Author Topic: Need Help with budget wedding planning  (Read 14845 times)

midweststache

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Re: Need Help with budget wedding planning
« Reply #50 on: October 09, 2015, 01:17:19 PM »
Doesn't 120 guests = $12,000?


What? That's a ridiculous way to look at guests.

The average guest at my wedding did not give me a $100 gift.
Singles gave between $25-$50 (not always cash).  Families gave between $50-$100 (couples gave joint gifts/ families who brought kids didn't give more than families who left kids at home). There were a few relatives who gave a bit more than that, but not many.

I would not count on $100 a guest for gifts, and certainly not count on it all being cash that can be used towards wedding expenses.


And a small wedding gift does not mean "cheap, freeloading bastards"- I had guests who spent $1,000+ to even attend my wedding for instance. That money went to the airlines and hotel, not to me.  I invited them to celebrate with me; not to cover my expenses.

Agreed. This is probably not a popular way to look at weddings, but I liked throwing a sweet party for the friends and family who made DH and I into the people we are and who have supported us throughout our relationship (and will support us throughout our marriage). The part was as much to celebrate them as to celebrate us...

People were generous with gifts, but that was neither solicited nor expected. (We specifically said our guests "presence was their present" but had a lot of Midwestern traditionalists in attendance.)

klystomane

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Re: Need Help with budget wedding planning
« Reply #51 on: October 09, 2015, 02:30:46 PM »
Doesn't 120 guests = $12,000?


What? That's a ridiculous way to look at guests.

The average guest at my wedding did not give me a $100 gift.
Singles gave between $25-$50 (not always cash).  Families gave between $50-$100 (couples gave joint gifts/ families who brought kids didn't give more than families who left kids at home). There were a few relatives who gave a bit more than that, but not many.

I would not count on $100 a guest for gifts, and certainly not count on it all being cash that can be used towards wedding expenses.


And a small wedding gift does not mean "cheap, freeloading bastards"- I had guests who spent $1,000+ to even attend my wedding for instance. That money went to the airlines and hotel, not to me.  I invited them to celebrate with me; not to cover my expenses.

I honestly thought it was the bare minimum standard these days. I'm inclined to think it's more $150+ per head.

If I wasn't close enough to somebody to give them a decent wedding gift/money, I would make up an excuse to not attend. I wouldn't attend and not give anything or "less" than what is deserved (based on what the bride/groom put into the wedding).

Just my personal opinion of course.

I'm a red panda

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Re: Need Help with budget wedding planning
« Reply #52 on: October 09, 2015, 02:57:50 PM »
Quote
I honestly thought it was the bare minimum standard these days. I'm inclined to think it's more $150+ per head.
So, if you are a family of 4- you'd give $600 to every couple whose wedding you attend?


You're clearly wealthier than I am. (Or live in an insanely high COL area... my cousin lives in Manhattan and was married in an exclusive club upstate.  I know that the relatives I have who are also from that area did not give her $500 gifts from their family of 5.  The gift from my husband and I cost us $100, though we are not from NY... but I certainly don't consider us cheap, freeloading bastards, as we paid $800 airfare, 3 nights in a $400 in the hotel she hosted at, plus our meals while we were traveling. Attending her wedding cost us more than most of our vacations.)


Quote
I wouldn't attend and not give anything or "less" than what is deserved (based on what the bride/groom put into the wedding).
Do you call ahead to confirm their costs so that you can determine what is "deserved"?
With such generous per person gifts, I'm surprised you don't give gifts if you don't attend. I've always sent a gift to weddings I couldn't go to. The gift is for the couple to commemorate the occasion; not payback for a meal.  If it's payback for the meal- why bother going? Wouldn't you rather go to a nice restaurant where you can pick what you want to eat?  Do I get to give less if it's food I don't like?
« Last Edit: October 09, 2015, 03:03:49 PM by iowajes »

klystomane

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Re: Need Help with budget wedding planning
« Reply #53 on: October 09, 2015, 04:27:20 PM »
Quote
I honestly thought it was the bare minimum standard these days. I'm inclined to think it's more $150+ per head.
So, if you are a family of 4- you'd give $600 to every couple whose wedding you attend?


You're clearly wealthier than I am. (Or live in an insanely high COL area... my cousin lives in Manhattan and was married in an exclusive club upstate.  I know that the relatives I have who are also from that area did not give her $500 gifts from their family of 5.  The gift from my husband and I cost us $100, though we are not from NY... but I certainly don't consider us cheap, freeloading bastards, as we paid $800 airfare, 3 nights in a $400 in the hotel she hosted at, plus our meals while we were traveling. Attending her wedding cost us more than most of our vacations.)


Quote
I wouldn't attend and not give anything or "less" than what is deserved (based on what the bride/groom put into the wedding).
Do you call ahead to confirm their costs so that you can determine what is "deserved"?
With such generous per person gifts, I'm surprised you don't give gifts if you don't attend. I've always sent a gift to weddings I couldn't go to. The gift is for the couple to commemorate the occasion; not payback for a meal.  If it's payback for the meal- why bother going? Wouldn't you rather go to a nice restaurant where you can pick what you want to eat?  Do I get to give less if it's food I don't like?

