Thanks for the replies so far. Getting alternate perspectives is why I posted...
I very much admit that we are open to spending a lot on the kitchen and saved $ specifically for that purpose. What we're trying to figure out is what is a reasonable cost for our area and how much can we do ourselves without significant quality issues. We don't want to shoot ourselves in the foot from overspending or bad work from being in over our heads.
We're near Washington, DC so yeah materials and trades are stupid expensive compared to a lot of places. My mother is in South Carolina and what she's quoted for similar work is significantly different. That's part of the reason we're still trying to figure out the difference between actual costs to DIY and the insane markup of area pricing. I've padded our numbers quite a bit because we're still researching costs so these numbers are more max spend with padding in each category for things I've forgotten.
For the cabinets, that number is based on a quote for inset doors, all dovetail drawers, plywood boxes, blum soft close hardware. I know we could get cheaper if we did ikea or other full overlay doors, but we want to do inset to keep with the age/style of the home. For that quality from what we've seen 10-12k is a good price.
On appliances, we want a gas range that can do high BTUs which we thought would cost us about $2500 new. I plan to shop around look for dent and ding etc, but at least for that appliance I do want as high quality as I can get without going pro (hopefully with double oven). I get that people on the forum will give us crap about that choice, but a high heat gas range is a big priority for us. I'm still looking into what options have the high heat/low simmer at a lower cost. So for range, fridge, dishwasher, microwave, vent hood I've put 7k as our max.
You're right that the flooring is high because of the connected rooms. We're replacing our old hardwoods which unfortunately can't be refinished (nail heads are showing) and they run through the whole downstairs. That number is based on several quotes for having someone do the whole downstairs for us. Yes, my mom in SC is having her whole house done for less than that - welcome to DC pricing. I'm still researching prices on engineered hardwoods and what it would be like to install ourselves. I agree that's one of the areas that could save us a lot of money. Has anyone installed their own floors? How'd it go? Any tips of preventing crawlspace moisture from buckling the floor (a problem we have currently)?
We're leaning toward doing as much as we can ourselves. The one thing I know we'll hire out is trades to run the gas line and any electrical beyond simple outlets. I want the peace of mind knowing those things are right and supporting trained trades is something I think worthwhile. I don't have accurate pricing on that yet though.
So please do bring on the stories of DIY triumph. It's good to hear that other people have done major remodels including moving walls and their own floors. How did it go?
I am almost done remodeling my entire house, all DIY, for (as of now) close to $13K. Some advice:
Shop Around: I looked at the big-box places for cabinets and wasn't impressed. I ended up buying mine from an online cabinet store, assembled and installed them with help from friends (Make sure you compensate friends if you recruit them! Still much cheaper than hiring out and more fun). Tile I got at Home Depot, nice neutral color and cheap ($.58/sq ft). Look at all of your options for every item you plan on buying. In store may be cheaper, online may be cheaper...window shop. A lot!
Make Sure You CAN Do The Job: I didn't move walls or have to do anything electrical except replace my kitchen lights. If I had to do anything more than that, I would have hired it out. If you feel like a task is too big to handle, pay someone. I like getting my hands dirty, swearing a lot and smiling like a mad woman when the job is done. Some don't and some get in over their head. Watch YouTube videos of the projects, then decide if it's something you want to take on, especially if it's something you've never done before. Somethings are easy (cabinets), some things are a PITFA (tiling).
Plan Ahead: You're doing the kitchen? Awesome! Now plan on where to set-up a makeshift kitchen so you can cook, do dishes and not wreck your back in the process. This is one thing I did not do and washing in the tub is not fun. At all. Plan simple meals (I will not face-punch if you order out...it saved my sanity and my back a few times) and if you can start when it's warm out you can grill and wash outside. Both big pluses! DIYing a kitchen takes much longer than hiring it out, so just be prepared.
This is KEY! Especially in a DIY situation. We are on the downhill side of a DIY kitchen remodel (countertops come Wednesday). Life slows you down. The flu knocked me out for a week, full time jobs take a toll, the wife's job has been short staffed and she has felt a duty to pick up extra shifts, a foot of snow means the few hours after the work day are spoken for, I had the garage door break, this weekend I need to replace the door gasket on the washing machine, somewhere in there my sister announced her short engagement and got married.
All that is not said to discourage you, simply plan on being without the kitchen for at least 2-3 times as long as you think it will take. In our case we tore out the kitchen before before doing the electrical work, relocation of HVAC, adding plumbing for a second sink/ice maker/pot filler, the drywall work, rerouting the duct work for the exhaust hood, removing the popcorn ceiling, and laying the hardwood floor. I've built all 10 cabinets and 29 drawers that are in the kitchen (drawer fronts and doors still to come); in fact that counter top I mentioned earlier is the only task that is/will be hired out.
With patience and time it is DIY'able, but you have to be realistic about how long it will take and what your skill set is (I pushed mine to the bleeding edge of what I was capable of before I started this project). I've spent hours and hours planning, I've picked the brains of family and friends who have more experiance than me. . .
Be prepared, I've felt overwhelmed at time. I've sent goals for myself and missed the timeline. I've debated whether I should work on the project or do something fun/social. I've wanted to get away from the project and realized the only room in the house that was not some how effected or full of stuff moved out of the construction area was the upstairs bathroom (our project included flooring in the living room, dining room, kitchen, and master bedroom as well as the ceiling in the living room, dining room, and kitchen.)
To get back to the backup kitchen. The wife and I converted our sun room into what we call a "refugee kitchen". There are 3 15 or 12 amp circuits that run though that room; one one we have placed the refrigerator, one runs the items that were in that room and our eletric kettle, the third has the microwave/toaster oven/single burner induction cooktop (great purchase)/insta pot/sous vide on it, though we can only use one at a time. The sun room also had a wet bar with a comically oversized sink which has been a god send for dishes. We have simplified what we cook while remodeling, but occasionally we will move the insta pot/sous vide/croc pot into another room and on a different circuit if we need to spread the load out.
That kitchen has been a saving grace and honestly worked great. We recently took a vacation to Europe and rented a studio on AirBNB and our "refugee kitchen" is better out fitted than our host's kitchen (save for he had a dishwasher installed).
The kitchen is by far the largest project in most houses (ours included) because of the size, the amount of uses, the amount of utilities involved, and the number of appliances and faucets.
