Promotion with kids

[Ariel7]

Hi, new and writing from Ireland.  Here’s the deal, own two houses, one we live in - 2 children aged 10 and 8 and a half yrs old.  Second home has tenants ( too unstable to sell rental prop as it’s in Republic of Ireland and Brexit is a dog’s dinner).  Combined mortgages remaining on both houses is approx £185k ( total combined value after repaying both mortgages in a good market climate = £550k ish.  Husband self employed and I teach ( promoted post brings in approx £400 net extra to my take home. 

Key issue is that promotion means I continually work in the evenings = missing time with kids, husband and having freed up time for life.  Life feels very squashed and stressful.  I have suspended promotion for a year and whilst I miss the extra £400 a month, the lowered stress and time with kids gives me breathing space.  Our aim is to sell up both properties, downsize and not to return to promotion but remain in full time work trying out mortgage free life. 

Conundrum, I’m 48, off the blocks late with children, have worked my ass off to get this promotion ( always fought my through to get promotions). Why do I feel embarrassed at the thought of going back down the ladder in work and surrendering this promotion?  Financially I do charity shop clothes purchases, neither drink or smoke and our lives are good. 

Why this feeling, maybe as a working mother, that aiming for mortgage free and giving up the promotion feels so odd?

[Playing with Fire UK]

Hey Ariel7. Welcome.

Are you living and working in NI with a rental in ROI?

What does the £400/mo mean to you? Are you saving money every month? Would you still be saving if there was a vacancy in the rental place? How are your pensions or other investments? Is your husband's pension on track?

If you don't need the money then giving up a promotion that doesn't make you happy an amazing gift to give yourself (and your family).

[Ariel7]

Hello, reflected on my post and realise that it must sound very stupid!  Anyway, thanks for the reply.  I work in NI - husband Rep of Ire.  Yes he has a pension, I have a work pension.  If we were to clear 400k after selling both properties we would be very lucky.  We’d have to downsize but the thought of no mortgage and a bit left to invest is something we need to do.  We are between tenants in rental at the moment and if Brexit wasn’t such a balls we could sell that but it’s all a bit messy.  I don’t save but husband does.  We have bout 10k shares here and there but I tend to be overdrawn by 200-300 per month, this is only since I have taken time out of promotion. 
Thanks again

[Gremlin]

This must be a particularly stressful period with Brexit adding a lot of external unknowns - especially as your family is straddling the UK/Irish border daily.

Can I suggest you isolate what's in your control for now?  A case study following the template would be helpful to look at what you are able to control.

I know the sentiment about wanting to be there for kids - I moved away from a high paying job to do just that.  But it was important to ensure the monthly finances were all aligned to make it work.  A detailed case study is likely to help you gain peace of mind.

[ender]

It feels odd because almost everyone in the entire world values status above all other things.

Spending time with family is a "nice to have" on the road to status for a lot of people.

[Playing with Fire UK]

  I don’t save but husband does.  We have bout 10k shares here and there but I tend to be overdrawn by 200-300 per month, this is only since I have taken time out of promotion. 

This needs sorting. Can you work out a budget so you aren't being overdrawn? Or if you are saving overall can you work something with a joint budget so that you aren't paying overdraft fees?