when you’re done” definitely applied. When our second child was 6 months old or so, we knew were done. It’s been over six years since then and every time we interact with our friends younger kids, we are grateful that we stopped when we did.
All of that is to say, give it another year or so and see how you feel. I’m sure there are people out there who don’t have that moment of clarity one way or the other, but we definitely did. And once that moment came, there hasn’t been a time since where we’ve waffled on the decision.
charis:
I was torn for a little while on our decision to have 2 after the 2nd was born and I probably would have gone for a third if my spouse was on board. But now that they are older, I have no regrets. It would have been a big stretch for us, mentally and physically, to add years more sleeplessness nights and less alone time. The financial savings and space issues weren't more than bonus considerations, but they certainly help.
So obviously I disagree that you always know when you are done. I think people often have a longing for more of the thrill of adding another new magical little being to the family or picture Christmas in 20 years surrounded by their adult children (or a myriad of other emotional impulses related to having more children), or are maybe just worried that if they don't feel 100% done, they will regret not having another one. I think this often overrides the practical feeling that maybe one's current family size is just fine.
MaybeBabyMustache:
There was no magical feeling for us, either. I wanted a third shortly after having the first two (mine are 13 months apart), and would have liked ~ 18 months between them & a baby. My husband thought I was insane. In hindsight, he was totally right & it would have been crazy.
Then, when our oldest was eight, my husband decided he wanted a third child. Yeah, no. I was totally confident in our decision to have two, and we discussed & agreed that our family was complete. We've never looked back, and when we see friends with younger kids, we are grateful we stopped when we did. Our youngest starts high school in the fall, and we have friends around our age who have very young kids. We are very happy with our decision.
Flat9MKE:
I think it depends on your age and goals in life. 2 years old and 4 months...that sounds like a handful! Having three kids under the age of 4 sounds like a suicide mission lol.
The older you get, the harder it is to GRIND through parenthood. Not to mention more expenses and time consumed with a third kid.
But all children are blessings and bring love and joy to our hearts and teach us so much.
My wife and I only have a 22-month old son and thinking about number 2, so take my advice with a grain of salt! I am 37 and wish I had gotten married and had kids a little earlier in life, but no regrets.
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