Kudos on hanging on and ready to face this. I stayed away from the other thread because i suspected trolling, but if you are real and ready, this is my 2 cents.
1. Face the biggest problem, procrastination and make those phonecalls, send those emails. Call the IRS tomorrow and ask them what you can do to fix your tax situation. Knowing what you have to do about this will affect your next move, selling the rental. IF your tax and credit card debts are accumulating at a scary level due to the accrued interest, there is no point in holding on to it, you will have to sell it and clear most of those debts. Call a few real estate agents and discuss selling it. Also, send an email to your coworkers tomorrow, saying that new year, new rules, due to the change of your circumstances you are no longer able to pay for those office lunches. No further details are necessary. They were lucky to have those free lunches, no the gravy train stops.
2. It is great that your wife is on board. She should be able to rein in the grocery spending, the clothes, the activities etc. Who is the big spender in the relationship? That person should be in charge of paying bills and tracking spending yo face the reality.
3. Groceries and eating out. Cut eating out. 160 a week should be plenty for a fam of 4 (i am spending 170 and we have a high combined income and eat a lot). Totally doable. Do a stocktake and have a week of fridge/freeze meals. This should save you a pile and can be the start of your emergency fund. Make a list of the meals you like eating and cost them. This will help you, if you know there is 50 dollars left for food, you should be able to come up with a few 5 dollar meals.Also cost the food you are throwing away every week (i suspect there is a lot of waste with that spending. It is like throwing money away ). Plan your menus and buy the ingredients only. This should save you at least 20%, without making any drastic changes. There us no need to live on rice and beans if you plan your meals wisely. Don't buy any prepackaged stuff, bake some treats, eat fruits and vegies. I personally don't like Aldi, because the layout of the shop makes shopping with kids a nightmare (snack aisle at the entrance, pure hell with kids).but i shop in 3 stores, the closer supermarket for generics, the fancy one for the discou ted meat and the indian veggie shop. Your wife should totally take responsibilty for this and solve your grocery expenses problem.
4. The sad truth is, your income does not support your level of spending. Sure, we deserve the best of everything, but we can't afford it. You definitely can't afford your lifestyle, so set up a more realistic spending plan. Forget Hawai. Find sime cheap/free entertainment locally.
5. Increase your income. Can you/your wife take a weekend job until you clear out the debt?
6. There is plenty of free information around. Books, blogs websites inspiring you to spend less and sort out your finances. I recommend the frugalwoods (they are doing a january challenge right now), and the frugal queen, she is uk based, older than you, different lifestyle, but has been blogging for years and has some great tips about food and will help you reset your spending mindset. You and your wife willl need that.
7. Also work on your willpower, stop procrastination and get better organized. You need focus and determination to fix this.
Let us know how you go.people around here can be a bit rough, but they are helpful.