This isn't the point you are making, I know, BUT i'm going to defend the house purchase (to my detriment, i know). We ended up selling the house we paid 220k for in 2015 for 315, and then purchased our new home brand new for 415k.
So, our first 30 year loan was based on 209k at 4.25% and our new loan is 240k at 3.75%. Our monthly payment is only $100 more a month. YES I KNOW MONTHLY PAYMENT MEANS NOTHING, BUT it feels really cool to trade a house we paid 220k for 4 years ago built 40 years ago for a house we had built for us with more space, efficiency, etc. for only $100 more a month. I know i know, not the point, and still effectively cost me $200k more. I realize that completely. But it's really not as bad as us taking out a half a million dollar loan with a $2200 a month disappearing into interest each month. But regardless, it was a $200k expense, yes.
Back to your post: Your list is good, and the engineer's triangle (or we call it the iron triangle in project management, so i should be very familiar with this concept) is a really important thought that I don't think of often enough. I just want it all, and I don't reflect on my situation/experiences enough to realize that I am getting about as close to having it all as possible. Just 10 years away...
As for looking at the "FIRED AT 29!" people, it does look like a lot of those people have 4+ rental properties - so a sustainable income from non-savings/investments. I'm not interested in getting into rentals or DEPENDING on any other type of side hustle during retirement - i just want my portfolio to work for me....
Look, you are completely, 100% normal.
Everyone wants it all, and
no one actually wants to make the choices we need to make -- but we do it anyway. I still occasionally fall asleep dreaming about a beachfront condo in the Caribbean. And then I wake up the next morning and go to work. There's nothing wrong with wanting it all -- you just have to understand that "all" is a daydream.
I've heard a lot of people say to change your attitude, and I find that's something that's very difficult to intuit how to do (at least, speaking as someone who clung to the "where's my winning Powerball ticket dammit" mindset for far longer than I'm happy to admit). So I figured I'd tell you how I keep my whiny self in check: I look at all of my options, and I think through, in detail, how my life would change if I pursued each of them. And not just the "I'll sit on the beach with umbrella drinks every day!" version of change -- I mean the good, the bad, and the really truly ugly. And usually, when I look at what some other version would really require, I realize that I've got just about the best combination of time to FIRE and carpe diem that I can manage.
That's why I'm not criticizing the house. I totally get it -- mine's 130+ years old, more house than I need, and I love it. You'll pry it out of my cold, dead hands. But that's a choice, and it has consequences: you can buy the bigger house, and work X more years to pay off the additional costs (and foregone investment profits from that $200K); or you can decide that your old house is good enough and not worth all the extra years to FIRE. You decided the house was worth it, and you still seem to love it, so good for you! And if you want to, you can make that same decision again with an even bigger dream house at some point. Or you might be 8 years down the road, and now you really hate your job, and you're desperate to FIRE and spend more time with your kids, and now you're not willing to deal with working 3-4 more years just for the house; then maybe you decide to sell it and downsize, because it no longer suits your priorities.
Same with rental properties: you have accurately identified that as a very good path people follow to FIRE at younger ages. You, too, can do that. But you have decided you don't want to deal with all of the hassle of being a landlord. OK, so don't -- invest in the market and find another way.
But whatever path you choose, you don't get to whine about the tradeoffs. Just remind yourself that you made this choice, and you made it because it suited your own life and priorities. And when you feel like whining, just sit down and go through the same analysis again to see whether that choice still fits, or whether you need to go in another direction.