If Market Reporters Were Totally Honest...

[Maenad]

Great article from Marketwatch(!) about what honest reporting would look like - from the 90s, still relevant today:

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/if-market-reporters-were-totally-honest-their-stories-would-look-more-like-this-2018-08-28

[DS]

"'I thought the market was overvalued at 8000,' says Chris Clough of Travelers-Citicorp-Disney-American-Express-Baskin-Robbins-Lynch & Jenrette. 'Now that PE ratios are 67 times higher, my argument is more intellectually coherent than ever.'"

So good.

[reeshau]

I always thought it would be funny to juxtapose market reporting with the weather report.

"In weather today, the temperature soared by 100%, as the market felt the sun was out during the day.  This follows an overnight decline of 45%, as things looked pretty dark, according to Merrill Lynch chief weather analyst."

Or...

"The market dropped .1% today, since 50 points really doesn't mean much anymore.  Tomorrow, it's going to be pretty much the same."  (Here, I am trying to imagine the market as the weather in San Diego)

[hendrickj]

"Sure, I've missed the last 6,000 points of the rally", says Shennan McCoy of First Swiss-Credit Boston, who shifted his assets into gold last spring, "but when the correction comes, my position is going to be looking pretty good."

Timeless.

[Gatzbie]

Beautifully written masterpiece.

[Penn42]

Hahahahahaha!  I was chuckling throughout, but I completely lost it at "hi Mom."

[Travis]

The best financial news ever printed:

NEW YORK -- Stocks gained momentum on Monday, with the Dow Jones Industrial Average closing up 48 points, reversing losses from last week's decline.

Experts hailed both moves as a "remarkable, textbook example of pure statistical chance," chalking up Monday's gains to a couple random marginal buyers being slightly more motivated than a few random marginal sellers.

"Imagine you pick 1 million random people from around the world every day," said Toby McDade, chief investment officer of Momentum Fee Capital Management. "Some days, 51% would be in a good mood, 49% in a bad mood. The next day maybe it's the opposite. Other days, random chance could mean 8% of people are really pissed off for no real reason. This is basically what the market is on a day-to-day basis," he said.

Asked what his clients thought of this view, Mr. McDade laughed. "Oh my God, you think I could tell my clients that? How could I justify my salary?" Clients were told Monday's gain was caused by a mix of reversing geopolitical instability, shifting uncertainty patterns, a risk-on atmosphere, and a perfect storm of beta meeting sigma. None knew what those words meant.

American corporations earned $4.62 billion of net income on Monday. Financial advisors, analysts, and brokers, collected $630 million in fees. No media outlet reported these figures, despite being the two most important numbers necessary to understanding investing.

A report from the Bureau of Labor Statistics showed the economy added 209,000 jobs last month. An economist from a right-leaning think tank called the report disappointing. Another at a left-leaning organization called it encouraging. Neither has a reputable track record. Both yelled. The jobs report has a margin of error of plus or minus 100,000, and will be revised seven times in the coming years. No one whose outlook was swayed by the report said they care about these details.

Marc Faber appeared on TV predicting a 20% stock market crash within the next six months, repeating a call he has made bi-weekly since the Carter administration. Another pundit explained that his last failed prediction would have been right if only he hadn't been so wrong. Executives of financial TV networks met to discuss why ratings are at decade lows.

The yield on 10-year Treasury bonds fell from 2.42% to 2.38%. Nobody knows why.

An FDIC report showed banks increased lending last quarter. Analysts called this a new bubble created by the Fed, though it's what any rational person would expect to see happening during a recovery after a deep recession.

In Nevada, 52-year-old Ronald Palmer put his life savings into gold after spending 10 minutes reading something on Google about inflation written by a guy who learned about inflation by spending 10 minutes on Google.

Nineteen-year-old Travis Baker spent the afternoon day-trading penny stocks because his prefrontal cortex isn't yet fully developed and he couldn't recognize risk-reward trade-offs if they hit him in the face.

An army of bloggers reported from their parents' basements that Apple CEO Tim Cook doesn't understand technology. Reached out to for comment, Cook giggled, shook his head, and said one of his main regrets in life is not taking the advice of unemployed anonymous bloggers.

Long-term investors finished Monday one day closer to their goals.

Analysts expect the news to be no different tomorrow

[aspiringnomad]

In Nevada, 52-year-old Ronald Palmer put his life savings into gold after spending 10 minutes reading something on Google about inflation written by a guy who learned about inflation by spending 10 minutes on Google.

Nineteen-year-old Travis Baker spent the afternoon day-trading penny stocks because his prefrontal cortex isn't yet fully developed and he couldn't recognize risk-reward trade-offs if they hit him in the face.

Damn, this is good.

[Travis]

In Nevada, 52-year-old Ronald Palmer put his life savings into gold after spending 10 minutes reading something on Google about inflation written by a guy who learned about inflation by spending 10 minutes on Google.

Nineteen-year-old Travis Baker spent the afternoon day-trading penny stocks because his prefrontal cortex isn't yet fully developed and he couldn't recognize risk-reward trade-offs if they hit him in the face.

Damn, this is good.

American corporations earned $4.62 billion of net income on Monday. Financial advisors, analysts, and brokers, collected $630 million in fees. No media outlet reported these figures, despite being the two most important numbers necessary to understanding investing.

This is my favorite part, especially considering the second part can be true even if absolutely nothing happened in the market.

[ScreamingHeadGuy]

That brightened my morning.  Thanks for the post.

[tralfamadorian]

This is awesome.