Author Topic: Help me lose money!!  (Read 3848 times)

fuzzy math

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Help me lose money!!
« on: May 15, 2017, 04:12:57 PM »
Hi folks,

Have you ever dreamed of investing purposefully to lose money?? Well now's your chance. Help me invest $3500 in such a way that it depreciates or at the least earns no interest.

Back story:  I worked for an employer in 2016. They (due to their own idiotic lack of planning) hired me (I moved 1100 miles), then 10 weeks into my job let me know that due to restructuring that my job would end in the next 9 months. Blah blah, scorched earth, one of my kids required therapy due to all the moving that these assholes caused.

Lo and behold they contributed to my 401a service plan for 2016. I called and asked about it, and since I was employed on the last day of the year they legally had to. However, I am 0% vested in it and after 5 years of it sitting there, unless I return to work with them, the money will forfeit back to them. I had invested it, thinking it would be mine, but now the goal is to either waste or keep these funds from growing.
Here's the available asset class. Am I best off leaving it in an investment that could later on lose money, or dumping it in a money market fund where it will lose a bit of value due to inflation ? I know timing the market is difficult for earning, I'm wondering if its any easier for losing. Thanks for your input!!

PRIMARY FUND OPTIONS
Stock Investments
Large Cap
AM CENT GROWTH R6   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
FID GROWTH CO K   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
VANG INST INDEX PLUS   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
Mid-Cap
DREY/BC S/MD CP GR Y   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
VANG EXT MKT IDX ISP   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
Small Cap
ALZGI NFJ SMCPVAL R6   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
International
AF EUROPAC GROWTH R6   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
Blended Investments*
FID FREEDOM K 2005   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
FID FREEDOM K 2010   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
FID FREEDOM K 2015   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
FID FREEDOM K 2020   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
FID FREEDOM K 2025   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
FID FREEDOM K 2030   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
FID FREEDOM K 2035   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
FID FREEDOM K 2040   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
FID FREEDOM K 2045   $3,572.96   100.00%   
0.0
 %
FID FREEDOM K 2050   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
FID FREEDOM K INCOME   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
PIM ALL ASSET INST   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
Bond Investments
Stable Value
TFLIC GTD POOLED FD
view additional information. Opens in a new window.   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
Income
PIM TOTAL RT INST   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
TMPL GLOBAL BOND R6   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
VANG TOT BD MK IS PL   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
Other Investments
Other
BROKERAGELINK
view restrictions. Opens in a new window.   $0.00   0.00%   0.00%
OTHER INVESTMENT OPTIONS
Stock Investments
Large Cap
FID CONTRAFUND K   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
LOOMIS VALUE N   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
International
FID INTL INDEX INS   $0.00   0.00%   
0.0
 %
Blended Investments*
Other
AF BALANCED R6   $0.00   0.00%   


Short-Term Investments
VANG VMMR-FED MMKT   

CmFtns

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Re: Help me lose money!!
« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2017, 04:49:11 PM »
This is awesome, While I have no suggestions I want to follow along...

When i started reading your post I was thinking what possible scenario could this person have to want to do this... lol. Well you proved me wrong =)

CmFtns

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Re: Help me lose money!!
« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2017, 04:53:33 PM »
Actually scratch that no idea nonsense I just said...

How does the brokerage link thing work?

If it charges a trade commission you could just make trades until your money is gone.

and can you buy any stock?

It would probably be easy to lose money on some random penny stocks or maybe something like sears holdings corp... that thing has gotta die in 5 years

Radagast

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Re: Help me lose money!!
« Reply #3 on: May 15, 2017, 06:52:36 PM »
The brokerage link is probably the way to go. Try to find a triple leveraged gold etf!

