I'm 31, and my wife is 30. Our stories are a bit different, but after reading yours, here's what I think you should do given my similar age experience:
1. Reduce your spending (there's always more to cut). Specifically, look for cheaper home owner's insurance and car insurance - make sure these are as low as possible. If you are unsure if you have "enough" coverage, ask what minimum coverages you must have before being eligible to buy an umbrella policy.
2. Take the free money in the 401k/403b - this has 3 benefits: a. You get free money, b. You avoid paying tax, c. You help your future self reach freedom.
3. This may be a bit controversial, but remember, it's not the long-term/forever plan: Only put enough money into your 401k/403b to get the match, don't put in any extra now. Use this money to:
4. Pay off your mortgage to the point where PMI goes away. Here's another controversial thing to do, which may not be worth the money you save: pay your mortgage to reach 10% equity, then open a HELOC and use that 10% equity to pay into your mortgage. This will make your PMI go away, but does force you to pay down your HELOC, in addition to the existing mortgage. Typically, there is a yearly fee to have access to the HELOC, but it is usually less than one PMI payment. The benefit of this strategy: it takes less time, but more effort, to get rid of your PMI. In summary: you have 10k equity right now, and if your PMI goes away once you have 48k in equity (20%), just pay an additional 14k on your mortgage, open a HELOC for the 24k you now have in equity. Dump that 24k on your mortgage. PMI is slayed. Now pay off your HELOC, and continue paying for your mortgage. This works, I did it, and it's totally legal.
4a. Skip the emergency fund, use your HELOC as your emergency fund.
5. Evaluate if your job is worth the hassle and cost of 1.5 hours in a car per day, 7.5 hours per week, 390 hours per year, 3900 hours per 10 years. Take a look at MMMs lists of 50k jobs.
6. As you make more and spend less, you'll have more options. Do you pay the HELOC down first or the mortgage? Should you invest more in your 401k/403b accounts? Should you open a Roth IRA? A traditional IRA? Here's what I would do: Don't contribute more money to your wife's 401k - fees of 1.5-2% are crap, and you should only use that account to capture free money. Any additional money she is able to save should go into a new IRA. You should keep all your money in your 401k as long as you have access to high quality, low cost index funds.
7. As for side gigs/extra income, you need to figure this out on your own. Perhaps use this time to try to identify better paying jobs closer to home. That 1.5hr/day commute time is soul crushing and stache stealing.
In summary, you're doing good, and your only debt being a mortgage is impressive. You are in a fortunate position to make decisions about how to put your money to work. Focus on free money (401k/403b match) and get rid of leeches (PMI, high insurance premiums) ASAP. After you max out the free money, and peel all of the leeches off, you'll be in pretty good shape for an average person. But you're not average, are you? No, you're going to continue to reduce your spending and increase your income and save a huge percentage of your income and buy your freedom decades before other people your age. I'll see you there!