My husband and I went the route of getting married in February on a beach in Florida with maybe 10 guests, then zipping over to the cruise ship we'd booked for our honeymoon, where we had a reception and dancing before booting our guests off the ship. Everything was organized by the wedding planner from the cruise line, from flowers to cake to dinner to the wedding officiant. A friend of mine did my hair and makeup, I had a wedding dress on the cheap because it had been a sample dress at the boutique that I hemmed myself, I made my own veil, and everything was super casual. We got every shot that the photographer took, saved to a CD, which was astounding at the time.
It was INCREDIBLY low-stress, it was gorgeous, it was memorable for all involved, and everyone who came got to chill out with us on the beach for a day beforehand (and just by themselves afterward). The guest list limited itself because most of those invited wouldn't fly to Florida. (My mom was horrified that we weren't getting married with every relative on both sides of the family in attendance, but oh well.) Having so few guests meant that we got to have one big circular table for everyone to sit at, we all got to talk and drink wine and dance and it was, bar none, one of the best days of my life. Two of our guests gathered shells from the beach and used them later to decorate a frame for our wedding picture.
Total cost, 10 years ago: about $5,000 (week-long honeymoon cruise included).
By way of comparison, my sister went the other direction: 200 guests, hair and makeup at a salon for bride AND bridesmaids, full church wedding, a full-on formal reception two hours later, limo service, giant cake, and a spectacular dress that required fitting AND required training for the maid of honor (yours truly) to be able to tie the train up afterward. It was gorgeous, but my sister got to talk to each guest for about ten minutes, total, and she didn't have a wedding planner so she was frazzled and stressed out of her mind all the way up to the big day, and still stressed out ON the big day. And she spent at LEAST twice what I did.
(On the up side, I got a last-minute request from my sister to host one of her friends overnight-- a friend whom I had never met-- and the time we spent the next morning drinking tea in my kitchen resulted in a brand-new friendship.)
The things that people focus on the most about a wedding aren't really the things that matter. What really matters is how it feels, and that's something that can't bought-- that sense of community and connection and love. It's harder to get that from a big wedding, particularly a big formal wedding; it's easier to generate that feeling from a smaller, more casual wedding, especially for an all-in-one location so all down-time is spent hanging out, as opposed to driving frantically to get to the reception-- and especially, ESPECIALLY for one where everyone gets to pitch in, in some way. DIY weddings where the work is spread over the whole community can be amazing for this reason, as long as the couple in question is very zen about what they actually get.
I have been at an A+ wedding where we all piled into the un-airconditioned church basement afterwards for (melting) cake, because everyone was having such a hilariously good time-- we were all asked to wear Hawaiian shirts to the wedding; we all obliged, and with the addition of a fake Hawaiian background (and some props) to take selfies with, the whole thing spiraled past delightful and into legendary even before the wedding party got done taking pictures up in the sanctuary. On the other hand, I've also been at some utterly wretched weddings where we were in exquisite locations and there was clearly a ton of money spent on everything, but it was dull and we had to drive a lot and I talked to maybe one other person.
My point being: focus on what will make the wedding low on stress and high on community, both for you and your family (and your guests!) and spend your money accordingly.
