OK, I'm going to go a little tangential here. From these various posts, it looks to me like you just and your wife don't have -- and maybe never have had -- people to teach you good money habits. I'm sure your parents and in-laws are very good, well-meaning people. But your parents never taught you to stand on your own feet, and have repeatedly helped you, even when it didn't make financial sense to do so (e.g., a $120K investment in a house worth $80-90K; bailing you out of debt with no firm plan/idea of how to avoid getting back in it). And your in-laws are now relying on you to support their lifestyle and make your 5-figure tax debt look normal by comparison. Everyone around you seems to spend money as though you are all entitled to whatever you want, when you want it.
So I applaud you for sticking through this, because you're trying to go from basically kindergarten-level training to a Ph.D in Advanced Mustachianism. And that is hard. And maybe it is asking too much all at once. Because you can't fix your financial problems without a fundamental change in your worldview. If you want all of these changes to stick, you have to really believe that you must spend less than you earn, that necessities come before wants, that debt is abhorrent, and that FI is better than "stuff" at 25% interest.
For now, I would suggest a ton of reading. Start with The Millionaire Next Door to see what "real" millionaires live like. Read all of MMM -- the articles, the forum, etc -- and the many, many other frugality bloggers. And question everything that you believe to be true, about success, about what money is for, about what you really need, etc. You are your own biggest enemy right now -- your expectations about what life is supposed to be, what you're entitled to, what matters and what doesn't. And then play with your options -- don't write off any options, down to and including selling off everything. You're a finance guy, so do spreadsheets, do projections, do alterantive budgets, so you can see in black and white what each choice will cost you.
Now, you can't do all this learning/retraining and ignore everything else; your house and hair are both on fire, so you do need to continue making every effort to cut your spending and bills. But that alone won't get you there as long as your brain and training keep telling you that $100K in equity is meaningless, or that there's no point if you only buy what you really need-need, or that it's ok to go without insurance or paying the IRS, etc. etc. etc. You are young, and you have the assets and the income and the brainpower to turn this puppy around ASAP; it's just your mindset that is getting in the way. Which, again, seems completely natural since no one ever taught you otherwise. But you need to find yourself some better money role models and keep challenging all of those assumptions. If you do that, you really can fix this.
