I humbly hang my head now and admit, in this update, that rather than spend $3200 on the recommendations from the insurance-provided plumber, we spent about $250 and DIY'd the DIY disaster. We figured we will address the sump issue later, as it is functional now and if/when we sell we can bring it up to code. It doesn't appear to be costing us the "80 to 90 bucks a month" that the plumber who wanted job [not covered by insurance] swore we were paying.
We bought a new wash tub pump which was about $200 or $250. I know $50 is no small matter to Mustachians, but compared to $3200 it seems like pennies.
We bought some PVC joints and pipes, and that glue stuff that holds it together.
We dismantled the pipes coming from the washer and actually salvaged a huge piece to reuse in the project, so we returned some stuff to home depot later.
By "we" I mean my husband.
The washer now empties into the utility sink, which has a new pump beneath it, and goes to the main line. Everything worked through the 19 loads of laundry that had piled up and I did consecutively. I was so happy everything seemed to be working, that I spent an hour cleaning the fancy HE front load washer we got with the house. It was stinky and dirty, but I gave it a whole new life of shiny happiness by running vinegar, then bleach through it, peeling back the rubber seal and cleaning out ALL the grime, and removing the soap tray and cleaning out all the stuff growing in there.
Thanks to the people who offered good advice, and especially to those who said the washer and sump weren't actually costing money so no reason to send to ground outside. You saved us almost 3 grand! Next project is upgrading from R -10 insulation in the attic.