JAYSLOL

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Re: Help me lose money!!
« Reply #4 on: May 15, 2017, 07:18:18 PM »
This is so awesome, I can't wait to hear what you all come up with and if it works or not!

rpr

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Re: Help me lose money!!
« Reply #5 on: May 15, 2017, 07:36:33 PM »
P2F.  :) Very curious as I have no idea how to go about losing money via investments. If there is a fee for stock transaction that comes out of the account balance, one way I can think of (if allowed) is to do multiple stock transactions. The revolting part of doing this is that it will enrich some stock broker :( 

Proud Foot

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Re: Help me lose money!!
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2017, 09:11:32 AM »
I would second what CmFtns said about the brokerage.  If make trades until your money is gone from the investments going down and the trade costs.  If you can't do that then don't invest it at all.  Guaranteed to lose to inflation.

MustacheAndaHalf

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Re: Help me lose money!!
« Reply #7 on: May 16, 2017, 09:18:51 AM »
Unfortunately, "cash".  Even mutual funds with 1.5% expense ratios tend to beat cash.  So the worst investment is actually keeping it in cash.

seattlecyclone

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Re: Help me lose money!!
« Reply #8 on: May 16, 2017, 11:25:05 AM »
Agreed with brokerage link. You can sit there trading penny stocks until the money is gone.

YttriumNitrate

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Re: Help me lose money!!
« Reply #9 on: May 16, 2017, 12:23:15 PM »
Agreed with brokerage link. You can sit there trading penny stocks until the money is gone.
Of course, since they want to lose money, a Brewster's Millions type situation could occur where every long shot pays off and they end up with hundreds of thousands in their 401a.

seattlecyclone

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Re: Help me lose money!!
« Reply #10 on: May 16, 2017, 12:27:54 PM »
Agreed with brokerage link. You can sit there trading penny stocks until the money is gone.
Of course, since they want to lose money, a Brewster's Millions type situation could occur where every long shot pays off and they end up with hundreds of thousands in their 401a.

I suppose that is a possible outcome, in which case the OP would have every incentive to get another job with this company, just long enough to vest in the 401(a), and then retire. It's a longshot though. :-)

talltexan

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Re: Help me lose money!!
« Reply #11 on: May 16, 2017, 01:13:59 PM »
Why not engage in some type of high-risk strategy. Something like 90% commodities?

dreadmoose

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Re: Help me lose money!!
« Reply #12 on: May 16, 2017, 01:31:43 PM »
Very interested to follow this, specifically how does the brokeragelink work with trade fee's etc and options. Would be kind of fun to play with someone else's real money making crazy risky bets.. then if they pay off as above you go work as whatever you can at the company til it vests. But most likely lose it all betting on longshots.

ChpBstrd

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Re: Help me lose money!!
« Reply #13 on: May 17, 2017, 10:12:17 AM »
If you'll lose the unvested money anyway, is the goal to hurt your ex-employer? Have anything better to do with your time?

The only idea I have to benefit from this situation would be to run your own pump and dump scam on a penny stock. In your personal account, purchase shares in something very small with zero liquidity and zero orders in the book for a penny. Put in a sale order for ten cents a share. Now, in your 401a account, buy the shares from yourself at ten cents - making damn sure no one else has an order in the market. You essentially transfer 90% to your own account.

This is no doubt illegal money laundering - just ask your lawyer. Now that we've hit intellectual bottom, it is hopefully clear that the best strategy is to forget about this account and move on.

eudaimonia

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Re: Help me lose money!!
« Reply #14 on: May 17, 2017, 03:45:33 PM »
If your goal is to lose money just go long the VXX or if you need to lose money faster go long the UVXY.

caffeine

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Re: Help me lose money!!
« Reply #15 on: May 18, 2017, 12:15:09 PM »
Could you keep moving the funds back and forth from money market account to the highest volatility fund while your employed there? Moving back to the MMA whenever the fund goes down. Moving Back only when the fund is up.

BlueHouse

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Re: Help me lose money!!
« Reply #16 on: May 23, 2017, 11:30:53 AM »
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you could just focus on yourself and your family.  Improve your lot and stop worrying about how to exact revenge on another?  I think it's the winning strategy in the long run.