I'm not factoring into having to travel extensively to somebody's wedding - I'm assuming $150/head if it's a local wedding. If somebody traveled extensively to attend my wedding, I wouldn't accept any gifts from them.

Sending a gift if I don't go - depends on the person. I've done both and believe it just comes down to your relationship with them.

I actually have experience with cheap, freeloading bastards, hence the name calling.

I suppose I just have a different idea about weddings, no need to be hostile.

partgypsy

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Re: Need Help with budget wedding planning
« Reply #54 on: October 14, 2015, 02:09:03 PM »
There is a lot of good advice, but I wanted to add, if it is your preference to have a small wedding so it is affordable, but your bride and her parents want to invite everyone but also offered to contribute, then by all means have the larger wedding and accept their financial help. If you cut people but also refuse financial assistance there may be some hurt feelings. Can also consider a buffet style or brunch or something that would still provide some food but is not as expensive as sit down meal.

I am a parent, and when a couple has a severely restricted guest list that doesn't allow kids, well, we just don't go. Weddings are a family event part of the "circle of life" where everyone in the "tribe" gets together for a significant event. To cut out old relatives and the kids to save money, don't agree with it.

pompera_firpa

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Re: Need Help with budget wedding planning
« Reply #55 on: October 14, 2015, 02:39:33 PM »
My husband and I went the route of getting married in February on a beach in Florida with maybe 10 guests, then zipping over to the cruise ship we'd booked for our honeymoon, where we had a reception and dancing before booting our guests off the ship. Everything was organized by the wedding planner from the cruise line, from flowers to cake to dinner to the wedding officiant. A friend of mine did my hair and makeup, I had a wedding dress on the cheap because it had been a sample dress at the boutique that I hemmed myself, I made my own veil, and everything was super casual. We got every shot that the photographer took, saved to a CD, which was astounding at the time.

It was INCREDIBLY low-stress, it was gorgeous, it was memorable for all involved, and everyone who came got to chill out with us on the beach for a day beforehand (and just by themselves afterward).  The guest list limited itself because most of those invited wouldn't fly to Florida.  (My mom was horrified that we weren't getting married with every relative on both sides of the family in attendance, but oh well.) Having so few guests meant that we got to have one big circular table for everyone to sit at, we all got to talk and drink wine and dance and it was, bar none, one of the best days of my life. Two of our guests gathered shells from the beach and used them later to decorate a frame for our wedding picture.

Total cost, 10 years ago: about $5,000 (week-long honeymoon cruise included).

By way of comparison, my sister went the other direction: 200 guests, hair and makeup at a salon for bride AND bridesmaids, full church wedding, a full-on formal reception two hours later, limo service, giant cake, and a spectacular dress that required fitting AND required training for the maid of honor (yours truly) to be able to tie the train up afterward. It was gorgeous, but my sister got to talk to each guest for about ten minutes, total, and she didn't have a wedding planner so she was frazzled and stressed out of her mind all the way up to the big day, and still stressed out ON the big day. And she spent at LEAST twice what I did.

(On the up side, I got a last-minute request from my sister to host one of her friends overnight-- a friend whom I had never met-- and the time we spent the next morning drinking tea in my kitchen resulted in a brand-new friendship.)

The things that people focus on the most about a wedding aren't really the things that matter. What really matters is how it feels, and that's something that can't bought-- that sense of community and connection and love. It's harder to get that from a big wedding, particularly a big formal wedding; it's easier to generate that feeling from a smaller, more casual wedding, especially for an all-in-one location so all down-time is spent hanging out, as opposed to driving frantically to get to the reception-- and especially, ESPECIALLY for one where everyone gets to pitch in, in some way. DIY weddings where the work is spread over the whole community can be amazing for this reason, as long as the couple in question is very zen about what they actually get.

I have been at an A+ wedding where we all piled into the un-airconditioned church basement afterwards for (melting) cake, because everyone was having such a hilariously good time-- we were all asked to wear Hawaiian shirts to the wedding; we all obliged, and with the addition of a fake Hawaiian background (and some props) to take selfies with, the whole thing spiraled past delightful and into legendary even before the wedding party got done taking pictures up in the sanctuary. On the other hand, I've also been at some utterly wretched weddings where we were in exquisite locations and there was clearly a ton of money spent on everything, but it was dull and we had to drive a lot and I talked to maybe one other person.

My point being: focus on what will make the wedding low on stress and high on community, both for you and your family (and your guests!) and spend your money accordingly.

clarkfan1979

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Re: Need Help with budget wedding planning
« Reply #56 on: October 18, 2015, 11:32:17 AM »
We had a wedding at the Innverness hotel in the UTC area of Denver. It cost about 16000 for everything for about 95 people. I wanted to wait an additional year and invite 150. She wanted to get married that year and invite 100.

Maybe consider Colorado Springs or Southern Wyoming. It would only be a 1.5 hour drive for your guests.

I also try to think about how much it would cost my guests to attend. I unwilling attended a wedding for one of my wife's friends who I didn't care for. They had an over the top wedding. Because the drinks were so expensive, they could only afford about 45 minutes of open bar. I think they capped it at 10,000. I got one free drink. It was 11 dollars for well drinks and 14 dollars for call drinks and this was in Denver in 2010. This was not LA.

Happy wife, happy life.