Well, your warnings came to late. We finished it with Behr stain this past weekend. I hadn't looked at this thread lately, I was busy swimming in my pit of deck-related despair.
Quick summary of the whole process:
Stripping: railings and stairs were hell, chemicals flying everywhere burning our skin, etc. took many weekends. Tolerance for working on it was only a couple hours at a time as the conditions were bad. Stripping the horizontal deck surface was quick and easy.
Sanding: stripping tore up the surface pretty bad so we had to sand the whole thing. Could be easily worked on an hour or so that a time. Biggest issue here was that our summer was very rainy and we had a bunch of weekends that we couldn't sand at all.
Stain: worked as a team with H on a ladder on the outside, me on the deck, to do the railings. Took a long time but made steady progress and we were able to work on it for full days (while the children lost their minds watching unlimited tv and destroying the house). Again, the flat deck surface was the largest square footage, but took an hour to do the whole thing. Stain isn't perfectly smooth, to my eye, but I don't think anyone else would notice.
On the Behr stain, too late now, so I guess we will just hope for the best. It has a 6 year warranty on decks. If it lasts that long, I will be happy. If we ever have to redo this deck again (not planning to as we hope to move within the next year) we will be slapping a coat of opaque deck paint on it to get five more years of life. That would get us to 20 years and we would probably need a new deck at that point.
Moral of the story: if you have a deck with a ton of railings and spindle, burn it down and build a patio.