My theme in the following paragraphs is "calling it as I see it" based on "been there, done that". I'm not so sure the phrase "face punch" is appropriate, but that certainly seems to be the culture on this forum. If you want a kinder, gentler approach then you could take this situation over to Early-Retirement.org.
I understand if you choose to reject this advice, perhaps with incredulity and disbelief. You seem to keep returning to the things that are preventing you from breaking out of your life the way it is now. Well, if they're such tough constraints then you have no choice but to smile and keep on plugging until you reach financial independence.
However instead of being focused on the external factors that are keeping you from success, you could focus on the personal changes that you can make to sidestep these brick walls that you're currently bashing your head against. Again, if you had a better alternative then you'd be doing it, right?
When I was working a 55-hour/week job and raising a youngster, I was similarly blinded to the opportunities all around me. My nose was right up against the grindstone, I was chronically fatigued, and there was "no way" that I could learn enough to take advantage of the examples my co-workers were living in front of me. Oh, and I wasn't willing to give up that righteous paycheck either. It was another nine years before I found my way to ER, and even after a decade of ER I still have moments of regret that I couldn't see my way out of my "problem". All I knew how to do was to work harder at my job in hopes that I'd be able to move my career to the next rung on the ladder. I stayed on that rung for nine more years until I could retire on the pension. It would have taken a serious health crisis to knock me off that routine, but luckily I made it to retirement first.
You were in the military, right? What if your pay was that of a top-level officer over 30 years of experience? Would that have changed your perspective?
You mean, if I was enjoying the work so much that I'd be willing to devote more than 30 years to it? Sure it would've changed my perspective because I'd have no reason to retire, nor reason to start a side hustle.
My regrets are based in the fact that I was miserable and couldn't see any way out of the hole I was digging... except to get a bigger shovel and scoop faster.
I should also point out that anyone who stays in the military past 20 years is no longer in it for the money. They may be in it because they don't understand how to budget or invest, but they're in it mainly because they enjoy it more than the scary unknown of trying to find a "real" job in the civilian world... or because they have no idea how to be responsible for their own entertainment and don't want to rust on the front porch.
I think servicemembers are a poor example of reaching financial independence because the odds are tilted so heavily in their favor (inflation-fighting pension, cheap healthcare) yet so few of them actually do so. Hey, I got an entire book out of the subject.
Are you saying something along the lines of: It's just a job. The upside to entrepreneurship is practically unlimited. What's the risk if you try and fail, when you can always get another job? Perhaps that's my hangup (one of them anyway)---if I had an ordinary job, I wouldn't feel the risk of making the leap is so great. But the job I have now is kind of a rare opportunity in terms of pay; if I quit and tried making it on my own and failed, I'd be back to a day job, but in all likelihood making about 15% of what I am now.
That's exactly what I'm saying. It's just a job, and if you're so darn good at what you're doing now then the only thing limiting your opportunities is your perception of your abilities. If this job is such a wonderful career then you should be tap-dancing your way to work every day, knowing you're so well compensated that you'll be able to achieve ER in no time. But from what you've posted, I'm gaining a different impression of your level of satisfaction.
My spouse left active duty just a couple years short of vesting for retirement. Our rough estimate of the price tag on that decision is somewhere between $500K-$750K. However she found a great job in the Reserves, and she was routinely pelted with offers of civil-service and contract work. If she'd chosen to go full time then she could've replaced that lost income within 5-7 years... at fewer working hours and a much higher quality of life.
You keep talking about quitting your day job and failing on your own. Another alternative would be to keep your day job until your side-hustle income exceeds your employment income, and then quitting your job to devote more time to your entrepreneurial efforts. That maximizes your opportunity for success (while you still have a paycheck) while minimizing your risk of failure (after you've given up your paycheck).
I would love to do that. But with what time? I'm committed to The Man from 7am to 7pm daily (no flexibility here). I'm one of those people who consistently needs 7+ hours of sleep per night. The "egg time" you suggest would inevitably come out of what little time I have left with my family (wife, one toddler, and will have an infant in a couple months).
Last time I checked the Internet was full of helpful suggestions on "getting things done". You have to figure out how to be more efficient with what you're doing, or stop doing some things, or cut a deal with your family. You appear to be suggesting that you're efficiently optimizing 100% of your time, but we know that your time is actually being wasted every day by something. I don't know what specific changes you should make, but they'll start with a website or a book on the topic and on eliminating the things that you really don't need to be doing. Otherwise your only option is to work harder, and from what I'm reading of your posts that doesn't seem to be a sustainable option.
Look, I'm not the one suffering here. (Well, not any more.) I'm basing my suggestions on what I've read & heard from over a hundred servicemembers and their families. They all faced impossible problems like yours, with unworkable solutions and zero time to devote to troubleshooting. Yet somehow they figured out a solution to their problems, and meanwhile I unsuccessfully attempted to do what it seems that you're doing now.
Eventually one of two things will happen. You'll get so desperate that you'll finally break through all the "Yeah, but..." that you're posting here and figure a way out. Or you'll have a serious health crisis and you'll be unable to continue the status quo... a solution will be forced on you.
Oh, I suppose a third option would be that you could keep living your life like it is right now until you reach your goal(s). For me it was nine years because I earned an inflation-fighting pension with cheap healthcare. How long will you have to do that in your career?